====MORTAL KOMBAT NAZZA-SPONSORED TOURNAMENT 2====

/Tournament Record ReTerminated/

[Begin Tournament Entry #11]

/Last Fight/

Night had arrived long before Scorpion finally unthawed. Or thawed.

'Damn Subzero,' he said, standing up and walking towards the exit. 'What the f-'

==SONYA==

'Come on, please stay.'

'Sorry Sonya,' said Stryker. 'I need to do stuff.'

'Please?'

'Once again, I'm sorry but I need to leave -'

'What if I do this?' Sonya pulled off her top. Stryker observed she wasn't wearing anything under it.

'Well, maybe I'll stay for a few hours...'

==SCORPION==

'Great. I'm stuck here.'

Scorpion stared angrily at the stadium doors. Why did they have to close them, lock them, double lock them, padlock them, and put a hex on them before they left?

'SOMEONE LET ME OUT!'

==STRYKER==

'How did you get them that big?'

'I pull at them every night,' Sonya replied, sitting naked on the bed.

'So that's how you get sheets to fit the bed...'

'You finished yet?'

'Yep.' Stryker hopped into the bed, and grabbed Sonya. 'Let's make a night to remember!'

==SCORPION==

'Hey, I found a pocket knife.' Scorpion hacked his way out of the stadium and ran out. 'I'm free!'

Suddenly a block of ice hit him and launched him back into the stadium.

'D'OH!'

==SONYA==

Sonya lay snoring in the bed.

'No fair!' said Stryker. 'I hadn't even started!' He watched her sleeping, then smiled evilly. He placed his head on her chest, and inhaled.

'Huh - what the -' Suddenly Stryker's head got stuck! 'What the hell does she put in here, super glue?!?' Stryker was going to die of suffocation because Sonya was more "equipped" than other women.

'Oh well, may as well enjoy it.' So he stopped trying to pull himself out, and instead felt her up.

==SUBZERO==

'Hey Sub!' said Kabal. 'Can you show me your ice-trick?'

'Sure.' Subzero said. He formed a block of ice, and shot it out into the distance. 'D'OH!'

==SHEEVA==

'How about you hop into bed?'

'Okay.' Shang Tsung hopped into Sheeva's bed. 'But this is only because I owe you.' He looked at her, shivered and turned the other way. 'Might as well get it over and done with.'

==KABAL==

'I bet you can't get Subzero to do his ice-trick,' said Johnny Cage.

'I bet I can.'

'Show me then.'

Kabal and Cage walked out of the bar, leaving their drinks behind. Subzero was outside, waiting for someone. Cage hid in the bushes and watched as Kabal walked up to Subzero.

'Hey Sub! Can you show me your ice-trick?'

'Sure.' Kabal obscurely gave Cage the thumbs-up, and watched as Subzero formed a block of ice, shooting it into the distance.

'D'OH!'

==SHANG TSUNG==

Tsung shivered once again. He had never seen anything this hideous before. He thought he would've enjoyed it, but he was wrong.

'Do you want me to take my clothes off now?'

==JOHNNY CAGE==

'How's life?' asked the bartender.

'It's okay,' said Cage. 'So far nothing too interesting has happened. Except for this tournament of course.'

'Of course.' The bartender cleaned a few mugs. 'Say, what do you think of that Subzero guy?'

'He's okay,' said Cage. 'So far nothing too interesting, except for that ice-trick he does.'

'I'd like to see that,' said the bartender.

'Can do. Kabal, I bet you can't get Subzero to do his ice-trick.'

'I bet I can.'

'Show me then.'

Kabal and Cage walked out of the bar, leaving their drinks behind. While Kabal walked over to Subzero, Cage motioned for the bartender who crept out and hid in the bushes with him.

'Hey Sub! Can you show me your ice-trick?'

'Sure.' Kabal obscurely gave Cage the thumbs-up, and he watched as a block of ice formed and was shot off into the distance.

'D'OH!' echoed a faint voice. Cage and the bartender giggled, then went back into the bar.

==STRYKER==

Stryker was now running out of air. He was getting tired of touching Sonya's chest too. He pulled and he pulled, but that wasn't the appropriate thing to do.

