"Remind me why we let her do that?" in her mind, Susan knew the answer, "because she's Abby and she would have done it anyway," she answered her own question."You planning to go in and talk to her?"

"No, she's going to be pissed as hell when she wakes up, I'm not going to become a patient in this hospital," Susan shook her head, knowing full well what Abby would be like when she regained consciences.

"I doubt she'll be violent, Susan. It might help for her to talk to you."

"She tried something she failed, she's going to be pissed and she's going to try it again."

"Are you certain of that?"

Susan shook her head, "Kerry.. I don't.." she didn't know what to do anymore.

"Don't what? Don't know? No one does."

"Then what the hell are we doing Kerry?"

"Trying."

Susan nodded, took a deep breath and walked into Abby's room, Kerry following. "She's going to kill us when she wakes up,"

"That may be an exaggeration, but she probably won't be thrilled with us."

"Thrilled is not exactly the word I would have chosen," the IV's had been put back, only guaranteeing the mood Abby would be in.

"And what word do you consider appropriate?"

"Down right bitchy sounds about right,"

"There's a difference between bitchy and frustrated."

"I think she's past frustrated Kerry," Susan said defeated.

"Enraged maybe?"

"Just a tad bit,"

"She has the right to be."

"I know, I know she does, she has every right, but where's the point where we start to get worried,"

"I think we passed that point a while ago."

"We have to get someone in here Kerry,"

"Who do you suggest?"

"Do you have the name of a good psychiatrist?" Susan knew Abby would become even more enraged when she would wake up to find that psyche was on her, but at this point in the game, Susan didn't really care.

Suddenly they heard Abby take a deep breath, "don't you dare," she said softly, having just awakened,

"Abby, glad to have you back," Susan fought to stay calm.

"I don't want to talk to them,"

"Talk to who?"

"Psyche, don't you dare bring them down here,"

"But Abby..."

"But what Susan?" she was waiting for Susan to tell her she was crazy.

"with everything that's happened, it might help you Abby."

"I'm fine! I don't need any help!"

"Alright, I was just trying to help."

"AND I DONT NEED IT!" She screamed at them.

"I think you do."

"I DON'T!" She cried that time, her voice cracked.

"What do you need then?"

"To leave, to go home, to get the hell out of here,"

"Well, you just proved that you can't do that."

"fuck you," she hissed at them, tears in her eyes, not caring anymore,

"Don't do this Abby, please," Susan begged.

"do what?"

"Fight us on everything. Give up."

Abby stared at her, "you want me to give up? Fine Susan, I give up," and she turned her back to them, her mind drifting back outside again.

"No...I mean it... It seems like you've given up on everything else."

"And why shouldn't I?"

"Why should you?"

"Cant figure out an answer Susan? Is that what's wrong?" Abby spoke, her voice was ice cold.

"Fine. You want an answer? Because there's a few dozen people out there who apparently care a lot more about you than you care about yourself."

"And I'm done, I don't want this anymore,"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't. get used to it,"

"That's not an answer Abby, and you know it."

"Take a look around you Susan, notice anything different about me, about who I am? I don't want this anymore, that's all there is to it," she wasn't exactly saying the words, but Susan knew exactly what Abby was referring to.

"And just giving up is going to solve anything?"

"I cant do it anymore Susan, I wont,"

"Can't or won't? Which is it?"

"I won't"

"And you won't change your mind? You just want to let him win?"

"Him Susan, have you forgotten his name? Or did you just deem it irreverent to telling me who it was,"

"Fine, Stenton. You're just going to let Dr. Stenton win?"

"He already has,"

"How so?"

"I don't want to talk about this,"

"Well, maybe I do."

"well to damn bad,"

"And that's just life to you, isn't it."

"What business is it of yours Susan? What happened that night doesn't matter anymore!"

"I see, then what does? What's triggering all of this?"

"All of what?" she mocked, desperately trying to convince not only Susan and Kerry that everything was fine, but also herself.

"You know what I mean."

"And I already told you to get out, to leave, not to worry about it, its nobody's business, I don't want to talk about it, I'm fine."

