====MORTAL KOMBAT NAZZA-SPONSORED TOURNAMENT 2====
/Tournament Record ReToasted/
[Begin Tournament Entry #09]
/Good Guys & Losers/
==SINDEL==
'Wow. It's even bigger.'
'Yeah,' said Scorpion. 'You'll get lots of pleasure from this.'
Sindel stared at it, drooling in anticipation. Savouring the moment, she reached out, grabbed it, and moaned with pleasure.
'Yeah,' said Scorpion. 'Good. Yeah.'
'You got a cigarette lighter?'
'Dude, the doobie's already been lighted.'
'Oh. Sorry.' Sindel took another puff, and moaned with more pleasure.
'Yeah,' said Scorpion. 'That smells good.'
'Why do you keep on doing that?'
'I'm getting the smoke that comes out of your mouth.'
'You mean you're getting high off my breath?! Are you trying to COME ONTO ME?!?!?!'
Before Scorpion could say 'No', Sindel had kicked him.
'I'm not going to be your dealer anymore,' Scorpion threatened.
'Sorry.'
Suddenly Shao Kahn's voice came out of the speakers in everyone's house. 'This is Big Brother. Johnny Cage and Kabal report to the diary room.'
'What the f-?' said Goro.
'It means Cage and Kabal will be fighting.'
'Oh.'
==SHEEVA==
'Thanks German teacher.' The German teacher left her house-resort-place-thing. 'So it's sheisse, not shaica. HINT HINT: Shadow4ever! Read previous sentence!'
'Riiiiiight,' said the German teacher, who had apparently not left. He made the crazy sign with his hand, and said under his breath, 'Skitzophreniac bastard.'
'I'm not a bastard! Both my parents were married fifty times (to fifty different people) when they made me!'
The German teacher shuddered.
==AT THE BATTLE STADIUM==
'Nothing changes coz it's all the same, the world you get's the one you give away, it all just happens again WAY DOWN THE LINE! And all the things you learn when you're a kid, you'll f-'
'Shut UP Motaro!' boomed Kahn. 'Didn't I tell you to stop bringing that Eminem crap-'
'RACIST!' shouted the crowd.
'That crap in here?'
'It's not Eminem, sir,' said Motaro. 'It's The Offspring.'
'Oh,' said Kahn sarcastically. 'And I suppose the song's called "Way Down a Line" and it's off the album "Ixnay on the Hombre".'
'Yep!' said Motaro, smiling like this smiley: ^____^ -- Smiling like that one.
'Well...anyway...here we have Kabal on one side, the guy with the wierd mask, and on the other side, Johnny Cage the guy who doesn't wear a mask but is still wierd.'
The crowd cheered because Kahn had called Johnny Cage weird. Which he is.
'Today's commentator will be Motaro.'
Motaro stepped up to the microphone. 'Can you do it like this? Mixed media. Step up to microphone. (Vinyl scratching noise) Mixed media - step up to microphone. Can you do it like this, this, this, this-'
'What the hell are you doing?' said Kahn. 'Singing Offspring or Eminem or something?'
'Linkin Park,' said Motaro. 'Anyway, get ready, get set, GO TO THE CANDY BAR!'
The crowd rushed out of the stadium.
'That's just great,' said Kahn sarcastically. 'Just *great*. Now they'll *never* come back.'
==AT THE CANDY BAR==
Goro stood behind the counter wearing a funny hat. 'Holy crap, what did those guys do to this crowd?'
==BACK AT THE FIGHT APPROXIMATELY HALF AN HOUR LATER==
'Well, most of the people are back from the candy bar,' said Motaro. 'Get ready, get set -'
Kahn tapped him on the shoulder, then pointed out the commentary box at the stadium. Five people were sitting in a group talking, and one guy was playing a Gameboy. The rest of the stadium was empty.
Motaro sighed.
==BACK AT THE FIGHT APPROXIMATELY AN HOUR LATER==
'Hmmm, at least this is an improvement.' Motaro looked out at the half-full stadium. 'Fighters, get ready, get set, LET THE MATCH BEGIN!'
Cage dropped to his belly and started commando-crawling. Kabal laughed so hard at his feeble attempt that he fell to the ground, rolling around laughing his anus off.
'I should be the winner now,' Cage shouted.
'Uh, you need to at least hit him first or something,' said Motaro.
Cage walked over to Kabal and kicked him in the stomach, which caused him to laugh even more. 'Is that enough?'
