It only took her five minutes to reach Abby's room, to fast, she had yet to think of anything to say to her best friend. 'Well, here goes nothing.' She pushed the door open, and stepped in. And found one conspicuous absence. Immediately her heart sped up, but if something had happened, wouldn't they have been paged?
"Hey!" Susan stepped outside and saw one of Abby's nurses. "Where is Dr. Lockhart?"
The look on the nurses face was not exactly comforting to Susan, "She's not in there?" Susan shook her head. "I haven't seen her,"
"What? This is an ICU, how the hell can you just misplace a patient?"
"I didn't misplace Dr. Lockhart," the nurse began defensively, "I'm sorry, I do not know where she is,"
"Okay, so you lost her. Isn't it your job not to forget where the hell a patient is? Did she get moved and someone forgot to write it down?"
"I don't know! Call security if you want, I have no idea what has happened."
"Well, shouldn't you be trying to figure that out?"
"She wasn't scheduled for anything today, so unless you have written any new orders…"
"NO, I haven't. Go find her before something happens," a million worst case scenarios were running through Susan's mind.
"Are you going to join in on this little search party, because honestly I do have other patients on this floor, who need my assistance just as much as Abby does,"
"Are any of them AWOL?"
"Then my suggestion would be to call security, they can cover a lot more ground faster then I could. Maybe Dr. Weaver knows something,"
"Maybe you could start doing your job and hold the suggestions for someone who wants to hear them."
"Fine," she turned on her heal and walked away, clearly not as concerned about Abby as Susan was. Susan cursed under her breath and hightailed it to the nurse's station, just in case one of them had a clue.
"Anyone seen Dr. Lockhart, oh I don't know in the last two hours?" she asked. Three nurses shook their heads, nobody had seen her.
"Anyone help her get out of here?"
"I didn't," one of them spoke up, then the other two.
"Then how the hell isn't she in her room?"
"We..I don't know," the nurse stood up and grabbed her jacket, ready to start searching the halls.
"Any theories, any hypothesis even?"
"I seriously doubt she could have gotten out there herself, the last time I saw her she had just fallen asleep," they were back at Abby's room.
"Which answers absolutely no questions whatsoever thank you very much."
"Well Dr. Lewis, what would you like me to do?"
"Finding her would be pretty good."
"I don't even know where to start looking! Where would she go? Where could she go?"
"I don't know. Try security tapes."
"I'll inform security then," she said and walked over to the phone in Abby's room.
"I don't want you to inform them, I want you to alert them to a code elope, and then go down and look over the tapes yourself."
"Okay, okay," she said softly picking up the phone. Susan suppressed the urge to rip someone's head off. How the hell had they managed to loose track of Abby... "They know, they're looking," the nurse said as the announcement came over the PA system, wonderful. Now the ER would also know that Abby was M.I.A. Sure, they hadn't actually given the patient's name. Just a discreet 'Code Elope, Cook County General hospital, ICU' but everyone downstairs would put one and one together.
"They'll find her Dr. Lewis, she'll be fine," the nurse tried to reassure, as Susan's pager went off.
"Shit," she looked down.
"Find her already?" the nurse asked seeing Susan glance at her pager, she was just trying to be optimistic. She knew Abby's story and now that she was missing..
"Not likely. You done with the phone?"
"Yeah," she stepped away, giving Susan access to the phone.
She dialed down to the ER front desk. "Frank. Put someone on who knows what's going on."
"Like there someone who doesn't," he replied and then called Luka over. "Oh by the way, Weaver's on her way up,"
"What? Why?"
"Oh I don't know, possibly because Lockhart is the subject of a security search right now,"
"Who found... Where? What?" the nurse looked over, hearing the conversation, had they found the missing doctor already? If they had, she was defiantly impressed with security. "Answers are nice, Frank. Give them."
"All I know is that Weaver's pissed, she got a phone call, and made a bee line upstairs,"
"Where's Luka? Who called her? Security?"
"That and she heard it over the PA"
"But they didn't say who... Oh, who the hell am I kidding, she knew. Damn it, so she's been found though? Abby I mean..."
"Yeah, she's fine, wait. Maybe that's where Weaver went.."
"What? Frank, make sense."
"Weaver left her ten minutes ago, she should have been up there with you, if she was coming to you! She got a call, and rushed off about the same time we found out that they had found Abby,"
"Wait, so they found her ten minutes ago? Wherever she went, it wasn't here. Think, Frank. Where did Weaver say she was going?"
"Roof, maybe? I don't know Susan, I didn't really bother to stop and chat with her,"
"I didn't say that you did, but did she at least say where she was headed? Is roof a fact or a guess?"
"I heard her say something about the roof, and that you two were arguing earlier, Abby wanting to be alone or some nonsense, where else could she go that would guarantee she could do just that?"
"Okay. Which lift did she take? Or stairs...? Only elevator three and stairwell A have roof access, did she take one of those?"
