CHAPTER 6

Jon and Hoshi checked in with Phlox upon their return to sickbay. After Jon made a general announcement over the comm to the crew about what had happened to them, Hoshi spent the rest of the morning trying to translate the inscriptions.

She was glad she had something to keep her occupied. That last thing she wanted to do was be out and about among the crew now that they knew about the body switch. She could imagine some of the comments. She was perfectly content to hide in sickbay since Phlox needed both her and Jon there for more testing.

But trying to translate the alien language was slow going. She had taken numerous scans not only of the archway but of other inscriptions they had found in the ruins. If she'd had to work from just the archway engraving alone, there probably wouldn't have been enough to even make a guess as to what it said.

Mid-way through the morning, T'Pol appeared in sickbay with an update on her research. If the switch had been made by some mechanism on the planet, she said, it was either shielded so well that scans couldn't pick it up or it was made of organic or biological components that didn't register as a functioning device.

"Is that possible?" Jon asked from where he was hovering over Phlox's shoulder as he studied some of the test results.

"There are a few species which have developed biological circuitry systems," the Vulcan said. "Incorporating them into systems most other species utilize has not been found to be practical. It is an 'all or nothing' approach. Biological components do not work well in concert with existing mechanical or electronic systems."

"But this is just a hypothesis," Hoshi put in from her seat at a computer console. "For all we know, there isn't anything but ruins on that planet."

"The sensation reported by both you and the captain of being in a charged field is one of the hallmarks of a biological system," T'Pol said.

Jon sighed heavily. "Well, at least we have a theory to start with. Maybe once Hoshi cracks the language, we'll be able to find out more."

They returned to their tasks, but Hoshi found it hard to concentrate. For one thing, she'd been up half the night and she couldn't keep from yawning.

As she waited for some algorithms seeking the most frequently used symbols to finish running, her thoughts turned to Malcolm. She'd deliberately avoided thinking about him all morning. It was just too unsettling.

If ever she needed some "cuddle time" it was now. Somehow, though, she didn't think she could talk Malcolm into it. Not only was it bad enough that she was now in a man's body but, as he had pointed out, it was the captain's body.

In any case, if he did physically show her some affection while she was in Jon's body, she wasn't sure what would happen. The incident Phlox had attributed to Jon's rise in testosterone when she'd lost her temper had scared her. As unlikely as it seemed, if Malcolm actually did do something like kiss her, how would Jon's body react? What would be worse -- responding to Malcolm the way she was now, or decking him?

Best not to even contemplate it, she decided. She'd settle for Malcolm being near her, and felt a surge of anticipation as she remembered that they were supposed to have their weekly workout together later today. For once she might be able to intimidate him.

Jon came over to take a seat next to the console where Hoshi was working.

"I have the worst headache," he said. "And your knees are killing me. Do you have a problem with them?"

"Uh-oh," she murmured.

"Uh-oh what?"

Hoshi glanced around. Phlox was busy in his office and there was no one else in sickbay. She leaned a little closer to Jon.

"I'm sorry, sir, but in about two days, you're going to..."

She waited to see if he would understand what she was getting at. The only reaction she got, however, was a puzzled frown.

"I'm going to what?" he asked.

Hoshi swallowed. This was going to be harder and more embarrassing than she'd thought, but there was no sense in beating around the bush. "You're going to have my period."

"Oh, geez." Jon closed his eyes and hung his head. "Tell me I didn't hear what you just said."

"I'm sorry, sir, but it's a normal, biological function for women, complete with headaches and, in my case, knees that ache something terrible. About tomorrow evening, you should be having cramps, too."

"Why does your body have to be doing this now?" he whined.

"It's not like I have any choice," Hoshi said defensively. "It just happens."

Rubbing his knees, Jon looked at her in disbelief. "You feel like this every month?"

Hoshi nodded. "Welcome to my world. It's a bitch, isn't it?"

"I've been having mood swings ever since we changed bodies," Jon confessed. "First I attributed it to the switch, being in a body that's not mine, but if this is how you feel because of the hormones, no wonder you women get so cranky and hard to live with--"

"Hey!"

"Sorry," he groaned.

"Come on," she said, getting up from the console and giving him a sympathetic smile. "I've got something that will help. And we need to see about clothing so we have to go to my quarters anyway."

"Isn't there something Phlox can do about this?" Jon asked miserably.

"He can give you something for the headache but the bitchiness won't go away, sir," Hoshi said apologetically. "You have to learn how to control it. Just channel all the irritation into your command attitude. That will help."

"The crew would mutiny!"

"No, they won't," she said as she led him out of sickbay. "You're the captain. They can't mutiny simply because you're experiencing PMS. However, I find that exercise helps relieve some of the tension that accompanies having my period. And lay off the coffee. Caffeine doesn't help, either."

