====MORTAL KOMBAT NAZZA-SPONSORED TOURNAMENT 2====

/Tournament Record ReVoltaged/

[Begin Tournament Entry #08]

/Girl Power/

'And then I woke up and it was all a dream,' Stryker said dreamily.

Subzero shook his head. 'You mean you slept through the whole ceremony...party...thing?'

'Yep,' said Stryker. 'It was a good dream too.'

'I...don't want to know about it.'

'Me either.'

'Well, while you were dreaming, uh...well, the party was pretty boring. But after they announced the higher and lower fighters, the stadium collapsed.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. Sheeva got cranky when we started chanting "Freak" over and over again. Jeez, she's so sensitive. We were talking about a dog with three heads for god's sake.'

'I see.'

'Then she began stomping, and accidentally grabbed one of your grenades and collapsed the stadium.'

'And then what happened?'

'I woke up and it was all a dream.'

'I can tell you what really happened,' Reptile said.

'Yeah?' said Subzero.

'Yeah. We were all sitting there, when Rayden tripped over, bumped Shang Tsung who was talking to Sheeva, and Tsung hit Sheeva. He landed with his face in between her boobs and his cup of Solo splashed all over here.'

'Solo?'

'I know! He's really weird, that Shang Tsung. Anyway, Sheeva threw him out of the stadium for being a pervert, and started stomping. She caused an earthquake and destroyed the stadium. Unfortunately some two drunk laze-arounders were in the stadium at the time, so we had to rescue them.'

'What happened to Shang Tsung?' Stryker asked.

Suddenly Tsung burst in. 'I've been walking for a whole day. A whole freaking day!'

'Where were you?' Reptile asked.

'She threw me all the way to Australia. Some people there are really scary. Scarier than Quan Chi. There was this one guy, Moppy, who kept on yelling "NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" in my ear.'

'Yeah,' said Stryker, 'I heard some queer folk come from Australia.'

==THE NEXT DAY==

'Attention people!' said Kahn over the radio-intercom-thingy.

'And to think I dumped someone like him,' Sindel said with a sigh.

'Honey, climb back into bed,' said Shang Tsung.

'Today's fight is between Sonya and Sindel. That is all.'

Suddenly Sheeva burst in. 'Shang Tsung! You two-timing bastard! Sindel, I'll kill you for this!'

'No, I'm sorry, real real sorry, I thought he was Stryker -'

Suddenly Sheeva transformed, into...

DUN DUN DUN!

'Lock in C?'

'Lock it in, Eddy.'

'And the answer is...' Eddie Maguire smiled that evil smile of his. 'We will reveal the answer after the break!'

The audience growled in unison.

*Why do they always do that?* Eddie wondered.

==NOT IN THE SET OF WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?==

Sheeva transformed, and for a second there was a mesh of Sheeva, a horrible monster, and some horrible monster. Sindel screamed, until the transformation was complete.

'Shang Tsung! You were Sheeva all along?'

'Only since I burst in,' said Tsung.

'Then...who was getting it on with me all night?'

Tsung smiled that evil smile of his, and pointed at the person in bed with Sindel. Sindel turned her head, and...

DUN DUN DUN!

'Before the break, we locked in C. Are you sure the answer is C?'

'YES! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO ANNOYING?'

'I've locked in C. And the answer is...'

The audience leaned forward in their seats.

'The answer will be revealed after the break!'

'THAT'S IT!' cried an audience member. 'I'M SICK OF YOUR ANNOYING TACTICS OF ANNOYANCE! I'M COMMITING SUICIDE!'

And he stabbed himself there and then, and Juliet weeped like she had never wept before. 'You're a monster!'

'I was only kidding!' said Eddie, but it was too late. The audience had left. 'Well at least I have you guys,' he said, turning to the studio crew. But they had gone too.

'I'm all alone...'

==BACK TO THE STORY==

Sindel screamed as she stared at what she thought was Shang Tsung...but it had actually been STRYKER! And !! With some !!

!

Stryker laughed evilly. 'Uh, you wouldn't happen to be related to Eddie Maguire...?' said Sindel.

'We are the evil people of evilness!' said Tsung.

