Diablo 2

Chapter 7: Act 3 - All of it

Player: Oh man, these between-act movies keep getting cooler and cooler! Diablo here I come!

(Player starts talking to random people in town...)

Old Man: You now speak to Ormus. Ormus sells you things. Ormus heals you. Ormus loves you.

Player: You now are a faggot! Dude, you are an idiot. Who taught you how to speak, huh? Yoda? Hm... this is a swamp area... OMG! I can probably FIND Yoda!

(After looking around some...)

Player: Ok, no Yoda, but 2 sexy bitches... hm... 2 sexy bitches or a decrepit old green puppet... Blizzard, you made the right choice. Well, time to go and see what new fantastic enemies there are to face!

(Player goes out, and is pissed at not being able to hit the wanderer, but soon forgets about that as he starts getting pissed at the stupid flayers)

Player: Goddamit! What the hell? There's like a million of these bitches... when the hell am I gonna get out of this stupid jungle? Ok, well, according to Cain, I have to go and find a brain, eye and heart... God this better not be another one of his sushi recipies for that stupid Hodrara.. horadrdra... cube... fine, I'll just call it cube... it better not be a stupid sushi recipe for the cube. At least I'm not out to find cut-off male genetalia... last thing I want is someone else's penis in my pocket... man, there would be no end to the gay jokes then...

(Player goes to the Spider Cavern, finds one of the three items, and then goes to the Flayer Dungeon)

Player: WAAAAAHHH! They have exploding flayers here... waaahhhh! goddamit... if it weren't bad enough to be swamped by them, if I kill them, BAM, they blow me the hell up... that's not a fair enemy at all... waaaahhhh!

(After a scary date with the Flayer Dungeon, Player makes his way out with the next sushi piece).

Player: Phew... finally done with those bastards... I never want to see them again. Now, where are these "sewers"?

(Little does he know that the sewers not only have those suicide flayers, but they also have mummies reviving them... really, that is not fair! Did they really need to have these bastards in the game? C'mon!)

Player: AAHHHHHH! That's ENOUGH! If I have to face one more of those cheap sons of bitches I'm gonna throw this game out the window... aawww, but then I'd end up jumping out to fetch it... damn you Blizzard for this video game drug! Damn you!

(Player manages to get all the pieces, kills the Council, gets the flail, transmutes everything and makes a stupid flail and smashes the orb)

Player: Finally, I was running out of room in my stash... ok, well, only one more waypoint to find... that can't possibly be that bad...

Player: Mother F'ing...! Why Diablo, why? I thought we agreed to no more blowy up guys... you are the first game to make me cry... I don't think I know you anymore... you are so mean!

(Player eventually stops whinning like a little bitch and makes his way to Mephisto)

Player: What? The goddam council again! BITCHES! KILL! huff puff... all done... now it's just Mephisto...

(Player finally gets the hell out of Act 3. Mephisto was a pussy, and dropped a rune)

Player: Sol? Oh, you are making this waaaayyy too easy. Sol means "sun"... I am soo close to solving this puzzle... just you wait Diablo! Unfortunately the rest of the shit he dropped was... shit... Well, on to Act 4!

(Ok, so this Chapter was not so funny, but that's cause it sucks! In case you didn't notice, I am Player, and I hate those goddam exploding Flayers! But worry not, I... I mean, Player had a few jamming sessions with Ormus, and they came up with this great rap: ...ok, fine, I lied, there is no rap! Goddamit this act really sucked... I apologize for the inconvenience)