Chapter 8: Lister's Thoughts

Lister sighed in relief after leaving Kryten in the panel room. Having him walk in on the two of them kissing definitely helped to make his already awkward situation even more awkward. But now that things with Kryten were under control, he could focus completely on Rimmer.

Now that Lister had gotten the sexual frustration out of the way and had some alone time to really think, he wondered just what it was that made him start wanting Rimmer so badly. I knew it was the incident with the Highs and Lows that started it, but how could one incident just create new emotions out of the blue? The only thing that could have made such a thing possible was that subconsciously, Lister had always liked Rimmer, even when he acted like a total git.

But why? Rimmer didn't even like himself. How in the world could Lister, of all people, be the one to fall for him? They were total opposites, in taste, in personality, everything. The only thing they shared was a rough upbringing, and Rimmer made it a point to tell Lister that being without a real family would've been loads better than living with the epitome of dysfunctional families.

Technically you could say Rimmer was a black sheep, but to be a black sheep, you couldn't be a smeg head born from a family of smeg heads. Or at least that's how Rimmer put it.

And though it was true that Rimmer was a smeg head, there was still something about him that kept Lister attracted to him. Sure, he wasn't the prettiest thing...in fact, there were many times where Rimmer could have scared small children with the faces he made, especially when he was disgusted. And true, he was unnecessarily arrogant, especially since he had nothing to really be arrogant about. And yeah, he was interested in some of the absolutely most boring things in the entire universe, like collecting photos of telephone poles and telling RISK stories, complete with roll by roll action.

But despite these many things that would (and does) repel most people away from Rimmer, there were still the times that he enjoyed Rimmer's company. For instance, there was that one night years back when they first started spending their eternity in space together when Rimmer got totally snockered up with holoshots and started spilling his secrets. For the first time ever, he and Rimmer spent time together like he used to with his old mates. And then there was the time when he put the wrong kind of soap in the laundry machine on purpose, grabbed some of the trays from the cafeteria, and slid down the hallway face first. Rimmer of course was a soft-light hologram at the time and couldn't be splashed, but swore up and down that Lister had gotten soap suds on his uniform, then decided to chase him up and down the hall, and blamed his huge fall on the soap suds on Lister too. Even though he looked angry, something in his eyes told Lister that he was really just playing so that he could have as much fun as Lister was. Moments like that made him appreciate Rimmer for the screw up he was.

The more Lister thought about the fun times he had with Rimmer, the more he actually realized that they actually had a lot of fun together underneath the sarcasm and cheap shots about each other's hygiene or their habits. That's when he remembered something that Holly had told him a while back. Rimmer's sole purpose for being a hologram was to keep Lister sane. And whether either of them wanted to admit it or not, he was doing a banging job of it.

Lister tried to think of what he'd do if Rimmer hadn't been around bugging the crap out of him since the moment he came out of stasis, and the thought actually scared him. He didn't want to think about what life without Rimmer was like. I didn't want to experience life without Rimmer. He wanted Rimmer to always be around, even when he's in Smeg Head mode.

Lister stopped walking for a moment and stared out with a blank look on his face. He had finally realized that what High Lister told him was true. Lister and Rimmer were predestined to be together. Not just for Lister's sanity, but because...this concept was still kinda hard to swallow...he actually loved Rimmer.

Lister couldn't help but let his face screw up at the thought of this. After all, with several years of what he thought was a mutual hatred for each other, trying to call that mutual hatred love was a bit off in his mind. But he calmly kept thinking things over and he smiled. Yeah, he was in love with Rimmer. Rimmer meant a lot to him and apently started to grow on him after a while. He found it funny how he spend so much time calling him names and insulting him, when really he just wanted to hold him and caress him and tell him exactly how he felt.

It were as if Lister had been reborn. This epiphany made the last few years of his life make sense. The lost, empty feeling he always felt when he was alone no longer hid in his heart. It was gone, because he knew exactly who it was that he loved, and they were right there with him so that he could tell him.

Lister ran for the briefing room. If everything he just thought and felt was real, then surely Rimmer felt it too. Rimmer must have felt the same things that he felt. Rimmer must have...

Lister stopped suddenly. 'Wait...' he thought. 'What if...he really doesn't feel that way? What if that kiss was just a neuron that snapped in his head after having all that stuff happen to him in such a short span of time? What if he thinks the whole thing was just a horrible joke I was playing on him to mock him?'

Rimmer definitely seemed the type who would believe everything else except the truth if the truth was beneficial to him in any kind of way. While Lister was notorious for playing jokes on him, he would never kid around about who he's attracted to. After hearing about Kochanski as much as he did, he'd think that Rimmer would know that without being told.

And yet he still worried. As pessimistic as the fool was, he did have reason to be so. He never got any friendly actions directed to him when he was alive. Why would he expect it happen now?

Lister sighed heavily, but didn't get too down. He was, after all, terribly optimistic. He had to believe that Rimmer would know what he feels is true. He just had to. It'd go against all he was not to.

And so, he began walking again, reaching the door to the panel room and seeing that poor lonely hologram sitting with his head in his hands, the torturous thoughts hanging over his head like a heavy black rain cloud. Even though he looked so down, Lister could help but smile at the sight of him. 'It'll be nice when he doesn't look like that anymore,' he thought to himself. 'Hopefully, I can be the person to wipe that sad look off his face.'

Gathering all his courage and taking a deep breath, Lister stepped into the room to face his, if Fate wasn't lying to him, future lover.