Nine Months – Getting to know you 2

By Kudara

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all who sail in her belong to Paramount/Viacom and no infringement of copyright/trade marks is intended.

Rating: Adult

Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.

Revision History: 11/16/05

Summary: Nine months ago they were captured.

Chapter 7 - Stardate 52300.69 (April 20, 2375 6:04pm)

B'Elanna sniffed appreciatively as she sat down at the table, tonight's dinner was lasagna, and it certainly smelled like Seven had done her usual excellent job with it. Watching the Borg sit down, B'Elanna noted with pleasure that the blonde looked much more relaxed than she had last week. It had been several days since she had failed at any task demanded of her and incurred a corrective action against Seven, and B'Elanna was feeling rather proud of herself as a result.

Before Seven could ask B'Elanna began relating everything that she had done and seen during the day. Without either of them realizing it, it had become a habit after a few weeks. They would sit down after bathing to eat, B'Elanna would tell Seven about what she had done during the day, then after dinner they would discuss something technical.

Over the last few weeks B'Elanna had learned quite a lot about Borg engineering, the species that the Borg had assimilated the engineering from, and the theory behind the engineering. Over that same time, she had been able to convince the ex-drone that just maybe more Federation technology was as good as Borg technology than Seven had first thought.

Tonight though, B'Elanna's mind was more focused on a question that had started bothering her a few days's ago, than on what she was telling Seven.

"You seem distracted Lieutenant," Seven's voice broke into her thoughts.

B'Elanna flushed slightly in embarrassment, "I was just thinking." Seven regarded her curiously and waited. After shifting uneasily for a few moments she blurted out, "Do you remember the Caatati?"

"Yes, they attempted to appropriate Voyager's warp core when you were forced to eject it during our first attempt to form a transwarp corridor. You and Mr. Paris almost died as a result of their attack on your shuttle and the compromise of your protective suit." Seven promptly replied.

B'Elanna felt a moment of discomfort as she remembered how she had immediately jumped to the conclusion that the Borg had sabotaged the experiment, and ordered her out of the engine room. A conclusion that had been disproved rather quickly, but that fact had not prompted her to reevaluate her opinion of the drone at the time. She had remained convinced that Seven was still just waiting for a chance to betray them, she just hadn't that time.

During the rather prolonged silence while B'Elanna was reflecting upon past events, Seven's expression had turned from openly curious to somewhat guarded. When B'Elanna came out of her reverie, it was the first thing she noticed. "You don't need to feel defensive Seven." B'Elanna tried to reassure the blonde woman. "It's just that…" she hesitated, struggling to find the right words, "What you said that day, it just doesn't seem to fit you." Honesty prompted her to finish, "At least not now it doesn't."

One silver surrounded brow rose at these words, "You are referring to when you asked me if I felt any remorse over what the Borg had done to the Caatati."

B'Elanna nodded silently. The longer she was around Seven the more she realized how… nurturing the woman could be, there really wasn't a word that fit better. Over the past few weeks Seven had, apparently, decided that in the absence of anything else to do, she would take care of the only member of her Collective left in reach. Namely one B'Elanna Torres, and in performing this self appointed task she had shown a side of herself to the engineer that B'Elanna had never would have guessed existed.

She had become an excellent chef, and once B'Elanna had gotten over her general disbelief over the idea of the Borg cooking, it had actually made sense to her that the perfection driven woman had proven to be so able. What had surprised her when she finally realized it, was that Seven had been observing and remembering her reactions to various dishes. At some point the Borg had apparently collected enough data to analyze it, and was now tailoring all the dishes she cooked with what she had observed of B'Elanna's specific likes and dislikes. In addition to the cooking, Seven had continued to be the one who cared for B'Elanna's injuries, and had always displayed the gentle touch that she had that second night.

The only possible explanation that B'Elanna could come up with to explain the discrepancy between how Seven treated her, and how cold Seven seemed toward those not of Voyager, was that Seven might not think that anyone outside her Collective was due the same consideration. In which case it was essentially cultural with Seven, as she would have learned that way of thinking and acting from the Borg. B'Elanna used to think it was because the woman wasn't capable of feeling compassion or remorse, but she had seen quite a few different emotions from Seven in the past month, enough for her to give up her previously cherished idea that the woman would always be an unfeeling drone.

"I did not understand why I should feel remorse for my actions at that time, nor was I physically capable of experiencing such an emotion then." Seven's voice brought B'Elanna back to the present.

Frowning slightly B'Elanna was about to ask what Seven meant by that when the other woman continued.

"When the Borg assimilate an individual, the cortical node takes control over most brain activity, one of its actions is to decrease the pathways in the drone's brain that are associated with emotional responses. In the case of children who are assimilated, the cortical node, and the accelerated growth process of the maturation chamber, cause the fully mature drone to not have the same ability to feel emotions as a typical adult member of their species." Seven paused, her eye's searching the half-Klingon's for a moment before she continued. "When Voyager first separated me from the Collective, I was only able to experience a few very basic emotions, primarily fear and anger."

"But, I've seen you display much more complex emotions," interrupted B'Elanna, confused.

