Yeah...I know...its been a really long time. Well, I recently bought End of
Evangelion! Now all that I have to do is buy the director's cut and then my
collection will be complete!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ahem
Ok...on with the story. But first!: I do not own Evangelion and I never will. sob
THE SUPER DUPER HILARIOUS NON-SHINJI-HATING SPOOF: Chapter 6: Rei Squared
THE BRIDGE
Makoto: We've picked up and energy signal! Pattern Blue! It's an angel!
Misato: That looks like a wooden block to me.
Ritsuko: Misato, do you notice that it's shiny?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: And that Makoto just said that it's an angel?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: Then why would you think that it's a wooden block?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: Misato? Are you feeling all right?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: Maya. Send the Magi all of Misato's current behavioral patterns. See what they think about this.
Misato: Yes.
Shinji: Shouldn't we be worrying about the angel?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: No. This is more important.
Misato: Yes.
Maya: "The Magi have determined that Misato's mind has switched to a child like state. This change was triggered by the angel looking like a wooden block." Wow...you'd think that the Magi would describe the angel better than "the angel looking like a wooden block."
Misato: Yes.
Shinji: Well I don't care. I'm going to go and stop the angel.
Misato: Yes.
OUTSIDE
Shinji: Wow...that angel looks like a wooden block.
Makoto over intercom: Dodge Shinji!
Misato over intercom: Yes.
Shinji: What? AAAHG!
The angel that looks like a wooden block fired its super beam weapon thing at Shinji, who screamed in response.
Shinji: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA inhale AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Ristuko: Retrieve him!
DARK AND SCARY CONFERENCE ROOM
Ritsuko: Because Misato is in psycho-therapy right now, I will take over her using my hand. ahem
Ritsuko's hand: Using the data we collected by allowing the angel to destroy our useless junk, like the 1/1 scale model of Unit 01, I have made a plan of ultimate coolness. We'll place Eva Unit 01 on top of a mountain and give it a super gun that is basically the exact same thing as the angel's super-beam weapon, and the two of them will have a shoot out.
Ritsuko: But that will require huge amounts of energy!
Hand: Yes. I know. And we'll get it from Japan!
Aoba: What?!? How do you propose to do that?
Hand: We'll go to eBay and buy lots of gigantic power cables. Then we'll connect them to all the power sources in Japan.
Maya: Where will we get the super gun thing?
Hand: eBay. Oh, By the way. We only have 9 hours to do all of it.
silence
Hand: Well, what are you waiting for?
HOSPITAL
Shinji was lying in bed. Rei walked in pushing a cart with food on it.
Shinji: Wait...didn't I kill Rei?
Rei: Yes. I am Rei Squared. I am a clone of Rei 0.
Shinji: What? I don't understand.
Rei: I know. You won't find out until Episode 23.
Shinji: Oh. Alright.
Rei: Here's your new plug suit.
Shinji: Do I have to pilot Eva again?
Rei: If you don't I will. Dr. Akagi is prepared to rewrite our personal files.
Shinji: Ritsuko? sigh Fine. I'll do it.
Rei: Yes! The guilt-trick works every time!
Shinji: Wha-
Rei: Never mind. Be at the Eva cage at 10:30.
ON TOP OF A RANDOM BUILDING
Boy: Are you sure they're coming?
Kensuke: I'm sure.
The Eva's appeared randomly just then. The boys yelled and screamed supportively. Then the Eva's drew unnervingly close.
Boy: Uhh...are they supposed to get so unnervingly close?
Kensuke: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!
The Eva's stepped on the building, crushing a few of the boys, including Toji.
Kensuke: My hand! AAAAAAAAAA
Boy: Isn't that Toji?
Kensuke: Oh...right...TOJI!! NOOOOOOO!!! underbreath ow...
Shinji: Oops...
The Moose: -.-;;;
ON TOP OF THE EVA'S ON SOME RANDOM MOUNTAIN
Shinji: So...Rei squared...how's life?
