CHAPTER 4
I do not own Supernatural.
AN- Thanks for the reviews. Even the two flamers that I got. Oh well the rest of the reviews said it was good. But my message to the flamers is Kiss my foot. I do NOT write stories for reviews. I write because I like to. I get reviews because people think its good. In the first 2 chapters I didn't ask for reviews. And even if I was begging for 'em…why in the heck did you give me the satisfaction of getting one? So…UP YOURS! But to everyone who likes my story THANK YOU! And by the way this is the last chapter. I will be starting a new story soon though. I hope you liked this one. Tell me if you did. COUGHS NOT BLACKMAILING
Sam awoke in the middle of the night. He turned on his back and opened his eyes. "Sam." A voice said. "Jess!" Sam screamed. "Oh my God." Sam said. "I'll always love you. Goodbye Sam. "Jess vanished into nothingness and Sam lay there crying. Some one shook him. "Sammy wake up." Dean said. Sam opened his eyes, looked at Dean and buried his head in Dean's chest. "Its okay Sammy. I've got you. I've got you." Dean said. Sam just cried. Tears were falling from his eyes like rain. "Dean, I can't get her image out of my head." Sam said still crying. "She's haunting me." Dean ran his hand through his baby brothers hair. "It's my fault. Everything about her death is my fault." Sam it's not your fault." Dean said almost in tears.
"Sam, look at me." Dean said. Sam looked into his brother's eyes. "It wasn't your fault Sammy." "If it wasn't my fault then why do I feel so bad?" Sam said. "Because you loved her. You loved her so much." Dean said. "I still love her." Sam said with pain in his voice. Sam let go of Dean and settled back down in his bed. He could still hear her calling his name. He lay there until he heard Dean go back in his room. Sam walked over to the bathroom and picked up his razor. He lifted his arm and put the razor to his wrist.. He knew that if he cut again it would only get worse. He put his razor back on the counter and went back to sleep.
Sam jumped as he wakened from another of his nightmares about Jess. He was getting tired of them. He lay on the bed for a while until he heard Dean come in his room. "Sam, tell me why you think it's your fault that Jess died. Sam took a deep breath. "Because I had dreams about it for days. I never once even bothered to warn her. I saw her die in my dreams and in reality." Sam said. Dean stood there in shock. "Sammy, listen to me. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know those dreams would come true. And even if you did warn her, what would have been different? Something would have still happened."
"Yeah, Dean something would have happened… it would have been me instead. I wish it would have been." Sam said. "Sam… don't say that. Jess wouldn't have wanted it that way and neither would I." Dean said. "But I would give anything for it to be that way. To see Mom and Jess again. I want that more than anything else Dean." Sam got up and walked off.
Dean sat on Sam's bed. He wished Sam would quit blaming himself. When will he realize it's not his fault? Dean thought. Dean couldn't think of any way to help Sam. He tried talking to him. It didn't work. He thought about a therapist. No he'd never go for that. I'd lose him for sure then. Dean said to himself. He called his Dad. "You've reached John Winchester…" Dean hung up the phone. He'd left messages on his phone before. Even when there was something wrong with one of them he still wouldn't call back to help or any thing. Dean went into his room to think.
Sam was angry. Angry because he was hurting himself. Angry because he was pushing Dean away. Angry because he couldn't control it. He clenched his fists tight. He wanted to stop. He needed to stop. This will be the last time. Sam thought as he made his way to the bathroom. He picked up his razor. He cut his arm. But Sam didn't hear Dean coming toward him. Dean turned the corner and saw Sam's arm. He looked at Dean. "I need your help." Sam said. He dropped the razor and collapsed on the floor. Dean knelt down to his brother. He wrapped his arms around him trying to ensure him that everything would be okay.
"Dean, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Sam cried. "I know Sam." Dean was terrified. If he doesn't stop he'll go too far with this. I can't lose him; he's all I have left. By this point Dean was crying. "We'll get through it." Dean said. Sam was crying so hard. He didn't want Dean to let him go. "Please…please help me." Sam said between sobs. "I will. I promise." Dean said.
After a few minutes Sam calmed down. "How many times have you done this?" Dean asked. Sam cleaned the blood off his arm to reveal several cuts. Dean ran his hand up Sam's arm touching them. "Sam…why?" Dean asked. "I just…I thought about Jess's death and how I've hurt you over the years. I can't drink so I figured I'd do this." Sam said quietly. "Sam this is not the way to get rid of pain. You know that." Dean said. "I…I know. But it was all I could do. Or at least all I thought I could do." Sam looked Dean in the eyes, searching for forgiveness.
"Dean, do you hate me?" Sam asked. "Of course not. I'm just a little shaken up right now. I could never hate you." Dean replied. "But all the things I've done to you. Everything I've said. I don't see how you could forgive me for it." Sam said. "I can because you're my brother." Dean said. "Try and get some sleep Sam." Sam walked back to his bed.
Dean was lying on the couch watching TV. He got up to go check on Sam. He walked in his room. Sam wasn't in his bed. He walked over to the bathroom. He opened the door a little and saw Sam sitting on the floor with the razor on his arm. But there was something different about it this time. It was over his vein. "Sam!" Dean screamed. Sam jumped. "Put down the razor." Dean said. "Dean I can't live like this any more. All those dreams about Jess. Trying to find Dad when he doesn't wanna be found. I can't do it." Sam said. He took the razor off his arm. He stood up and tried to run out. But Dean grabbed him before he could get away. Sam's back was facing Dean. With one arm he held Sam. With the other he managed to pry the razor out of his hand.
He spun Sam around to face him. Tears streaming down his face. Sam was shaking. "Sam, listen to me. When we find out what killed mom and Jess those dreams will stop. And we will find Dad whether he wants us to or not because we are gonna help him find answers. Just promise me that you won't ever try this again. Do you think I don't need you? You are wrong if you do. Promise me." Sam sat there silent for a moment. He would feel better if he found Jess's killer. He wanted to see Dad again and he knew that Dean needed him. "I promise I won't try suicide again…but I can't promise that I won't cut. It's hard not to do once you get started."
"Well then I guess that means I'm going to have to keep an eye on you for a while." Dean said. "Thanks for caring about me this much Dean. It really means a lot to me." Sam said. "Dude what have I told you about the chick-flick moments?" Dean said with a smile. Sam laughed. "So…will I be ok?" He asked. "Yeah you'll be fine. Dean said.