So he produced two fingers, and started enjoying himself...

==THE BARTENDER==

'Hey bartender,' said Reptile.

'Hey Reptile,' said bartender.

'The usual.'

'How was your recent fight?' the bartender asked, pouring Reptile some orange juice.

'It was okay I guess,' said Reptile. 'Did you see the fight between Scorpion and Subzero?'

'Nope, sorry.'

'You should've seen it. Subzero won hands down, but the fight was well coreographed. It looked coreographed, anyway. It was almost as if some higher being was telling them how to fight...'

Their heads looked up to the sky - err, bar roof, and eerie music played.

'We really need to get that jukebox fixed,' said the bartender. 'So, tell me about the Subzero/Scorpion fight.'

'...and so Scorpion ended up being frozen,' concluded Reptile.

'Cool. Does he do it often?'

'Nope. Very rare will he do it. Even if you request it, he won't do it.'

'I bet he will,' said the bartender. He turned to Johnny Cage. 'How's life?'

'It's okay. So far nothing too interesting has happened. Except for this tournament of course.'

'Of course. Say, what do you think of that Subzero guy?'

'He's okay. So far nothing too interesting, except for that ice-trick he does.'

'I'd like to see that.'

'Can do. Kabal, I bet you can't get Subzero to do his ice-trick.'

'I bet I can.'

'Show me then.'

Kabal and Cage walked out of the bar, leaving their drinks behind. While Kabal walked over to Subzero, Cage motioned for the bartender who crept out and hid in the bushes with him. Reptile stood in the bar doorway, watching.

'Hey Sub! Can you show me your ice-trick?'

'Sure.' Kabal obscurely gave Cage the thumbs-up, and he watched as a block of ice formed and was shot off into the distance.

'D'OH!' echoed a faint voice. Cage and the bartender giggled, then went back into the bar to find Reptile standing in the doorway.

'I lost the bet,' said Reptile. 'Therefore, you don't go back into this bar.'

'How does that work?'

==STRYKER==

'Great, now my fingers are sticky.'

What a day. He was drowning in Sonya's cleavage, was wet and sticky and there was no way out.

'Hmmph, hmmph.' No, it wasn't Stryker's last desperate attempt at escape, it was Sonya waking up. 'Hmm, nice nap, I wonder where - what the - STRYKER!'

'HMMPH!'

'What are you doing there!' Sonya pressed a button and they deflated.

'Huh - you mean - they're fake?!'

'Yep,' said Sonya. 'As fake as they come. I'm not really *that* lucky.'

'You sneaky little devil,' said Stryker. 'Am I allowed to tell anyone?'

Sonya stopped what she was doing with the bike pump and pulled out a strange metal rod with a red blinking light on the top. 'Afraid not.'

FLASH!

==REPTILE==

'How does that work?'

'It doesn't, Johnny!' said Reptile insanely.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Reptile was knocked to the ground. And out stepped...NIGHTWOLF!

'Here's JOHNNY!'

'Wait, isn't he Johnny?' said the bartender.

'It's a figure of speech,' said Nightwolf. 'You don't watch a lot of Jack Nicholson movies do you.'

'Movies?'

'That reminds me,' said Nightwolf. 'I saw an episode of the Simpsons last night. Bart said "What's a Chachi". It was hell funny!'

Suddenly they all cracked up laughing. Even Reptile, whose head was cracked open, the contents spilling out onto the pavement.

'Come on, a beer on the house just for tonight.' Nightwolf stepped back inside.

'Bartender, you know you can't afford it,' said Kabal.

'Where'd you come from?'

==THE NEXT DAY==

Stryker woke up to find himself lying on the gutter, ragged and broke. 'Oh my god, I got mugged last night!'

Meanwhile, a familiar voice was heard over the speakers.

'WASSUUUUUUUUUUUP!'

'Go away, Goro. Here I am, Shao Kahn, and this is the last fight of the round! Woo-hoo! The last fight is on tonight and you're right when you say that I'm okay and I'm rhyming psychotically because I'm narcotically smoking -'

'Shao Kahn...'

'Sorry Goro, I'm just a little excited.'

'I can see that -'

'Anyway, the last fight for the round is...Smoke!'

