The last time Abby had spoken a word to anyone was the day Kerry had died, now nearly four days ago. She refused to eat or drink. They could easily give her fluids through the IV but she still had to eat. But what worried Susan, Elizabeth and Luka the most was that Abby didn't even fight them anymore.

Abby couldn't even think straight now, she was mad at Kerry especially. For not telling her, for dying, for saving her life that night. Kerry had moved on, and Abby was stuck. People had been in and out, prodding her, verbally and physically, just wouldn't leave her be. Hernandez had shown up and was usually pestering her, but at the moment Abby was alone. She blinked and sat up, looking around the room, lots of opportunities. She got up and locked the door, knowing they would still get in, but stalling always helped. Her life was hell, she hated it, couldn't deal with it any longer. She quickly grabbed an unwrapped plastic tube and tore off the packaging. She didn't hesitate the plastic was strong, it would have to work. She made a noose and put it around her neck, pulling it tight, and started counting down, it was almost over.

Something... Someone was pounding at the door. Familiar voice, vaguely familiar, maybe one of her nurses. But she couldn't move, her body wouldn't allow that, the last thing she was aware of was hearing whoever the voice belonged to, order that the key was needed ASAP.

Why was she in the ER? Her ER... The one at County, but they'd painted a bit... The lighting seemed a bit dim though, and the place was virtually abandoned. This was beyond weird, she didn't remember coming back to the ER. Slowly she walked forward towards the admit desk, when she saw the familiar figure.

"Kerry?"

Kerry turned toward Abby, the PA she'd been chatting with went off to do... something. "What the hell are you doing here, Abby?"

"I don't know! I was at Mercy and then suddenly I'm here!" she decided to ignore a certain aspect. Kerry arched an eyebrow, she was less than inclined to believe that Abby had mysteriously shown up. It didn't work that way. "Does it matter? I'm here now!"

"Yeah, it does matter. You're not supposed to be here."

"Can't change it now,"

"You probably still can. And you'd better, unless you'd like to spend eternity doing scutt work."

"No I'm not going back,"

"And staying here accomplishes what, exactly?"

"Better then being there, alive!"

"Not really. There's nothing for you here. And from what Gant's said, after a suicide, this place isn't pleasant."

"Then its hell anyway, and this one seems a lot fucking better,"

"This isn't hell. But it will be for you if you don't get your ass back to Mercy."

"No, I won't,"

"Why not? What's staying here going to accomplish?"

"I'm not going back, they're probably about to give up anyway!"

"Suit yourself, I suppose. But this place is endless, whatever reality you've come into, it's perpetual. For some of us, it's not bad. For others, it is. Back at Mercy, you have a choice, you can escape your hell, here, there's no escape from whatever you've come into."

"You think I want to keep living Kerry?"

"I don't think you'll want to face what you get if you stay here."

Abby shook her head, "Have they found me?"

"They're working on you now."

"How bad?" not like she cared, but if she kept talking to Kerry, eventually the trauma team would give up, call it, and she wouldn't have a choice.

"Could go either way."

"Am I breathing?"

"You're being bagged, but your body would probably still breathe on its own." she suddenly felt the need to take in a huge breath of air, they must have cut off the tube that had been around her neck

"I don't want this Kerry, I can't go back,"

"Why's that? Why can't you? Nothing I'm aware of is preventing you from doing so."

"I don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't know who else helped Stenton, what if he comes back, what if Stenton escapes?"

"You'll have to deal with him if you stay here too."

"No, I wont, I wont have to deal with this ever again!"

"If you stay here, when he dies, he'll come here. He'll be a patient here. If you go back, move on, you'll never have to deal with him on this plane."

"When are they going to call me?" She said, refusing to listen to what Kerry was telling her.

"I can see the present in your plane, not the future. You've got a heartbeat."

"How long have they been working?"

"About fifteen minutes."

"If I go back.. Will there be any damage?"

"You'll have a bruise on your neck, take about a month to fade completely."

"That's it though? Nothing else?"

"No brain damage, if that's what you're worried about."

"How long do I have to decide?"

"Time's a bit different here, I'm still adjusting so my estimate may be off. It'll feel like anywhere from five minutes to half an hour."

"What do I have there? No matter where I go to work, people will know who I am what happened to me, Susan and Luka hate me, Stenton's buddy is still out there.."

"Susan and Luka don't hate you. They're worried sick about you. They are a bit mad at me though. Speaking of which, they didn't know, cut them some slack."

"And another thing! I'm sick of being lied to, shielded. Protected, they can kiss my ass, Susan put me on a psyche hold, Luka…"

"They didn't know they were lying about that. The only people who knew were Ansphaugh, Hernandez, and my ex husband."