'Sorry, Kahn's telling me you have to keep on going. He also told me that you looked up Kabal's pants once - oh wait I'm not sposed to tell anyone. Continue.'
==BACK AT THE FIGHT APPROXIMATELY TWO HOURS LATER==
Kabal was still rolling around laughing his asshole off. 'Come on!' shouted Cage. 'What's left of the crowd are getting bored! And this is ruining my tan big time!'
'Very well,' said Kahn with a sigh. 'CAGE IS THE WINNER!'
One of the people in the crowd cheered. But that was because he had just defeated the Elite Four on his Gameboy.
==================SCORECARDS==================================
Johnny Cage
1-1
Sindel
1-1
==============================================================
Smoke opened the garage door and let some sunlight in.
'Can-I-go-yet?' said the red robot, which was imprisoned in a cage.
'Not-until-you-pay-me-back-for-drinking-my-oil!' said Smoke.
'Oh-well,' said the red robot (Sektor). He grabbed an iron bar lying around and bent it so it made a quaint little right angle. Then he went back to watching through the iron bars of his cage, wishing he could escape...
==REPTILE==
'I haven't been mentioned often yet, so I'll just say this. Uh...'
==KANO==
Kano was cleaning his eye-lense when Shao Kahn's voice was heard. 'Are you hearing voices...(voices voices voices) It might be because you're insane...(ane, ane, ane) or it could be because I'm testing out ways to use this microphone!'
Kano rolled his eyes - err, eye.
'Today's fight, which hopefully is more entertaining than yesterday's fight, will be...Rayden and Nightwolf!'
Nightwolf put his hand over his mouth several times shouting, to do that Indian thing. You know, the thing that Indians do.
==AT THE BATTLE STADIUM==
'Welcome to the...uh, Motaro, what number fight is this?'
'I have no idea.'
'Uh...welcome to the next fight in this tournament! We have that Indian guy, Nightwolf, up against that white Chinese guy, Rayden!'
'I im noh Chinee!' said Rayden.
'I'm not an Indian!' said Nightwolf. He then danced around like Indians usually do. 'Like I said before, I'm not Indian!'
'Motaro will commentate this match.'
'Hello, it's me Motaro! Okie dokie, let's get on with the show. Get ready, get set, LET THE MATCH BEGIN!'
Nightwolf wipped out his Indian boomerang and threw it. Rayden wipped off his round white hat and threw it. The boomerang hit the hat, and then they began to whack each other. The hat and the boomerang fought and fought, whacking each other, until they just fell.
'Damn Chinee hat!'
'Damn Chinee boomerang! I mean Indian boomerang! I mean, I'M NOT INDIAN!'
'I know you are but what am I?' said Motaro.
Rayden leapt at Nightwolf like a tiger. Nightwolf leapt away like a coward. Rayden fell and ate the dust; Nightwolf walked away and ate lunch.
'Uh, next time could you stay in this stadium please?' said Motaro as Nightwolf walked in with a bag of chips.
Little did he know, but Rayden had secretly followed him and had used a dummy. It was so life-like that everyone instantly knew Rayden had gone too.
Nightwolf ate some more chips, unaware Rayden was standing right behind him. Rayden pulled out a knife...
(Eerie "just before character's about to get stabbed" music)
Nightwolf spun around and tripped Rayden over. Once again Rayden ate dust. Nightwolf ate a chip.
'How...how did you...how did you know?' Rayden asked, breathless (eating dust isn't very nice).
'When I got the chips, I saw you as you came out of the Knife Shop.'
'No...not that...' said Rayden, who was stilling lying on the ground. 'How...how...how did you...how did you know...'
'Hurry up and spit it out!' said Motaro.
'How did you know I was going to stab you right at the instant you tripped me?'
'Because I heard the eerie music. It was the type of music that plays just before a character's about to get stabbed in a movie.'
'I...see...' Rayden fainted.
'NIGHTWOLF IS THE -'
'Suddenly Rayden jumped up, pulled a staff out of nowhere and spun around like Neo in Matrix 2, only instead of using the staff to trip Nightwolf, he used it to slam into Nightwolf's neck.' - Motaro
'RAYDEN IS THE WINNER!'
Nightwolf groaned.
'NIGHTWOLF IS THE CRIPPLE!'
=======================================================================
Okay, so there were only losers in this chapter. What do you expect? Next Episode: Instead of telling you what's happening, why don't I just ask stupid questions? Like why Pokemon never go to the bathroom? And why some people don't like Linkin Park? (Seriously, they must have brain damage or something.) :P
/Tournament Record ReToasted/
[Begin Tournament Entry #09]
/Good Guys & Losers/
==SINDEL==
'Wow. It's even bigger.'