"Susan," Luka stepped in "she was on the roof, come on," She hung up on Frank and stared at Luka, bewildered. "They don't know how she got up there, but one of the guards had a hunch and found her,"
"She... Is Abby okay?"
"A little cold, but I think she'll be okay,"
"You've seen her?"
"No, Kerry is apparently trying to convince her that IV's are a good thing, trying to get her temp back up."
"But she's not hurt?"
"No. At least from what we've been able to see,"
"Can I see her? Where are they now?"
"Upstairs, room 408, I don't know if they're going to keep her there, or move her somewhere else,"
"Why are we standing and talking. Need to go. Make sure she's okay."
"Susan stop! Kerry is with her, she's okay! She's not hurt," he tried to reassure. "You can see her, but you have to be calm,"
"I'm calm, I'm calm," she barked, "Now let's go."
"If you go in there like this, its only going to scare her more,"
"She's scared? She's got no right to be scared, she's been scaring me..."
"No right? Good God Susan, do you remember what she's been though? She would never admit it, but she's more scared now then she was when she woke up,"
"That's not how I meant it, Luka. What I meant was-"
"Was what Susan?" he asked as he led her to Abby's room.
"Was that this little escape bit was her doing, not ours, that she... I don't know what I mean any more Luka... I... She... This is all...frustrating..."
"She didn't do anything wrong Susan, its not like she was planning to through herself off the roof,"
"We don't know that."
"Susan…I mean she wouldn't. I mean..its Abby, she would never,"
"You really think that?"
"And you really think she would?"
"Yeah, from how she's been lately, I do."
"So, would you consider this a foiled suicide attempt?"
"I don't know yet."
"But you think that's what she was doing on the roof?" he asked softly as they arrived outside of Abby's room.
"Like I said, I don't know. Maybe."
"Alight," he opened the door, "shall we?"
"Not much of a choice, is it," she mumbled and stepped in. Abby was in the bed, multiple blankets piled on top of her, but was arguing with Kerry about something.
"Hey there," Susan said, not much above a whisper, unsure of whether or not she actually wanted to get Abby's attention. It did catch Abby's attention, she actually looked over at Susan, but didn't say anything, before quickly returning to her argument with Kerry.
"No, I don't need any," Susan heard Abby telling Kerry, probably concerning the IV's which had yet to be reconnected.
"Abby, I was speaking to you. I know it's a lot to ask," she continued, her exasperation and upset clear in the tone of her voice, "but could you do more than glare at me when I talk to you?" she didn't receive an answer, not that she was really expecting one. "You know, maybe a hiss, or a glottal click?" Abby wanted to throw something at her, but nothing was handy. "But I'd settle for a snort or even profanities." Abby didn't say anything, she was not going to give into Susan or Luka, or even Kerry for that matter. "Fine, will someone please call a nurse, have them bring her chart up here?"
"I'll run and get it," a nurse who had entered the room with Susan and Luka offered, didn't wait for a response just left.
"Thank you," she said, knowing the retreating figure wouldn't hear it.
"Susan.." Luka whispered under his breath, wondering what exactly she was planning on doing.
"Not now, Luka, I can't deal with all of you at once."
"Don't do anything you're going to regret," he said and stepped back, as the nurse returned chart in hand.
"I'm done regretting. I'm doing what neither of you has the balls to." Abby closed her eyes, even though she was ignoring them, she could hear everything that was being said, and she didn't like the sound of what Susan had just said.
"Susan, don't do anything... impulsive." She nodded and walked over to Abby after quickly glancing over the updates on the chart. Abby would kill her for what she was about to do, but now Susan had to look at this now more from the perspective of a doctor, then a friend, it was the only way to help her patient.
"Is there a stethoscope around here?" The nurse nodded and forked her's over, Luka bit his lip, this was not going to go over well at all. "Thank you," she maneuvered so she was behind Abby and pressed the drum of the stethoscope to Abby's back, "Take a deep breath." Abby glared at her and squirmed away from the stethoscope, not wanting anyone or anything touching her. "Please stay still." Abby reached up and grabbed Susan's hand and threw it down, away from her, before curling up into a ball. Luka looked on, not knowing what to do. Abby wanted to scream at them just to leave her alone, not to touch her, but if she spoke, in her mind, she would lose the battle of wills that was currently going on between her and Susan. "Please inhale," Susan said calmly. Damn it, if nothing else, she was going to make sure Abby was physically okay. Once again, she moved away from Susan, positioning herself so that it would rather difficult for Susan to listen to her breathe, at least from the back. Susan simply readjusted her position and again, put the drum to Abby's back.
By now Abby was fuming, "get the hell away from me!" she screamed at Susan before pushing her away. Susan just braced herself, Abby's efforts, though genuine, were not enough to knock her back. "Don't you dare touch me," she growled, as Luka stepped forward, ready to protect Susan in case Abby became violent towards her.
"I'm just doing my job."
"Don't touch me, any of you," she shouted again.
"Abby," Susan said firmly, "Someone needs to examine you."
