====MORTAL KOMBAT NAZZA-SPONSORED TOURNAMENT 2====

/Tournament Record ReMeistered/

[Begin Tournament Entry #12]

/Celebrate Bad Times/

Nightwolf, Scorpion, Subzero, Reptile, Stryker, Sheeva, Sonya, Sindel, Shang Tsung, Kabal, Smoke, Johnny Cage, Rayden, and Kano were all sleeping in their beds while Shao Kahn, Goro and Motaro were all busily working. After all, they needed to pay off the cost of the tournament somehow.

Sonya was first to wake up. 'Hey, today's the end of round one. I just remembered that.'

==SHANG TSUNG==

'Man, yesterday's fight was hell. I'm so sore...'

'Hey! What the hell are you doing in my bed!'

==REPTILE==

'Hey! What the hell is licking me in the face!' Reptile opened his eyes to see his lizard. 'Oh, it's just you.' He patted it for a few moments. 'Now piss off, I'm trying to sleep!'

==SHEEVA==

'Man, yesterday's fight was hell. I'm so sore...'

Sheeva looked at the bruises she had accumulated. Suddenly a voice next to her said, 'Hey! What the hell are you doing in my bed!'

Sheeva looked over to her left to see...

==SUBZERO==

'Hey! What the hell are you doing in my bed!'

Sheeva looked over at Subzero. 'Aargh!' she cried, jumping out of his bed. 'How the hell did I get here!'

==SCORPION==

'Ah, such a nice morning,' said Scorpion. 'Hang on, what's Shang Tsung doing looking in Subzero's window?'

Scorpion ran over to see Shang Tsung chuckling to himself. 'Hey! What the hell are you doing in my bed!' came the voice of Subzero.

'Hey! What the hell are you doing watching Subzero!' said Scorpion. 'And why the hell is Sheeva in his bedroom!'

'How the hell did I get here!' said Sheeva. She looked out the window, and saw Tsung and Scorpion. 'It's him! And his new-found lackey!' she roared. Subzero looked out the window to see Tsung running away, followed by Scorpion.

==SINDEL==

'Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing!' said Sindel as Scorpion and Shang Tsung ran past, nearly knocking the groceries out of her hands.

'Sorry!' Scorpion cried out, turning back to look at her. His eyes widened and he ran faster, and Sindel stepped out of the way just in time to see a horrible blur, called Sheeva, run past.

'Something's happened,' Sindel deduced. She walked to her home, dropped the grocery bags and reached into her purse for the house keys to find they had disappeared. 'Shit! How the hell am I supposed to get into my house!'

'I can help,' said a mysterious voice...

==KABAL==

'Thanks for shopping at the supermarket!' said Kabal. 'Wow, who would've thought working at a supermarket could be so boring. Oh, hello Johnny.'

'Hey Kabal,' said Cage. 'Just these three items.'

'Gel, red liquorice and a pack of tampons?'

'Tampons? I thought these were tadpoles!' He threw the box behind him, knocking out an old lady in the process.

'Sorry,' said Kabal, 'but you need to get another item. I've already told the check-out computer that you were buying three items.'

'You wouldn't happen to have...shampoo anywhere, would you?'

'Yep, aisle seven.' Kabal stood there as Cage went to get his shampoo, when he noticed something shiny on the counter. 'Hey, aren't those Sindel's keys?'

'Don't ask me, I've got amnesia,' said an old lady.

Kabal watched as Cage hopped back in line, and two customers later, he handed over the shampoo. 'Here you are,' he said grinning widely.

'What's got you so happy?' Kabal asked. 'You aren't on Prozac, are you?'

'No,' said Cage. 'It's just...nothing.'

'No, tell me, I'm curious,' said Kabal.

'It's just the name of the shampoo,' said Cage.

'What, Pantene Pro-V?'

'No,' said Cage. 'Shampoo. Sham-POO.' He sniggered.

'You're so immature,' said Kabal, beeping the shampoo bottle and handing the bag of three items to him. 'Oh, and you know Sindel?'

