Susan sat in the cafeteria as Leslie Hernandez joined her, Kerry and Luka. She had asked the other doctor to meet them in the cafeteria when she arrived.

"What's the consensus? Is there one yet?"

"You called me down here, you tell me," Hernandez spoke and took a seat next to Kerry.

"We think.." Susan paused, she didn't know how to say what she wanted to convey. "We need you to talk to her,"

"I see. I'm guessing you don't mean as a neurologist?"

"No, she. Abby, we think she's.. acting," was the only word that could come to mind.

"Acting oddly?"

"Well yeah. She was miserable at County just yesterday and now all of the sudden she's happy, like nothing happened? She talks to us, invites conversation, its.. Something's up,"

"Could it be related to the relocation?"

Susan looked to Luka and Kerry, "It could, but that's why we brought you here, we just don't know anymore,"

"Has it been ascertained exactly where the attack took place?"

"No, all we know is that it was somewhere inside County and that there was a second attacker,"

"Then it's quite possible that the change in location did cause some improvement. How much, though, is something to ponder."

"She was refusing treatment, refusing to talk to anyone at County and now suddenly she's all better?"

"It's possible that she associated her location with the attack."

"Then why is she wanting to get back to the ER, go back to work?"

"She might not feel the same way about the ER. Maybe her attack took place near her room."

"The last time I saw her before.." Susan said. "She was heading up to the ICU,"

"And she was in the ICU. That could be it."

"Has anyone asked her about it?" Luka asked as he took a sip from his coffee.

"She doesn't want to talk," Susan grumbled, adding an aspartame packet to hers.

"Well, maybe now she will," he suggested.

"Possibly." All eyes went to Hernandez, she was the only one trained in how to really approach the subject. "I'll see if I can get her to talk about it, but the subject can't be forced."

"Just see what you can get. Maybe she can remember who the other attacker was?"

"That's not really the top priority for me."

"Well whatever it is, can you just please make sure, she isn't just trying to fool us?"

"That would be the intention."

Susan nodded, thankful for the doctor, "Thank you,"

"Now all of you, go get some sleep. I'll talk to Abby."

"Sure," Susan laughed, knowing that probably wouldn't happen, but hell it was worth a shot.

"And I do mean all of you," Hernandez cast Kerry a meaningful glare.

"Fine," Luka spoke up, knowing that Hernandez was right, they all needed sleep. Especially Kerry and Susan.

"Page us if anything comes up." Hernandez nodded and walked off, leaving the three doctors to wonder what was coming next.

They rode in Susan's car on the trip back to County, largely silent until Luka finally turned on the CD player. Finding that it was Cosmo's disk, twenty best loved children's' songs, he quickly shut it back off. Finally, they were back in their hospital, and as their hospital, it was somehow far more comfortable even though the two were remarkably similar.

Morris, seeing Kerry walk into the hospital, quickly ducked into an exam room, Sam, And Chuny laughed at the site.

"Whatever he did, tell him he's on nights for a week for it."

"Gladly," Sam smiled. "Oh," she quickly grabbed an envelope, "I was told to give this to you ASAP,"

Kerry opened the large manila envelope to find three rubber banded stacks of white business sized envelops, each neatly printed with the name of an ER staffer. She knew in an instant what they were.

"Anything interesting?" Pratt asked, seeing her look at the envelopes.

"If they are what I think they are, then yes," she paused for a moment, "round up everyone who's not busy." Soon, nearly the entire ER staff was gathered around Kerry, save for Morris who was still hiding out.

She'd found an explanatory note stuffed in with the envelopes, so once everyone was reasonably quiet, she started, "It seems the test results have come back, apparently there's a donor match, but everyone will have to look over their test results to know who."

"Someone matched?" Kerry heard a few voices say, apparently shocked. And then they tore into their envelopes. There was an aura of disappointment in the room as people tore into the envelopes and read the results, maybe slightly tinged with relief, nephrectomies weren't known for being pleasant, and as long as someone matched, it was all good in the end. Kerry slid a finger under the flap and opened the sealed envelope, then unfolded the letter and bit the inside of her lip to keep herself from displaying any surprise.