"Correct, Lieutenant. Once my cortical node ceased limiting my reactions, over time my brain activity shifted to resemble that of a typical adult female human, and I developed the ability to experience a full range of emotions." Seven's voice and face reflected a certain level of ambivalence about the current topic of conversation.

The expression puzzled B'Elanna, and while she considered it, she asked, "So at the time I asked you, you weren't able to feel that type of emotion?"

Seven nodded, "No I was not."

Seven's expression continued to reveal that there was something bothering her, and B'Elanna was pretty certain now that it was not about her inability to feel emotion at that time. "What's bothering you about the Caatati?" she finally asked.

Her voice hesitant, Seven finally answered, "I am still uncertain as to what my answer would be to that question now that I am able to feel remorse." A long pause followed after this statement.

B'Elanna, realizing that her food was getting cold, began eating. She knew that Seven would continue, once she had figured out what she wanted to say. Over the past few weeks she had become somewhat used to the fact that any subject that even vaguely had to do with how Seven felt about something tended to be a lengthy one, containing several pauses and moments of silence. With the last bit of information that she had just gotten, however, B'Elanna thought she understood perhaps why that was. She now suspected that Seven paused during those moments because she was busy trying to figure out just what it was that she was feeling.

B'Elanna really couldn't imagine what it must be like for Seven, to go from being able to feel only fear and anger to slowly being able to feel an entire range of emotions. Considering the matter further, while Seven sat across from her slowly eating and obviously thinking, B'Elanna realized that since Seven had been assimilated at such a young age, and the average six year old didn't really experience a lot of different emotions, that much of what she had experienced emotion wise over the past year must have been completely new to the Borg.

Finally noting the continuing silence B'Elanna observed the Borg closely, noting the slight frown and generally worried look on the blonde's face. "Honestly, Seven just tell me." She finally stated. Seven paused mid-bite and returned the uneaten food and fork to her plate. To B'Elanna's surprise she even fidgeted with the fork for a moment, before releasing it.

Finally Seven seemed to make up her mind, "I did not understand why being assimilated was perceived as undesirable when I first was separated from the Collective. I was confused and bewildered by the chaotic actions of the crew, and my own emotions. The Collective represented order and control to me."

B'Elanna frowned, carefully she asked, "Yet surely you realized those you assimilated weren't exactly lining up to join the Borg?" Seven regarded her warily after this statement, and B'Elanna finally encouraged her after an extended silence, "I really want to understand Seven."

Seven frowned slightly at this, then shifted her gaze to the table for a long moment and stared fixedly at it, finally she looked up. "I was aware that those I assimilated experienced distress over the process. But it had no emotional meaning for me, I was not capable of an emotional response to their fear, anger or distress. It was merely an irrelevant fact."

B'Elanna listened intently and when Seven paused after these statements she nodded, trying to encourage the Borg to continue. For once she was also listening to what Seven was saying and trying to understand it from Seven's perspective.

"Once assimilated, they no longer experienced the emotions they had before, order was brought to the chaos of their existence, and they obeyed the will of the collective just as I did." Seven paused for a moment, "It was only after I had been severed from the Collective for several months that I began to fully understand why assimilation was viewed with such repugnance." Seven paused again, "And I began to question whether I wanted to return to the Collective." the blonde admitted.

"It was at that point that I began to comprehend why you and others expected me to feel regret because I had assimilated others." Seven paused and B'Elanna was surprised to see a sullen look upon the blonde's face. "However, I did not, and still do not understand why I should feel guilty about my actions while part of the Collective."

B'Elanna's brow furrowed, "What's the difference between regret and guilt… oh responsibility," she answered her own question and her confusion cleared. Seven nodded abruptly, and B'Elanna's eyes widened briefly as she realized that Seven apparently felt a lot of resentment over this.

"From my experience of assimilation I knew that any new drone would assimilate others without experiencing distress. If they had a previous relationship with the person they would recognize them, but the relationship was only information to them, they did not experience any emotional response to the person or that person's assimilation." Seven continued speaking and there was an intensity to this conversation that let B'Elanna know that this was very important to the Borg.

"Analyzing the reactions of those I had assimilated, my own memories of being in the Collective, and my experiences after being severed from the Collective; I came to the conclusion that the physical process of assimilation changes the emotional responses and thought processes to such an extent that the drone is no longer the individual that they were before assimilation."

Seven looked to be settling in for an extensive dissertation, so B'Elanna interrupted her as she was pretty sure she knew where the Borg was going, "Seven, you weren't responsible for your actions when you were a drone, it was wrong of me to insist that you feel that you were. I think what irritated me, those first few months, was that you didn't seem to understand why what the Borg were doing was wrong, but what you just told me explains a lot about why you didn't, and probably couldn't, understand."

Seven looked slightly offended at being interrupted, then that expression was replaced by surprise. "You do not blame me for the things I did while I was a drone?" she asked in almost a wondering tone.

"No, Seven. I don't anymore." B'Elanna thought Seven still looked uncertain, "Seven if for some reason we were assimilated tomorrow I understand that I would be doing whatever task was given to me. Whether it was to assimilate someone else, repair something, or whatever, and I wouldn't think that there was anything wrong with any of it anymore. I wouldn't be able to." she finished softly.

"No you would not," Seven agreed in a low sober tone.