Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or anyone else, its not like I don't have an imagination, I can think for myself on occasion, I'd just rather save thinking for long, boring train trips, and while annoying people try to talk to me.

Roy's Tall House

They stared in awe as Roy's small car pulled up in the driveway. "Just as the legends said…" whispered Edward. Roy's house was the tallest in all the land… or at least with in a 3.68 km radius.

"Lets get inside," said Roy, retrieving a ring full of shiny keys from his pocket.

40 minutes later…

"Hmmm, I've tried every key but I can't seem to find the right one…" he said.

"You have one under the mat don't you, Roy?" said Greed. He'd seen too much television.

"No you fool!" said Roy. "I'm not that stupid, thieves always check under the mat…"

Edward was tired at the start of the last chapter - he was practically dying now. "So how do we get in?" he whimpered.

"Don't worry, the door's open," Roy told them. "I just wanted to show off my pretty house key…"

There was no time to hurt Roy for being an idiot, everyone just ran inside. Edward fell asleep right away on the couch, he'd been awake now for…five hours (getting tanned), another hour (practising their routine), plus half an hour (rowing), and lots more hours for all the times they were actually doing stuff… a long time.

"We'd better all go have showers…" said Lust.

"Actually I've only got one shower," Roy pointed out.

"Even better…" said Lust, with a scary sparkle in her eyes.

The others all took a step back. "Uh…Wrath?" said Greed.

"Way ahead of ya," Wrath assured him, using alchemy, courtesy of Edward, to seal her.

"Noooooo!" she shrieked, starting to vomit out the red stones inside her.

"STOP!" said Envy, walking over to the squirming homunculus, with a determined look on his regularly smug face.

"Envy… why?" asked Wrath.

"Because… we have a score to settle," said Envy. "I call…A WALK OFF!"

Long had the rivalry been, Lust against Envy, as who was truly the prettiest in a skirt. Always had it been there, lurking, waiting, deep inside the two sins, one day… today! The truth would be told! A champion would emerge, and a loser… a loser would… well, emerge too I guess.

"Cue Music!" shouted Envy.

"…"

"Roy?"

"Oh, right! Sorry…" Roy hit the play button.

We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Mer-

"Is that the best you've got?" asked Envy, sweat dropping.

"Yeah…my, uh, others…broke."

Anyway Lust and Envy had their walk off, one incredibly scary outfit after the other. No one in the room ever wanted to see lace, buckles or sequins ever again. It just didn't stop though, they kept going and going, neither willing to give in. However, Roy had to stop them, if not for the viewing horror, for the fact that they couldn't bear to hear anymore Christmas songs.

"You have to choose, Roy," said Lust.

"Don't rush him! He knows who to choose anyway," said Envy, flicking his girly hair.

"Oh, look at the time," said Roy, "I have to pick up my dry-cleaning…" Roy scrambled for the exit, Envy would have run after him, but he couldn't in his high heels. (BTW – Envy wasn't really wearing high heels! Contrary to popular belief, he doesn't really do those sorts of things, they just add to the story : )

"#$!" cried Envy, he knew he should have won, but that wasn't enough, if the others didn't know how good he was, what was the point?

"What did he say?" Wrath asked Greed.

"I dunno… sounded like hash-star-dollar…something?"

"Well I still don't think we can seal Lust because she has to be at the barbeque…" said Envy.

"Awwwwwww!" Wrath started crying.

Envy would have normally done something mean to Wrath at this point, but he still felt guilty about kicking his sandcastle over when they were at the beach and beating him up for getting his headband dirty when he borrowed it for the convention (they changed back on their way to an arcade… much to Envy's disappointment).

"Don't worry," he said, "I've got an even better idea," Envy pulled out a chainsaw from behind his back. "Roy really shouldn't just leave these things lying around in his kitchen…"

Well, there's no need to go into details, but Envy chopped up Lust into little pieces which he then got Wrath and Greed to put into little jars and put the lids on tight.

"You know," said Greed, "I think she'll still be able to re-form."

"Not to worry – I've got this all planned out… SUPER SUPER GLUE!"

And so they super glued all the little jars shut. Envy and Wrath also tied pretty ribbons around the jars. They couldn't just leave ugly jars lying around in Roy's kitchen…

"Hey guys…" said Wrath, "Roy is gone, Edward's asleep, and we've got this whole tall house to ourselves…"

"…Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Envy.

Greed smiled a very creepy smile…

"RAID THE KITCHEN!"

All three stampeded into the kitchen, pulling out all the draws and opening all the cupboards. The contents of the fridge were emptied out onto the table as was everything else they had not already eaten. They found a large bowl and wooden spoon and the stage was set. Screaming and laughing like kids at a playground, they started making the ultimate cake. Flour, mustard, sprinkles (yes…lots of sprinkles), tomato juice, steak (Roy was going to need to re-stock his kitchen for the barbeque), peas, spoons (Wrath's idea), and one and a half eggs were thrown into the bowl after which they added at least three packets of sugar. They all took turns mixing until the consistency was smooth (Envy got an A+ in Home Economics) and they chucked it in the oven for the highest temperature that was on the dial.

"Is it done yet?" asked Wrath.

"No," said Envy.

"What about now?" asked Greed.

"No," said Envy.

"Now?" asked Wrath.

"No," said Envy.

"Are you sure?" asked Greed.

Envy had to think of something to pass the time – and fast!

"I know!" he yelled, jumping up. "Let's read Roy's diary!"

"Yay!" the others agreed.

Roy wasn't coming back… but they snuck up the stairs anyway.

"Hey Envy?" said Wrath.

"What?" Envy whispered. They had come too far for Roy to catch them now… they were almost halfway up the stairs… (hey, its not that bad – it's a tall house, remember?)

"Are you really sure its not done yet?"

"YES DAMNIT! I AM ABSOLUTELY SURE IT IS NOT-"

(Long shot of roof of the tall house blowing up)

Ahhhhhhh! Roy's tall house! What will they do? I do believe this is the most dramatic cliff hanger I have ever seen! Even I'm in suspense!

PLEASE REVIEW!

Lust: Thanks for reviewing, I can't help but notice you seem to be trying to invoke Envy's wrath (note lack of capital) so here it is in this chapter! I'm sure you would have suffered the full extent of Envy's torture if you hadn't said "toodles", that's so cute!

Alexander the Unholy: …uh, I will keep going…

MrGreed: You will indeed find out how they got off the island, but it will be brief and won't make complete sense… well it might, depending on which explanation I decide on. Thanks for reviewing!

Wrath-Chan: I know, I know, Envy just wanted to make a point. I'll even but one of your Wrath T-shirts if they aren't too squished now… Also, as Wrath is my 2nd fave. character, I'll try to be nicer to him in the future, but hey – Envy's my most favourite and he cops more than any of them!

Pride: …I'll pretend I only read the 'keep on' bit… but you are Pride, so I guess it's okay that you have faith in your writing ability. Also, what do you expect from Envy? He doesn't speak that much English…

Crazyanimefreak15: Thank you! I can't believe they gave him a girly voice again though… P.S, I'm awaiting further instructions!

Toorikosu: Thanks so much! I wanted Envy to be cute in this instead of just plain creepy like most stories… he really appreciates the green cotton candy! Keep reading and reviewing!

SinxEnvy: Thankyou! I always try to update as soon as I can since I only have one story at present… so here it is!