Susan pulled out her cell phone, dialed Luka's number and waited for an answer before demanding to know where he was. "I'm walking through Mercy right now," he explained.
"Some help you are. Abby just drifted off. Don't wake her, just sit there, I guess."
"I'm not waking her up, I like her better when she's sleeping,"
"There are times when I agree with you. But don't tell her I said that."
"I should, then we would be on an even playing field. You wouldn't be able to hold a certain incident above me then,"
"Don't even start, Luka. I'm about to do battle with Kerry, and I need my strength for that, so I don't want to waste it on you. Besides, you said it first."
Frank looked up at Susan, more than a little surprised to see her just then. Wasn't she supposed to be watching over Abby? "Can I help you?" he offered, sounding a bit more courteous than usual.
"Yeah, I think so. Um, do you have Weaver's home address?"
"No, you'll have to go to personnel," he paused, "Won't your boyfriend mind? I mean, being around her, unsupervised."
Susan ignored the latter portion of his response, the only way not to throttle him, "Do you have a copy of her schedule?"
"I've only seen the one for her ER shifts, but not with me. Not a problem though, she isn't taking any for a bit. Not that I saw at least. Then again, she's not technically on the schedule when she pitches in most of the time, so that doesn't say much. She's probably busy with whatever it is that she does upstairs. Anyhow, she told me not to page her down here until further notice."
"What?"
"I don't know. Just following orders. Try her secretary."
"He quit."
"And another one bites the dust. Can't say I wonder why," his voice took on a rare touch of concern, "How's Lockhart?"
"She's holding her own," with that, Susan hurried off to Kerry's office, likely the only place where a complete copy of Kerry's schedule (ER shifts, meetings, other administrative crap, family commitments, not that she had many of those, and anything else...) could be found, and even then, probably only if she kept a desk planner. Just her luck, the office was locked. Hypothetically, that wasn't an unusual occurrence, but it was more than a little frustrating, so after a minute of rattling the door, just in case it came open, she turned around, prepared to take the elevators down from the administrative floor to the basement, where personnel was hidden, and found Ansphaugh right behind her.
"Dr. Lewis, something I can help you with?"
"I um... Actually... Probably not... But..."
"Ah, I see. Something regarding Dr. Weaver's new streak of absenteeism?"
"You two are friends, right?"
"What makes you say that?"
"Last time I spoke to her, she sounded shittier than a touch of the flu would entail, but who knows, maybe 'The Stand' was a prophecy."
"I see."
"You know, don't you?"
"Excuse me, Dr Lewis?"
"Whatever it is that she's hiding, you know it."
"I'm really not in a position to discuss this."
"She's not picking up at home, or on her cell, or answering pages."
"I'm not at liberty to discuss it,"
"Which means that there is something to discuss."
He shook his head. "What do you think Dr. Lewis, if you think I know something, what exactly is it that you think I know?"
"Where is she?"
"You didn't answer my question,"
"You know where she is and what's wrong, so just tell me and save me a few hours of trouble."
"You know I can not say anything Dr. Lewis,"
"You're doing nothing but confirming that there is something that you're keeping from me. Fine. I'll figure it out eventually."
"Good luck then," he turned to leave, but suddenly stopped. "How is Dr. Lockhart?"
"How is Dr. Weaver?"
"I don't know, I haven't spoken to her. Maybe go and visit her," he didn't give away any information as to where Kerry might be, but at the same time answered Susan's question.
"And where would I go to do that?"
"How is Dr. Lockhart?"
"Answer my question and I'll answer yours."
"Give a little get a little Dr. Lewis, I gave you some information, I expect some in return,"
"Abby's holding her own," and then the pieces clicked.
"How did the transplant go?" he lightened his tone, hoping Susan would catch on, read between the lines.
"Abby's healing well. I shouldn't bother checking her house, should I?"
"It would probably be a waste of time, but if you feel you need to.."
"Have you heard from her at all?"
