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Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or Angel.

A/N: Sorry for the long update

"Giles? Giles? Is that true did you try to kill Spike I mean I know he tried to rape Buffy but..."after she finished she looked up at Angel. The look on his face was a look that could easily kill if it was aimed at you. He ran upstairs to where Spike and Buffy were.

"Oops."said Willow looking up after Angel.

Angel ran up the stairs and barged in Buffy's room. When he got there Spike and Buffy were sitting on her bed talking. They both looked up at him. Angel grabbed Spike and through him into the wall, holding him there by pinning him by the neck.

"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!"Angel yelled applying more pressure to Spike's neck.

"Angel! Angel! Stop!" pleaded Buffy pulling on Angel's arm to get him away from Spike.

Angel pushed her away from him, and she flew to the ground. Angel pulled a stake out of his pocket and pressed it to Spike's chest not hard enough to stake him.

"Get off me you bloody sod!"

The next thing Angel knew he felt something hit him in the back and he fell to the ground.

Giles had heard the commotion and grabbed a tranquilizer, and ran upstairs. He burst into Buffy's room and saw Angel applying pressure on Spike's windpipe and Buffy trying to pull them apart. So he did what he had to, he shot Angel.

Three hours later Buffy went into the living room where she and Spike had tied up Angel. She had told Spike he wasn't allowed to be in the same room as Angel unless her and a load of Tranquilizer were with him. He told her not to worry because he didn't plan on being staked. Willow had fessed up and told Buffy why Angel had gone off.

Now here she was three hours later sitting across from the man she was even after all this time in love with, and she knew that when he woke up she would have no idea what to say to him. How would she explain her actions that had occurred in a way that he could even begin to understand. She was not proud of herself but how could she even explain what she was going through and how much she wanted it to be him she was with and how she wished so much that she could call him and beg him to come back to her but she couldn't because she didn't want to be rejected.

She glanced over at him and saw him stir. 'It's now or never.' she though as his eyes settled on her.

"Hey sleepyhead." she said giving him a small smile.

"Hi." he said with a dark sound to his voice.

"Wanna explain to me what happened up there?"she asked moving her head around to catch a glimpse of his eyes.

"Not really." he said once again looking away from her.

"Oh...Okay." she said getting up and walking to the doorway planning on leaving the room.

"Buffy ..."

"Yeah?"she asked turning to face him.

"I just have one question...Why?"

"Why?"she asked a look of complete confusion on her face.

"Why did Spike try to rape you?"

Buffy looked down at her hands and walked back over to the chair she was earlier preoccupying.

"Do you want the PG-13 version or the truth?"

"The truth would be nice." he said finally looking at her.

"Ok. When my friends brought me back I...well, I wasn't the same you could say..."

"How?"

"Listen Angel I'll tell you everything but, this would be a lot easier if you just didn't talk. Anyways, The tore me out of heaven and brought me back here to my very own personal hell. I didn't exactly have the guts to tell them the truth. They just assumed that I was in hell."

"How exactly does Spike fit into this?" asked Angel shutting up when he looked at the look on her face.

Buffy got off the chair and started pacing and running her hands through her hair.

"Spike...was the only person that I felt I could tell the truth to. We talked a lot before I died and we kinda became friends. A few months later he told me, he loved me and that made me feel. What I'm not sure but, I liked that I could finally feel anything again. A few months later we had gotten and a huge fight I don't remember what about but, we ended up sleeping together." She didn't dare look at Angel and if she had she would have seen a mix of anger and jealousy on his face.

"We kinda kept our so called relationship until Riley came back into town. He um.. He helped me realize how screwed up my life was and that Spike Was just adding to the craziness. I broke things off with him and then Xander left Anya at the alter. A couple days later when Xander came back to town, Anya and Spike kinda slept together and me and Xand saw the whole thing from a camera that my enemy at that time had planted. Xander went to kill Spike and I went to stop him. Just to piss me and Xander more off he told Xander about my relationship with him. Xander stopped talking to me for days and I told him thing were over for good with Spike and I.

Then one night when I was home alone Spike came to see me to apologize. I pissed him off and obviously that wasn't the thing to do because he tried to rape me. I stopped him by kicking him and he ran off. Xander came to the house a little later and saw Spike's coat downstairs and he came and found me in the bathroom crying. He saw the bruises on my legs and he went off. Spike left town for months and he came back with a soul. A soul that he got for me." She looks over at Angel then starts once again to walk out of the room.

"Why the hell didn't you call me and tell me the truth?"he asks looking at her with tears in his eyes.

"Because, you left me Angel. You made it very clear that you didn't want me anymore. Besides you had moved on and I didn't want to burden you.." she said not looking him in the eyes.

"Why don't you look me in the yes and tell me that?"

"Because if I do I'll fall apart and I'm sick of falling apart over men who no longer love me."

With that she walked out of the room without letting him respond.

"I haven't moved on." he whispered looking down and letting the tears fall.