====MORTAL KOMBAT NAZZA-SPONSORED TOURNAMENT 2====

/Tournament Record ReElevated/

[Begin Tournament Entry #10]

/The Three Ninjas/

'Ooh, it doesn't look good.'

'Will I ever be able to walk again?' Nightwolf asked.

'No,' said the doctor solemnly. Nightwolf sighed, and looked down to the wheelchair he was sitting in.

'Will I ever be able to control anything other than my head and neck ever again?'

'No.'

'Do you ever say anything other than no?'

'No.'

==RAYDEN==

Rayden sat at the table eating rice.

That's it. What, you expected him to do something?

==SMOKE==

'Here,-have-some-food.' Smoke tossed a carbon rod into Sektor's cage.

'I'm-not-hungry.'

'Yes-you-are,-now-eat-your-food!'

'I-won't-eat-it!'

'Fine! I'll-just-force-feed-you!' Smoke grabbed the carbon rod, and slammed it into Sektor. It glowed, and then was melted into him.

'Ow! That-hurts!'

'Shut-up.'

==CAGE==

'You do know that you cheated, right?' said Scorpion.

Cage opened his beer. 'Yeah, but I knew that Kabal would fall for it and start laughing. But, I didn't think I was *that* funny.'

'No one did. We all just thought you were a loser.'

'I'm not a loser!' Cage went back to drinking his ginger beer.

==SHEEVA==

'Come here, you.'

'No! I don't like this torture! Can't you let me go?'

'No.'

Sheeva stood up slowly, keeping her eye on Kabal.

'I don't like you, I want to get out! Somebody help me! HELP!'

Sheeva was about to jump when Kahn's voice came over the intercom-thingy. 'Today, as usual, there will be another battle. This time, it's...'

Sheeva listened intently, her eye on the megaphone in the corner of the room.

'It's...'

Kabal slowly moved over to the door...

'...'

Sheeva held her breath.

'Kano! And...'

Kabal turned the knob on the door...

'And...'

Sheeva took a breath, then held it again.

'...'

Kabal slowly opened the door...

'Reptile! Sorry for keeping you waiting there, and see you at the battle stadium!'

Kabal made a run for it, not bothering to open the front door.

Sheeva watched through the hole Kabal had made as he ran for his life. 'I'll get you back one day! I'LL GET YOU!'

Kabal shuddered.

==AT THE BATTLE STADIUM==

'Welcome to the battle stadium!' said Kahn. 'Today, in the...eleventh? Today's match is Kano, the guy with the weird glass eye, up against Reptile.'

'It's not glass!' said Kano. He pointed to the pog. 'Don't laugh, it helps me see better.'

'Okay,' said Motaro. 'I'll be commentating this match. Ready, set, LET THE FIGHT BEGIN!'

'It's let the match begin,' said Kahn.

'Oh, *fine* then,' said Motaro annoyedly. 'LET THE MATCH BEGIN!'

Kano did a nice little kung-fu number which proceeded to confuse both Reptile, Kahn, Motaro and the crowd. (Yes, Kano can be that confusing.)

'Riiiiiight,' said Reptile. He leapt at Kano and bicycle-kicked him till he fell over in the dirt.

'Hey!' shouted Liu Kang who happened to be in the audience. 'That's my move!'

The crowd pulled out a machine gun and shot Liu Kang so many times that he was confetti by the time they had finished. Sure, a few crowd members were shot, but what can you do?

'Get up, baldy,' said Reptile. Kano spat out some blood then stood up. 'Choking on your own blood already?' Reptile taunted.

'Ever heard of a thing called blood capsules?'

'Yeah,' said Reptile. 'They're these capsules and when you bite down on them red stuff that looks like blood comes out.'

'Cool, I always wondered what they did,' said Kano. He pulled out two capsules, threw them in his mouth and chomped down hard. He swallowed, though most of it dripped down his chin. 'Mmm, blood.'

'It's not actually blood, you know that?'

'WHAT?!?! You mean I wasted all that time swallowing when it wasn't real blood?'

'Afraid so.'

'Damn.' Kano swung his fist, but Reptile ducked. Kano swung again, and Reptile ducked again. Kano swung once more, and Reptile ducked. Without realising it, Kano kneed him in the face.