Rei: ...
Shinji: ...
Rei: ...
Shinji: How about this weather?
Rei: ...
Shinji: ...
Rei: It's time.
ENTRY PLUG
Shinji: Wait...I don't know how to fire this!
Ritsuko's hand over intercom: sigh Just pull the trigger.
Shinji: Oh...ok.
Hand over intercom: I said pull the trigger!
Shinji: Oh...right.
Makoto over intercom: There's a high energy reading coming from the angel!
Hand over intercom: No!
The angel and Shinji fired at the same time. They're super beam things...of doom swerved off to the side.
Hand over intercom: Did we miss?
Maya over intercom: What do you think?!?
Ritsuko over intercom: Hurry up and re-charge!
Shinji: It's firing again!
The angel fired, but the super beam thingy...of doom, was stopped by Rei's Eva, holding a space shuttle.
Hand over intercom: Rei! Put that down! You don't know where it's been!
Rei over intercom: But I was ordered to protect Ikari!
Shinji: Hurry up! Recharge!
Makoto over intercom: 10 more seconds!
Hand over intercom: Just pull the trigger.
Shinji: Really? Ok.
Shinji pulled the trigger, the gun fired, the angel died, and the action scene was over.
Shinji: REI!
UNIT 00'S ENTRY PLUG
Shinji: Rei!
Rei: Shinji?
Hand over intercom: Rei! Shinji!
Rei: Misato?
Hand over intercom: No, Ritsuko's hand!
Shinji: Ritsuko's hand?
Hand over intercom: Uhh...Misato.
Rei: Intercom?
Shinji: Rei! Don't say goodbye before a mission. Its just too sad. And tell me if you're going to protect me like that. I almost had a heart attack.
Rei: Shinji?
Shinji: Yeah?
Rei: Just ignore the plot holes.
Shinji: Ok.
The Moose: What?...the crap?
THE END!!!
Yeah...so...
This week is finals week, so I probably won't have anything up until next week...
NEXT CHAPTER: MISATO SQUARED
Ok...on with the story. But first!: I do not own Evangelion and I never will. sob
THE SUPER DUPER HILARIOUS NON-SHINJI-HATING SPOOF: Chapter 6: Rei Squared
THE BRIDGE
Makoto: We've picked up and energy signal! Pattern Blue! It's an angel!
Misato: That looks like a wooden block to me.
Ritsuko: Misato, do you notice that it's shiny?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: And that Makoto just said that it's an angel?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: Then why would you think that it's a wooden block?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: Misato? Are you feeling all right?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: Maya. Send the Magi all of Misato's current behavioral patterns. See what they think about this.
Misato: Yes.
Shinji: Shouldn't we be worrying about the angel?
Misato: Yes.
Ritsuko: No. This is more important.
Misato: Yes.
Maya: "The Magi have determined that Misato's mind has switched to a child like state. This change was triggered by the angel looking like a wooden block." Wow...you'd think that the Magi would describe the angel better than "the angel looking like a wooden block."
Misato: Yes.
Shinji: Well I don't care. I'm going to go and stop the angel.
Misato: Yes.
OUTSIDE
Shinji: Wow...that angel looks like a wooden block.
Makoto over intercom: Dodge Shinji!
Misato over intercom: Yes.
Shinji: What? AAAHG!
The angel that looks like a wooden block fired its super beam weapon thing at Shinji, who screamed in response.
Shinji: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA inhale AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Ristuko: Retrieve him!
DARK AND SCARY CONFERENCE ROOM
Ritsuko: Because Misato is in psycho-therapy right now, I will take over her using my hand. ahem
Ritsuko's hand: Using the data we collected by allowing the angel to destroy our useless junk, like the 1/1 scale model of Unit 01, I have made a plan of ultimate coolness. We'll place Eva Unit 01 on top of a mountain and give it a super gun that is basically the exact same thing as the angel's super-beam weapon, and the two of them will have a shoot out.
