Abby slowly became aware of the consistent beeping of monitors, all surrounding her, and then the headache. Not horribly bad by all means, just annoying. Hopefully Tylenol could get rid of it.

"Dr. Lockhart, you're awake. I'll just go get Dubenko," it was a circulating nurse, vaguely familiar, what was her name... Kit?

Abby nodded, and opened her eyes, seeing Kerry talking with someone else outside her door, but as soon as Kerry noticed she was awake, came back into the room. Abby, suddenly remembered what the surgery was about, was tired of signing and writing, wanted to hear her own voice, but when she tried to speak, nothing. She looked down and saw the tube.. what the hell had happened, had something gone wrong?

"Hey Abby," Kerry said as she approached, "Dr. Dubenko will tell you as soon as he gets here, but the surgery went well."

She nodded, thank God, but why was she still intubated? She pulled at it, knowing Kerry would get what she was trying to communicate.

"I should probably let Dubenko do that."

She looked at her Kerry, her gaze saying, well get his ass in here now.

"He's on his way."

'slow' she signed and rolled her eyes, trying to joke.

Kerry did laugh slightly before she caught herself. "If he's not here in a few minutes, I'll extubate," she said finally, it wasn't technically against policy.

'how about now?' as she signed Abby convinced herself that once she got out of this hospital she was going to enroll in a sign language class, her attempts were pathetic, thank God for Kerry who was somehow able to translate.

Contrary to popular opinion, Kerry didn't actually like to piss people off, it was just something that tended to happen... "Five minutes, I don't need Dr. Dubenko accusing me of poaching his patient."

Abby rolled her eyes, she was tired of waiting, tired of a damn machine breathing for her. She wanted to get out of the bed, or at least attempt to sit up in it. Five minutes came and went though, without hide or hair of Dr. Hair. Abby pointed at the clock. Kerry had promised that she would extubate in five minutes, it was five minutes.

'promised' Abby signed, 'I do it myself' she threatened.

Unfortunately, Kerry knew all to well that Abby would try to extubate herself, "Okay, let's get that tube out," Kerry unhooked the ventilator hose and turned the thing off, then deflated the balloon, "Deep breath, blow out, you know the drill."

Abby obeyed and suddenly felt the horrible feeling of the tube being pulled out. As soon as it was out, she was thrown into a coughing fit, her body having to breathe on its on for the first time in over a month now. A nurse quickly brought over a cup of ice chips for Abby in hopes of soothing her throat.

After a good five minutes, Abby turned to Kerry, "thank you," she whispered, her voice horse, and her throat killing her.

"No problem, entubation isn't exactly pleasant."

"no, I mean for everything," Abby still couldn't remember all the details of that night, most of them, but she distinctly remembered Kerry telling her she would be alright.

"You're welcome. Want me to get Susan for you?"

"Where is she?"

"I think I sent her to the lounge to sleep, but she ordered half the staff to page her when you woke up."

"Let her sleep,"

"She'll have someone's head for it, probably mine."

Abby laughed, "she'll probably get here faster then Dubenko," now that she didn't have the tube in her mouth, it was her throat that was hurting.

"Probably got stuck with an emergency hernia repair or the like. I'm going to just page Susan quickly, okay?"

Abby, suddenly the thought of being alone scared the hell out of her, "you're leaving?" she asked, trying to push herself into a seating position, but failed miserably.

"Relax, there's a phone right there," she pointed to the corner of Abby's room.

Abby nodded, trying to calm herself down, but only succeeding in growing more frustrated when she discovered she couldn't sit up.

"Just lay back, major surgery, you probably shouldn't be too active when you just woke up from anesthesia."

"I'm sick of lying down, I want to sit up," she didn't quite snap, but Kerry heard the anger in her voice.

"At least use a couple of pillows to hold you up."

"I can do it myself,"

"Don't strain yourself."

She nodded and tried again, only to fail again. Wonderful. The pain was shooting through various parts of her body now, parts she knew that she hadn't just had surgery on.

"Abby, you were completely immobile for over a month, you're going to need physical therapy to rebuild your strength."

"I should at least be able to sit up,"

"Not really."

"I have to be able to do something without anything helping," she fired.

Kerry decided not to argue, Abby had just come out of major surgery and shouldn't be upset. She went over to the phone and dialed in Susan's pager number. As soon as she hung up, Dubenko moseyed on in.

"Dr. Lockhart, glad to see you awake. Where's the ET tube?

"The purpose of the surgery was so I could breathe on my own, obviously you didn't seem to care that I had a tube stuck down my throat and take your time getting down here," she was pissed and it was obvious to both Kerry and Dubenko

"I wanted to check on you before I extubated. You know, make sure that you were regaining consciousness."

"I did, an hour ago," Susan had snuck into the room and was quietly observing watching Abby's anger only escalate.

"I was in surgery." Abby nodded, not really in the mood to fight with the surgeon, she was to frustrated at herself right then, didn't need to be angry at anyone else.