Reptile hissed and spat a green gooey substance at Kano. 'Aargh! My pog! It burns! It burns!'

'Feel my venom!' Reptile shouted, jumping to his feet.

'It's not venom!' Kano screamed in pain. 'It's flem!'

'Come again?'

'Snot!'

'Huh?'

Kano shook his head, and swung at Reptile. Reptile ducked. Kano tried to uppercut Reptile, but he jumped out of the way. Reptile swung his leg up as high as it would go, it connected with Kano's jaw and sent him flying three metres into the air.

Kano landed, stirring dust up. 'Ha!' said Reptile. 'You suck! You really *cough* really *cough* crap, I'm asthmatic.'

Reptile coughed uncontrollably, allowing Kano time to stand up. 'Time to take out the trash!' Kano shouted. He grabbed a nearby bin, emptied it into the dumpster outside the stadium, and came back in. 'You're going down, Reptile!'

Suddenly Reptile hallucinated, and began singing. 'Down, down, down, down, down down down...to Pussytown.'

Kano jumped at Reptile, and tried to kick him sideways. Unfortunately he missed completely and fell on his side. Suddenly Reptile returned to normal, and began kicking Kano.

'No, no! No! Make it stop!'

Reptile kept kicking until Kano went limp. And continued kicking.

'Uh, Reptile, you've already won.'

==THAT NIGHT==

Motaro finally fell asleep. The empty stadium was filled with grunts as Reptile kicked at the unconscious Kano.

==================SCORECARDS==================================

Kano

0-2

Reptile

2-0

==============================================================

'Do the drunk dance! Do the drunk dance! Do the drunk dance!'

Scorpion, Cage and Kabal chanted as Nightwolf drunkenly made his way to the middle of the pub.

'Do the drunk dance! Do the drunk dance!'

'Do the drunk dance...*burp*' Nightwolf spun around, thinking someone had tapped him on the shoulder. He kept on doing this until he fell flat on his face.

'Awww, come on!' shouted Cage. 'Get back up!'

Nightwolf tried to sit up, vomited, then fell back down again. He could smell the beer and peanuts quite strongly in his vomit.

'This is crap!' said Kabal. 'I want to see the drunk dance!'

'I think you'll find it's overrated,' said the bartender.

'Shut up you,' said Scorpion.

'Yes sir.'

'GET OVER HERE!' Scorpion's little scorpion-thing came out of his hand, caught Nightwolf by the ponytail, and whipped him back up. He looked around disoriented, wondering how he was magically standing up again.

'Do the drunk dance! Do the drunk dance! Do the drunk dance!'

Nightwolf took a swig of his beer, despite the fact he had vomited in it. 'Mmm...tasty...'

==SMOKE==

'Partay! Partay! I-like-to-partay!'

Smoke did the robot dance, and he was surprisingly bad at it. He tripped and landed flat on his face. 'Oh-well,-my-doctor-told-me-I-should-lie-down-every-now-and-then-anyway...'

==SONYA==

'Ooh, it's nice and cold here!'

Sonya looked around her room. It was pretty much an ice-cube room. Ice stalagmites and stalagtites dripped and rose from the ground and ceiling respectively, ice covered the walls, ice was at the edge of the bed.

'Come here, Subby, I want to make my bed warmer...'

Subzero turned and saw that Sonya was sitting upright in her bed, wearing nothing. 'Uh...I need to go to work now...bye!' He ran out of the house before Sonya could object.

'Strange, I didn't know he *had* a job.'

==CAGE==

'Do the drunk dance! Do the drunk dance!' chanted the three.

'That's it,' said Cage, 'this guy's going down.'

Cage walked up to Nightwolf, poised his fist in front of Nightwolf's face, and was about to hit him (after three seconds of waiting and no reaction from Nightwolf or the bartender) when suddenly the room became cold.

'THE DEMENTORS ARE HERE!' screamed Scorpion. He leapt over the bar and crouched behind it. 'Ooh, free beer.'

'It's just me,' said Subzero. He was met with the bartender throwing Scorpion at him. He caught Scorpion and threw him to Cage.

'Hehe, this is fun,' said Cage, as he threw Scorpion to Kabal. Kabal swung Scorpion, ready to throw him. 'Hey, you!' he yelled at someone sitting at the table. He turned around, to reveal himself as Shang Tsung. 'Yeah. Catch!'