'More like evil people of patheticness.'

'That sounds catchy...'

'How did you do it? Uggh, now I feel impure.'

'You've been impure ever since you slept with Kahn.'

And so it was that Tsung revealed that Stryker had got Sindel drunk and put on similar clothes to Tsung's. Sindel was so drunk she couldn't tell the difference.

Then Tsung burst in as Sheeva and got Sindel embarrassed.

Then Stryker revealed Tsung just wanted to feel Sheeva's body, and he became embarrassed. And proceeded to rip off Stryker's head and eat it.

Of course, it seemed that Tsung was also drunk. He had actually pulled down the bedroom curtains and stuffed them down his pants.

==AT THE BATTLE STADIUM==

'This kinda music, you sit and you be asked to do this when you when you hear something and you can't refuse -'

'Get out, Motaro!' said Kahn. 'We don't want your filthy music karaoke in the commentary box.'

'But it's Eminem! And my mother says I have natural talent!'

'Eminem is crap,' said Kahn.

'RACIST! YOU'RE A RACIST! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

'Okay, it seems you've been drinking quite a bit lately,' said Goro. 'Just come here...'

'Welcome to the stadium!' roared Kahn. 'Welcome to the fifth...what? Oh. Welcome to the eighth fight.'

As Kahn talked, the sound of Motaro weeping could be heard in the background.

'Today we have Sonya, the big-boobed, big ass bitch, going up against Sindel, who...hang on a sec, I wanna try speaking German. Sie ist gut im bett.'

The Germans in the crowd roared.

'What did you tell them?!' Sindel shouted.

'Uh, that you're good looking?' said Kahn. He snickered, then said under his breath, 'Hehehe it really means she's good in bed.'

'The microphone's on,' Goro pointed out.

'Today's commentator will be Motaro.' Motaro stepped up to the microphone.

'Okay...*sniff*...I'm a bit *sniff* sad, but Goro's helped me realise my *sniff* inner beauty. Get ready, get set, LET THE MATCH BEGIN!'

Sindel jumped at Sonya, landed in front of her and said, 'I'm not the only one good in bed.'

'Really?' said Sonya. 'Who else could it be?'

'Kano,' said Sindel, licking her lips erotically. Sonya swung her right fist at Sindel, but she ducked and kicked Sonya in the balls - err, lower area.

Sonya grabbed her lower area and jumped backwards, looking like one of those Dragonball Z characters that can jump real high and far and stuff. You know...

'Wow! I saw some chick kick another chick's cun-' Kahn shook his head menacingly. 'And Sonya is kicked in the lower area. She looks like she's powering up...'

'No dude,' said Goro. 'She's just standing there.'

'Hey, that's how they do it in Dragonball Z.'

Sonya threw a green ball of energy at Sindel, but she put her hands out and blocked it. It was pushing her backwards, but then she moved her hands and it went flinging out into space.

==MIR SPACESTATION==

Suddenly a small green meteor hit the spacestation. 'Stool,' said one of the russians.

'Stool.'

==BACK AT THE FIGHT==

'Take me on,' said Sindel. 'I dare you to.'

'At the national championships, bring it.'

While Sindel was still confused, Sonya flew forward like in that DBZ game for Mega Drive (you know...) and elbowed Sindel in the face.

'Ow! That was uncalled for!'

'We're in a tournament fighting for our lives, you do realise.'

'Bitch!'

Sindel punched Sonya so fast it was almost supersonic. You know...faster than the speed of sound.

'Eww! I touched her boob!'

Sonya grabbed her chest and fell to the ground. 'It's not over yet...' She flung her foot up and kicked Sindel.

'Aargh! My lower area!' Sindel hovered above Sonya for a second, and unfortunately the crowd thought she was ripping off The Matrix and shouted, 'Only human! Dodge this!'

Sindel dropped, and landed on Sonya's lower chest. Sonya hurled, and the vomit spun through the air, and hit Sindel in the face.

'SINDEL IS THE VOMIT-PERSON! I mean, SINDEL IS THE WINNER!'

'Winning stinks,' said Sindel, wiping Sonya's stomach-contents off her face.