"I really can not discuss this anymore, but I'm sure you've figured out enough information by now,"
"Thank you Dr. Ansphaugh," she mumbled, then made a quick escape. pulling out her cellular on the lift.
"Luka, where are you?" she demanded as soon as he picked up.
"Babysitting," he whispered, silently telling Susan that Abby was asleep.
"I'll be there in half an hour, meet me in the main lobby," she was about to hang up when a thought crossed her mind, "While you're leaving the ICU, take a peak at the nurse's board for me, okay? Probably won't have anything of use, but just in case. See if any of the other private rooms are occupied. Or iso."
"Yeah, I'll have to get someone in here to sit with Abby," he knew that she hated waking up alone, afraid of what could have happened in her sleep. "And what is this all about?"
"Just do it, Luka. And I doubt there'll be a name, but see if there's anyone else in a solitary room. Especially if it's occupied but doesn't have a name listed. Or maybe something like Jane Doe or whatever."
"Fine, fine. But come up here," he tried to convince her, not wanting to leave.
"ICU waiting room then. Not Abby's room, and not the hallway right outside it."
"See you soon,"
"Yeah, sure," she hung up and jogged from the elevator lobby to her car.
Luka looked at his watch, Susan was six minutes late for this scheduled pow wow of theirs.
"Hey, sorry about that. Traffic was a bitch."
"Okay, what's this all about? And why cant it be discussed in Abby's room. I'm not particularly fond of leaving her alone right now,"
"Were any of the other private rooms occupied?"
"One was, that's all I saw,"
"And let me guess, when you walked past it, the door was closed and the shades were drawn?"
"Yes…"
"Damn it, Ansphaugh..."
"Susan what is going on," he was tired, suffering from lack of caffeine and now totally confused. Poor man.
"Just... Follow me," she said and stomped off, toward the room in question, completely ignoring the nurse who politely informed her that there were strict orders for no visitors to that room as she stormed in. And all her speculations were suddenly confirmed, how she hadn't caught on earlier was beyond her.
"There, Luka, that's what's going on."
"GET OUT," the anger in Elizabeth's voice was apparent, she was pissed at them. Wonderful.
"Why didn't you say something?"
"Not here, not now, move," she gestured for them to leave the room and leave immediately.
"No. You should have at least clued us in."
"Patient confidentiality,"
"This is different and you know it."
"How so?" she asked crossing her arms.
"Elizabeth, damn it!" she glanced over at Kerry, who had barely responded to their rather loud entry, "It just is."
"No its not! Do you think Abby would have accepted if she had known?"
"And what do you think Abby's going to do now?"
"She doesn't have to know,"
"Like hell she doesn't!"
"She doesn't want this! Kerry does not want Abby to find out!"
"And since she hasn't throttled me for finding her yet, I don't think she's in much of a position to object."
"She's septic Susan, Luka." she didn't quite yell, it slipped.
"Shit. You should have told us, Elizabeth."
"I believe I just did," she paused. "Abby can NOT find out, under any circumstances"
"Abby will kill us, kill me, if I don't' tell her."
"For Abby's sake then, as much as Kerry's. She's gotten a bit shockey over the last half hour. She hasn't responded to the antibiotics we've tried, and she's severely allergic to the ones we haven't."
"Oh God," Susan turned around, the situation had just progressed from oh shit to fuck in a very short period of time,
"Now, as the nurse informed you, before things got bad, Dr. Weaver placed strict orders that she would see visitors under no circumstances, and as I said a moment ago, get out. I've told you more than I should have, and if you repeat a word of it to Abby, I'll have you banned from the hospital for the duration."
"So I lie to her when she asks where Kerry is? Because she knows Elizabeth, she can tell when I'm lying,"
"That's why Kerry didn't want anyone to know. She knows that you can't lie to save your life, and didn't want Abby to know about any of this."
"She's not stupid Elizabeth! She's probably close to figuring it out if she hasn't already"
"So do your best to keep her in the dark."
"Do you have any idea how well that went when Abby first woke up?"
"This is Kerry's business and no one else's. Abby doesn't need to know."
