Disclaimer: I do not own these characters





Chapter Eleven: Reassurance



Lu leaned her head back against the headboard and closed her eyes, an open file folder lying on her lap.

As she did most nights, she had brought home some lab reports that she needed to go over. She had spent the past couple of hours reading these reports, and now, at nearly 10:30pm, she was exhausted.

After several minutes of resting her tired eyes, she began picking up the files, deciding it was time to go to bed.

As she picked up the last file, she glanced at the patients's name...McKenzie Abigail Kollier. Lu put down the rest of the files and opened McKenzie's.

She read it carefully, wondering if maybe she had missed something, something that could have maybe prevented the early delivery.

"Maybe Bryan is right," she said softly to herself. "Maybe this is all my fault. But I had to do it. She would have died. Right? The cord was wrapped around her neck. I did the right thing. I couldn't let her die. Maybe I could have done something. But what? Delivering was the only way to save her life."

Lu knew in her heart that she had indeed done the right thing, but the battle between her heart and her mind was raging. In her mind she had questions. Questions that caused her to have doubts about her own abilities as a physician. Had Dr. Jackson been right? Had she made a hasty decision due to the great stress she had been under during the past several weeks? Had she made the wrong decision? A decision that could cost a baby her life?

"I wonder what Dana would have done." Lu said softly to herself. After a sitting there quietly for a few moments, she picked up the phone and dialed the long distance number to her former partner's home in Virginia, not paying attention to what time it was. After several rings, a very tired voice answered. "Hello?"

"Dana? It's Lu. I'm..."

"Lu? What...do you realize what time it is? It's almost 11:00. What's so important that you couldn't wait until morning?" Lu was slightly taken aback by Dana's sharp words, but she knew Dana was right. Lost in her own thoughts, she hadn't given any thought to how late it was.

"You're right, Dana. I'm sorry for bothering you at this hour." Lu slowly replaced the receiver in it's cradle, deciding she would have to find a way to figure this one out on her own.



Dana reached over to hang up the phone, but stopped. Now that she was more awake, she realized that something in Lu's voice wasn't quite right. Lu was usually confident, decisive, and sure of herself.

But now she sounded ambivalent and uneasy, a definite sign that something was indeed wrong. Dana held the phone in her hand, wondering if she should call Lu back now or wait until morning. It was late, and unless things had changed, she knew Lu would be at the clinic early and would put in a long day.

"But she called me, so something must be wrong." Dana told herself. "If something is bothering her, she probably won't sleep much tonight anyway." Dana took a deep breath, then dialed Lu's number.

After she had hung up the phone, Lu slipped into bed, feeling totally drained. When the phone rang, she jumped. Before picking it up, she paused and took a breath, afraid that maybe it was the hospital calling with bad news about baby McKenzie. "Hello?"

"Hi Lu, it's Dana. I'm sorry about before. But..." Lu sat up and turned on the bedside lamp.

"It's okay, Dana. You're right. I had no business calling at this hour. You didn't have to call me back." Lu replied.

"Something's wrong, isn't there? After I hung up, I realized that you wouldn't have called unless something was wrong. Is Marc okay? Everything okay at the clinic? You know, Nick, Peter and Lana? And Bob?" Dana questioned.

"They're all fine." Lu answered. "It's nothing like that. I called because....because I sort of need your advice."

"About what?"

"One of my patients was brought into the ER the other night. She was 7 months pregnant and in labor. She wanted me to stop the labor...but I couldn't. When I examined the baby, I found that the cord was wrapped around her neck. So I...." Lu paused as Dana interrupted.

"So you did an emergency C-Section, right?"

"Yeah." Lu answered.

"So what's the problem? Did the baby make it?"

"She did, but it's not good, Dana. She has RDS and is on a ventilator. And..." Lu hesitated.

"And what, Lu?" Dana questioned.

"She has Down Syndrome. And today I found out that she also has a heart murmur. Her chances don't look good, Dana."

"How are her parents dealing with this?"

"Her mother is upset, but seems to be handling it okay. It's the father that concerns me." Lu replied as Bryan Kollier's accusations came back to her.

"What do you mean?" Dana asked.

"He blames me." Lu said after taking a deep breath.

"Blames you? Why? You saved the baby's life."

"He doesn't see it that way." Lu answered. "He feels that if I had stopped the labor instead of delivering, she wouldn't have been developed RDS."