"Why didn't you tell me Kerry? I trusted you to tell me everything that was going on!"

"It wasn't about keeping it from you. I didn't want anyone to know."

"Didn't want me to know that you were giving me your kidney?"

"No one was supposed to find out."

"The only person I trusted just died, I'm staying here,"

"Listen to me, Abby, and listen good. There's nothing for you here. Go back, and you can get on with your life."

"No," she said flatly, more stubborn then ever. It's not just that she didn't want to live, it was that she didn't want to face Hernandez, Susan and Luka when she woke up.

"You're worried about what they'll think?"

"How did you…?"

"The story's long, dull, and completely irrelevant. There are more pertinent issues to focus on."

"They'll take my license after a suicide attempt,"

"They can't over just this."

"It's not just this Kerry, its everything, Susan thinks I've gone nuts, she's mad because I refuse to eat or drink or talk to them, they don't understand. You don't understand, I don't want to live any longer."

"While I understand the sentiment, don't stay here. Not now. Go back at least long enough to clean things up for when it's your time."

"Which is when?" Kerry had said she had five to thirty minutes to make up her mind, they had been talking to close for twenty, if she could just keep stalling..

"I'm not gifted with precognition."

"Then why do you keep telling me everything will work out, I'll be fine?"

"Enough life experience to have a decent hunch."

"No, it's that simple. Please Kerry.."

"What?"

"Just agree with me, just say its fine if I stay here, if I give up,"

"As far as I can see, it's not fine."

"Why not?"

"Clearly not for reasons you'd understand."

"Believe it or not, I have thought about this, it wasn't something I did just on a whim,"

"I realize that, but if you're looking for justification or approval over this, you'll be sorely disappointed."

"What's done is done, the end result is soon to come,"

"C'est la mort. Au revoir, I've got things I need to do."

"Wait! What the hell.. How do I do this, where do I go?"

"To go back, you will it to be. To stay, you just do. Go where you want, it's your call, not mine."

"How long has it been since.."

"In their time, it'll be another minute or so until they call time of death. Here, it'll probably seem like about three."

"If I decide to go back, how long will it be before I wake up?" question seemed odd, but Abby had her reasons, and hell if she was even considering going back, at least there was a chance.

"That's up to you."

"Kerry! I have no idea what I'm doing!" she wanted to scream at her at anyone. But she had to make a choice, she probably had about thirty seconds left before they called it.

"It's rare that anyone does."

"Fine, but Kerry, if anything else happens and I come here and I get a choice, no more guilt trip!"

"Your actions are entirely yours, Abby. Guilt trips only work if there's some part of you that wants to let them."

She felt suddenly as if her lungs were on fire, had they stopped bagging her? It had been a minute, Kerry was right.. So technically couldn't she be right that she could get past Stenton?

"If you want to go back, this is your last chance, right now. Stay or go." Abby barely had time to think about it, when suddenly Kerry's image started to fade, the ER soon also faded away. She was vaguely aware of familiar voices around her.

"Abby, you can do this" she heard Elizabeth's voice saying to her, she heard the sound of monitors suddenly stop screaming, showing that her SATS were improving. She wanted to say or do something, get them to be quiet at least for a moment, but couldn't force her eyes open, couldn't will her body to move. She was breathing though, and she could feel her heart pounding.

"Abby?" she heard Susan that time, she sounded like she was crying. She was obviously realized that Abby was not going to open her eyes, because Abby felt Susan grab her hand and squeeze it hard, really hard. Tight enough that if Abby was aware enough, Susan knew she would pull away. "Can someone page Dr. Hernandez?" Susan asked spoke after a moment of silence.

"We can't. She's not on call."

"I don't care. Do it anyhow."

"Susan, Abby probably won't regain consciences for hours," Luka began. "Hernandez does not need to be here right now," and then he added under his breath. "Not like she's been much help anyway"

"Shove it, Luka. I don't care if she's on call or not, call her and tell her to get her ass down here."

"Susan! Has it not occurred to you that Abby does not respond to her! Abby does not respond to anyone anymore:"

"Then why are you here? Why haven't you given up and left? On some level, you know she still does. Barely."

"Who? Look at her Susan!" he pointed to Abby "the psychiatrist couldn't even prevent this!"

"So go deal with someone who you think can be helped, Luka. Go back to County, make sure Morris doesn't kill anyone."

"I'm not leaving you Susan, not to deal with this by yourself,"

"No, wouldn't want you to think you were wasting your time."

"I'm not thinking that, Abby is going to be out for a while, let's just go get ourselves together before she.."

"Go on your own, Luka. I'm staying."