"Abby, thank God you're awake again," Susan was just a wee bit over concerned.

"Hi Susan," she whispered but kept her gaze down at the sheets.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah, I am," she lied, but Susan and Kerry after working with Abby for years, knew when she was lying, they didn't need to have known her for years, the way she looked spoke volumes.

"Want me to get you anything?" Susan just needed something to do. Before she went insane.

"Can I get out of this room?" she asked hopefully, just for a while, she knew probably not out of the ICU, but just for a change of scenery for a little bit.

"I'm sure it could be arranged."

"Did you repair everything you needed to?" she asked Dubenko softly.

"Only remaining issue, barring postoperative complications, is your kidney."

"Only one?" nobody had told her that one had been removed, all she knew was that she was on dialysis.

"I thought someone went over that with you? One of them had to be removed in the first surgery."

"No," she said bluntly "I was told I needed dialysis that was it. I still don't know the extent of my injuries, and I know you are hiding something else from me!" she would have screamed if she could, but her throat was not going to allow that to happen any time soon.

"Would you like someone to go over your charts with you? Ought to take a few hours, and I can't make room in my schedule," he fumed a bit, steam was practically visible coming from his ears.

"As a doctor it is generally included in your responsibilities!"

"As a surgeon, my responsibility is to cut."

"And you obviously did a good job of it, but is that where your responsibly ends?"

"Yes, it is."

"Well then your beside manner could use some work," He just left, mumbling something about a pancreatic duodenostomy. Susan shot Kerry a worried glance as soon as Dubenko was gone, they knew Abby would be upset, but this was defiantly not what they were expecting.

"It's okay, Abby, it's fine, he's a jerk, he's a surgeon, it's pretty typical," Susan reassured.

"He's nothing more then an argent asshole,"

"Exactly, not worth getting pissed off at. He's Romano the sequel."

"I don't want him back in here," what she wanted more then anything was to go home and go home now.

"I'll look into it," Susan said noncommittally.

"I said I don't want him back in here," she said through her teeth.

"Someone has to do the wound check, remove the sutures and such."

"You're both doctors, at least the last time I remember you were,"

"I'm not sure if it's a good idea Abby, I mean, I'm in the ER, not surgery, it's probably against protocol anyhow, right Kerry?"

"No actually, it's allowable."

"I think I have the right to tell who is allowed to touch me and who isn't, don't you think so Dr. Lewis," she said and looked Susan right in the eye, daring her to contradict what she was saying.

"I just meant that he's the surgeon, and it's his job..."

"I don't want him, or anyone else touching me," her voice cracked, but she quickly recovered, hoping that they hadn't noticed, but they had.

"Someone needs to look after you Abby."

"I'm a doctor.." she started

"You can't treat yourself."

"Watch me," Abby knew what Susan was saying was absolutely true, but she had never taken orders from anyone, never turned down a dare and that's exactly what Susan seemed to be doing, daring her. She could, she would figure out a way, just to prove them wrong.

"You don't need to prove anything Abby, Susan or I can handle it. Or someone else if you'd prefer."

She stopped for a minute, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. "What happened to me?"

"You were attacked Abby, you know that," Susan emphasized the second part of the sentence.

She shook her head again, "I know something else happened, something nobody is telling me, I know I was attacked, I know he tried to kill me…"

"Attacked, raped, later poisoned."

"Poisoned, that's what I didn't know about," she said calmly, scaring Susan. She knew that if she had found out that she had been poisoned, she defiantly would not be acting like Abby was.

"He ended up causing kidney failure, it's what kept you in the coma for so long."

"So the first one was because of a stab wound and the second went into failure because of poisoning?"

"Yes."

"with what?"

"No one's been able to figure it out."

She didn't know what to say anymore, had so many questions running though her head, but for some reason couldn't think of any. "when can I go home," was the only one.

"When you can walk a lap around the floor."

"And I cant even sit up yet," she said resigned, realizing she would be in the hospital for a long time to come.

"You'll get there, just give it time."

"I want to go home, I'll arrange for home health care," she was having some very short clips of her attacker, and somehow she thought in some strange way, he was associated with this hospital.

"When you're up to going home, that's a good idea."

"I can go home tomorrow, I'm fine,"

"You're still on a twelve lead, EKG, several IV medications, can't sit up, you're not fine," Susan insisted.

"I can take the medications at home," she tried, knowing she couldn't win, but refusing to give up.

"No one will discharge you. No sane doctor at this hospital would consider you ready to go home."

"I can sign out AMA if I want,"

"Not if you can't get yourself home."

"I can call a cab,"

"Can you get yourself to the cab?"

"I can, if not I'm sure someone would help me,"

"Who?"

"I cant think of anyone off the top of my head Susan, obviously that person would not be my best friend!" she didn't mean to sound hateful, just didn't have any other way to vent her anger at the moment.