"You've got to be kidding. If you had stopped the labor instead of delivering, the baby would be dead. Can't he see that?"

"I tried to tell him that, but he didn't believe me. He...he says he is going to sue me for malpractice." Lu said softly.

"Lu, I think you should talk to Robert." Dana suggested.

"That won't do no good," Lu answered. "He already talked to me. Today. He said that Bryan already talked to him, and he wanted to know my side of the story. So I told him everything."

"What did he say?" Dana questioned.

"He said that if Bryan sues me for malpractice and wins, I will be suspended. You know he won't listen to me. He never has before. Why should he now?"

"Why wouldn't he listen? I'm sure he won't want a malpractice suit at the clinic."

"Yeah, he says it won't look good on the RWHC record. But think about it, Dana. You know perfectly well that no matter what the situation, Dr. Jackson always takes the other side if it involves me. I think I'm on my own with this one."

"Would you like me to call him?"

"Thanks for the offer, but no thanks. I'll handle it as best I can I guess. Bryan has to prove that what I did was unjustified, just like I have to prove that what I did was justified. In my heart I know I did the right thing. I saved a child's life. But in my mind I can't help but..." Dana quickly interrupted, having a feeling she knew what Lu was going to say.

"Lu, I sure hope you're not going to say that you did the wrong thing. Because we both know that you did what you had to do. That is plain and simple. That was the only way you could keep her alive. What about the mother? What did she say?"

"I haven't talked to her yet. But I am sure she will side with her husband."

"And any doctor will be behind you, Lu."

"Yeah, maybe. But Dana, I keep thinking that maybe Bryan is right. Maybe I could have done something differently. Maybe if I had, the baby wouldn't be fighting so hard to live right now. I don't know. I just feel...I just feel so helpless right now. I don't know what else I can do for her. Dr. Jackson asked if maybe I made a hasty decision because I was worn out and stressed, since I've been working longer hours since you left. I told him that I didn't make a hasty decision. But...did I?"

"No, Lu. You didn't. Please don't blame yourself. You didn't have a choice. You..."

"Dana, what kind of doctor am I anyway? I mean..." Dana quickly interrupted again.

"Lu, you are not responsible for any of this. You were given a situation in which you had to make a snap decision, and I feel you made the only one you could make. And I will tell you what kind of doctor you are." Dana said firmly. "You and I were partners for nearly 3 years. I know we didn't often agree on how to treat our patients, and we always had our own way of doing things, but one thing I learned about you is that no matter what it took, you did whatever you could to help your patients. Even if it meant putting your job on the line. You would NEVER do anything to endanger the life of a patient. And I know Bob knows that as well."

"Well, he sure didn't sound like he would be supporting me here, Dana. If Bryan decides to sue me, I have a feeling I will be on my own. And if Jackson sides with Bryan, then I might as well start cleaning out my office because my goose will be cooked."

"Come on, Lu. Don't be so hard on yourself. And don't underestimate Bob. When the chips are down, he will support his staff."

"Yeah, maybe. But not when it's me. Dana, I know you and Dr. Jackson are friends, so I don't expect you to go against him. But think about it. When was the last time he took my side on any issue?" Dana thought for a moment, and quickly realized that Lu was right. Dr. Jackson didn't often support her.

"Lu, every day we as physicians are faced with difficult decisions like the one you faced when your patient arrived in the ER. Sometimes we do make the wrong decisions. But I strongly feel that you made the right one here. We've both had cases like this before. Want my advice?"

"Yeah...that's sort of why I called." Lu answered softly.

"Stick to your guns, Lu. Don't give in. We both know that you are a fighter. You're not one to back down from anything, especially when you know you are right. I'm behind you 100%. And I will tell Bob that too."

"Thanks, Dana. I appreciate your support. I'd better let you go. It's getting late."

"Yeah, and I'm sure we both will have an early morning. But Lu, one more thing. Don't question your own abilities, as I am sure you are doing. You are a wonderful physician, and your patients are so lucky to have you. Keep that in mind, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." Lu answered in a tone that made Dana believe that no matter what she said, Lu still felt down on herself and her own abilities as a doctor.

"Keep me posted on the baby's condition. And if you ever just need to talk, feel free to call." Dana told her.

"Okay. I will. Thanks for the reassurance. Bye, Dana." Lu hung up the phone and turned out the light, then settled into bed for what she knew would be a restless night.