Chapter 11: Starting Anew With You

Lister lay crying on his bunk in his and Rimmer's room. Not even after Kochanski broke up with him had he ever felt so heartbroken. He had finally realized that the one person he cared about most was right under his nose, and that very same person drove a dagger through his heart, giving it no more regard than he'd give a used tissue. He knew it was stupid to cry over such a thing. After all, he was a man, and men weren't supposed to cry over rejections. But he couldn't help it. He let his emotions overcome him for once, since he was the only living human left in the universe more likely than not and there was no one left to judge him for crying like he was.

Lister cried on and off for about an hour. He was so distraught with his misery, that he hadn't noticed that at some point, Rimmer had walked in and was watching him as he sobbed into his pillow. The sight pulled at Rimmer's heart, which was already aching painfully in his chest. This was his handiwork. This is what he had done to the one person he cared more about in the entire universe. He felt at that moment like he'd rather die a million different painful deaths than to see Lister crying because of his stupidity.

He knew he couldn't just stand there and watch him. And yet, he didn't know how to go about catching his attention. One part of him wanted to walk up to Lister's bed, kneel down and wraps his arms around him tightly and just say "I'm sorry" until his throat became hoarse. Another part of him wanted to back up to the doorway and make it look as though he had just came in, then call him.

In the end, he compromised and stayed right where he was, and meekly said, "Lister? Can we talk?"

Lister's head buried further into the pillow as he clutched tighter. A muffled response came from the pillow: "We've already talked. You've told me how you feel! Just go away!"

"No," Rimmer said, shaking his head. "I haven't told you how I feel. Everything I said in that room was…it wasn't what I really feel."

"Then what was it?" Lister said, his face now raised toward Rimmer's, tearstained and slightly red from clutching the pillow so tight. "If it wasn't what you really felt, then what the hell was it?"

Rimmer closed his eyes and lowered his head. For a moment, he started to lose his nerve. But he wasn't going to let the man he loved go without a decent explanation. He opened his eyes, looked at Lister and said, "It was the old Rimmer speaking."

"The old Rimmer huh?" said Lister, with a sarcastic tone to his voice. "So then I suppose I'm talking to the new Rimmer then, am I?"

"Yes. You are. The Rimmer that you were talking to in that room couldn't take a good thing for what it was worth. He always thought there was some kind of catch or that someone was trying to have a laugh at his own expense, or that it just flat out wasn't true. The Rimmer that you were talking to had been so accustomed to people not giving a damn about whatever happened to him that he couldn't accept the fact that you cared about him. That Rimmer doesn't deserve you or anyone else."

Lister sat up in his bunk and studied Rimmer's face. Somehow, he could actually see a difference from the Rimmer before him and the Rimmer he talked to an hour ago. This Rimmer could look him in the eye without fidgeting nervously while he talked or turning his head away. This Rimmer had a fire in his eyes the other Rimmer didn't have. This Rimmer…perhaps, this Rimmer is the real Rimmer that never had a real chance to come to the surface.

Rimmer took Lister's change in position as a sign that not all was lost. Rimmer walked up to Lister and got down on his knees in front of him. He took his hands in his and held them tight. "Lister…I'm sorry. None of what I said was really what I felt. I just acted like the coward I am…or was, I should say…and ran away from what was real, trying to tell myself that it was all a lie. That it was just another cruel joke someone was playing on me. It took a beat down from Kryten and some time crying to myself on the floor of the panel room to realize that I couldn't be that person anymore. If I were to deserve your love, I had to be the person I never was but always could have been. Lister…"

Rimmer's eyes glistened with tears he fought not to let fall. With a shaky breath, he said the words that Lister had never thought he'd hear from Rimmer's mouth:

"I love you."

Lister smiled, a sob escaping his lips and new tears falling from his eyes. With what little composure he had left, he said, "That's all you had to tell me before, smeg head."

The two embraced, sharing their true feelings for the first time. They cried together in each other arms, neither moving save the shaking of their shoulders as they wept. Rimmer pulled back, tears trailing down his face and put a hand on Lister's cheek, wiping away some of the tears that still lingered there. He pulled him close and gently kisses his lips. Lister responded immediately and returned the kiss fully. The gentle kiss grew harder as the passion that lay dormant in both men finally began to erupt between them. Lister leaned back onto the bed, pulling Rimmer with him, not breaking the kiss for an instant. Their tongues lashed desperately within the other's mouth, taking in as much as they could of the other. They lay on the bed kissing passionately, nothing else in the world mattering.

Rimmer reluctantly broke the kiss however, his chest heaving painfully from the lack of air in his lungs. Lister respectively gasped for air, looking lovingly up at Rimmer who smiled down at him. Between gasps, Rimmer said, "I guess this is more than just the start of a beautiful friendship, huh?"

Lister returned Rimmer's smile, the first genuine one he had ever received from him, then answered him with a small kiss. "It's the start of something much better."

THE END?

No….

THE BEGINNING.

Be on the look out for a sequel everyone! There's still lots of lovely lemony goodness I need to write for the two of them.