Disclaimer: Kenshin doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Watsuki-sensei. Nor does the line: "that life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating." That belongs to O. Henry.

I. AM. SORRY. Very! It's the only thing I can say. This is a complete edit of Chapter 13. Skenshingumi pointed something vital out to me, forcing me to change the plot line quite a bit. But this chapter had reasonable amount of things wrong with it as well, so it gives me the opportunity to fix them. :) Good things come from every mistake. And in return for my lack of updates, I offer plushies:Holds out bag of plushies: Any one you want:D

In response to Haruko-san: I'm sorry fro making you impatient! Here is your plushies. I'm sorry and I hope you continue to read! And arigato for the pocky earlier! (That's also the first time anyone's ever called me "Baka-san") XD

(skip to the flashback for the edit)

Rurouni Kenshin: The Whispers of Insanity

Chapter Thirteen: Beautiful Beginnings, Eventful Ends

By; DJ Baka-chan

"Dreaming! Dreaming the night! Dreaming, all right! Do we, do we know, when we fly? When we, when we go? Do we die?"

-System of a Down, lyrics from Question!

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Broken.

Like my soul.

The mirror, is that what it represented?

I broke it.

My soul.

My god-forsaken soul.

Dear Kami, why do you torture me so? Why is everything so messed up? Please, just answer me! Why? That is the question we pose to everything. Why must everything hurt?

Why?

The sadistic smile cannot keep it's self from my lips.

It's true that life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.

I squeeze a small piece of the mirror in my hand, the trickle of blood left unnoticed. I'm too lost in my self-pitying thoughts.

Her hands are there, her arms also, but they are left with my body, not my mind.

The other "she" is with my mind.

"Kami forbid, Kenshin-san. Will you ever stop fighting with Akira-san?" Back then, not since then, have my eyes been so. Why, why do they change now? What happened?

They squeeze tighter.

"Please…" Is the whimper.

I ignore it.

She's afraid.

Afraid that I'm going to leave again.

But am I still the one she loved?

Am I?

Only she will know.

The blood flows faster then my hand falls limp, the glass dropping and shattering to the ground.

"Stop…please…" I heard a lot of "pleases" and "don'ts". It reminds me of all of my victims. They did the same. Was it the fear the caused it? Is that what happens when you're afraid? Do you just lose all sense and fight for life. When afraid do we fight to live?

That was the way Akira fought.

"'Till death do us part!" He screamed in his final moments to my former beloved. His pure will and determination could only be the products of fear. Fear produces so many other emotions that reign dormant. It's such a mix of feelings that no one can describe. These are only my feeble attempts to tell you for I know nothing of the true meaning.

I've only experienced fear once in my life. It was for such a brief horrid moment I cannot remember it for rampant anguish overpowered it afterward.

The real definition is: To be afraid of, expect with alarm. But that says nothing of the true wholesome feeling you experience. The true feeling of fear makes you hollow inside in that moment and only for that moment.

It is unexplainable to those who've never felt it.

"Come back to me Kenshin, please…" She whispers ever so into my ear. The embrace tightens, her hands clasping my shoulders.

I finally awake into the world of the living. The embrace disappears. Tomoe's ghost is gone. Kaoru, whose head lay on my chest, stayed silent during my brooding. She was looking down toward the ground, an unnerved look in her eyes. She was not a peace with something.

"I'm awake now." I whispered, and then I nibble on her ear. She looked up at me, the gaze in her eyes still lingering. A hue of red flushed on her checks at my abrupt action.

"Shh." I hushed the words forming on her lips. Kaoru looked at me, her eyes still at unrest. I reassured her with a smile. She did not see the pain behind it.

Or did she?

I lead her by the waist back to the room where Sano was waiting. Letting Kaoru go, I leaned myself on the wall, my bangs creating a wall between my eyes and the outside world. Kaoru's hand gripped tight near her heart.

"Kenshin…" She whispered to no one but the air. I did not look to her.

