A young Wolverine stands before the council rubbing his knuckles.

"Too hairy. Yes. Too hairy to begin the training." Master Yoda nods and points with his walking stick. A fat tear rolls down Wolverine's hairy face.

"I'll show them." He mutters and turns to Plo Koon. "Assist me." They leave.

Wolverine skulks through the bushes followed closely by his wonderful assistant Plo Koon. He advances slowly, sniffing the air. Plo Koon watches detachedly, standing in plain view. Suddenly Agents Smith, Jones and Brown appear, walking up the dirt road. Plo Koon stares. Wolverine lights his six sabers from his knuckles.

"Does it hurt when they come out?" He stage whispers.

Wolverine puffs up his chest. "Every time." He juts his chin, then turns back to the approaching agents.

The agents are having a debate. "Red is for the Sith, right?" Brown asks. The others nod.

"Red is Sith, but the Jedi use all the other colors." Jones nods knowingly.

"But isn't green for a Padawan and blue for a Master?" Brown looks increasingly confused. "Or is it the other way 'round?"

Finally Smith sighs. "What does it bloody matter?" He points to Plo Koon. "That lug's on the Council. Ask him. Or, better yet, ask the thing in that bush." He motions to Wolverine's hiding place, given away by the hum of his hand sabers and their multi-colored glow.

Suddenly, a vampire leaps from the bushes behind Wolverine and tackles him. Wolverine is caught off guard and his sabers retract.

"Hey! Hey! I got 'im! Looks like the military boys had ahold of him though." The vampire shouts to some unknown lurkers in a cockney accent. Plo Koon simply stands motionless the entire time, watching the bleach-haired vampire and coveting his black leather trench coat. Wolverine meanwhile is curled in a fetal position rubbing his hair into wings. Out of the trees from whence Spike the vampire leapt, comes a short blonde girl followed by an older gentleman in tweed, a skinny redhead and a gangly young man. Each of them holds quaint weapons of some form or another. The lead girl hoists a crossbow fitted with wooden bolts, the man behind her carries a cross and a jar of holy water and the other two awkwardly grasp short wooden stakes.

"It is a werewolf, right?" The red haired girl askes hesitantly. "We don't wanna kill it."

Spike nods. "Yeh, a furry one two. He has some really random light things though. Creeps me out." He shakes his head. He turns to Plo Koon. "Whoah, lookit yer mug! Wha' happen?" He suddenly bursts into hysteric laughter. Meanwhile the Agents separate and spread out, surrounding the group and suddenly multiply into hundreds of Smiths.

About this time the Millennium Falcon swoops in and Chewie guns down the Smiths. They keep returning, and regenerating and alla that, but it allows Han to race down the ramp and help Wolverine, Plo Koon, Spike, Buffy, Giles, Willow and Xander into the ship. The ship takes them to New York in the 1920's.

At this point, I interrupt the story, or at least this thread of it, to introduce a special guest. All welcome Mr. Liam Neeson!

Liam strides into the room and immediately is inundated by all of his followers.

"Master!" Obi-Wan looks at him in wonder. "You were dead."

"Master!" Young Batman glares. "You were dead."

"Master!" Orlando Bloom's character from Kingdom of Heaven greets. "You were dead."

Liam looks at him for longer than the others. "No. I am your father."

"Right. Knew that." OB (not to be confused with "Obi") hangs his head.

Peter Pevensie looks thoughtful. "That voice…Aslan? Master! You were dead."

Liam sighs. "Seems that is a trend."

But the agitation that this encounter causes these four young men/boys is immense. They glare at each other.

"Your Master?" Peter looks confused.

"My Master!" Obi-Wan argues firmly.

"He died." Orli says.

"Alive now." Peter states.

"Turned to the Dark Side." Batman states.

At that, Obi-Wan starts and glares at Batman. "You lie!" He glances back to Liam then hangs his head in confusion.

The arguments continue and become more heated. Finally, the four resort to fighting. Obi draws his saber, OB and Peter their swords, and Batman resorts to cool gadgets, looking in disgust at the other weapons.

Some maiming occurs before Liam reasserts himself. No death. Just maiming. And let me assure you that Ewan is fine. About this time, after the scuffle, the little red haired boy from Love Actually appears and grabs Liam's hand. Other strangely dressed old-time highland Scots appear and every one glares and argues.

"My dad. Well, not really dad…" The red haired boy looks at him in awe.

All the Pevensie children are here now. "I liked him better as a lion…" Edmund states.

"Robert MacGregor? Rob! Rob Roy!" A hefty Scot claps Liam heartily on the back.

Batman continues to scowl. "Should be dead. No good can come of this."

"My Master! I can't believe he's alive!" Obi-Wan dances around.

"Father," is all OB from Kingdom of Heaven can say.

A/N: Coming up next: The JACK Convention featuring Jacks such as Jack Sparrow, Jack Aubrey, Jack Frost, Jack Black, Jack Worthing, Kangaroo Jack, and Jack London, and many more. Don't miss out! By-the-by, I do realize I've left out man, if not most, of Liam's parts. I simply picked the ones that worked best for this line of thought. 'Course, this line of thought wavers and is quire random and will likely change within the hour…