'Kahn, put that out before you get high and read out the -'

'That's what it says! Smoke versus Shang Tsung!'

'Okay then, whatever you say...'

'Anyway, Smoke versus Shang Tsung. Today. Be there or be...an irregular shape.'

'Square.'

'I heard that!'

==AT THE BATTLE STADIUM==

'Here we are, on this perfect night. Why are we having the fight on at night as opposed to day? I have no idea. Here's Shao Kahn.'

'Thanks Goro. Tonight, we have the last match of the round. In one corner is Smoke, the grey robot who is always smokin' - I mean, smoke is always emitted from his engine. Something went wrong at the factory, eh.'

The crowd roared with laughter.

'Hey! It's-not-my-fault-I-have-a-birth-defect!'

'Speaking of birth defects, in the other corner we have Shang Tsung. He seems...to be strange. He began when...he was strange. He's here because...he's strange. Seriously, there's nothing to him if you ignore the fact that he's strange.'

'I prefer the term "queer",' Tsung replied. The crowd roared with laughter. Seriously, they roared like a tiger when you catch it by the toe. Then it squeals and you let it go.

'The commentator for this exciting match will be Motaro!'

The crowd cheered as Motaro stepped up to the microphone. 'Nobody ever cheers for me,' said Goro huffily, crossing all five - I mean four of his arms.

'Hello Springfield!' Motaro shouted. The crowd looked at each other in confusion, then cheered. 'Tonight we have the two kings of this tournament -'

'Hey, what about me!' shouted Rayden. The crowd nodded in agreement.

'Hey, what about me!' shouted Subzero. The crowd nodded in agreement.

'Hey, what about me!' shouted Johnny Cage. The crowd laughed their heads off. 'Rejected!' shouted someone in the crowd.

'Okay. Three. Two. One. LET THE MATCH BEGIN!'

Suddenly everything went quiet. You could hear Scorpion screaming 'Let me out of this damn stadium!' but that was it. Silence.

'This exciting match has just come to a start,' said Motaro in his cricket-commentating voice.

Shang Tsung stood there, twiddling his fingers like those people in the westerns. You know, the cowboy movies.

Smoke stood there, trying to imitate Shang Tsung. Of course, this was no good as no one can even come close to the absurdity of Shang Tsung.

'Very exciting,' said Motaro. Shang Tsung turned his head slightly sideways, and Smoke did the same. 'You can just feel the excitement in this match.'

Smoke put his hands behind his back, while Shang Tsung watched in anticipation. 'The excitement is almost too much, it's almost like - like watching a golf tournament on TV.'

Suddenly Smoke pulled out a small long object. For a minute Shang Tsung thought it was a dildo (that's how absurd he is), until it was turned on and a beam of green light appeared. The light stick hummed in Smoke's hands, which made Shang Tsung think it was a vibrator.

Yes, he's that stupid.

Smoke's engine made a hissing-breathing sound every time he breathed in. SSSH-KKHHH, SSSH-KKHHH. 'Shang Tsung, I am your father.'

The crowd gasped, then began to hurl in disgust. 'Sorry,-I-was-programmed-to-do-that. Darth-Vader-wasn't-actually-played-by-a-real-person,-you-know.'

Shang Tsung suddenly morphed into an all-too familiar person. That's right, he turned into Johnny Cage. 'GAH! Wrong morph!' Tsung morphed back, and started concentrating. All of a sudden Luke Skywalker was standing where Shang Tsung had been, and was fighting Smoke.

Tsung meanwhile, was getting a snack from the snack bar. 'Thanks, Goro.' He dashed back into the stadium just in time to see Smoke stab Luke in the chest. Luke disappeared in a pillar of vapour. 'Great,-Shang-Tsung-is-still-alive.'

'Which morph would suit me the most right now,' he wondered. 'I know!'

Suddenly he turned into Sheeva. 'Ooh, this feels funny,' he thought. He jumped at Smoke, beat him several times with the four hands and then stomped on him when he fell to the ground.

'Hey! Copyright infringement!' shouted a crowd-member, who happened to be Sheeva.

'Oh yeah!' said Tsung-Sheeva, 'bring it on!'