'Yeah,' said Scorpion. 'You'll get lots of pleasure from this.'
Sindel stared at it, drooling in anticipation. Savouring the moment, she reached out, grabbed it, and moaned with pleasure.
'Yeah,' said Scorpion. 'Good. Yeah.'
'You got a cigarette lighter?'
'Dude, the doobie's already been lighted.'
'Oh. Sorry.' Sindel took another puff, and moaned with more pleasure.
'Yeah,' said Scorpion. 'That smells good.'
'Why do you keep on doing that?'
'I'm getting the smoke that comes out of your mouth.'
'You mean you're getting high off my breath?! Are you trying to COME ONTO ME?!?!?!'
Before Scorpion could say 'No', Sindel had kicked him.
'I'm not going to be your dealer anymore,' Scorpion threatened.
'Sorry.'
Suddenly Shao Kahn's voice came out of the speakers in everyone's house. 'This is Big Brother. Johnny Cage and Kabal report to the diary room.'
'What the f-?' said Goro.
'It means Cage and Kabal will be fighting.'
'Oh.'
==SHEEVA==
'Thanks German teacher.' The German teacher left her house-resort-place-thing. 'So it's sheisse, not shaica. HINT HINT: Shadow4ever! Read previous sentence!'
'Riiiiiight,' said the German teacher, who had apparently not left. He made the crazy sign with his hand, and said under his breath, 'Skitzophreniac bastard.'
'I'm not a bastard! Both my parents were married fifty times (to fifty different people) when they made me!'
The German teacher shuddered.
==AT THE BATTLE STADIUM==
'Nothing changes coz it's all the same, the world you get's the one you give away, it all just happens again WAY DOWN THE LINE! And all the things you learn when you're a kid, you'll f-'
'Shut UP Motaro!' boomed Kahn. 'Didn't I tell you to stop bringing that Eminem crap-'
'RACIST!' shouted the crowd.
'That crap in here?'
'It's not Eminem, sir,' said Motaro. 'It's The Offspring.'
'Oh,' said Kahn sarcastically. 'And I suppose the song's called "Way Down a Line" and it's off the album "Ixnay on the Hombre".'
'Yep!' said Motaro, smiling like this smiley: ^____^ -- Smiling like that one.
'Well...anyway...here we have Kabal on one side, the guy with the wierd mask, and on the other side, Johnny Cage the guy who doesn't wear a mask but is still wierd.'
The crowd cheered because Kahn had called Johnny Cage weird. Which he is.
'Today's commentator will be Motaro.'
Motaro stepped up to the microphone. 'Can you do it like this? Mixed media. Step up to microphone. (Vinyl scratching noise) Mixed media - step up to microphone. Can you do it like this, this, this, this-'
'What the hell are you doing?' said Kahn. 'Singing Offspring or Eminem or something?'
'Linkin Park,' said Motaro. 'Anyway, get ready, get set, GO TO THE CANDY BAR!'
The crowd rushed out of the stadium.
'That's just great,' said Kahn sarcastically. 'Just *great*. Now they'll *never* come back.'
==AT THE CANDY BAR==
Goro stood behind the counter wearing a funny hat. 'Holy crap, what did those guys do to this crowd?'
==BACK AT THE FIGHT APPROXIMATELY HALF AN HOUR LATER==
'Well, most of the people are back from the candy bar,' said Motaro. 'Get ready, get set -'
Kahn tapped him on the shoulder, then pointed out the commentary box at the stadium. Five people were sitting in a group talking, and one guy was playing a Gameboy. The rest of the stadium was empty.
Motaro sighed.
==BACK AT THE FIGHT APPROXIMATELY AN HOUR LATER==
'Hmmm, at least this is an improvement.' Motaro looked out at the half-full stadium. 'Fighters, get ready, get set, LET THE MATCH BEGIN!'
Cage dropped to his belly and started commando-crawling. Kabal laughed so hard at his feeble attempt that he fell to the ground, rolling around laughing his anus off.
'I should be the winner now,' Cage shouted.
'Uh, you need to at least hit him first or something,' said Motaro.
Cage walked over to Kabal and kicked him in the stomach, which caused him to laugh even more. 'Is that enough?'