==================SCORECARDS==================================

Sonya

0-1

Sindel

1-0

==============================================================

That night, for once, Subzero, Scorpion and Stryker weren't at the bar.

Instead, they were at Johnny's pad partying and smoking pot.

'I never knew you kept a pet lizard!' said Subzero to Cage.

'I don't. Now could you please get your hand off my -'

==SINDEL==

'WOW that's huge.'

Sindel sat there, staring at it.

'I know,' said Shang Tsung. 'Do you...do you feel like doing it?'

'I - I can't resist the temptation!' said Sindel. She reached out, grabbed it and took a big bite out of it.

'Kit Kat Chunky. Who would've thought it would be so great?'

==THE NEXT DAY==

'Hello, my name is (what?) my name is (who?) my name is - SHAO KAHN-EE. As usual, there will be a fight today. And the people who will be fighting? Not telling.'

There was the sound of a struggle, then Kahn spoke. 'Sorry, that's my four-armed son. On a completely unrelated topic, Sheeva will be fighting Stryker.'

==SHEEVA==

'Girl power!'

==STRYKER==

'Girl power!

Will be absent in this battle.'

==THE BATTLE STADIUM==

'I'll crush you,' said Sheeva.

'Yeah, coz you're fat! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha - ow! Don't punch until *after* he says go.'

'And here we are, with this *huge* crowd,' said Shao Kahn. 'In one corner, we have Sheeva. She has four arms, she has a horrible outfit, give it up for Sheeva!'

The crowd remained silent.

'And in the other corner, we have Stryker. He's big, both in size and in his pants, and he never shaves! Well, he doesn't have to. Give it up for Stryker!'

'Give up!' shouted someone in the crowd.

'Oh, shut up. Motaro will commentate this match.'

'Yes, it's me, Mister Big, Mister I'll cry if I want to, Mister Motaro!'

The crowd remained silent.

'Get ready, get set, LET THE MATCH BEGIN! In a few seconds, I just wanna finish painting my toenails.'

Stryker jumped, and strangely flew right over to Sheeva. He stuck his foot out and it happened to collide with her face.

'Oh no! You might have ruined my beautiful looks!'

'Oh no!' Stryker mocked. 'You'll look even more like Shang Tsung!'

Sheeva swung one of her fists at Stryker, who happened to be in the way. Stryker fell to the floor.

'Haha!' said Sheeva. 'I have kicked you when you're down!'

'Not yet.' THUD. 'I spoke too soon didn't I.'

'Yeah.'

'Well, it's come down to this,' said Stryker as he stood up. 'Mono-e-mono. Man to man.'

'Hey!' said Sheeva.

'Let me finish. We'll do it my way, or the highway - ooooooooooooooooow.' Stryker fell to the ground, with a fatal blow to the groin. Not fatal to himself, but to millions of others.

'SHEEVA IS THE WINNER!'

'Too easy,' said Sheeva. Stryker pulled off his shoe and threw it at her. 'Ow! Mein dich ist krank!'

'Your dick is crank?'

'Nein, shaicakopf.'

'Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! She's speaking like Shadow4ever now!!!!!!!'

Goro shook his head. 'I think that pot went to his head.'

'He wasn't at the pot party,' said Cage, who was in the commentary box for some reason.

'Maybe it was the blow to his -'

==SINDEL==

'Wow. It's even bigger.'

'Yeah,' said Scorpion. 'You'll get lots of pleasure from this.'

Sindel stared at it, drooling in anticipation. Savouring the moment, she reached out, grabbed it, and moaned with pleasure.

'Yeah,' said Scorpion. 'Good. Yeah.'

'You got a cigarette lighter?'

=======================================================================

Next Episode: What is Sindel doing? Why is this chapter entitled 'Girl Power', although one of the fighters mentioned is Stryker?

Why ask stupid questions?

'You sure about it?'

'YES, EDDY,' said the contestant with gritted teeth. 'Lock in D.'

'I'll run through the question once more. Am I a) Annoying,

b) A time-waster,

c) A moron,

d) All of the above.'

'LOCK IN D, EDDY.'

'D it is. And the correct answer...will be revealed after the break.'

'AAARGH!' Chainsaw revving, followed by screaming of pain.