Tsung stood up, and tried to catch Scorpion. As if in slow motion, Scorpion fell and smashed his head against Tsung's metal boots.

'BUTTERFINGERS!'

==REPTILE==

'Hello?'

'Hi, Reptile,' said a voice on the other phone. 'Could you please come over?'

'Why?'

'I found a stray lizard,' said the voice. 'Can you help me figure out where its supposed to go?'

'Sure, I'll be right over.'

==SHANG TSUNG==

'It's not my fault I can't catch!'

'Yes it is,' said Cage.

'Well...well...IT'S NOT MY FAULT!' Tsung broke down in tears. 'LEAVE ME ALONE!'

Subzero shot ice at Tsung (why? coz he felt like it), but Tsung spun around, held out his hand, and the ice droplets froze.

Cage, Kabal, the bartender, Subzero, and the unconscious Scorpion all gasped.

Tsung reached out, grabbed one of the ice droplets, then let it fall to the ground. As they all watched, the other ice droplets fell to the ground as well, making the sound a bullet shell makes when it falls.

'OH MY GOD HE'S A FREAK!' shouted the bartender.

'Once again the only sober person here has caused chaos,' said Subzero as Shang Tsung stared angrily at them all. A yellow aura began to flash around him, and he held his fists out as if he was charging up. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH -'

==SONYA==

'Glad you could come, Reptile.'

'Okay, now where's the dead lizard - what happened to this place?'

'Subby renovated it.'

'I see...' Reptile looked around, then turned to Sonya. 'Well, where - why are you sitting upright in bed with no clothes on?'

'Coz I feel like it,' said Sonya.

Reptile began shaking nervously. 'So, uh, um, there was no, uh, um, um, uh, no lizard?'

'Nope.'

Reptile began shaking so bad that lizards were falling out of his pockets and crawling away. 'So what did you err, uh, um, call me here for, err, err, err...'

Sonya smiled in a way that made Reptile think maybe she'd been possessed. 'I want you to -'

==SUBZERO==

'GET THE HELL OUTTA MY BAR!' screamed the bartender.

There were broken glass bottles everywhere. Tables were upturned. Scorpion was still unconscious. The bartender was furious.

Shang Tsung stood there, panting. He had just screamed for five minutes, and his aura finally got too big. It literally exploded and turned the pub into a general mess.

Kabal laughed when he saw a family stuck underneath a table, the chairs they were sitting at on top of the table, a chunk of the bar on top of the chairs, the fan on top of the chunk of the bar, and a good portion of the roof on top of the fan.

'GET OUT!' screamed the bartender. 'YOU'VE KILLED EVERYONE HERE!'

'You're alive,' Tsung protested. 'Kabal's alive. Subzero's alive. Cage is...being an idiot. Scorpion is unconscious, but alive.'

'Think again,' said Subzero. He pointed to where Scorpion lay. His head was squashed by a table. On top of the table were a few chairs. On top of the chairs was a chunk of the bar...

'He'll live,' said Tsung. 'I can revive him.' He waved his arms about madly, threw some funny sparkling dust at Scorpion, and soon they heard muffled screams:

'AAARGH! THE PAIN! THE PAIN! MY FACE IS BURNING! YOU COULD'VE REVIVED ME ONCE YOU GOT MY OUT FROM UNDER HERE! AAAARGH I CAN SEE BLOOD! AAR*gurgle gurgle gurgle*' and suddenly Scorpion's flailing body became limp again.

'Uh, I'll revive him again later...'

==THE NEXT DAY==

'Ahem!' boomed Shao Kahn's voice. 'Everyone wake up!'

'Huh - what -' Reptile sat upright in bed, then turned left and looked at the floor. 'Holy crap, I took my suit off!' He turned to his right, and gasped. 'HOLY CRAP I SLEPT WITH SONYA!'

==SCORPION==

Scorpion was having nightmares about his double-death the night before when he was awoken by a familiar voice screaming 'HOLY CRAP I SLEPT WITH SONYA!'

==REPTILE==

'Err, hopefully no one heard that.'

'I see Reptile's awake,' said Kahn with a snicker. 'Have a good night?'

