Diablo 2
Chapter 8: Act 4 - Diablo
Player: OMG that FMV was TIGHTO NO JEANSU!
(Player has recently been listening to some gay J-pop and there is this one line there about "tight jeans" - tighto no jeansu. For some reason, this has replaced his old TIGHTO! - a peek at the author's messed up mind)
Player: Oh my GOD! There is a sweet Archangel in this place! Finally some REAL protection... I mean really, who would you rather defend your stronghold: 4 stupid archers, a few spear wielding Arabians, whatever those gay mages were in act 3, or an ARCHANGEL! Oh man, this rocks! ...but there's only 2 other people here? Ok, this can only mean one of two things: either these two are the bravest souls on earth, or they are here because they are retarded. Well, she's doodling in the air, and the other guy is hitting some invisible object with his toy hammer... something tells me courage is not the reason... Well, I have to destroy this piece of petrified poo that Mephisto dropped, so I better get going.
(Player goes around killing and eventually runs into Izual)
Player: Oh, a miniboss, he will be no match for me! Attaaaack!
(A few minutes later)
Player: Keep attacking my awesome hireling!
(A lot more minutes later)
Player: Ok, now why are you still up? Jesus Christ! I mean, not that I mind, since you aren't doing any damage to me, but how many hit points can you possibly have?
(Player notices that Izual is just attacking his hireling and failing to do any damage. He sets a heavy glass on the right mouse button and goes take a piss)
Player: Ok, now where were we. Oh right... still alive... bastard...
(Some immeasurable amount of time later)
Player: FINALLY! Oh, man, Izual was a fallen angel, cooooool. TIGHTO NO JEANSU! Wow, I get two free skill points? TIGHTO NO...
(Slap from girlfriend... he somehow has one)
Player: Ok, ok, just TIGHTO... jeez...
(Some more killing goes on...)
Player: Jesus, where the hell is the waypoint? No wonder there's only 3 in this act, they just got lazy... and one of them is town, so that's like... only 2... wait, I just made a great pun! Where the hell, and I'm in Hell... man, I am such an amazingly funny guy... yeah...
(LOSER!)
Player: Ok, so I suddenly found both waypoints within minutes of each other... but they couldn't give me one before... bastards... ok, well, time to smash this soulstone...
(Makes his way to The Forge!)
Player: Wait, was that the Smith from act 1? Are they starting to re-use minibosses? Whatever, let's see what happens here...
(SMASH!)
Player: Wow, 3 perfect gems and an Ith rune... what the hell does ith mean? Man, I should have paid more attention in Spanish... or maybe this is German!
(Ith is not German. Player is a moron who listens to Rammstein and therefore thinks he has the language mastered. In any case, more senseless killing.)
Player: Ok, all these minions are no match for me! Strafe Strafe Strafe! Man, it's good to finally reach a level with some useful skills. Now on to the final seal...
(Lights go all bloody red)
Diablo: Not even DEATH can save you from ME!
Player: We shall see about that! Hireling, let's go! Guided Arrow be my SAVIOR!
(Now unlike most of the other classes, the boobazon has a pretty easy time against him in normal. Her hireling will die, regardless, but she will laugh as she plucks arrow after arrow into Diablo's ass)
Player: HAHAHA I laugh at you while I pluck arrow after arrow into your ass!
(See? ...Eventually Big D dies and drops a MAL rune! Yeah, I know, I never saw one drop either, but for the sake of this stupid chapter, he will)
Player: More Spanish History! YEAH! I beat the game!
(Expansion says you don't. Oh and Mal means "bad/evil" depending on sentence content)