"Anyone?" Luka asked, after looking over his own results. He had not matched, he knew Susan had not matched, then who was it?

"If the individual wishes to remain anonymous, it's their prerogative," Kerry made an effort not to snap at him. She doubted Abby would accept a transplant if she knew who the donor was, and it really wasn't anyone else's business anyhow. She'd explain her absence away as a vacation, and just focus on administrative matters for a while upon her return.

"Kerry," She heard Susan whisper "its you," she smiled. For the past two months Susan and Kerry had been together nearly twenty four hours a day. Susan could actually begin to read her boss.

"Right blood type, wrong antigens," she lied through her teeth, "I need to speak to you in my office later."

"We need to at least tell Abby that she might have a donor,"

"I think Leslie would kill me if I went within a mile of that hospital. We're both supposed to be sleeping, remember? I'll send her a fax."

"You want Hernandez to tell her?"

"Would you rather?"

"No. I just…" she didn't know what she wanted. "I don't know if Abby should even know until we are certain that whoever it is, is actually going to go through with it. Can you imagine if we told her she had a donor, and then that person decided against it?"

"There's no danger of that happening. My office, two hours, alright?"

"Kerry!" Susan started to object, but stopped when she realized that Kerry had already disappeared down the hall.

Two hours later, Kerry gulped down the last of her coffee. She'd run home, showered, changed into fresh clothes, played with Henry(Who, much to her surprise, still recognized her), and made coffee, the first decent stuff she'd had in ages. Still tired, but feeling slightly more human, she had actually gotten a little paperwork dealt with for the first time in ages. Susan was due there any minute.

And then the knock came at the door, Susan entered, looking like she to, had been home. A change of clothes was always nice, as was a decent hot shower. "Hi Kerry," she didn't want to spend a lot of time here, wanted to go back and at least see Abby once more before they kicked the visitors out.

"Susan, hi."

"Can we talk about this on the way to Mercy?" This, meaning whatever Kerry needed to talk to her about.

"I suppose."

"Or would you rather do it here?"

"I can be brief. I'm planning on taking a vacation, about two weeks, sometime soon. When I get back, I'll have to deal with administrative matters, and I'll probably be out of the ER for a month or more. I thought you should have a heads up, give you a chance to deal with the schedule"

"Okay," Susan shook her head, that was weird. Something was different, and she wanted to ask Kerry, but she couldn't, didn't feel very much like intruding on privacy.

"You going to visit Abby?"

"Yeah, I'm going to try and get over there. I just think she needs to know that we're consistent, will be there at least a couple times a day, might help. I don't know,"

"Should I come along?"

"Sure, why not, cant guarantee what kind of mood she will be in though. Especially after we sent Hernandez in on her,"

"Well, sounds like you could use the back up then."

"Always. Have you talked to Hernandez at all since we left?" Susan was anxious to see how everything went, to find out what exactly Abby was up to.

"Not yet

"Think it's a good sign or a bad sign?" she asked as they stepped outside into the bitterly cold weather.

"Probably fairly neutral"

"Both of them are pretty stubborn, well I know Abby is, and Hernandez seems exactly the same way," Susan flagged down a cab and they jumped in.

"Oh, believe me, she is. Practically impossible."

"So was it a good idea to have two stubborn people in the same room?"

"It works in the ER with a few dozen, why not on a smaller scale?"

"Because its Abby! And if she knows we are on to her.." Susan shook her head.

"We'll see."

"Thanks," Susan paid the cabbie as they arrived at Mercy. "I love having to prepare for battle," She tried to joke as they made their way upstairs.

"It's not a battle, it's... A cold war."

"Don't you just love it? You know there was a reason I didn't go into psychiatry," she laughed.

"Same here Susan. I can't figure out what people are thinking on a social level, much less a clinical one."

"At least Abby is keeping them on their toes," she quieted down as they reached Abby's door and looked inside.

"Just what they need."

"Hernandez is still inside, do we dare enter?"

"I'd put my money on waiting, but you may be exceptionally bold."