'I'm in the tournament, remember,' said Cage. 'Just thought I'd remind you, I like reminding people of things.'

'Well,' said Kabal, 'could you take this to her? It's her keys.' He handed the keys to Cage.

'Sure thing, I'll deliver them right away.'

==SONYA==

Sonya sat in bed, watching the street outside from her big bedroom window. Sindel lived just across the street, and she watched as Sindel arrived home, put down her seven bags of groceries and pulled out her purse for some reason.

'Shit! How the hell am I supposed to get into my house!' Sonya heard Sindel yell. She laughed, mainly because Sindel was in distress.

Sonya sat up, leaning forward, when she saw Johnny Cage run up to Sindel. 'What the hell's he doing,' Sonya wondered. She watched as Cage handed some keys to Sindel, and Sindel opened the door. Then came the unexpected.

It was so unexpected Sonya leapt out of bed.

Cage lifted Sindel up and took her inside, and they began kissing madly in the kitchen.

'The cheating bastard - oh wait, I hate Johnny don't I. Oh well.'

==STORE ASSISTANT==

'Sir, can I help you with anything?'

Cage stood, browsing at the confectionary. At first he didn't see the store assistant, but when he heard her voice he realised she was there. 'Yeah, I'm looking for shampoo.'

'It's in aisle seven,' she told him.

'Aren't I in aisle seven?'

'No, this is aisle eight.'

Cage laughed sheepishly. 'I always get seven and eight mixed up.' The store assistant led him to aisle seven, where he instantly saw the shampoo. 'Thanks,' Cage said.

'Do you know which brand you want to get?'

'Brand? What the hell's a brand?'

'It's a different type of shampoo,' she explained.

'You mean like Coke and Vanilla Coke?'

'No, I mean like Coke and Pepsi.'

'But Coke and Pepsi are the same thing!'

'That's the point of brands. They're exactly the same thing, only with different names.'

'That's pretty stupid,' said Cage. 'Oh, hi Noob Saibot. Hi Ermac. Hi Reptile.'

'So, which shampoo do you want?'

'I think I'll take...this one,' said Cage. He grabbed a bottle, looked at its name and started laughing.

'What's so funny?'

Cage took several minutes to answer, he was laughing so hard. 'The name of this brand. Pantene Pov.'

'That's Pantene Pro-V, you've got your thumb over the R.'

'Oh.'

==JOHNNY CAGE==

'Shit! How the hell am I supposed to get into my house!'

'I can help,' said Cage, who was puffed out from running so hard. After all, his house was two blocks away from Sindel's.

He produced the keys and handed them to Sindel, who opened the door. 'Thank you so much, I - eww.'

Cage looked to the floor and saw that the toilet had obviously flooded (either that or they had been visited by Shang Tsung recently). 'I know how to get you through this junk safely.'

Cage lifted up Sindel, and took her into the kitchen. 'Oh crap,' said Sindel, 'Sonya from across the road is watching me. Make her jealous by kissing me.'

'Why the hell -'

'Just do it!'

==KANO==

Kano's phone began to ring so loudly his eye-piece went wonky. Of course, that might've been because a bartender was shooting at him. 'Hello?'

'It's me, Sonya,' said Sonya's voice.

'What's wrong?'

'I just saw Johnny Cage kissing Sindel!'

'Really...and this is interesting, how?'

Sonya growled. 'Never mind.'

Kano sighed as Sonya hung up. 'I remember a time when I didn't have to get her angry to hear that growl...'

==NIGHTWOLF==

'Ka-mae-ha-mae-HA!' Nightwolf shot a ball of green energy at the trees in the forest. It hit one, which knocked down another one, which knocked down another one. The whole forest suffered from the domino effect. 'Damn that domino effect, damn you to hell!'

Suddenly a noise made Nightwolf look behind him. Two figures were running towards what was the forest, looks of sheer panic on their faces. Either that or looks of sheer joy from winning the lottery. Now what are the odds?

'Nightwolf! Where did the forest go?' screamed one of the figures, who turned out to be Scorpion.