"I think she already does," with that Susan turned and left.
"Damn," Corday spat almost inaudibly, "Luka, stop her from doing anything rash."
"You… Elizabeth.. This is going to destroy Abby, what sanity she has left. Susan is just stressed," he tried to reason.
"What would you have had me do?"
"I don't know. Either we respect Kerry's wishes, or save Abby's sanity, take your pick. Either will prove disastrous,"
"Kerry had Abby's best interests at heart. She covered her tracks pretty well, but no one can cover tracks well enough to hide this."
"Either way this goes, find Hernandez and get her into Abby's room,"
"I don't think there is an 'either way'. And it may be difficult to get Hernandez at the moment."
"Fine. You tell Abby then! If you don't, someone will," he glared and walked out.
"Luka, get back in here now. I need to have a word with you."
"We have worked for two months to get Abby back! Kerry has done an ungodly amount to help, Abby trusts her, Abby responds to her, Abby is going to know when something happens"
"In which case, Kerry's late partner's sister in law, Leslie Hernandez, is quite likely to make your life a living hell. Let it go, Luka, spreading word will do more harm than good."
"She can do all she wants.. She's not here to help me,"
"Fine. You know what? Do whatever damage you see fit, not as though you'd let anything stop you from it. Just be sure you're there to pick up the pieces of whatever or whomever you break."
Abby heard the door open and had three guesses who it would be. Susan and Luka, more doctors, or the nurse.
It was Susan though, just Susan. "Abby, hey, sorry we left you for a moment there."
"Its fine, I don't need a babysitter,"
"Okay," Susan was struck by the words, not quite sure how to respond.
"Why are you hiding something from me Susan?" she whispered but didn't look at her friend.
"Because someone was hiding something from all of us up till now."
That caught Abby of guard, she had not expected that. "What?"
"I knew something was up, but didn't know what exactly."
"Tell me!"
"Abby, it's um... Kerry. She... I-"
Abby felt her heart rate pick up, she was right, something had happened. "What?"
"Septic. Doesn't look good."
She didn't say anything for a while, just looked at Susan. "what happened?"
"She was-" Susan was quickly cut off by a British voice directly behind her.
"There was a car wreck. She faired pretty badly, made it out of surgery, and it looked like she was going to make it, but she developed a post operative infection. Some idiot nurse didn't do their job, didn't bring it to anyone's attention, and the meds Kerry was on kept her from noticing anything was off until it had developed into sepsis. We can't seem to treat it effectively," she was quite honest about most of it.
Susan closed her eyes, yet another lie Abby was being fed, and Susan was the one who would have hell to pay once the truth came out. "Abby.." but once again she was interrupted.
"What do you mean about not treating it effectively? And when was the crash? How did it happen? Who the hell operated?" ask enough questions and someone would trip over whatever they weren't being honest over.
"Abby listen to me okay? Its not good at all right now, I want you to prepare yourself," Susan tried to calm her friend down.
"Just out with it."
"I'm sorry Abby," Susan didn't know what to do, tell Abby or not.
"Elizabeth, Susan, one of you tell me, now."
"Abby, if you want to leave in three days, you need to rest. Dr. Lewis, may I speak with you outside?" Elizabeth tired to hide the anger.
"I'll rest after you tell me whatever it is you're hiding."
"I'll be back to check on you in a while. Dr. Lewis?" Elizabeth said one more time before making her exit.
"Susan?"
"Abby, please.." Susan shook her head, not able to finish the sentence, she stood up and began walking away.
"Fine. If no one'll tell me, I'll find out somehow."
Susan ignored the comment and walked out into the hall, joining Luka and Elizabeth. "This is wrong,"
"My story wasn't far from the truth, just about the wreck, and the flu wasn't going to cover it anymore."
"She knows Elizabeth, she knows. And I just lost her trust,"
"Not if you play your hand well."
Susan thought about it. "But I wont do it anymore."
"Fine, do what you will, but leave me out of it."
"Oh no! You're in as deep as the rest of us now!"