"Fine Abby? You call this fine?"

"Yes, I'm fine, I am," she shook her head, refusing to admit that Susan just might be right.

"You collapsed an hour ago, and you're fine."

Abby glared at her, not knowing how to answer that one, "I want to leave," she whispered.

"We tried that Abby, you tried that."

"I was tired, I'll be fine now,"

"Not likely."

"Watch me!" she dared them.

"If you can't leave on your own, you can't leave AMA."

"And you can't keep me here against my will,"

"Yeah, that's right, you're not on a hold. As soon as you can get yourself out of here, you can get out of here."

"So your not going to help me, is that what your saying? I can get as far as the fucking front door, and you wont help me?" she was furious.

"No, what I'm saying is that it wouldn't be helping you."

"How so? I can take care of myself once I'm home, I know what to do, in case you've forgotten Susan, I am a doctor,"

"There's a difference between knowing and doing, or being able to do."

"And I'm able to,"

"I doubt it."

"You seem to be doing a lot of that lately,"

"What would make me think that you can?"

"Trust me first off!"

"Abby, if you can't walk from here to the south exit, you can't do housework, and I doubt you can change most of your dressings."

"I can at least try, if it comes to it, I'll hire someone,"

"On an intern's salary?"

"What the hell is your problem Susan, why do you have to question everything?"

"I'm just trying to look out for you, okay?" Susan's patience were at their end.

"I don't need anyone looking out for me, I can do it myself! I've always done it myself, I've never fail.." she stopped short, realizing just how wrong that statement was.

"Abby, be reasonable. Please."

She didn't respond for a few minutes, but finally spoke. "I don't know what you want."

"What do you want then? Aside from to go home."

"I don't know," she shook her head,

"So think about it for a while."

"What do you think I've been doing Susan? Just sitting her anxiously awaiting for another doctor or nurse to come in?"

"I don't know. What ever it is, you haven't talked to me about it. Or anyone else for that matter. "

"And I never will,"

"That accomplishes what?"

"Why does it matter? When was the last time I talked to anyone about something? Its my way of dealing, get used to it,"

"Closing everyone off, I mean."

"Because, you don't need to know the details of that night, you don't Kerry doesn't, nobody does,"

"I don't mean the details. I mean you're closing yourself off from the rest of the world."

"So what Susan?"

"So it's counterproductive."

"How do you know I want to be productive Susan? How do you know I haven't already given up? You don't, so quit lecturing me and leave me the hell alone,"

"Fine," with that, she left.

"You can leave to," Abby spat at Kerry, who had been standing in the corner the entire time.

"And I might."

"Good!" she shouted, not realizing how childish she was really acting, but at the same time, not caring anymore.

"But probably not right now."

Abby's head shot up, "what?"

"I'm sorry, didn't I enunciate?"

"I don't want you in here,"

"Someone has to keep an eye on you. I could have Dubenko come in if you'd prefer."

"Excuse me? You think I'm going to hurt myself?" she was shocked Kerry had seen right through her.

"That's a possibility, but so are a half dozen other things."

"Its not a possibility Kerry, you know I wouldn't do that,"

"Do I?"

"You should!" she was trying to stay calm, not knowing if she was more mad, or scared now.

"And why's that?"

"What makes you think I would?"

"Things you've said, and more importantly, the way you've said some of them."

Abby shook her head, "I don't believe this, you think I'm going to kill myself? With what Kerry? Susan said it herself, I can't even get out of this hospital, what the hell can I do?"

"Suicide isn't the only form of self harm, and people have been known to get creative."

"Fine, you think I'm going to hurt myself, go ahead believe it, I don't care,"

"I don't think you will, I think you might, and the apparent apathy isn't helping your case any."

"You can think what you want, like I said, it doesn't matter, I will get out of this hospital, one way or another." she stared Kerry straight in the eyes, knowing exactly who she was going head to head with.

Kerry cocked her head to the side and arched an eyebrow, "One way or another? There are three ways out that I can think of. Should I call for guards on the ward or have you on suicide watch? Because I doubt a conventional return home is likely at the moment."

