Hello reviewers. I have a bone to pick with all of you. Why didn't anyone review it! I had maybe 2 reviews what's up with that? I didn't want to post sooner because I was angry with you all for not reviewing. So until I get at least 5 reviews I refuse to update, and believe me I have quite a few chapters typed up and ready to post. My friends all read it and loved it so REVIEW! NOW! PLEASE!

REMEMBER 5 REVIEWS UNTIL I POST ANOTHER CHAPTER

p.s. sorry for the shortness of the chapter it has to be shorter to tie into the next chapter which by the way I will preview at the end of this chapter.

Deplorable Beginnings To Happier Endings

Chapter 4

"Change of Heart?"

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Serenity's words echoed in her head.

"What I can't believe is you! Sure James can be a complete arse but that still doesn't give you the right to go off on him like you just did! You always push people who try to get close to you away, and don't you try and deny it!. . . ."

Lily sobbed and buried her face in her hands. "I-I am like that. . ."

Flashes of all the nasty thinks she said to him filled her mind, his hurt face, the pain in his eyes, all the things she had missed were noticed. She cried out in horror,

"What have I done!"

"You just don't get it do you? You have someone who cares about you and wants to be with you and you treat him like he's the lowest form on the planet! Y-You don't deserve him!"

The hurtful names she called him too flashed in her mind, toerag, arrogant git, wanker, arsehole, bastard, and she had told him to sod off so many times.

"You don't deserve him, you don't deserve him, you don't deserve him!" Echoed over and over in her head.

"I-I have to fix things with him, I have to. . ." she muttered wiping the tears away fiercely.

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Later that night Lily waited patiently in the Library for James to show up. She clutched her bag nervously, looking around every few moments. Lily sighed loudly and glanced at her watch her mother had gotten her for Christmas last year. "8:47" She crossed her arms and tapped her foot in annoyance. Lily peered at her watch yet again, "8:48"

"This is taking forever!" she cried out in exasperation. James walked in.

"He's early" she thought watching him walk in.

He didn't look any different than usual, but he did act quite different he sat down stiffly and with a flick of his wrist he conjured up a box of croaking frogs. He avoided looking her in the eye. Lily took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak but James interrupted.

"When you say the incantation bring your wand across your chest and flick it down, like this. The incantation is pronounced mu-ta-ti-o"

"James. . . I want to talk to you about earlier-"

"Save it Evans, let's just get this over with" he interrupted bitterly. Lily was quite taken back from his remark, it was cold, resentful and bitter. His sharp tongue broke through the ice and pierced her heart.

By the end of the lesson Lily had turned the frog into the teacup, though it still croaked and hopped around. James sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair.

"I guess we'll be here tomorrow too. Good night Evans" he said in the same hollow voice. He threw his bag over his shoulder and left without another word, leaving Lily to battle with herself; speechless and alone.

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"Nargles. . . " Lily muttered as the Swan Princess raised an eyebrow at her.

"What's got you so down today m'dear?" she asked in a clear voice.

"Tired" she muttered back, feigning a smile.

"In other words, James, am I right?" she said sweetly. Lily's eyes grew wide as she nodded slowly. The portrait giggled and swung open.

Lily shook her head in disbelief as she climbed into the common room, she felt weak and her head ached. Not feeling up to walking to her room she stopped at the sofa and plopped down. Lily rubbed her eyes with slightly shaking hands. She tightly closed them and willed the thoughts to go away.

"I've ruined it. . I've bloody well ruined it. . .I mean why not I always ruin everything else" she thought miserably.

The loud click of the portrait opening snapped her out of her revere. Lily didn't dare open her eyes, she focused on her breathing and pretended to be asleep.

She vaguely heard the soft footsteps against the plush carpet as James drew nearer. Lily's heart beat louder and faster with every step.

"He has to hear it beating. . .oh no he's going to know I'm not asleep." she thought wildly.

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There she was asleep on the sofa. Lily. His Lily. Well not technically his's but she still had his heart.

James was entranced by the serene look upon her face. He softly stepped towards her, his feet seemed to know the way already. Reaching her sleeping form he silently dropped to his knees. Carefully he brushed a lock of hair that hung in her face away.

"I know you hate but sometimes I wish you could see how I really feel. I know I have a terrible reputation but you've got to understand. . .I fancy you quite a lot, more than any other girl I have before. . . " He paused with a slight chuckle and went on whispering so softly that it was barely audible.

