Chapter 12

Alexis stood unmoving as she let Johnny's news wash over her. She noticed Sonny move closer to her and instantly stepped away from him. She refused to let the news send her into a mass of hysteria. Alexis shut her heart down; it would only get in the way now. She would not allow the news of Dixon's betrayal to take away her reasoning. Detaching herself physically and emotionally from the men in the room she felt her body become chilled as a wave of bitterness rose in her. It invaded her body and she welcomed it around her like a blanket. It would protect her until this nightmare somehow ended. No emotional baggage would deter her from ending this horror. Subconsciously nodding her resolve she turned her back on the only thing that had remained constant in her life. The law. They were going down. All of them! Helena, Stavros, Max and Dixon. And she didn't care how she did it. She walked closer to Max and looked him directly in the eye.

"I saved your life today when your boss here wanted to take it from you. I won't make that mistake again. What they do to you from now on is their business and I won't stop them."

Johnny cautiously stepped closer to Alexis watching for her response as he neared her. When she took a step backward to keep him at a safe distance he stopped his approach. And as Sonny again started toward her he lifted his hand to stop Sonny's approach as well. Her face held no emotion at all. Her eyes seemed lifeless to him and the spirit he so admired in her was gone. The woman who stood before him was not his sister Alexis, Natasha Cassadine had come home to defend herself.

"Alexis, you can't let them do this to you. You can't let them bring you down to their level."

Natasha lifted her eyes and stared defiantly at Johnny, glanced back toward Max and with a dead voice she answered him.

"Why not? Didn't you?"

She turned slowly and started upstairs. Neither man attempted to stop her. She needed time alone. Time to sort out everything that had happened. Johnny watched her climb the stairs and witnessed the war going on in her. Alexis was battling Natasha. She leaned heavily on the railing pulling herself up the stairs. What Stavros had done to her was bad, but what his own revenge against them did to her sent her over the edge. He looked back toward Max and for the first time in his life saw just who he had become.

Natasha entered her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She went to stand by the window, pulled the curtain aside and gazed down at the street below. It was normal. Just people going about their business, living their very normal lives; oblivious to the fact that there was a lone woman on the top floor of the Port Charles Tower who just lost the only life she had ever trusted; depended on. Nothing about her life was hers. It had always belonged to Helena. She just hadn't known it until today. Thinking of the past few moments downstairs she could pinpoint the moment that Natasha was allowed full reign. It was the blood she saw on Johnny's hand when he reached toward her.

Natasha had good reason for the state of her mind. Many acts of violence were perpetrated against her as a child. Not only by Stavros, but Helena tortured her as well. That which Alexis stowed away in her subconscious for the past twenty years, Natasha fed on. She allowed bitterness and hatred to determine her actions. Decisions were easy when Natasha was allowed to make them. Love and compassion were only words that got in the way of business.

Fighting for control over Natasha, Alexis walked to the bedroom closet and pulled her suitcase out and placed it on the bed. Opening the hidden compartment she pulled an envelope out. There had not been a reason for her to look for this particular photo in many years. The only reason for its existence was for moments like this one. It was actually two photos that she edited into one.

One the left side of the photo was the image of Helena as she had been twenty years ago, and on the right was the image of her mother. It was decision time. What road would she follow? She could allow Natasha to continue to rule her thoughts and actions and accept a life of anger, hatred and bitterness or she could choose to follow the road she knew her mother would have wanted for her.

Thinking of Kristina's zest for life, little Michael's trusting eyes, the children who depended on her to fight for them, and the pride she felt in her accomplishments no matter how they came about, Alexis finally won the battle. She didn't allow herself to think about Johnny or Sonny. This wasn't about them. She had questions that begged for answers. And the answers to her questions could only be found with her mother. She knew where she needed to go. She turned and walked back downstairs.

"Sonny, I'm going to the Port Charles hotel. Call them and tell them I'm coming. Do not argue with me and don't try to stop me. Just clear the way for me to get there. And do not follow me. If you've got someone you can trust to send with me, fine. But do not follow me."

Sonny, looked toward Johnny. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want her out there on her own, but he didn't want to upset her any further either.

Johnny signaled to Sonny to leave him alone with her and waited until the door was closed behind him. It did not escape Johnny that Alexis completely ignored him when she came back downstairs. With total resolve Johnny made a decision. His sister, by some miracle, had been given back to him and he was not going to lose her again. Before she even knew he was her real brother she accepted him and completely took him in to her heart. She fought for him, loved him and stood by him. It was her voice that pulled him out of the blackness when he lay close to death in the hospital. It was her tears he felt on his hospital gown as she pleaded with him to come back to her. It was his turn to stand by her, his turn to love her. He needed her and he wasn't going to let her walk away from him.

"Alexis, I will go with you to the hotel."

"No, I don't want you there. I need to talk to her... alone."

Unaware of the war she had just won over herself, he pleaded with her.

"Lexie, I know you need to talk to mom. I think we both do. You were right earlier. There is something broken in me and it needs to be fixed. I don't know if it can be, but I don't want to see it happen to you. Please, let me go with you."

Unable to bring her eyes to meet his she silently consented. She couldn't refuse his plea to accompany her no matter how much she wanted her time alone. If he could find solace in their mother as she did, then who was she to interfere!

Johnny called Sonny to ask him to take care of Max and to let him know he would be going with Alexis. Once he finished his call to Sonny, Alexis allowed him to lead her out by way of the service elevator.

It was still a little too early to go up to the roof when they arrived at the Port Charles Hotel, so Alexis went into the bedroom. She didn't want to talk to Johnny or anyone else. All she knew at that moment was she needed to wash away the filthiness of the day. She couldn't stand before her mother with the blood of Max and the intruder on her hands. In her mind she knew that the shedding of their blood was not her fault, but her heart was having difficulty separating herself from it. Standing under the shower letting the heat of the water scald her body, the face of Max violated her thoughts. Yes, he was wrong for what he did and yes, he needed to be punished. But, that was what the law was for. She wasn't a vigilante and didn't want her brother to be one either. Letting her mind go she meditated...

"How did I get here? How did I get to a place where this could happen? Why didn't I stop it? Could I have stopped it? I miss New York. I was safe there. Everything was in order. No, it was just a fantasy. I've never been in control of my life. It was all a lie. Oh, mama, where do I go from here?"