Chapter 7: Rimmer's Thoughts
Rimmer sat alone in the briefing room, letting the events of just half an hour ago sink in. He had actually kissed Lister. Lister! The vile, disgusting waste of human flesh that he'd been cursed to live his death with for several years, not including the time they spent together when he was alive. But Rimmer thought about it and realized that despite the rude retorts and the obvious clash of personality and tastes, there really wasn't any reason for him to hate Lister. Sure, be repelled by him, maybe even envy him, but hate him? No. The only real reason he could hate Lister was for his never ending optimism. Even though between the two of them, they had a somewhat equally hard life, Lister was the more favorable one because he didn't let the bad things in his life bring him down. He was that silver lining that surrounds his dark clouds. In fact, he was the closest thing he had to a real friend his entire life/death. Lister even displayed rare moments of sympathy and kindness to him when others would simplysneer at him and turn away or laugh at his misfortune for being Arnold J. Rimmer.
It had honestly scared Rimmer when he discovered that Lister had seen him pleasuring himself in the virtual reality room. He didn't know what kind of onslaught of sarcastic remarks he would have to endure. Then hearing Lister moaning in the briefing room cabinet made something stir inside of him. Something he'd never felt before. He followed the sounds to the cabinet and received a faceful of Lister's sperm and an earful of his own name being called out by Lister. He really had no idea how to react. Before he even could though, Lister passed out. It seemed like common sense to pull him out of the cabinet, clean him up, and clothe him, since talking to him without clothes once he came to would have been more than awkward.
After making Lister appear respectable (as much so as he could, since it was Lister), he cleaned up his own face and sat next to Lister's unconscious body. He took this moment to gaze at Lister's sleeping face. Despite his violent reaction to cumming on his face, Lister's face now had a peaceful look to it. It must be true that even a demon could look angelic when he sleeps, for seeing Lister asleep had made him look more handsome than he ever had while he was awake. Even though they had been bunkmates for ages, Rimmer never took the time to look at Lister when he was asleep. Most of the time Lister had his back to Rimmer when he was doing his early morning exercises, and as Lister had the sleeping habits of an opossum, Rimmer was almost always asleep before Lister.
It wasn't that Rimmer had found Lister unattractive. Granted, he could stand to crank up his hygiene just a tad more, but his face always seemed to glow with an inner light. His smile, though usually displayed when making cracks at Rimmer or enjoying some inane activity, was a warm one that held no bitterness or malice in it. The few moments when he could bask in that unadulterated smile were some of the few moments he could say that he feel happy inside. His eyes had a beautiful sparkle to them like that you would see reflecting off a lake or the ocean in the moonlight. His eyes were always alive and filled with that inner light that Rimmer would die again for to possess. If there were a man for Rimmer to be attracted to, Lister was it.
When Lister finally woke up and confessed his hidden desires to Rimmer, Rimmer could feel his heartbeat slow. He'd never had someone tell him how much they wanted him, be it sexually or any other way. His chest burned with a fire he didn't think possible to feel. Though he spoke calmly, he felt as though he would tremble into nothing. Finally, in a burst of passion and emotion, Rimmer made the move in on Lister's rambling mouth and kissed him. It was the first kiss he had had in ages, and it couldn't have tasted any sweeter. Time seemed to have stopped and everything else disappeared. All that he felt was Lister's lips against his. His heartbeat racing inside of his trembling chest. The unbelievable warmth that he emanated from deep down in his soul.
The spell was broken instantly when Kryten clambered in and like the complete spazzoid he was freaked out at the sight of them. Though Rimmer could hardly blame him for reacting like that. If ever there was a more unlikely couple of blokes to be found snogging in the corner of the briefing room, it was him and Lister. When Kryten left, the tension between him and Lister was thicker than he ever could have imagined. Lister left him alone with only the tingle in his lips and the blur of emotions whirling in his heart and mind.
Rimmer gripped his head, which was now pulsing in pain. He was so confused. Did Lister only want him as an alternative to jerking off? Or was there more to it than that? It was a known fact that Rimmer's resurrection as a hologram was to keep him sane. Had their relationship finally gone beyond that? Or was Lister merely going through a weird phase which would peter out eventually? Did he only want Lister because of the things he said to him? Or did he secretly, deep down have a love that had been suppressed?
He hoped that Lister would hurry back, so that they could actually talk about all these weird feelings that made him feel like he was going to pop. But at the same time, he was scared. Scared that everything that happened wasn't real. Scared that everything that happened was real. And most of all, scared of what this strange night would bring for the both of them in the future.