"Padfoot's told me at least a dozen times to 'just move on and get over' you. . . I can't. . . I've tried so hard to stop thinking about you. . . to stop caring so much. . . it seems impossible. . .and it hurts to have you not care when I do so deeply for you. I can't stop caring for you Lily Evans and probably never will" he ended just below a whisper.

James slowly leaned forwards and pressed his lips tenderly to her forehead. Sighing quietly he left without another word. The echoing tap of his door closing filled the silent room.

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James left his door clicking shut. Lily sat up her eyes round as saucers. Her left hand grazed the place where he had kissed her. She could practically feel it tingling.

Her heart beat so hard if felt like it would burst through her chest.

"He just kissed me. . ." she thought as her stomach gave a lurch. "If this is how I feel after he kisses me on the forehead imagine how it would be on the lips . . " she thought a small smile spreading across her face.

"What the hell! I did not just think about Potter like that. . .oh my god. . . I did!"

"Would you please just admit to it already?" said a little voice in the back of her mind.

"What! Admit what?" she fought back

"Admit that you fancy James"

"That's absurd, I d-do not"

"Sure but you can't fool your self forever"

"Shut up. . ."

"Oh that's really sane, your arguing with yourself. Your off your rocker"

"Oi! I said shut up!" The voice snickered yet kept quiet.

"I am going looney, I think I may actually fancy him. . " she mumbled flopping back down.

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James was gone when Lily woke up. She got up, showed and left for Transfiguration. James and Sirius weren't there, even dependable Remus was not there. Something had to be up.

"And he's head boy and all. The nerve of him to pull a prank when he supposed to be setting an example for the younger years. . ." she thought now thoroughly irritated with the bespectacled boy.

After the most boring lecture Professor McGonagall had ever given, she called Lily up to her desk to speak with her.

"Ms. Evans I would like a word with you" the Professor's voice rang out.

"Ms. Evans I regret to inform you that Mr. Potter can no longer tutor you. Something has come up that leaves him unable for the time being. However it will not effect his duties as head boy"

"In place of Mr. Potter I have assigned you a new tutor, who has advanced Transfiguration, his name is Jaysonian Demosa. He will meet you in the library at 7 p.m. right after dinner. About head duties, I want to ask you and Mr. Potter to plan a Halloween Ball. Yes I know that it only leaves you 2 weeks to plan but I have full confidence that you both can manage. Now that that's settled, you'll have to excuse me" Professor McGonagall said handing Lily a dozen rolls of parchment.

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Lily met Jaysonian at 7.

"You must be Lily. Please call me Jay, I hate my full name" he said laughing. Jay was not what she expected him to be. He was tall and had warm brown eyes. His dark brown hair hung longer than normal but not shaggy. He smiled brightly and laughed richly. In all he was gorgeous.

This was the first time Lily had actually had fun learning transfiguration, their relationship grew over the time. Jay now joked and called her Lily-Petal. He always greeted her with a hug and a heart warming smile. Allie, Serenity and Lyra all laughed and said that he fancied her. Lily however refused to believe it.

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Lily finally saw James four days later.

"J-Potter, where have you been? I need your help McGonagall wants us to plan a Halloween Ball and we have a week and a half to plan it."

"Well let's get to it Evans" he said with a small sigh.

During the next week or so Lily had confronted him and told him everything, well almost everything.

"Potter I need to tell you that I'm sorry for everything that happened over the past years, everything. And hopefully you'll forgive me and we can be friends? Please?" Lily asked hoping that he would forgive her.

"Alright Evans. Friends" he said smiling. Lily couldn't help but smile back.

The last few days before the dance everyone was hurrying to get dates, Allie was going with Matt, Lyra with a date who she refused to reveal until the day of the dance. Serenity and Lily were going alone, although Jay had told Lily to save him a few dances. Sirius was going with some blonde from Ravenclaw, Remus was going alone and James's status was unknown.

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Oh k now please review! An awesome chapter is waiting. . . so here's a little preview. . .

Deplorable Beginnings To Happier Endings

Chapter 5

"Halloween Ball"

. . ."I know but isn't love worth it?" James replied softly. She nodded. There was a comfortable silence between the two.

"You look more beautiful tonight than ever" James said just above a whisper as he placed his hand on top of hers. She blushed deeply and her stomach had butterflies from the contact. Her sparkling eyes locked with his soft hazel ones, James leaned forwards slightly his gaze set on her lips . . .

Muah ha ha ha! What's gonna happen? Does she really like him? Will James kiss the mystery girl?Who is she?