"Yeah, looks like Abby is about to kill her, I think I'll wait out here," Susan winked.

"So, here's to hoping out patience lasts longer than their powwow."

"Well we're about to find out, here comes Dr. Hernandez," Susan stepped away from the door as the physiatrist stepped out.

"Hello again you two. Planning on applying for jobs here?"

"Haven't considered it yet actually," Susan started. "How did it go?"

"You know I can't discuss that."

"We sent you in there for a reason. Just tell us if we need to be cautious of anything,"

"Nothing you wouldn't already be careful about."

"Is it an act? That's all I'm asking, that's all I need to know. A simple yes or no, no details needed," Susan pressed.

"No. Not right now."

Susan breathed a sigh of relief. "Your sure? She can be manipulative."

"I'm sure. I realize she's manipulative, she's practically a snake. It wasn't an act."

"So she really is doing better," Susan smiled at Kerry, relieved.

"You done with her for the day?"

"Unless you need me to do anything else, I'm done, yes."

"Is she alright? Or is she pissed?" Susan asked as she peered into Abby's room.

"Not excessively so, actually."

"Oooh you're good," she was about to enter, when she suddenly remembered something. "We might have a donor, do we mention it to her?"

"What are the odds that the donor will go through with it? She isn't up to handling much disappointment just yet."

"I honestly don't know. But if we do have a donor, it could prevent the need for a port, which is scheduled for," Susan glanced at her watch, "two hours from now."

"The donor won't back out, Leslie," Kerry said confidently.

"Kerry, are you sure you want to promise this to Abby?" Susan glared.

"You don't trust them?"

"I don't know who it is! And the last thing Abby needs is to be disappointed right now."

"You don't need to know who it is, Susan," she took a deep breath, "and she won't be."

"Kerry.." Susan started but was suddenly interrupted for a very familiar voice.

"You know, I can hear everything that is being said, especially when the door is cracked open," Abby was standing right there, staring at them. Someone mumbled 'shit' under their breath, and Kerry, Susan, and Leslie glanced at one another, somehow feeling mildly guilty, like kids caught with their hands in the collective cookie jar, or perhaps more like the kid that broke the cookie jar trying to get their treat before dinner. "I would appreciate it if you three didn't talk about me thinking I can't handle a little disappointment," they could hear how hurt she was in her voice.

"That wasn't what we thought Abby," Kerry replied, knowing that it was the case for her at least. She'd been more bothered that Susan didn't trust the anonymous donor, even though, not knowing who it was, she really had no reason to.

"Oh it wasn't?" she said, and turned away, walking back into her room. How dare they? She was just starting to trust them again and then they go and do this. They followed suite, each hoping one of the other two said something first. Why couldn't even something potentially good go smoothly? "Right now, if I were you," Abby started knowing they had entered. "I would turn around and leave me the hell alone,"

"But you're not me, and I'm either too stupid or too stubborn to do that. Take your pick."

"Please, I just want to be alone for a while," she tried to keep her voice down, gentle. She really was not angry, just.. not happy.

"No." Abby looked at them clearly agitated, and then turned her focus out the window, just like she had been doing at County.

"Well, that's a bit of a step in a backwards direction."

"And keeping things from me isn't?" she glared at Susan and Kerry, knowing they would get what she meant.

"I wasn't planning to."

"Well apparently I have a donor, and you three were debating whether or not it would be of importance to tell me yet? Is that correct?"

"Susan doubts the donor's intentions because they've chosen to remain anonymous."

"And you don't think I'm capable of handling disappointment right now Dr. Hernandez? Don't bother trying to lie, I heard it all, so like I said, get out of my room all of you,"

"You're telling us all to just leave because of one person's opinion?"

"I'm telling you to leave, because I want you out, because I need to be alone right now," she said through her teeth.

"Fine, but don't you want to hear the news in its entirety first?"

"Am I going to get all of it? Or only the parts you believe I can handle?"

"All of it," Kerry said, before Susan could say a word.

Abby looked at them suspiciously, she was tired of playing this game, sick of it. But decided to let them go ahead. "Fine," but she was not to optimistic that she would be getting the whole truth, not anymore.