Sheeva leapt through the air and landed in front of Tsung-Sheeva. The only way the crowd could tell the difference was that Tsung-Sheeva's eyes were bright fluoro green.

'Imposter,' said Normal Sheeva.

'Freak,' said Tsung-Sheeva.

'Faker,' said Normal Sheeva.

'Ugly,' said Tsung-Sheeva.

'Cross-dresser,' said Normal Sheeva.

Tsung-Sheeva swung a fist, but Normal Sheeva blocked it. She then kicked Tsung-Sheeva in the private area. 'Ow!' he cried. 'I'm sensitive down there!' He then swung all four fists and crushed Normal Sheeva's torso so that green stuff came out of it.

'Oh no!' cried Normal Sheeva. 'You killed me!' Suddenly she fell to the ground, and her chest deflated.

'Hehe, they were filled with air,' Tsung-Sheeva chuckled to himself. He then looked down and saw his chest. 'Hey! I have air-filled thingies as well!'

'Cross-dresser,' Normal Sheeva managed to say, before the medics took her away to repair her.

Shang Tsung changed to normal, and dusted himself off. 'Well that felt eerily comfortable,' he said to himself. He then proceeded to stand around, staring at the sky and doing nothing. He didn't notice a smoke-emitting robot rising behind him. Suddenly Tsung was being choked from behind!

Smoke strangled Tsung so hard that he began to bubble and froth. He morphed into Nightwolf, then back to Shang Tsung, then into Subzero, then Stryker, then Sektor (the red one), then Noob Saibot (a black Subzero), then Reptile, then Sonya, then a freaky demented creature (a.k.a. Sheeva), then back to his normal self. His skin turned purple, then green, then regurgitation-colour, until he finally grabbed Smoke and threw him over his shoulder.

'That felt eerily uncomfortable.'

Suddenly the crowd began throwing their food and drinks and popcorn and fridges at Tsung. 'Boo! Leave the robot alone, he's only a robot!'

Smoke stood up and shook away any oil that had splattered out of his exoskeleton. He looked over at Shang Tsung, and began walking slow.

'I can't be killed by a robot!' said Tsung suddenly. 'No!' He waited a few minutes until Smoke was nearer (he wasn't walking very fast). 'You don't have to do this! You don't want to do this!'

'Desire-is-irrelevant,' said Smoke. 'I-am-a-MACHINE.'

'I know that,' said Tsung, sticking his tongue out. Smoke shot out a funny metal pole out of his chest, and it penetrated Shang Tsung's. He looked down at his wound, then back at Smoke. And without another word, he fell backwards and got impaled even further, his right arm becoming disembowled.

Kahn stepped up to the microphone, ready to announce. When suddenly, Tsung grabbed the pole, and pulled it out with his one hand. Then he stood up, and approached Smoke.

'Hey-what-are-you-doing -' Smoke backed into one of those small halls that football-teams come out of at the start of a game. Tsung picked him up and slammed him into the wall; Smoke retaliated by slamming Tsung into the wall, and this went turn-based for a while. Tsung slammed Smoke into the wall and suddenly Smoke's back was now his front.

Smoke grabbed a hanging metal bar, and while Tsung was still against the wall panting, rammed it into his chest. He pulled it back, and as Tsung moved down slightly it slammed into his shoulder. Tsung slumped even more, and the ramming piece of steel partly crushed his head slightly, peeling back the skin to reveal a metal skull.

Smoke stopped, and Tsung stood up. He picked up a shotgun that happened to be lying around, and fired it at Smoke. It knocked him back a step. Tsung fired again, and again, and again. Each time Tsung fired Smoke was pushed back a step. Until they were in the middle of the stadium, where a pool of lava had risen.

Tsung picked up another gun that was lying around, shot it into Smoke and it penetrated his armour. It exploded inside him, and he ended up severely demented and looking like a Picasso painting. Shang Tsung grabbed him and heaved him into the vat of lava. The crowd gasped; he had just killed one of the tournament fighters. In fact, he was now just a bubbling carcass, being eaten away by the lava.

'He'll be back.'

'SHANG TSUNG IS THE WINNER!'

==================SCORECARDS==================================

Smoke

0-2

Shang Tsung

1-1

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