Chapter 9: It Had To Be You...

Lister entered the room where Rimmer sat alone. Rimmer heard him come in and stood up immediately, as if the Queen herself had entered the room. Lister smiled awkwardly. "Hey."

"Hey."

A long pause lingered between the two men while they looked at each other. Lister broke eye contact and looked at his feet. "So...I'm guessing it'd be best if we talked."

Rimmer nodded. "Yeah, I guess it would. Is Kryten alright?"

"Oh yeah," said Lister, the mood lightening just a tad.

"Had to talk to him like I was talking to me mum, but he's good."

"That's good," said Rimmer. "I wouldn't want any awkward feelings among the crew."

Another long pause. The tension that hung in the air before Lister left had returned. Neither really knew where to begin, though there was plenty to say.

Lister took a step forward and decided to be the one to initiate the discussion. "Rimmer, I've got tell you, this is a completely weird feeling for me."

"And for me too."

"I mean, of all people to fall for I never thought I'd be falling for you."

"I understand perfectly, the feeling is mutual."

"And it's not like I've always felt this way for you or anything, it's just something that I started feeling after the Highs and Lows conflict."

"And I only started feeling this way after you...wait...why after the High and Lows conflict? What happened then that made you change your feelings?"

Lister started to get a bit nervous. "Well, it didn't happen immediately...well it kinda did, but I was so freaked out I couldn't think straight."

"What. Happened."

Lister gulped and started to fidget. He'd have to tell Rimmer what happened. It was such an awkward story for a man to tell to another man, but when he thought the subject matter at hand, things couldn't get much more awkward. He took a deep breath, and said, "You know how I was the only one who met the Lows?"

Rimmer's eyes narrowed. "Yeees..."

"Well...when I met the Low you, he looked like something straight out of Rocky Horror. He had a boa and eye makeup, and stilettos and..." Lister gave a shudder recollecting, not just from discomfort, but from the thoughts he had of Low Rimmer.

"Anyway, he came up to me, and told me how he wanted to hurt me and make me bleed...and then he mentioned he wanted to pleasure me to the point of painful exhaustion. He ran me into a corner and started fondling me package with his shoe. Before anything else could happen, the other Lows showed up and packed me away. Now after it was all over, all I could think of was the hell I went through when they controlled my body. But I started playing me guitar, and I started thinking about it. I remembered that when fondled me crotch, I started to get a hard on. And it disturbed the bloody hell out of me to think of it, but before I could help it, all I could picture was you taking me over and over and over again."

Rimmer stared at Lister, still with narrow eyes. "So, if I'm to get this right, you're not really falling for me, you just have an uncontrollable desire me to bonk you, am I correct? You only want me as a living, breathing dildo, is that it?"

"No, no!" Lister shouted in defense. "That's only half of the story."

"Then what's the other half?" Rimmer said, crossing his arms.

Lister took another deep breath. If the Low Rimmer half of the story rubbed him wrong, then the High Lister story might not go over well either. He had to tell him though. With another deep breath, Lister continued his tale, "Back when we were with the Highs, High me pulled me off to the side to talk. He told me that the High version of you and me were a couple. Or "companions of the heart" as he said. He told me that the real reason you were brought back as a hologram wasn't to keep me sane, but because you and I are destined to be together. It's written in the stars and all the stuff. I thought he was stone cold raving mad, but I thought about it, and...well...maybe he's not so far off after all."

Rimmer scoffed. "Far off? He's about as far off as a golfer on the 11th hole hitting his ball straight into a mimosa over at the clubhouse! There's no way you and I could be destined to be together, we're too different!"

"Maybe that's why we're destined to be together Rimmer. Because we compliment each other's differences. We're like yin and yang, peanut butter and jelly, the Odd Couple."

"Well we'd definitely be an odd couple, I could tell you that," Rimmer said as he turned away.

"Hey, what's with you?" Lister said, walking up to Rimmer. "Just a few minutes ago, you were telling me youwere falling for me. Now you're acting as if nothing's even happened between us!"

"You're talking as though we've been together for ages!"

"We have Rimmer! Whether you remember it or not, we've been together since I got out of stasis! Besides, if we're such an odd couple, why did you bother to kiss me?" Lister whirled Rimmer around and stared dead off in his eyes. He didn't just spend the last half hour sorting through his feelings for Rimmer just to have things end up like this.

Rimmer looked around nervously, avoiding Lister's eyes. "I...I...well what did you bloody expect? You went on and on about how you want to turn me into your fuck mate! Did you think I'd just sit there and nod, like your damned psychiatrist? You may have had people go on about how they want to get you in the sack, but I haven't had that luxury! So pardon me if for a small moment I forgot just who it was talking to me and suffered a severe lapse in judgement!"

Lister said nothing. He fought back a lump that was forming in his throat. "So that's all then. You didn't do it because for once in your miserable life, you felt something besides bitterness and hatred. You did it because you lost your mind?"

Rimmer looked into Lister's eyes. He could see tears forming in the corners of his eyes, even though it was obvious he was trying not to let them fall. Something pulled at Rimmer's heart. Why was he being this way? Before he came through that door, he would have given anything to hear Lister say he cared. But now that he had heard the story, for some reason he couldn't help but be his normal bitter pessimistic self. And yet, looking into those eyes, he wanted to be someone else. Someone with hope, someone with love, someone who somebody else could deserve and be proud to say "This is the man I love". He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. No. He couldn't keep looking at those eyes.

Something he didn't expect to say and didn't mean came out as he looked away. "No. But I must have lost my mind to think I was falling for you."

Lister balled up his fist. Without missing a beat, he pulled back and punched Rimmer in the face. Rimmer flew back and landed on a crate. He clutched his aching face and turned toward Lister, who was walking up to him, tears streaming down his face, despite the visible rage. "I don't even know why I bothered to tell you. I don't know why I bothered to feel what I felt for you. I don't know..." he bit his lip to keep his composure. "I don't know why it had to be you that I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Why a selfish, piss-headed, smeg head like you is the one person that I actually..."

He couldn't make it. He sobbed openly in front of Rimmer, showing just how badly his heart was breaking on the inside.

"I don't know why it had to be you that'd I'd fall in love with."

Not giving Rimmer a chance to talk to him, Lister stormed out of the room, heading for his quarters. Rimmer sat up and spat blood. Closing his eyes, a tear rolled down his cheek. He knew this would happen. He knew he'd screw up the best thing that he could have. But for once...deep down inside he had hoped he was wrong.

So much for hope.

Chicapanzy: Whooooo...this took quite the angsty turnaround...even I didn't see it coming! Oo This isn't where the angst train makes its final stop though...there's another station ahead...