/Tournament Record ReObliviated/
Begin Tournament Entry #15
/Chapter for the Dead/
Nightwolf lay in bed, unable to get to sleep. 'I lost,' he thought aloud. 'I lost and now I'm gonna die.'
He tried to figure out a way to get out of it, but he was too edgy to come up with an escape plan. 'Wait, that's it! I need to escape before they catch me!' He jumped out of bed, opened the front door of his house as quietly as he could, and scampered off into the distance singing quietly 'Out for my own, out to be free...'
--KANO--
Kano meanwhile was singing 'I want to break free, I've got to break free!' in his dreams, where he was walking around the house vacuuming while wearing a lady's dress and undergarments. (Not that there are men's dresses, unless you count those kilts.) Suddenly his jovial dreams took a turn for the worst when the house turned into the horrific Shao Khan Stadium in the Netherealm. It wasn't even really a stadium, more a circle of floor hanging over a flaming pit of burning, mentally scarring pain and anguish. Even more suddenly a giant eye appeared, looking rather angry.
'Aargh! I don't have the ring!' cried Kano in his fright-altered state of mind. The Eye stared at him, as you would expect, then grew glowing purple tentacles. '-In the Eye of the Beholder-,' said a voice that was nowhere and everywhere at the same time.
'Shit those were some whacked out burritos,' Kano said to himself, now shitting his pants and backing away from the increasing furious looking Eye. He stepped back, and back, and then tried to step back some more but noticed his foot wasn't touching anything. Before he knew it he was falling backwards into the flaming pit of burning mentally scarring pain and anguish, screaming like a sane person at a Simple Plan concert...
--THE NEXT DAY--
'Here we are at Mortal Kombat Stadium for this special event,' announced Shao Khan over the loudspeaker. 'Today we are killing off two characters not important to the plot.'
'And it's great weather, no clouds to be seen,' stated Motaro. 'A perfect day for this kind of thing. Special thanks to the special FX guys, who will be helping out with today's proceedings.'
Nightwolf and Kano were standing nervously in the hall that led into the changerooms, waiting for their imminent demise.
'Kano! Nightwolf! Come on down!'
The two slowly and sullenly walked out of the hall and into the arena. 'We are all witnessing the first time ever that death will be broadcast to the world! The next step in reality TV is here. Your host for this evening, Shao Khan!'
'Kano!' Shao boomed. 'Approach the Pedestal of Fate!'
Nightwolf looked around the stadium for said pedestal.
'Uh, Shao Khan, we don't have a Pedestal of Fate.'
'Damn those builders, they said they'd have it installed by today! Nevermind. Prepare for your doom, Kano!'
Nightwolf looked around for said Kano.
'Uh, Shao Khan, I think he's escaped.'
--INTO THE DISTANCE--
Kano ran full speed down the streets of the tournament village, knowing that if he stopped the silent demons would drag him back to the stadium. Unfortunately he didn't see Johnny Cage leap out and tackle him to the ground.
'Damn you, Johnny Cage!' cried Kano, who struggled with Cage in an attempt to break free. Alas, Johnny Cage was to strong for him. Then he came up with a cunning plan.
He began unzipping his pants while trying to make out with Johnny Cage. When Johnny realised what was happening he jumped back, shocked. Suddenly everything made sense. Kano's bad record collection, his innate fashion sense, the secret lover in his closet.
Before Johnny could confirm his revelation, Kano had disappeared from sight.
--LATER THAT DAY--
'Prepare to enter the Pit of Hallucinogenic Equilibrium!'
'What?' said Nightwolf. 'I have no idea what that means.'
'Neither do we,' said the stadium servant, before kicking Nightwolf into a strangely coloured glowing pool. Nightwolf struggled for a while, then stopped.
'Uh, wrong pool,' said Shao Khan, as Nightwolf's body began to decay.
'Who cares,' said Motaro. 'Think of it this way, now we don't have to cut the body into little pieces and throw them into a bath tub full of acid.'