"Nearly the entirety of the ER, plus a good chunk of OB, and a few other assorted individuals got tested to see if they could be a donor. There is one, but apparently," Susan said, sounding more than a little irritated, "they feel a need to keep it a secret."

"They do, or you do?"

"Do we or don't we what?"

Abby shook her head "Never mind. So why did you feel that you couldn't tell me this?"

"How can one trust a body that one does not know?" Susan explained.

"So all this boils down to, is that you thought I would get my hopes up, that I might actually get excited about this? Good God Susan, I know not to get excited about anything now!" she slipped.

"I didn't want you to get let down again."

"I don't expect anything to go all happy anymore Susan, it doesn't work that way anymore for me,"

"And what if this does?"

"It wont, don't you get it yet? Any of you? It wont, so quit trying ," she wanted it to work, desperately, but then again every time she thought something good was about to happen, her hopes would be shattered.

"So you don't want the transplant then? You're just giving up on everything?"

"I never said I was giving up," she knew what to say and what not to say, when the psychiatrist was in the room, she wasn't stupid.

"So what are you saying then?"

"To leave me alone, I don't know how much clearer I can get!"

"So everyone should just piss off and let you self destruct?"

"Yes, fine, sure. Now go,"

"If that's your plan for however much longer you plan on sticking around, no. Definitely not."

"Why? Why cant I be alone for one damn minute? Ever since Stenton…" she paused. "Please, just let me thing about it alright?"

"Think about it, fine. Go ahead."

"I will once I'm by myself,"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm contaminating your space, obviously inhibiting your cerebral functions," Susan snapped and fled.

"Susan!" Abby wanted to yell after Susan, apologize for what she had said.. But seeing that the two doctors were not going to leave anytime soon, she looked back up at them knowing what they were probably thinking "I promise I'm not going to try anything. I know what you're thinking but I won't Kerry, I won't," she sounded much like a child promising her mother she wouldn't do whatever it was again.

"I don't doubt that, but sometimes not doing anything can be as bad as doing something," she said, coming a few feet closer.

"I won't, I won't," she said shaking her head. It seemed as if she was having a break down. She honestly didn't know what she really would do anymore, it seemed to vary day by day, and today, as the day went on it seemed to be getting much, much worse.

"I know. It's okay, Abby. We know."

"I didn't do anything wrong Kerry," she kept crying, it was the only time they realized that Abby would actually talk about what had happened. When she had become so upset and was crying.

"Of course you didn't. None of this is your fault."

"They just grabbed me…and I couldn't do anything. Security saw them holding me and walked right past," she was beginning to tell what had happened. While Kerry had heard this part before Hernandez had not. Abby not realizing she was actually saying what had happened continued. "They shoved me in a closet. Stenton ripped off my clothes, while the other one just held me," she squeezed her eyes closed. "I tried to fight them off, but the other one injected me," her hand unconsciously went to her leg, where he had stuck the needle. "I.. I don't know what it was, it didn't knock me out, but I couldn't move. The other one just held my shoulders down kept telling me it would be okay, that I would be fine as long as I listened. That it would be just fine, But it wasn't, it isn't, it will never be."

"Nothing's ever just fine, and a lot of things don't go away, but people can keep going, they can choose to fight like hell to move on and get past things."

"I cant anymore," she said, actually admitting defeat.

"That's a pity, because there are a lot of people who want you to, and a hell of a lot more things for you to do, a lot of things that maybe only you can."

"Don't play shrink games on me,"

"I'm not. I've got no flair for it, it'd be a waste of both our time."

"What do you want me to do then?"

"Stand and fight. Keep trying. You've got a chance here that a lot of people don't get. You can get past this, and it won't go away, but you'll grow from it, and maybe somehow that can help someone else."

"You say that like its so easy. But , I know Stenton's in jail and what about the other one? Do you know how frustrating it is to know who your attacker is, but can't name him, can't even put a face to his voice anymore?"

