Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

Chapter Eighteen: Guilt Trip

"Any messages for me, Lana?" Lu asked upon arrival at the clinic the next morning. Lana glanced up from the computer screen.

"Nope. Hey, you don't look to good." Lana observed, immediately noticing her friend's bloodshot eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I just didn't get much sleep last night. To much on my mind I guess." Lu replied, her voice sounding tired.

"Well, I'm not surprised." Lana stated. "You've been working longer hours since Dr. Stowe left. You barely have time to breath around here. And now with this malpractice thing going on. Lu, maybe you should consider taking a couple of days off. Just until you hear the decision. It's clear that you haven't gotten much sleep lately. I can see it. And so can everyone else. You can't force yourself to keep going like this."

"Lana, you know I can't take the time off. With Dana gone, there is noone else." Lu glanced at her watch. "I'm due in chat room. I'll see you later. And I'll be fine." Before Lana could answer, Lu had disappeared into the chat room.

"That's what you always say, Kid." Lana said under her breathe. "But Lana knows better. You're not fine." Lana leaned back in her chair, a thoughtful expression on her face. There must be something I could do, she told herself. After a few moments, she snapped her fingers and stood up.

"That's it. Miranda. I'll talk to Miranda. And I know exactly where she will be."

Lana took a deep breath, then opened the door to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. As expected, she found Miranda Kollier sitting beside the isolate where her tiny daughter lay fighting for her life.

"She sure is a tiny thing." Lana said softly as she approached. Randee glanced up, surprised to see Lana.

"Hi Lana. What brings you up here?"

"Just wanted to see this baby that I've been hearing so much about. How's she doing?" Randee shook her head.

"No change. Dr. Harrison doesn't give us much hope. Look at her, Lana. She can't even breath on her own. She has so many tubes hooked up to her. If she does make it, what kind of life will she really have? She'll have a life of special medical needs, she'll never be like a normal child."

"She'll have whatever kind of life you will give her." Lana answered. "As long as you give her love, she'll be fine." Randee was silent for a moment.

"Dr. Harrison is okay, but he's not..." Randee paused.

"What?" Lana promted.

"But he's not Lu." Randee finished. "He takes care of her, but to him she's nothing more than another patient. Lu really cared about her. I knew that my baby would be okay with Lu taking care of her.

"That's how Lu is." Lana replied. "She cares about her patients. It breaks her heart when she loses one."

"She was more than my doctor, Lana. Lu was my friend. I always knew I could talk to her. I've never known a doctor like her before."

"And you never will again." Lana answered. "There is no other doctor like her. Miranda, can I ask you something?"

"Okay." Randee answered

"If you like Lu so much, why are you hurting her like this?"

"Bryan feels..." Randee started, but Lana interrupted.

"I don't want to know how Bryan feels. I want to know how you feel. Lu was your doctor and your friend. Your husband blames Lu because your daughter was born with so many serious medical issues. Do you blame her too?" Randee was silent for a moment as she thought about how to answer Lana's question. When she didn't answer, Lana continued. "Miranda, if Lu hadn't delivered this baby, she would have died. And I think you know that. Don't you think that if Lu could have done something else she would have? Think about it. She knew that by delivering her now, she could have serious problems. And she also knew that by NOT delivering, she would die. So instead of being thankful that she saved your daughter's life, you are blaming her for the child's serious condition."

Miranda could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She knew Lana was right. She knew that Lu would never intentionally do anything to harm anyone, especially a child.

"Miranda, do you realize what will happen to Lu if this malpractice thing goes through?" Lana asked, then continued without waiting for an answer. "She could face suspension and possible termination. I know you love your husband and feel that you need to support him. But by lying about what really happened, you are destroying a young woman's career and everything she has worked so hard for. Lu told me what went on in that meeting yesterday, that you agreed with your husband. Do you honestly believe that? Can you honestly say that Lu delivered the baby unnecessarily?" Miranda bit her lip as she fought the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks as she slowly shook her head.

"I begged her to stop the labor because it was to early. But she said she couldn't because the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. I knew what could happen if the baby didn't have enough oxygen. I knew Lu did what she had to do."

"Then why didn't you say something at the meeting yesterday?" Lana asked.

"I...I wanted to, but I didn't want to go against Bryan. I tried talking to him when he first mentioned the malpractice suit. But he insists that Lu was wrong. Lana, I love my husband. I was afraid that if I went against him and told the truth, he would leave me. We...we came close to splitting up last year. I didn't want to risk losing him. You can understand that, can't you?"

"Yes, I can. But I don't like to see my best friend being hurt because of a lie. Her job is at stake here. Don't you even care?" Lana asked.

"Of course I care." Miranda said defensively. "But there's nothing I can do. It's already done."

"You can talk to your husband. You can talk to your lawyer." Lana suggested.

"And tell them what, Lana? Admit that I lied about what really happened in the ER that day? Well, I can't." Lana sighed, feeling exasperated.

"I need to get back downstairs. But before I go, there's one more thing that I'd like to say."

"What?" Randee asked. Lana looked into the isolate at the tiny newborn.

"Take a good look at this tiny precious baby girl. Think about how you would feel if she weren't here. And then think about the doctor responsible for bringing her into this world, the doctor who had to choose between life and death for your unborn baby. How would you be feeling right now if she had chosen death?" With that, Lana turned and left the room. Miranda gazed down at her daughter.

"She's right, Angel. If it weren't for Lu, you wouldn't be here. I can't let this happen to the doctor that saved your life. But what am I going to tell your daddy?" Gazing at her fragile daughter, Miranda wept.