"Chose what you want, obviously neither you or Susan trust me anymore,"

"It's not that I don't trust you. As far as I've seen, you stay to your word, do what you say you will, that's what's worrying me. If you're verbalizing intent of doing something, why should that be any different?"

"I've never verbalized that I would hurt myself,"

"You said that you planned to get out one way or another"

"I never said that I was going to, or am planning to commit suicide, Dr. Weaver," she mocked.

"What did you mean by it then? Because legally, you're still free to go, so you don't exactly need to plan out some intricate escape."

"I'm not,"

"Clarification now could prevent a psych hold in the future."

"For what? You have no basis to get a one, I've never said anything that could even be considered to put me on a psyche hold!"

"How much are you willing to gamble on that?"

"What do you have Kerry, nothing. You CAN'T get it,"

"I'd really rather not get one, but I could if I had to. Right now, I don't think it's needed."

"Your right, its not!"

"Somehow I don't think our reasoning on the matter is the same."

"Fine, you know what Kerry, do whatever the fuck you feel necessary,"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, didn't I enunciate?" she mocked remembering Kerry's exact words minutes earlier.

"Actually, I was referring to you rather crass choice of verbiage."

"Welcome to the real world Kerry, this is who I am now, sorry to disappoint,"

"I'm not disappointed, but I don't think people change that fast."

"Seven weeks is a long time,"

"Not when you were unconscious for a month of it, and even then, seven weeks isn't that long."

"Fine, whatever you say Dr. Weaver," Abby spoke sternly, she had lost all respect for anyone and everyone, including herself.

"You know a lot of people are worried about you, right?"

"I'm fine, like I've said, tell them I'm fine,"

"They won't believe it any more than Susan or I do."

"Seems to be a trend amongst the staff, not trusting me"

"It's not a matter of trust."

"Then what is it?"

"Any time anyone on staff here says they're fine, it sets off warning bells."

"Why does it matter anymore Kerry? Why should I even talk to you, or anyone else for that matter, if no one is going to believe me?"

"It's not that we don't believe you, it's just that around here, 'I'm fine' is just about code for 'the sky is falling'."

"Then what do you want me to say Kerry?"

"Something other than that you're fine and you can take care of yourself."

"Alright, how about I'm wonderful, life has never been better, I can't wait to get back to a somewhat normal routine, because I know that's what's going to happen,"

"You'll get a lot farther with a little less sarcasm."

"Right." she nodded her head, pretending that she was actually interested in what Kerry was saying.

"Since it's quite clear you didn't hear a word of what I just said, would you prefer sign language? Or maybe I should try another language? Would you understand that any better?"

"I don't understand? Is that what you are honestly telling me? Because it seems to me that its you that doesn't understand, I'm fine, you don't believe me, how else could I put it for you Kerry?"

"So you're saying that there's absolutely nothing wrong?"

"I'm on dialysis, besides that I'm fine, I can even do that at home,"

"Dialysis at home? And no, you're not fine with that aside. You're practically bedridden."

"I can get a wheelchair," not that she would use it once she was home, but had to say something. "and I can be an outpatient for dialysis,"

"Outpatient dialysis works when you're up to driving yourself around, or taking the L. Hauling yourself around in a wheelchair is more physically demanding than walking Abby, I'm guessing you haven't tried it."

"I can at least try,"

"I'll have someone from PT bring one up for you if you'd like, we can see how that goes."

"Why? What's the point? So you or Susan call follow me out the door?"

"If you can get yourself out the door without incident, you're on your own if that's what you want."

"It is,"

"Do you want to try the wheelchair today or tomorrow."

"Today," like hell she was going to sit in it, but pushing it could defiantly work. They never specified how she had to get out the door, just as long as she did it.

"Okay, I'll have someone bring it up. And you do actually have to use it properly, by the way. It's a wheelchair, not a walker."

Abby looked at her, slightly stunned, how the hell did she know what she was planning? "That wasn't in the paper I signed, it just said that I had to get out of the hospital,"

"It's in the fine print, a sub clause buried somewhere in the beurocratic bullshit."