They were about halfway to her cabin when Jon suddenly stopped walking and started laughing. Hoshi turned to stare down at him in concern, wondering if he was being affected by her hormones so much that he was having a breakdown. He was laughing so hard that tears were leaking from the corners of his eyes.

When he finally calmed down, she asked, "Are you OK?"

"Yeah," he said, wiping his eyes. "It's just hit me, though. I'm having 'girl talk' with one of my crewmembers."

"Come on, sir," Hoshi said, rolling her eyes and grabbing his arm to tug him along.

Once again the difference in bodies struck her as she felt how small her arm was under Jon's big hand. He must think of her as a china doll. No wonder he was always looking out for her. He probably thought she'd break if a strong wind came along.

She was smiling as she punched in her access code. Not only was she looking forward to trying out his body during her workout with Malcolm, but Jon ought to come along too. He'd be surprised what her body could do. It wasn't as fragile as it looked.

"So what is it that you have that's going to help me deal with this?" Jon asked as they entered her cabin.

Hoshi didn't say anything. She walked over to her dresser and opened the top drawer. Rummaging around inside it, she took stock of her stash and found what she was looking for.

"This," she said, turning around to hold up it for him to see.

"A candy bar?"

"A chocolate candy bar."

At Jon's bemused expression, she explained. "There's something about chocolate that takes the edge off the way you're feeling right now. Haven't you ever heard of women craving chocolate?"

"They do seem to like it more than the average male," he said as he reached for the bar. Unwrapping it, he said, "But I just thought they liked it more than say, oh...apple pie or a slice of cake."

"Slowly, sir," she said as he took a large bite. "You have to savor it."

She watched as he slowed consumed the entire bar. When he had finished, she asked, "Feeling better?"

He shrugged. "A little. Maybe."

She turned back to the drawer which she had left open. In addition to her chocolate stash, it also contained underwear. She lifted out a few pieces of clothing and placed them on top of the dresser. If it weren't for the fact that she was picking out clothes for herself -- sort of -- she would have been more embarrassed.

"Now we need to see about what you're going to wear," she said, holding up a matching pair of black panties and bra.

"I need more chocolate," Jon said in a strangled voice.

Malcolm dropped his gym bag on the bench. He didn't expect Hoshi to show up for their workout. He wasn't even sure he wanted her to. All he really wanted was to get the Tellarite freighter straightened out and on its way so they could get back to that miserable planet and figure out how to reverse what had happened to Hoshi.

He started warming up, doing some stretching, intending to move on to some aerobic moves and then perhaps a round or two with the punching bag. It would be a good way to work off some of the frustration he felt about the situation and how it was affecting his relationship with Hoshi.

Relationship? He snorted. They didn't have a relationship right now. When he thought of Hoshi, he thought of a warm, sweet, feminine creature who was slightly shorter than himself, soft in all the places he wasn't.

Now she was in the captain's body and the captain in hers, he thought with a shudder. If that wasn't some sort of violation, he didn't know what was.

Intellectually, he understood he was jealous. Why did it have to be the captain she had been switched with? Jon was good-looking, tall, charming... Did he remember to have tall on that list? Malcolm had an irrational fear that, if they did get back in their own bodies, Hoshi would be bonded with the captain in some way that would doom his relationship with her.

His dark mood wasn't improved when the gym doors slid open to admit Hoshi and the captain, both wearing sweats. For a moment he had a hope that somehow they had been switched back, but then the person who looked like Hoshi said, "I hope you don't mind, Malcolm. Hoshi invited me to work out with you two."

"Quite all right, sir," he said, lying through his teeth. This was going to be even worse than working out with Hoshi alone.

Hoshi began running through her usual warm-up exercises. It was strange to see Jon's body performing the moves that he was used to seeing Hoshi do.

Jon, meanwhile, had gone over to the exercise bikes. He hopped up onto a seat and a strange look crossed his face. "Forgot about the shorter legs," he said as he got back down and adjusted the height of the seat.

Embarrassed on the captain's behalf, Malcolm turned his attention back to Hoshi. He sighed. She'd want to do their usual workout, of course.

He approached her and said softly, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"We've been working on throws and you're in a different body now."

"So?"

"Well, it's a different body. You're probably not used to...operating it."

Hoshi huffed. "Look, Malcolm. I've got to work off some frustration."

As she finished her warm-up, Malcolm saw a sly smile cross what should have been the captain's features. She picked up the towel and wiped the sweat from her face, then tossed the towel aside and rubbed her hands.

"I promise I'll take it easy on you," she said with a grin, advancing on him.