He didn't say anything for a while, just looked at Susan, then at Abby and finally back at Susan. "Page Dr. Hernandez," he nodded towards a nurse. The nurse did as she was told, knowing that if she reached Hernandez, the doctor would be less than thrilled.

She paged, and within a few minutes, the doctor answered. The nurse answered and quickly turned to Susan, handing the phone off.

"Leslie.." Susan began. As she watched Elizabeth retake Abby's vitals. "She did it, she.. Abby, she found some wires or tubes or something.." her voice was cracking.

"She's obviously still alive. How long was she down?"

"We lost the pulse for five minutes, just got it back. No idea how long she was down before we got to her. Please, just try and talk with her, to her. I know she hasn't spoken to anyone in days, but maybe now.." she said hopefully, still worried sick about Abby.

"We'll see. I'll need to do a neuro check on her. Probably no damage, but it's impossible to be sure."

"The problem is, will she let you?" it didn't matter now, Abby didn't have a choice.

"We'll see."

"I'm not trying to cut in on your off time, but any idea when you can get here?"

"I don't know. That depends on how quickly I can find someone to watch... You already know about Kerry, or so I've been told. Would you be willing to keep an eye on Henry while I take care of Abby?"

"Yes absolutely, he has to be easier to deal with then Abby,"

"He's loud, cranky, confused, and he misses... you know, he's a handful and then some. Good luck. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Thank you Leslie," Susan said and handed off the phone before going back to Abby. "She's okay right Elizabeth?" she asked the surgeon, the one who had actually found Abby.

"Probably."

"Any idea when she'll wake up," Susan gave up and let a few tears fall as she saw the red mark circling her best friend's neck.

"No."

Susan looked up at the surgeon, she looked just as upset as Susan, but was hiding it much better. "You were right Elizabeth, you knew exactly what she was planning,"

"Not exactly, but vaguely."

"You walked in on her, how, I mean.. Talk about timing,"

"It's an experience I'd rather not repeat."

"Was she.. Did she know you were there? Or had she already lost.." she moved a stray strand of hair away from Abby's face. "Never mind, you don't have to answer that,"

"It doesn't matter, Susan. She's alive. There won't be any lasting damage."

"Physical at least,"

"I'm a surgeon, that was how I meant it."

Susan nodded and thought about what to say next. "Do you think we did what was right for her?"

"I don't think you have the luxury of second guessing yourself."

"I know I don't, but I cant help to think, for some reason I just cant convince myself that we did what was right for Abby, For us, yes, but not for her,"

"You can't think that, not now."

"She's miserable Elizabeth and no matter what we do, somehow everything turns out bad, She told me earlier that she didn't hope anymore because she knew every potential good thing, would have a negative outcome,"

"I'm going to have to ask you to stop with this train, or dwell on your thoughts alone, Susan."

"Sorry.. Are you going to send her to ICU?"

"No. To a lockdown ward. She's stable enough for it."

"Yeah." Susan glanced at the monitors, Abby was technically fine, she just had to wake up. "She's not going to be to happy."

"I'm aware of that."

"What I'm worried about is that Abby wont give up until she succeeds," she said as she watched Abby turn her head away, beginning to wake up.

"I don't see what choice there is but to wait and see."

"You obviously don't know Abby that well, she never gives up, she.." Susan stopped suddenly, what Abby had told her days before rang in her mind. How Abby told her that she had given up, wouldn't do it anymore, and boy had she proven herself right. "Come on Abby, time to wake up," Susan said seeing Abby moving more and more. "Open your eyes hon.,"

Abby shook her head oh so slightly. Was the fight back?

"Why not?" Susan tried not to sound excited. "I think you should Abby, you know rejoin our world," The headshake she got in response was a little more vigorous. "Well you're going to have to open your eyes sooner or later, pretty soon Hernandez is going to be shining that bright pen light into your eyes, you know how fun that is." Abby didn't move except to extend the middle finger of her left hand. "Very mature Dr. Lockhart, but now after what you just pulled, cant say I didn't expect it. So how about cooperating with us now, and letting us help you, because frankly there is no way in hell you're getting out of here until you do,"

Abby made a fist with one hand, then extended her index and middle fingers together, and her thumb. She brought her thumb to the knuckles of the two other fingers while they remained straight, crudely signing, 'no.'

"That's your choice, but you will not leave this hospital, until you agree to let someone help you, until you tell what happened that night, and until you admit that you need help," Susan said as Hernandez walked in. "Dr. Hernandez is here and I know she agrees with me, so I suggest you start to work with her," she squeezed Abby's hand one more time, then stood up and walked over to Leslie, taking Henry from her arms.