"your kidding me right?"

"Would you like to reread it? I can bring a magnifying glass if you'd like."

"This is unbelievable," she scoffed and rolled her eyes, no way in hell she would get out of there now.

"I know you find it unpleasant, but as it's a matter of easily provable fact, I suggest that you suspend your disbelief."

"I don't know what you or Susan want from me? I have nothing to give you, there is nothing wrong,"

"I don't know about Susan, but I don't want anything from you."

"Then why are you sitting there trying to convince me that I'm not fine?"

"Because common sense does have to come into play at some point."

"There is nothing to tell about that night, everyone already knows what happened, there is no point in making me relive the details, so I've moved past it."

"I'm not asking you to relive it, but if you're past it, why are you acting like this? No one gets past something of the magnitude of what you went through so quickly."

"Because I want to leave, move on with my life, and apparently that cant happen!"

"Do you want to be transferred to a different hospital? Would you rather be at Mercy, or maybe Mount Sinai?"

"No! I don't want to be in any hospital, I don't want to have to deal with all of this! I don't want to have to stare at the closet where.." she stopped short, realizing what she had just said, shit.

"You are going to have to be in a hospital, and you are going to have to deal with this somehow, but you don't have to be here."

"I don't, I don't," she sounded defeated, Kerry noted, maybe she had finally gotten through? It had taken nearly an hour, but still! "I don't want to deal with this, I can't, I won't," she cried.

"As bad as it is, there aren't any good alternatives."

"You don't know that,"

"Aside from offing yourself, what other options do you see?"

"I already told you I'm not going to try anything,"

"Alright. So what other options do you see?"

"I don't know Kerry, I would probably do better at home!"

"I think it's been established that you're not up to going home just yet."

"I think I am, I'll be fine once I get there," Abby said, refusing to back down.

"How many flights of stairs to your apartment?"

"None, I'm on the first floor,"

"Planning on hiring a maid, a valet, and a home care nurse to help around the house and do errands?"

"I can figure something out Kerry, don't worry about it,"

"Telling people not to worry about you only tends to prompt them to do so more."

"Why is that?"

"Probably some aspect of human nature."

"Kerry, I'm fine, I will be fine, I will be wonderful if I can leave and relax at home, away from here," Abby said as she tried to think of a convincing argument to make Kerry agree to let her go home.

"Maybe a convalescence home?"

"No, my own apartment so that I can be by myself,"

"It's the bit about being by yourself that's so worrying."

"I've been constantly surrounded by people for over a month now, I cant have any time by myself while I'm here,"

"Not when you can't do your own chores or run your own errands yet."

Abby shook her head, "Like I said, I can hire someone, maybe Maggie will come, or Erick,"

"Abby, no one has been able to reach then."

"Figures, I can find someone Kerry,"

"Good luck with that."

"Look, clearly you nor Susan are exactly thrilled with me wanting to leave, but frankly I don't give a damn, so you can help me or not, but I am getting out of here," she threatened.

"What do you need help with?"

"Apparently getting to the cab,"

"Anything else?"

"No,"

"When should I call for? Tomorrow morning?"

"How about now? I want to leave now,"

"How about you rest for a night between attempts at departure?

"Kerry, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" she shouted, frustrated now, she was losing a battle.

"I know you want to be out of here, but you tried to get out of here what... Two hours ago? And passed out in the process. Fine, if you want to go now, you can, it's quite clear that any appeals to sensibility or rationality would be a waste of air."

Abby just shook her head and glared.

"Fine, I'll call them now, when do you expect to be ready to leave? Half an hour this time maybe? Give yourself an extra ten minutes over last time?"

"I'll do it by myself, I've never needed help before, I don't need it now. I don't need you, I don't need Susan, I don't need the police and I don't need to think or talk about what happened" Kerry was slowing breaking her down, even if Abby didn't realize it, Kerry knew.

"Uhuh. You can't use a cell in here or I'd lend you mine, there's a landline over there though," she gestured toward the phone, "95 for an outside line."