"I don't see it that way. I respected a patient's wishes, nothing more."
Susan shook her head. "You don't get it. Abby knows you were lying to her, she isn't going to let you touch her, examine her anymore until you apologize. And that's if she's being nice,"
"I won't apologize for keeping patient confidentiality."
"Then you're going to have a hell of a time dealing with another patient,"
"So you're telling me to put one above the other?"
"No absolutely not. I'm just warning you to be prepared." Susan said, knowing exactly the wrath they were all about to face.
"Fine."
"Fine what Elizabeth?" Susan shouted after the surgeon.
"Remember, do no harm," Elizabeth called over her shoulder. Susan bit back the urge to yell profanities after the icy Brit, then looked around for Luka.
"What do we do?" She whispered, seeing him looking in at Abby.
"Does she disbelieve the new lie?"
"She might have bought it at first, but Elizabeth dragged me out of there so fast.. Abby has to know."
"That Kerry's septic, yes. And that she's going to die, that too, but she doesn't need to know about the operation. One detail, she might believe it."
"Are we willing to risk it Luka?" if he said yes, then Susan would go along with it, didn't mean she agreed with the decision, but would comply.
"The story's plausible, and I don't see what good the whole truth would do."
"Okay then."
"Do you want to talk with her, or should I?"
"Its your turn Luka, I can't be in there right now,"
"Go home, get some sleep."
"Ha. Yeah. Page me if you make it out alright?" she didn't wait for a response, but instead walked down the hallway away from everyone else. Needing to be by herself right then.
Luka opened the door to Abby's room, but knocked on the door frame before entering. Abby looked up at him, but didn't say anything just nodded that it was okay for him to enter. "You want to talk?"
"What's the point?" he could tell by her voice that she had probably been crying.
"It helps sometimes."
"Not anymore,"
"Do you have any questions? Would you rather I stay or go?"
"Why do you two keep things hidden from me? I've told you time and time again not to. What do I have to do to get through? You and Susan are wanting me to talk about what happened, but how can I do that, when you two won't say everything that is happening? I'm not even certain I remember everything Luka, do you know how scary that is? And then to add to it, the people I think would at least fill in the blanks decide certain things are necessary to skip over?"
"We didn't know what had happened, Abby. Not until just now. Susan was the one who figured out where she was. She told us the story that we told you, didn't want anyone to know."
"I wish I was stupid enough to believe that Luka,"
"I swear to God, Abby. I didn't know, or Susan. We thought something might be up, but we didn't know."
"Okay. Well that might be part of the truth, so I suggest that if you don't want to tell me the whole story, that you leave,"
"What do you think I am omitting?"
Abby shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know Luka,"
"What do you think I'm lying about?"
"I don't want to play this game Luka. Tell me or don't, I.." she shook her head.
"You think we'd lie about the sepsis, tell you she was going to die if it weren't true?"
She looked up at him and at first Luka was sure she was probably about to scream at him, but she only whispered. "It wasn't a car accident,"
"So what if it wasn't? End result's the same."
"Unless I caused it," she sucked in a deep breath, she knew exactly what happened. "Please leave me alone Luka, okay?" he noticed she didn't demand it anymore, requested it. And it scared him.
"I'll go for now, but you didn't cause any of this."
"I did Luka, I shouldn't have taken it," he caught her voice crack.
"It was her choice as much as, if not more than, yours." Abby shook her head, not knowing what to say. Hell, at this point she didn't even know what to think anymore. "You want me to leave? I'll see you later." She didn't respond, didn't even turn her head as Luka walked out the door.
Abby decided she was not going to wait around for Susan and Luka to come clean. She was going to find out where Kerry was. Carefully she made her way out of the room and headed left, hoping it was in the right direction. One of the rooms, not far down the hall, caught her attention. Only one with the shades drawn so no one could see inside. Standing just outside it, she could hear the eerie, all too familiar sound of a ventilator. Instantly she knew she had found Kerry, it was just that feeling one gets every once in a while. Slowly she made her way over, couldn't walk to fast, she had figured that much out. Once she was certain no one was looking, and after listening for footsteps inside the room, Abby opened the door just enough to get through, and went in.