'Sorry, Kahn's telling me you have to keep on going. He also told me that you looked up Kabal's pants once - oh wait I'm not sposed to tell anyone. Continue.'
==BACK AT THE FIGHT APPROXIMATELY TWO HOURS LATER==
Kabal was still rolling around laughing his asshole off. 'Come on!' shouted Cage. 'What's left of the crowd are getting bored! And this is ruining my tan big time!'
'Very well,' said Kahn with a sigh. 'CAGE IS THE WINNER!'
One of the people in the crowd cheered. But that was because he had just defeated the Elite Four on his Gameboy.
==================SCORECARDS==================================
Johnny Cage
1-1
Sindel
1-1
==============================================================
Smoke opened the garage door and let some sunlight in.
'Can-I-go-yet?' said the red robot, which was imprisoned in a cage.
'Not-until-you-pay-me-back-for-drinking-my-oil!' said Smoke.
'Oh-well,' said the red robot (Sektor). He grabbed an iron bar lying around and bent it so it made a quaint little right angle. Then he went back to watching through the iron bars of his cage, wishing he could escape...
==REPTILE==
'I haven't been mentioned often yet, so I'll just say this. Uh...'
==KANO==
Kano was cleaning his eye-lense when Shao Kahn's voice was heard. 'Are you hearing voices...(voices voices voices) It might be because you're insane...(ane, ane, ane) or it could be because I'm testing out ways to use this microphone!'
Kano rolled his eyes - err, eye.
'Today's fight, which hopefully is more entertaining than yesterday's fight, will be...Rayden and Nightwolf!'
Nightwolf put his hand over his mouth several times shouting, to do that Indian thing. You know, the thing that Indians do.
==AT THE BATTLE STADIUM==
'Welcome to the...uh, Motaro, what number fight is this?'
'I have no idea.'
'Uh...welcome to the next fight in this tournament! We have that Indian guy, Nightwolf, up against that white Chinese guy, Rayden!'
'I im noh Chinee!' said Rayden.
'I'm not an Indian!' said Nightwolf. He then danced around like Indians usually do. 'Like I said before, I'm not Indian!'
'Motaro will commentate this match.'
'Hello, it's me Motaro! Okie dokie, let's get on with the show. Get ready, get set, LET THE MATCH BEGIN!'
Nightwolf wipped out his Indian boomerang and threw it. Rayden wipped off his round white hat and threw it. The boomerang hit the hat, and then they began to whack each other. The hat and the boomerang fought and fought, whacking each other, until they just fell.
'Damn Chinee hat!'
'Damn Chinee boomerang! I mean Indian boomerang! I mean, I'M NOT INDIAN!'
'I know you are but what am I?' said Motaro.
Rayden leapt at Nightwolf like a tiger. Nightwolf leapt away like a coward. Rayden fell and ate the dust; Nightwolf walked away and ate lunch.
'Uh, next time could you stay in this stadium please?' said Motaro as Nightwolf walked in with a bag of chips.
Little did he know, but Rayden had secretly followed him and had used a dummy. It was so life-like that everyone instantly knew Rayden had gone too.
Nightwolf ate some more chips, unaware Rayden was standing right behind him. Rayden pulled out a knife...
(Eerie "just before character's about to get stabbed" music)
Nightwolf spun around and tripped Rayden over. Once again Rayden ate dust. Nightwolf ate a chip.
'How...how did you...how did you know?' Rayden asked, breathless (eating dust isn't very nice).
'When I got the chips, I saw you as you came out of the Knife Shop.'
'No...not that...' said Rayden, who was stilling lying on the ground. 'How...how...how did you...how did you know...'
'Hurry up and spit it out!' said Motaro.
'How did you know I was going to stab you right at the instant you tripped me?'
'Because I heard the eerie music. It was the type of music that plays just before a character's about to get stabbed in a movie.'
'I...see...' Rayden fainted.
'NIGHTWOLF IS THE -'
'Suddenly Rayden jumped up, pulled a staff out of nowhere and spun around like Neo in Matrix 2, only instead of using the staff to trip Nightwolf, he used it to slam into Nightwolf's neck.' - Motaro
'RAYDEN IS THE WINNER!'
Nightwolf groaned.
'NIGHTWOLF IS THE CRIPPLE!'
=======================================================================
Okay, so there were only losers in this chapter. What do you expect? Next Episode: Instead of telling you what's happening, why don't I just ask stupid questions? Like why Pokemon never go to the bathroom? And why some people don't like Linkin Park? (Seriously, they must have brain damage or something.) :P