Reptile put his head in his hands with shame.

'Today's fight is lucky thirteen!' said Kahn. 'And the fighters are...Scorpion and Subzero!'

==AT THE BATTLE STADIUM==

'What a lovely day today, and a wonderful crowd,' said Kahn. 'Today's match is Scorpion the orange guy with the suit, up against Subzero, the blue guy who today is wearing a suit. This just in: as recent as yesterday Scorpion died twice, and was revived.'

The crowd cheered.

'Yeah,' muttered Scorpion. 'You'd cheer too if you had your head squashed under a table.'

'I would!' said Subzero enthusiastically.

'Today's commentator on this interesting match is Motaro.'

'Yes, here I am on this great warm day. What a HUGE crowd we have here. These two HUGE wrestlers, getting pumped up for the match.' Goro pulled him into the sideline of the commentary box, then Motaro returned. 'Uh, here we are today with these two fighters. Unfortunately this is not wrestling...'

Scorpion and Subzero eyed each other. Well, there was nothing else to do since the masks covered their faces.

'Get ready, get set, LET THE MATCH BEGIN!'

Scorpion and Subzero walked in circles like the cowboys on Westerns. Only this was as interesting as watch paint dry. (Which is really quite fascinating, you should try it sometime.)

'Hurry up and start fighting!' yelled one of the crowd-members.

'GET OVER HERE!' The snake in Scorpion's hand clutched the crowd-member by the throat then pulled him into the arena.

'What - what are you doing? You're not supposed to do this!'

Scorpion ignored the crowd-member's spluttering and dropped him. 'Let's take this damn little --------- out.' Suddenly Scorpion and Subzero were stomping him into the dirt. Literally.

'...and no regrets I need the lights on these dark sets, I need a voice to let myself, to let myself go free...' Kahn sung. 'What, I'm not allowed to support Metallica's new song?'

Several crowd-members stood up and threw objects at Kahn. 'Jeez, these damn Metallica fans who believe only the old music is good. If I could give them a piece of my mind.'

Goro chuckled.

'What you laughing at?'

'Nothing.' Goro smiled, imagining Kahn ripping off the top of his skull and throwing bits and pieces of his brain at the damn Metallica fans.

'And the fighters are still...doing nothing,' Motaro commentated. Suddenly Subzero slid along the ground and tripped Scorpion. His skid-marks turned to pure ice, which made it even more painful for Scorpion.

Scorpion stood up and ran at Subzero. Subzero shot a bout of ice at Scorpion, and before he could dodge he had become a popsicle. Subzero upper-cutted him, shattering the ice - and Scorpion with him.

Suddenly the sun came out from behind the clouds, and the small pieces of ice melted into a mercury-type liquid. These small pools of liquid metal fused together, as if they were designed to find other pools of mercury. The pool of silver metal then slowly grew, until it formed the shape of Scorpion's form.

'Hasta la vista, Subby.'

The snake in Scorpion's hand sliced clean through Subzero's mouth, and strangely enough he was holding a milk carton. 'Wolfie's fine,' Subzero managed to say, before the snake exited his flesh and he collapsed to the ground.

Scorpion held up his hands in triumph. 'Who the cool! I'm the cool! Who the foo'? He the foo'!'

While Scorpion was gloating, he didn't notice Subzero's wounds fill with the same liquid metal-substance, then heal over. Subzero stood up, grabbed Scorpion by the back of his neck, and raised him high in the air.

Slowly Scorpion began to freeze over. Subzero let go, expecting Scorpion to drop, but the ice had frozen his hand to Scorpion's neck. 'Dammit!' He hurled his hand forward, and a Scorpion-sculpture flew into the audience. The head was decapitated from the rest of the body, and a crowd-member caught it.

'I gots me a souvenir!' said the country hick.

Meanwhile, the ice sculpture landed next to a fat guy. 'Eww, that's gross.' He then began licking the ice.

Scorpion saw this, and tried to scream out in horror, but he couldn't.

'SUBZERO IS THE WINNER!'

=======================================================================

Next Episode: The last fight for the round! Will *you* be the first to figure out the winner?

Of course not. No one knows...*doo doo doo-doo, doo doo doo-doo. doo doo.* We get these pills to swallow...