'Hey, yeah!' the two exchanged a high-five, but since Shao Khan was infinitely more powerful than Motaro he caused severe bone and muscle damage to Motaro's right hand, and caused a spark which in turn set the commentary box on fire.
'Crap.'
--OUTSIDE THE TOURNAMENT--
As Kano ran out of the tournament grounds and through a barren field of grass, until he came across a strange town. 'That's weird, this place is full of B. A. Barakas!'
As he got closer his confusion grew, as he didn't know that the Tarkata existed, and thought that Baraka was just some idiot using a halloween mask as a gimmick.
'Ah, another one!' said one of the indistinguishable Tarkata. 'Come, you must meet our king!'
Kano shrugged and went along. This is a better alternative to getting killed, he thought. He followed as the Baraka lookalike brought him before the palace of the king. 'I am not allowed to enter,' said the Tarkata. 'The King will know what to do with you.'
'Okay,' said Kano, entering the palace.
--INSIDE THE KING'S PALACE--
'Ah! Another one!' stated The King. 'Come here.'
Kano flinched, as he was expecting The King to launch a throwing knife attached to a rope at him. 'Hurry up, I don't have all day!'
Kano walked up to The King who was sitting on his throne. 'Just a minute,' said The King, standing up, flushing and pulling his pants up. 'Now, you are very important.'
'I am?'
'Yes. Today is the most important day of the year, the Akalakdak Day of Festival. You will be part of the climax of the Festival.'
'Cool.'
'The Festival starts when the sun falls on the horizon. Until then you can relax in the Guest Chamber.'
--WHEN THE SUN FELL ON THE HORIZON--
After spending the afternoon in luxury (or what was luxury for Kano but was in fact the dungeon where The King kept traitors), he was awoken by the king's servant. 'It is time,' said the servant.
Kano followed the servant out the centre of the town, where a huge stage was set. 'It is optimal weather for the Festival,' said the servant happily, which confused Kano because it looked like a storm was coming.
'Ah, there is the king!' said the servant, who brought Kano over to him. 'Here is the chosen one.'
Ooh, chosen one, thought Kano. Sounds significant.
'You shall sit beside me, and watch the Festival, until it is your time,' said The King.
'Cool.'
--EARLIER THAT DAY, JUST AFTER KANO HAD ESCAPED--
As Nightwolf wondered where Kano had gone, he smiled as he remembered his own attempt at escape.
He ran through the night, until at least coming upon a strange town. As it was night time no one was out on the streets, but as Nightwolf wandered through the township he came across several of what must have been homeless creatures, similar in appearance to Baraka. 'Ah, this must be the Tarkata colony.'
As he continued his journey through Tarkata county, he came across a giant building that looked important. And expensive.
There were two Tarkata guarding the entrance, though one had fallen asleep. 'Ah! An outsider!' said the awake one.
'No, I don't want to play on the see-saw,' said the asleep one.
'Sorry, I was just on my way through and -'
'Don't apologise! You must be the chosen one!'
'Chosen one?'
'Yes. We are having our Festival on the day approaching. You must go in and see The King at once!'
'Aren't you coming in as well? I mean if I go in and disturb The King he might think that I've come to rob him.'
'I can't go in.'
'Why not? Is it some law about only royalty entering the palace?'
'No, I can't go in because last time The King caught me inside the palace I was kicking around a ball and broke one of the windows.'
'Oh.'
So Nightwolf opened the door and walked in. 'Hmm, this place is kinda strange,' he said to himself, for there was a toilet in the middle of the palace.
There were two doors, one to the right of the palace room and one to the left. Nightwolf recognised the door to the right as the one that led to the dungeons; usually only traitors were kept there.
'The other door must be where The King's bedroom is,' said Nightwolf. He walked over to the door and just as he grabbed the handle he heard a voice say 'Oy you! What do you think you're doing, robbing the place?'