'I, uh, the people who wanted to cut it down...cut it down.'

'In a perfect line, as if the trees had fallen on top of each other consecutively?' said the other figure as they reached him and stopped running. This one was Shang Tsung.

'Uh...yeah, they're developing new techniques and...stuff.'

'Oh well,' said Scorpion. 'Do you think she's still chasing us?'

'Doesn't look like,' said Tsung. 'Let's go back home.'

'But it's a lovely morning,' said Nightwolf. 'Why spend your days inside?'

'Because we don't wanna turn out like you,' said Tsung evilly.

'No offence,' Scorpion added.

==THAT NIGHT==

Nightwolf, Scorpion, Subzero, Reptile, Stryker, Sheeva, Sonya, Sindel, Shang Tsung, Kabal, Smoke, Johnny Cage, Rayden, and Kano were all standing in the celebration stadium, which had been fixed since Sheeva's romp-omp-a-stomp-hissy-fit.

'Attention!' said the person on the stage. It was Goro. 'Shao Kahn will be giving a speech soon!'

Shao Kahn stepped up on stage and snatched the microphone from him. 'Hear ye! Hear ye! Can everybody hear me? Okay, I've got a big speech to start.' He looked to Goro.

'Credits.'

'I wrote this speech, and Goro is the person who got the team of builders to build this place, and you are all here.'

'Acknowledgements.'

'I want to acknowledge me, who wrote this speech, Goro, who got the team of builders to build this place, and you are all here in this tournament.'

'Accolades.'

'I want to acknowledge me, for writing this speech -'

'AARGH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!' Goro screamed. 'JUST GET ON WITH THE SPEECH! SKIP ALL THAT STUFF! RAAR!' Goro grabbed a nearby vine and swung off into the distance.

'That was unexpected,' said Shao Kahn. 'Anyway, on with the speech. You all know that there are going to be several rounds to this game, right?'

The crowd (which happened to be the fourteen fighters) nodded. 'Well, the whole point of the tournament is to have a winner. For there to be a winner, there needs to be several losers. Now I just want to point out that you're *all* winners. Err, except for the losers.

'We have collected data on each player, which will be put on their permanent record for the tournament. There are three categories: top fighters, average fighters and bad fighters. I shall now read out each fighter's name, their score and their rank:

'Sindel: two wins no losses, top fighter.

'Sonya: one win, one loss. Average fighter.

'Sheeva: one win, one loss. Average fighter.

'Stryker: no wins two losses, bad fighter.'

'I wish I had a grenade right now...'

'Johnny Cage: one win, one loss. Average fighter.

'Kabal: one win, one loss. Average fighter.

'Rayden: two wins no losses, top fighter.

'Shang Tsung: one win, one loss. Average fighter.

'Smoke: no wins two losses, bad fighter.'

'Oh,-am-I-really-that-bad?'

'Subzero: two wins no losses, top fighter.

'Scorpion: one win, one loss. Average fighter.

'Reptile: two wins no losses, top fighter.

'Kano: no wins two losses, bad fighter.'

'Does my eye-lense decieve me?'

'Afraid so, spock,' joked Sonya.

'Just because *you're* an average fighter...'

'And Nightwolf: no wins two losses, bad fighter.'

'Why are people so unkind?'

'That is all,' said Shao Kahn. 'But that is not all of my speech. The top fighters automatically go into the next round.'

There were a few sighs in the crowd.

'The average fighters also automatically go into the next round.'

Practically the whole crowd sighed.

'The bad fighters...will have to fight in an elimination match. The losers are eliminated.'

The whole crowd cheered, except for the bad fighters.

'The two elimination rounds, held tomorrow and the next day respectively, are: Stryker versus Nightwolf, and Smoke versus Kano.'

'Hopefully Kano'll leave,' Sonya muttered.

'I heard that!'

'Why would you care, Nightwolf?'

'I don't know...I just don't know...'

=======================================================================

NEXT EPISODE: The elimination rounds...of DOOM