"I'm just trying to look out for you, Abby!" Susan made a point of not showing that the comment had stung.

"And I just want to go home!" and that's when she lost it, finally just started bawling.

"Sorry, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." Susan soon realized she was wasting her breath. Abby didn't responded, but put her head into her knees, embarrassed that she was crying in front of them. She was not supposed to cry! "It's alright Abby, you can go home soon, not now, but soon." Again she didn't respond, so Susan gently pulled her into a hug and let her cry onto her shoulder.

Susan stayed like that for a good ten minutes before she realized that the sobbing had stopped.

"Abby?" she whispered already having an idea why the sobbing had subsided. She didn't answer and Susan knew she had finally fallen back to sleep. She carefully laid her friend back down and tucked her in properly, hoping the rest of Abby's convalescence was a bit less tear drenched. She slowly stood up and turned to Kerry. "that went well," she spoke softly as she and Kerry walked out of the room.

"What did you expect?"

"I don't know! Not that! She's going to hurt herself!"

"She's Abby, she's stubborn."

"You don't think that was…" Susan couldn't think of the word, abnormal wasn't the word considering the whole situation was abnormal.

"After going through hell, I think she's allowed to be off."

"What about her wanting to sign out AMA, you know she wont drop the subject,"

"She may realize she isn't capable of it right now."

"Doesn't mean she will give up,"

"There's not much we can do about that now, Susan."

"We cant let her sign out," she shook her head and glanced back into Abby's room making sure that she was still asleep.

"There's criteria for leaving AMA. The patient has to be able to get themselves out of the hospital."

"And you don't think that she'll find a way to do that?"

"How? She can't sit up on her own Susan, she's going to need hours of therapy before she can do that, much less get herself home."

She nodded, but then another aspect came into mind "I'm worried about her getting depressed Kerry. Abby is so fiercely independent, this is..I'm worried,"

"Either it'll pass on its own, or she'll see someone from psych."

"And that will go over well," both options sucked right then in Susan's opinion.

"See any more productive alternatives? Maybe grind up some Prozac and put it in her IV? Or Effexor in her food? I'm sure that'll be a much better way of going about it," Kerry's sarcasm was completely undisguised.

"Well she's going to need something! Another drug to the list she's already on!"

"Susan," Kerry began, thoroughly exasperated, "Calm down, will you? And be rational."

Susan squeezed her eyes shut, "yeah, I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologize, just don't do anything that would betray her trust, Susan."

"I think that's going to be half the problem Kerry, she's not going to trust any of us for a long time," Susan said sadly.

"She trusts you, that's about it. If you're the one she's going to trust, you'd better not screw it up, it'll do her a hell of a lot more harm than good."

Susan smiled, "is that a threat?"

Kerry arched an eyebrow, far from amused, "You just need to be cautious."

"I think she trusts you to Kerry,"

Kerry was close to saying she doubted it, but that even if that was the case, she knew better than to do anything stupid, but quickly caught her tongue, "Has Luka been up to see her yet?"

She shook her head, "he wants to make sure she is comfortable with men in the room before he comes to visit," smart move.

"Probably for the best. Everyone in the ER know she's out of the surgery at least?"

"Yeah, they know, wouldn't leave me alone until I told them so,"

"Good, so we don't have to inform then. Things busy downstairs?"

"No, been pretty slow actually. I'm surprised with all the media attention that we've been getting, I thought for sure every sick soul would descend upon our ER, wanting to get on TV."

"Got lucky on that, I suppose."

"Can you imagine if she turns on the TV and sees her story on the news?" Susan laughed at what Abby's reaction would be.

"That might be enough to propel her out of bet, to slaughter the reporter."

"Our us, for letting it get out of the hospital," the mood had lightened, slightly.

"There was no way we could keep it a secret."

"Kerry, do you think she knows who did it?" Susan hadn't mentioned Stenton's name, and doubted Kerry had either. But then again, they didn't even know how much Abby remembered. She may have remembered all of it, or none of it, they simply didn't know.

"I don't think so. She doesn't seem to remember the attack."

"Not remember, or not wanting to talk?"

"She didn't seem to know any of what happened when she regained consciousness. If she remembers anything, it's probably very fragmented. Maybe she's repressing the memory."

"Should we attempt to get her to recall anything?" Susan honestly didn't know.

"I think for now, she's got enough to deal with."

Susan nodded, "do you know when her next dialysis appointment is scheduled?" Susan asked, knowing Abby had not had one since she had regained consciences.

"Tomorrow morning, I believe."

Susan made a mental note to be with Abby when the nephrologists came in, "and when will she start physical therapy?" just two of the specialists Abby would be dealing with for a long time to come.

"As soon as I can arrange for it. Probably some time tomorrow afternoon if she isn't too wiped out by the dialysis."

"And if she agrees to it,"

"That too, though I doubt she'll refuse it."

"Let's hope," she smiled sadly and walked back into Abby's room before once again resuming her post.