Nightwolf spun around and put his hands in the air. 'No, I wasn't robbing the place, I was sent in here by one of the guards!'
'Is that a challenge?'
'No!' said Nightwolf, who was becoming flustered.
'You're using the international symbol for duelling,' said The King, indicating Nightwolf's upraised hands.
'Crap.'
The King ran at Nightwolf, his Tarkata blades drawn, but Nightwolf leapt over The King's head and produced his magical bow and arrow, firing off several into The King's back.
'Aargh!' screamed The King, before turning around and taking a stab at Nightwolf. Nightwolf jumped again, this time landing on the Tarkata's blade. While The King was still confused, he kicked him in the face a few times, jumped over The King's head and punched him hard in the back.
The King spun around quickly, impaling Nightwolf in the process. Using his shaman powers, Nightwolf summoned a bear which appeared suddenly behind The King, stood on its hind legs and growled, then ran towards the toilet and started drinking from the bowl.
The King sheathed his arm blades, withdrawing the one that had impaled Nightwolf. 'So you are the chosen one.'
'I guess I am.'
'You shall be used as an integral part in the Festival. Go rest in the guest room.' The King pointed at the door to the traitor chambers.
'But that's for people who resort to treason -'
'Hurry up! I don't have all day. Oh wait I do.'
--IN THE DUNGEON--
Nightwolf found an empty cage next to a sleeping Tarkata. At least Nightwolf thought he was sleeping, until he stood up and said 'What are you in here for?'
'Apparently I'm part of the Festival,' said Nightwolf.
'The chosen one?' said the Tarkata.
'Yeah.'
'Do you know what being the chosen one entails?'
'No.'
'Every year the Festival is dedicated to the Gods, and as such each year we need a sacrifice.'
'You mean...'
'Yes. Gods exist.'
'No I mean I'm going to be killed today?'
'Yes. If by today you mean the day after this night.'
'I do. I think.'
'I suggest you escape.'
--DURING THE FESTIVAL--
'By the way, you didn't talk to any of the prisoners in the guest room did you?' asked The King.
'No,' said Kano. 'They were acting all strange, saying I was going to die. Freakin' conspiracy theorists.'
'Good,' said The King with a touch of sinister.
--BACK IN NIGHTWOLF'S MEMORY OF THE ESCAPE HE MADE DURING THE EARLY MORNING HOURS OF THAT DAY--
Nightwolf began running down the dungeon hall, finally reaching the door out into the palace. 'Oh shit, I should've asked him to unlock my cage,' said the Tarkata.
Nightwolf ran up to the palace entrance doors and kicked them open, causing the sleeping guard to get crushed between the door and the wall. The King yelled 'Quick! Get him!' since he was too busy taking a dump on the throne to get up and chase after him himself.
Nightwolf ran and ran, until at least reaching the Mortal Kombat tournament grounds. 'Oh wait, I'm going to die anyway. F-'
--THE CLIMAX OF THE FESTIVAL--
'Okay, now that that riveting play is finished the final stage of the Festival will commence.'
'I rated that 4 out of 5 stars,' said Kano, before he was grabbed by the scruff of the neck and dragged to the middle of the Festival stage. 'Let the sky rod rise!' shouted The King, and several Tarkata worked pulleys and moved levers to open the ground in front of the stage. Out of the ground emerged a tall steel rod. 'Wow, that must be at least 6 feet!' said Kano, who was looking at the ground and not the rod. When he saw the rod he swore. 'That's like thirty feet, or fifty feet, or a thousand feet! Well, maybe not a thousand feet, but a hundred and twenty-five!'
Out of nowhere appeared a Tarkata with wings, who grabbed Kano and quickly tied him to the top of the rod. 'What the...?'
The Tarkata anxiously eyed the storm, which was now very close.
'What the hell is happening? Guys? Why am I at the top of this large steel rod? Hello?'
The stormclouds passed overhead, and CRACK! lightning hit the rod.
THE END
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Hopefully that wasn't as confusing as I thought it was. ;)