"I know it's not easy. It's probably the hardest thing you'll ever do. I know you're in pain, right now, you're probably in your own personal hell. And the other guy? I don't know. Maybe the cops can get Stenton to turn on him, and maybe he'll get himself caught, but if you give in because he hasn't been caught, even if he never comes near you again, he wins."

"Nothing works, I can't sleep at night, and when I'm awake all I think about is that night, how I wished they would have finished.." she stopped herself once again.

"How you wish they'd finished the job and killed you? So you wouldn't have to deal with all of this now. Well, they didn't, and you can either accept that and deal with it, because eventually, there will be other things going on, and your thoughts will be elsewhere most of the time, or you can give up, let that night be what defines you. No more saves in a trauma, no more friends, no more fun, nothing, just what happened. Nothing will ever undo what happened, but the passage of time is on your side with this, most things get worse with time, but if you get past this, there will be better things to think about, and to worry about. Things will improve."

Abby looked at her, knowing she was right, but at the same time, was scared if she wasn't correct. "How are you so sure? How do you know?"

"Because life happens, and humanity isn't extinct yet."

Abby nodded and rolled her eyes, before getting up and walking over to the window. "To you it isn't Dr. Hernandez,"

"So you're saying we're not here? As a species, we're gone. This is all a figment of some sort of rodent's imagination?"

"I don't know what I mean anymore, I don't know what I want anymore,"

"So let yourself clarify that."

"Okay." she said just to get her to shut up. Abby couldn't stand her any longer. But by then she was so angry and frustrated at herself, at the world, she simply didn't care anymore. And then it was as if something snapped inside of her. She simply couldn't suppress it any longer. Abby turned to face Kerry. "Why did you do it? You should have just left me out there, let me die!" she screamed loudly at her, startling the other two doctors. "You know I wouldn't have wanted this!"

"Because then, you said you didn't want to die."

"Because I was to damn drugged up to realize what I was saying, if you would have thought about it you would have know I didn't want to live!" she screamed at them again. Two nurses ran in, hearing all the yelling.

"You think I fucked up? Fine, maybe you're right, maybe I did."

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FIND ME, why did you have to bring me into that trauma room, put me through this?"

"In the ER, it's what we do, find people, piece them back together if we can. No one wanted to watch you die." Kerry replied calmly.

"What about what I wanted, what I want?" she knew what she way saying, knew they could defiantly get her for it. "I hate what you did! I don't want to be here!"

"Fine, I was wrong to try then, and I'm wrong to expect anything now, and if I had any sense at all, I'd have left like Susan did. You satisfied?"

"No, I'm not! I want to leave now, I'm done with this hospital shit, I'm done with having to explain everything. I'm done with making Susan angry every time I talk.."

"Susan's not mad at you, she's scared, thinks she's going to make things worse. As for the rest of it, fine. You want us to give up and walk away, what choice do we have?"

"She is mad! She every right to be!"

"She may have the right, but doesn't see a reason, and she isn't. Not with you."

"Why are you doing this Kerry? Why are you making me right? Why are you agreeing with me?" Abby said after a few minutes of silence. It was unnerving, that she was agreeing with everything Abby said, only making Abby uncomfortable.

"Awful lot of good disagreeing did, and I know the difference between sticking to my guns and shooting myself in the foot." Abby felt like her head was going to explode and sat down on the couch, putting her head into her hands, she didn't know what to do anymore. The transplant had suddenly become a very real possibility, now all she had to do was say yes. "So if you feel that you should have been left to die, then fine, I'm sorry for going against your wishes. And you've been around County long enough to know that I don't say that when I don't mean it."

"Just stop Kerry, please, just stop caring what happens to me,"

"I don't think I can do that."

"You have to!"

"It's not that easy."

"Just turn and leave, don't come back, get back to your life and forget about me," she cried.

"So that no one will be around to give a damn when you let yourself blow away?"

"Yes Kerry, that's exactly it!"

"That's not going to happen. If you plan on leaving us, there'll be at least a few people that stick around to miss you when you're gone."

"You don't have a choice Kerry,"

"I can't stop you from doing whatever you plan on, neither can Susan or Luka, but I doubt any of us is budging."