"No," she shook her head defiantly
"Yes."
"You cant touch me without my permission,"
"I'm not going to let you come out worse for wear because of something like a wound infection or pneumonia that no one caught because you wouldn't let them examine you."
"And you cant do a damn thing about it," Abby dared her.
"Don't be so sure of that."
"you can't touch me,"
"What makes you say that?"
"Its my choice! Clearly that doesn't matter anymore does it? It doesn't matter if I say no, beg or plead, its still going to happen isn't it Susan?"
"I have to do what I feel is right."
"You feel its right to go against my will? To blatantly disregard my request to be left alone, not to be touched, is that what you feel is right?" at least they had got her to talk with him, well rather yell, but she was still communicating.
"I feel it is right to look out for your physical wellbeing, as it seems that is all that I can do for you."
"Well don't, I don't need you or anyone else,"
"Believe what you want."
"Good, now get the fuck out!"
"When I'm done."
"No. I'm not going to let you do this."
"You think you can stop me?"
"What can you do?"
"What do you think?"
"No, don't you dare, just leave,"
"I don't plan on leaving just yet actually."
Abby turned to Kerry, "do something!"
"What would you like me to do?"
"Don't let her do this,"
"It's not my place to interfere."
"No, I don't want this! I'm a doctor I can look out for myself, I know what to look for." she tried, she was so frustrated, so angry especially at the three doctors now gathered in her room.
"No, Abby. You can't, it doesn't work that way," Susan had to bite the inside of her cheek, literally until it started to bleed, to keep from yelling.
"Well it does now,"
"That's not up to you."
"Its not up to me if you get to do whatever you want to me, is that what you're honestly saying Susan?"
"No. I'm saying I won't let you get sicker than you are."
"There is nothing you can do!"
"How do you know?"
"Stay the hell away, do not touch me, end of conversation,"
"Not sure if I'd call this a conversation."
"Well whatever it is, its over," she said and crossed her arms across her chest.
"Fine. So I can examine you in peace."
"NO!" she screamed at her that time.
"What happened to your being done talking?"
"Shut up Susan, just shut up,"
"You're the one screaming."
Abby shook her head, done arguing with her, she could at least wheel herself out of the room, away from Susan, away from them. She pushed herself into a sitting position and swung her legs over the bed.
"Going somewhere Abby?"
"Away from you guys,"
"Which is a motivation, not a destination."
"What does it matter to you? You cant keep me here, I can go wherever I want, when I want, I don't need your permission to do anything Dr. Lewis,"
"It matters to me because I give a damn, Abby. Up till recently, you've been my best friend. Now, it's painfully obvious that you don't want anything to do with me. If you won't have friends, you can at least have a physician who does their job right."
Abby looked down, she knew what Susan was saying was absolutely certain, but she sure as hell was not giving in just yet. "I don't care,"
"Well the rest of us do, so deal with it."
"Susan, what is not clear to you here? Huh? I do not want you or anyone else's hands on me, not now."
"Withdrawing from the world won't fix anything."
"First off I'm not withdrawing and second of all, how do you know I want anything fixed?"
"You saying that you want to stay like this forever?"
"Nothing is wrong! Except for the three of you constantly doubting me!"
"It's not doubt, Abby, it's concern."
"Okay, two options here, you three leave, or I am,"
"No, you're not withdrawing."
"Excuse me? I can leave whenever I want and there is no a damn thing you can do about it"
"That was sarcasm, Abby. I wasn't saying you couldn't leave. I was commenting on your claim that you weren't withdrawing from the world."
"I'm not! I just want to be alone for two damn seconds!" she spoke, near tears.
"All you want anymore is to be alone. Is there that much ugliness in the human race?"
"If I said yes, you would question me, if I said no, you would do the same. It doesn't matter," she said putting particular emphasis on 'doesn't;'
"You don't know what I would or wouldn't do."
"Fine, you win. Now please leave,"
"Answer the question."
"What do you think Susan? Lets see, since that night, or what I can remember of it, I've been attacked, awoke from a coma, only to find out what had happened, that I'm dependent on dialysis for the time being, oh lets not forget that some people feel the need to keep certain things from me. I told you, now you can leave me the fuck alone."
"What is it that I'm keeping from you?"
The question caught her off guard, think fast! "nothing, I just don't want anyone in here,"
"If I'm not keeping anything from you, then be honest about it. I'm going now. I'll be back to check on you later."
"Don't bother,"
"I will bother."
"What exactly is it that you hope to accomplish Susan? You cant help me, neither can Kerry or Luka, just give up already!"
"Abby, you've known me long enough to know that I don't give up."
"Well maybe its time to accept reality, and realize that sometimes you might just have to" Abby said, Susan hearing the defeat in her voice.
"Not now it isn't."
"For you maybe, but not for me,"
"Well, we'll have to agree to disagree I suppose."
"Okay."
"Now, I'll see you in a bit."
Abby didn't respond that time, just sat there, seemingly lost in thought realizing that she had actually lost that battle.