Ritsuko: But that will require huge amounts of energy!
Hand: Yes. I know. And we'll get it from Japan!
Aoba: What?!? How do you propose to do that?
Hand: We'll go to eBay and buy lots of gigantic power cables. Then we'll connect them to all the power sources in Japan.
Maya: Where will we get the super gun thing?
Hand: eBay. Oh, By the way. We only have 9 hours to do all of it.
silence
Hand: Well, what are you waiting for?
HOSPITAL
Shinji was lying in bed. Rei walked in pushing a cart with food on it.
Shinji: Wait...didn't I kill Rei?
Rei: Yes. I am Rei Squared. I am a clone of Rei 0.
Shinji: What? I don't understand.
Rei: I know. You won't find out until Episode 23.
Shinji: Oh. Alright.
Rei: Here's your new plug suit.
Shinji: Do I have to pilot Eva again?
Rei: If you don't I will. Dr. Akagi is prepared to rewrite our personal files.
Shinji: Ritsuko? sigh Fine. I'll do it.
Rei: Yes! The guilt-trick works every time!
Shinji: Wha-
Rei: Never mind. Be at the Eva cage at 10:30.
ON TOP OF A RANDOM BUILDING
Boy: Are you sure they're coming?
Kensuke: I'm sure.
The Eva's appeared randomly just then. The boys yelled and screamed supportively. Then the Eva's drew unnervingly close.
Boy: Uhh...are they supposed to get so unnervingly close?
Kensuke: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!
The Eva's stepped on the building, crushing a few of the boys, including Toji.
Kensuke: My hand! AAAAAAAAAA
Boy: Isn't that Toji?
Kensuke: Oh...right...TOJI!! NOOOOOOO!!! underbreath ow...
Shinji: Oops...
The Moose: -.-;;;
ON TOP OF THE EVA'S ON SOME RANDOM MOUNTAIN
Shinji: So...Rei squared...how's life?
Rei: ...
Shinji: ...
Rei: ...
Shinji: How about this weather?
Rei: ...
Shinji: ...
Rei: It's time.
ENTRY PLUG
Shinji: Wait...I don't know how to fire this!
Ritsuko's hand over intercom: sigh Just pull the trigger.
Shinji: Oh...ok.
Hand over intercom: I said pull the trigger!
Shinji: Oh...right.
Makoto over intercom: There's a high energy reading coming from the angel!
Hand over intercom: No!
The angel and Shinji fired at the same time. They're super beam things...of doom swerved off to the side.
Hand over intercom: Did we miss?
Maya over intercom: What do you think?!?
Ritsuko over intercom: Hurry up and re-charge!
Shinji: It's firing again!
The angel fired, but the super beam thingy...of doom, was stopped by Rei's Eva, holding a space shuttle.
Hand over intercom: Rei! Put that down! You don't know where it's been!
Rei over intercom: But I was ordered to protect Ikari!
Shinji: Hurry up! Recharge!
Makoto over intercom: 10 more seconds!
Hand over intercom: Just pull the trigger.
Shinji: Really? Ok.
Shinji pulled the trigger, the gun fired, the angel died, and the action scene was over.
Shinji: REI!
UNIT 00'S ENTRY PLUG
Shinji: Rei!
Rei: Shinji?
Hand over intercom: Rei! Shinji!
Rei: Misato?
Hand over intercom: No, Ritsuko's hand!
Shinji: Ritsuko's hand?
Hand over intercom: Uhh...Misato.
Rei: Intercom?
Shinji: Rei! Don't say goodbye before a mission. Its just too sad. And tell me if you're going to protect me like that. I almost had a heart attack.
Rei: Shinji?
Shinji: Yeah?
Rei: Just ignore the plot holes.
Shinji: Ok.
The Moose: What?...the crap?
THE END!!!
Yeah...so...
This week is finals week, so I probably won't have anything up until next week...
NEXT CHAPTER: MISATO SQUARED