"I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm asking you to walk out that door, and never look back"

"And that isn't going to happen."

"Then I can ask Dr. Hernandez not to allow you in my room," and then she could get rid of Hernandez.

"I'll leave, but I will look back. And you can have orders placed so that you won't have visitors, and fine, hell, I won't even pull strings to circumvent them, but cutting yourself off from everyone won't make them stop giving a damn."

"But it will help"

"If it won't affect you, what does it matter?"

"Because I can't do anything if someone still cares!" and then for some reason Abby thought back on how she had been acting, who she sounded just like, and it scared her even more. She sounded, she acted just like her mother.

"Well then, I regret to inform you that you may be rather stuck."

"Don't do this Kerry, please,"

"Do what?"

"Just let me go, please," she sobbed.

"I'm not stopping you from going anywhere or doing anything. You want to go jump off something, the roof of the hospital, or a bridge? Maybe you'd prefer the L tracks. Not like I'll be running behind to catch you and stop you."

Abby didn't look up at her, she had decided on a method, if it came down to that, if she got desperate enough. But she couldn't, she couldn't bear to do that to them. Earlier that day she had been happy, smiling, laughing, somehow haven forgotten about Stenton. And then it all fell back, she remembered what her life was now. "I just don't know what I want anymore, I know what you want, what Susan wants, but I have no idea what I want," she shook her head, and pulled her knees up to her chest, no longer crying as hard as she was. She hated to admit it, but crying and screaming and venting and basically acting like a two year old did help her, she actually did feel better.

"You need to figure that out for yourself, then."

"You don't think that's what I've been doing? Do you honestly think I've just been sitting in the hospital thinking about happy endings?"

"No one knows what to think."

"Including me,"

"Do you think you want to go back to practicing medicine?" Hernandez who had remained pretty much silent, finally spoke. She shrugged and Hernandez. It would defiantly keep her mind off of Stenton what had happened. But then again, everyone at County knew what had happened to her, and she wasn't sure she would be able to stand the sympathy that was guaranteed to be there for a long time. "Maybe try a different branch of medicine?"

"Such as?"

"What interests you?"

She thought about it, but after a while came to the conclusion that she loved emergency medicine, was not really sure she would enjoy many other fields. "I don't know,"

"You could consider private practice."

"Honestly, it would bore me to death,"

"So maybe back to emergentology?"

"Yeah, I think so," she replied without lifting her gaze from the floor.

"What hesitation do you harbor about doing so?"

"I don't want the sympathy," she said honestly. "But no matter where I go, everyone is going to know me, the case is all over the news, I can't escape."

"That'll wear off with time."

"Time is the answer to everything then?"

"Not everything, but many."

"But the question is, how much time do I have?" she looked up at Hernandez.

"Plenty. You can stay on dialysis indefinitely, or you can take a transplant and not need it."

"If I say yes, when can the surgery be performed?" she was ready to move on with her life, well at least at that moment.

"As long as you're cleared physically, then probably very soon."

"No. I'm tired of hearing soon. I need to hear an least an estimate here, give me a number"

"When do you want it?"

"I want it now, but that can't happen,"

"Unless something comes up, it could likely happen within the next two weeks. That soon enough?"

She looked at them, were they joking? "Your kidding right? I mean.." she didn't want to get her hopes up but..

"What? It's a living donor, so you don't have to wait for a cadaver to come along."

"This isn't a joke, you are serious?"

"You think I'd joke about this?"

Abby shook her head, of course they wouldn't. "Okay," she agreed to it, after thinking it over for a few minutes.

"Okay. We'll get the ball rolling on that, then book an OR and such."

"Can I get out of here before then?" Two weeks, at the latest. And she was healing nicely, in her own opinion. They had nothing really to keep her there.. well except that outburst, but everyone got angry right?

"Depends on when the operation is scheduled for."

"Say a week? Could I stand a chance of at least going out to eat somewhere?"

"Going out to eat, maybe. That's more up to your internist and nephrologists than me."

She sighed, she truly believed that half of her frustration was that she had been locked inside a hospital for so long. It alone was depressing. "Okay."