"Abby," the soft voice scared her, she hadn't noticed the surgeon standing in the corner. Abby opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She was the epitome of the 'deer in the headlights' cliché. "Abby, go back to bed,"
"Why? The nurses keep pestering me that I need to get up and move around."
"Leave Abby, go walk, just leave this room,"
"Why?"
"You know why," she began as a nurse entered the room. "Could you please see Dr. Lockhart back to her room?" Elizabeth asked the nurse.
"No. I won't go. And I don't know why. I know what happened, what harm is seeing the collateral damage going to do when I already know?"
"You are not under any circumstances supposed to be in this room." Elizabeth was desperately hoping that Susan and Luka would come through that door at any moment.
"I know the truth, why keep hiding it?"
The nurse stepped forward, believing what she was saying was helpful. "Because you need your rest, because you don't need to see this,"
"I'm a doctor, I'm used to seeing this. And I'm sick of being shielded." She hated it, hated everything right then and it only got worse as the monitors began getting louder and louder.
"She's getting worse. Why aren't you doing anything? She's not DNR."
"Abby," Elizabeth shook her head, really not wanting Abby to have to witness this.
"I'm not going. Don't bother making me."
"I will call security,"
"Treat her. Do something. She's getting tachy. You can fix that."
"We can't Abby, we've tried everything.." Elizabeth tried to sound convincing.
"She's allergic to penicillin derivatives?"
"Yes." 'Fuck' Elizabeth was screaming at herself, wondering if she could go through with her threat and have Abby forcibly removed from the room.
"So give them to her with a shit load of epi."
""It won't work, Abby. She'll go into anaphylactic shock. You think adding that to septic shock will improve her odds?"
"Better to try something than do nothing."
"What you're suggesting might only kill her faster."
"You think she wants to linger like that?"
"So you're suggesting euthanasia?"
"I'm suggesting some sort of something. Anything."
"Nothing will improve her situation."
"Why do you want me out of here?"
"She didn't want-"
"Didn't want anyone to know, least of all me, but it's too late for that. I know, and that can't be changed. And I don't think she'd want to die alone."
"She wont Abby, I promise you," Elizabeth approached her and reached out to put her hand on Abby's shoulder.
But Abby sidestepped and jerked her shoulder away. "What? You'll have some nurse stay with her? Someone she never knew?"
"I'm here Abby, I'm staying,"
"So am I."
"I cant let you," she turned to grab the phone. She had to respect Kerry's wishes, Abby was not supposed to be in that room, regardless of the situation.
"She didn't want anyone to know, that was her priority. Now that the cat's out of the bag, there's no harm in me staying."
"Don't fight me on this Abby, please don't" she didn't want to say, I have the power and you don't, but she was having a hard time holding her tongue.
"Me staying now wouldn't be against her wishes. What harm would it do?"
After a moment or two had passed, and neither of the arguing doctors had noticed, the nurse felt obligated to speak up, "Asystole," the patient had been in fibrillation for barely the blink of an eye before deteriorating to nothing.
"Elizabeth please!" Abby begged.
"Hold CPR," Elizabeth said to the nurse, who had scrambled over to the gurney.
"No!" Abby was in tears, and tried to push past Elizabeth, she had to do something, anything.
"Don't, Abby. What's the point in bringing her back to linger for another half hour before she does it again?"
"Get off!" she was hysterical, this was not happening, it was a horrible nightmare.
"This is the third time she's crashed, Abby. There's no point."
"No, no," she kept crying, but didn't struggle against Elizabeth anymore.
"She's gone. She didn't die alone." Abby didn't answer, was just there. She didn't know what to feel, they had lied to her again, the only person she actually trusted had just died. Fuck them, fuck everything.
"Time of death …." Abby didn't want to listen, she felt her knees give way, thankfully the chair was right behind her, catching her. She stared straight ahead, what was she supposed to do now?