Here's chapter 5 - please please please review. Italics are flashbacks
Charper 5: Dirty
Zoë rolls her eyes at the man trying to chat her up and pointedly turns back to Kaylee and River at the bar. The man gets the hint and walks away.
Inara is dancing with a man in a dark suit to a very slow romantic tune played by Sam on the piano. Sam keeps looking at Kaylee who is watching Inara.
"She's dancing awful close to that guy…"
River snorts. "No closer than you and Sam earlier."
Kaylee shoots her a look and wonders if she will tell Simon. They've only just managed to get past his leaving.
Inara lets the man pull her closer to him and wonders why Mal and her can never quite get it together. Don't think about Mal. He's not here. This man is. She doesn't do that. She always thinks about the man she is with. Always.
Inara lay back against the silken pillows and let her mind wander to him. She knew she shouldn't. But her heart moaned his name, and she had to bite her lip to stop herself moaning it out loud. He's dead. He's been dead three years and she still dreams of him, still wishes it was his hands on her skin…
"Mal…" she hisses under her breath.
Simon awakes to find his hands cuffed above his head to a wide metal pipe. He hauls himself to sitting to alleviate the pull on his wrists. His cheekbone feels like it is on fire.
He looks around the small room, it looks like a basement. To his right Jayne is out cold but cuffed to a pipe by one wrist. Mal is sat in the same position as he is, glaring at him bitterly.
"Fought dirty huh?"
Mal notices the men appear in front and behind them and glances at Simon. This is going to be bad, he thinks to himself. He stops, Jayne slumping against him drunkenly. Simon pulls up short and looks edgily around. They are both painfully aware of being unarmed.
The five men stare evenly at them and the obvious leader smiles wickedly. "Simon Tam? Malcolm Reynolds?" he asks.
"What do we do?" Simon hisses at Mal from the corner of his mouth, eyes flitting wildly from side to side.
"Fight dirty."
Jayne hits the concrete sideways as Mal darts out of the way of the man about to grab him.
"Don't mess them up too bad!" snaps one man, "She won't be happy if you do."
She? Simon wonders, pausing a moment too long as a man, about two feet taller than him and just as wide, reaches towards him. The man moves quicker than Simon would have given him credit for. Simon spits in the man's face and twists roughly out of reach, bringing his elbow up into the man's solar plexus. He 'woofs' out a puff of air and Simon tries to sprint clear. A second man grabs him roughly by the back of his collar. He chokes as he is jerked backwards and swung around and the man's fist connects with his face. He sees stars before he blacks out.
Mal is faring slightly better. He sees Simon go down and curses. Five on one. He was sure he had had worse. He just couldn't remember when. Mal dives out of the man's reach again.
"Stop dancing around boy!" the man snaps.
Mal grins. "Don't you wanna dance?"
He jumps over Jayne's still unconscious form, scoops up a handful of roadside dust and flings it over his shoulder into the man there's eyes. He turns back to connect very firmly with the lump of wood he hadn't seen coming.
Now that just ain't fair, he thinks as his legs go out from under him and he passes out in the dust.
Kaylee's head is resting on the table on top of her outstretched arm. River is sagged back in her chair looking slightly sick. Zoë leans her chin on one hand sleepily. Inara's hair has completely come down and has turned into a curly cloud around her face. Her eyeliner is smudged too.
"Are you looking forward to tomorrow?" Kaylee murmurs weakly. "Are you excited?"
"Vely…" River slurs.
"Me too!" Kaylee squeals. "I get to wear my dress!"
River groans and drops her forehead to the tabletop.
Zoë rubs her back sympathetically. "Let's hope all our men folk make it back in one piece for the wedding."
"Oh God," River sits up suddenly, claps a hand over her mouth and leaves the table at a run.
"I'll go," Zoë hurries after her.
Inara and Kaylee look after them.
"Hope she's alright," Kaylee says. "Reckon her brother is in the same shape?"
Inara laughs. "Maybe. He'll come crawling into your bunk later so you can ask him then." She rolls her eyes. "Least I won't have to deal with the vomit and drunken drool."
Kaylee takes Inara's hand. "Aww 'Nara the Cap'n'll come round you'll see. He'll be drooling in your bed before you know it!" she grins. "Anyhow six years remember he thinks you've all forgotten him…you didn't did you?"
"Kaylee…he was dead…I…"
"You don't think Simon forgot me do you?"
Inara shakes her head. She remembers the drawing in Simon's bedroom. The one next to the gun. "He didn't forget you." She looks at the tabletop.
"What is it? You saw him didn't you? Before he came back, when he wanted to leave…" Kaylee's grip tightens on her hand. "What did he say?"
"Nothing…"
"You told him to come back didn't you?" Kaylee's eyes are bright and the drink makes her keep talking. "He wasn't going to come back…"
"No he wasn't! Mal had to kidnap him from the hospital…" Inara bites off the sentence when she realises what she has just said.
"What?" Kaylee's mouth drops open.
"He was given the choice. We gave him the choice. Kaylee he has done things, and they are not mine to tell you."
"Please," Kaylee looks imploringly at her.
"Simon had to change so he could survive. He had to kill someone. And I don't even know if he cares."
Simon sits on the bathroom floor with his back against the wall. He hasn't changed his clothes and he's not sure he can bear to touch them. He stares hard at a spot on a white tile on the opposite wall and silently wills himself to wake up from this nightmare.
He can hear Jayne moving around downstairs. The sound of dragging. The odd thump.
Simon closes his eyes. There is a tap on the door.
"Simon?" Shepard Book calls gently.
Simon doesn't answer, doesn't even open his eyes. He has locked the door. The preacher's footsteps move away.
What have I done? He lifts his hands and stares at them. They are spattered with red. And they're shaking violently. He balls them into fists but the shaking doesn't stop. Simon feels wetness on his face and isn't sure if it is blood or tears. What have I done? What have I done? The whole scene plays back in his head. The gun kicking twice in his hand. The slow motion falling of the two bodies. The hot splatter of blood against the walls, the floor, his hands, his face. He wonders if he'll have to clean up the hall, or has Jayne taken care of it?
Simon feels like he is falling. He rests his forehead against his knees and feels the room swoop around him. Feels sick. He's seen blood before so he's not sure why his stomach is rolling. He howls out loud against his knees, not caring who can hear him. What have I done? I know it's for her. But River can you live with me when you know what I've done?
Simon remembers how he had let River down when they had fled Serenity. He has lost his nerve, lost himself. And not just when they were running; for two days afterwards. It was like he hadn't been in his body. He had worked on autopilot. Jayne of all people had to soothe River because he couldn't. The wave of guilt threatens to engulf him and he can feel the autopilot shock emptiness creeping into the edges of his mind. Simon knew he had let River down once, it will not happen again. He hauls himself to his feet, averts his eyes from the horrific bloodied reflection in the mirror and strips his clothes off. He leaves them in a stained pile on the floor and runs the shower until it is scalding. He scrubs his entire body with the block of soap until the water runs clear instead of pink, and his skin feels tingly and sore.
He dumps the bloodstained clothes in the trash and dresses carefully, his hair still damp from the shower and creeps downstairs. The hall way is spotless. He finds the others sat tensely round the kitchen table in silence. Jayne has changed his clothes too. River stands up when she sees him in the doorway, a frightened look in her eyes. Simon goes to her and kisses her on the forehead. He can't let this change anything. This is their home now. He will die before that changes.
"Everything will be alright River. I swear."