"Thanks," she reached to grab the phone, but realized just how hard it would be, especially with the lines and equipment attached to her. Maybe Kerry was right? She sat there for a while, thinking. "I knew it was coming Kerry, I knew it and didn't do anything to prevent it,"

"Unless you're psychically gifted or omniscent, there's no way you could have known."

"No, I knew," she didn't know that Kerry knew about the letters, "I knew it was coming, this is my fault that it happened. Don't say its not, you do not know the events leading up to it,"

"Did he ever tell you specifically that he was planning to do this to you?"

"I had a fare warning,"

"That doesn't answer the question."

"It was mentioned that something could come up, yes he did,"

"But he didn't go into specifics, and you had no reason to believe he was serious."

"Kerry, you have no idea, what happened these past two months, it wasn't just the attack, I should have listened to him,"

"The letters were pretty vague, and there's no such thing as fair warning for what he did."

"He should have just finished it Kerry!"

"I'd beg to differ, but your mind is impossible to change."

"Please. Just let me leave," she cried, actually crying, tears running down her cheeks, finally giving in.

"Fine."

"Thank you," she sniffed.

"Tell the cabby to give you half an hour?"

"Please," she nodded and started on the IV.

"Have you got the IV's under control?"

"How many are there?"

"Still three."

"Okay," she nodded, the reality of the situation beginning to dawn on her. No way in hell she could be okay at home, but she had fought so hard for this.

"Which one, or all of them?"

"Um, I think I can get them all, maybe.." no longer was it, 'I can' but maybe. Kerry just nodded and went to the phone to arrange, again, for a cab. After a few minutes of trying Abby realized that she could not even get the second IV out, this was bad, very bad. Frustrated, she threw herself back in the pillows.

"Stuck?"

"Yes," she was actually admitting defeat. Kerry didn't reply, but deftly removed the two remaining IVs. It was always a pain to get out one's own, but anyone else's was a breeze. "I'm sorry Kerry," Abby spoke after a while "its just that.."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Abby."

"Yes I do," she sighed, apologizing was never easy, admitting she was wrong, was even harder. "I hate being like this, acting like this to you, to Susan, I just cant help it,"

"It's fine, Abby. Don't worry about that."

"But I do, I should,"

"You should be worrying about yourself right now."

"Why? There's no point Kerry," she refused to mention aspects of the attack, ones that would clue her coworkers in as to what exactly was causing her behavior.

"Believe what you want then. Cab's on the way. You should probably start heading downstairs."

Abby nodded, "okay," even though she was now uncertain if this is what she really wanted.

"Good luck."

"I um," she didn't know how to start, "is it alright if I just sleep for a little bit before I go?" she asked fidgeting with the blankets.

"Of course. How long do you think you'll want to rest? Should probably inform the cab if it'll be a while."

"Oh I don't know," truth be told, she honestly felt if she fell asleep right then, she could probably sleep right through the night as well.

"Tell them to hold off for now, or let another driver get stiffed the price of gas to get here?"

"No, no, they can hold off,"

"Want anything, or just some peace and quiet?" Kerry asked as she went back to the phone.

"I just want to sleep,"

"In that case, bonsoir," she said after quickly canceling the cab.

Abby didn't reply just settled down in the sheets, debating what to do next, how to play out whatever her next move would be.

"Light on or off?" Kerry asked as she was about to leave the room

"Um, on please, just leave it on,"

"Of course, I'll let you rest now," she said and left.

"Dr. Weaver?" Abby's nurse spoke as he saw Kerry leave the room. "Is she staying or what?"

"You'll have to check with her, but you'd probably better wait a while, she seemed to want to get some

sleep."

"Should I cancel the dialysis appointment then? She's scheduled in an hour."

"As I said, ask her."

"And you also just told me to wait,"

"Wait until she's awake, then ask her," Kerry said, her tone slightly irritated. Did she have to spell it out for the woman? Or maybe a series of diagrams would work. An instructional video?

"Fine." she turned and walked away, somewhat pissed at both Kerry and Abby.