"I think…it's about time I told you…" My eyes were shadowed by the thickness of my bangs. It's one of the few reasons I keep them the way they are.

"The mastermind behind all of these happenings is Yukishiro Enishi… He is the exact reason I am the way I am." Kaoru's heart beat quickened.

"So Kenshin, how did all this shit start? I mean your whole deal with this Enishi guy." Sano looked at me as Kaoru held her hand to her chest, her breathing picking up.

"Well, Enishi is my half-brother. He is the younger brother of my former wife Himura Tomoe…whom I murdered with my own two hands." Kaoru's eyes widened.

"So that…is why…" She looked at me with surprise.

"Yes. It started 11 years ago, in place you would never ever suspect of being the hometown of such misery."

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Seaside Village. 11 years ago

Ages (just keeping it here for reference): Kenshin (12), Kaoru (5), Enishi (6), Tomoe (14), Akira (13)

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"You sure?" I queried, pulling my hand out of my sleeve pocket a bit. I had reached for my wallet, trying to do the polite thing.

"Oh Kenshin-san, it would be more of problem for you to buy than I." Tomoe's face light up in a bright smile. "Besides, I don't mind." I withdrew my hand from my sleeve completely in defeat. The store owner always got agitated by our constant arguments over who should pay, even though Tomoe almost always won.

"Will you two just order already?" He barked at us from behind the stall. Our head shot up and Tomoe almost immediately smiled.

"Sorry mister, it'll be twenty dumplings please." I shot a look a Tomoe and she smiled back while she was completing the transaction.

"Twenty!" I cried. "That's practically a feast!" I sat on the bench and continued to stare at her.

"You and Akira were at it all day, I bet you're famished. Most of them are for you anyway." She sat down next to me and both of us blushing a tad at how close we were to each other.

"And you're treating me to dumplings? Why not Akira? He is your fiancé." She looked shocked at the cynical glare that I gave her. I folded my arms in front of and placed my head on top of them as she looked away. When a shot a glace at her, she had her hand to mouth in worry. I moved my eyes away and looked at the stall owner. I could here him mumbling about arranged marriages and how utterly pointless they are. I buried my face in my arms.

STUPID! Now you've got her upset.

I growled and grit my teeth and looked in the opposite direction of Tomoe.

"It's because…" I heard her whisper. I turned to look at her. She was looking away from me, down at the ground. I could hear the cawing of birds in the background as the sun set behind us.

"It's because," She said more loudly, though the words were still only meant for me. "I don't…love him."

I sat there utterly shocked. It took a few moments for my heart to grasp it. The person she'd been engaged to since birth, the man she'd known all he life, she did not love him? Here she was, treated some damned street kid like me to dumplings, telling me her heart's deepest secrets, treating me with kindness that I received from no other. Now it was true that I had an uncle, but he would take me until I was thirteen, which is not long from now.

"Kenshin?" Tomoe's voice shook me out of my reverie and I turned to her. She looked great in the dimming sun light. Beautiful, stunning. And here I am sitting her thinking such thoughts about someone I can never be with.

"You know, you look beautiful in this light." The words had spilled out of my mouth before I had even thought about what I was saying. She quickly blushed, her head not turning away.

"Kenshin…you know, I've always, well…" She fidgeted with her fingers then looked up at me again.

"You're the one I love." She said it without hesitation, sure and utter confidence in her eyes.

I was going to be put in my grave very soon. Akira will have my head on a platter.

"Me?" I blurted, my mouth working before my mind again. "ME? But how, why…! Kami-sama I have no idea what I'm talking about!" I was completely flustered and acting like a woman. A woman, dammit, I'M A MAN!

"I don't know." She said calmly compared to my earlier statement. "There's always something I've liked about you, I just don't know what. Oh, you must think me mad." I started at her blankly. The impulses in my mind were killing me.

What to do, what to say, dammit I'm so screwed!

"Not…not at all." I took her chin in my hand and pulled her face toward mine and was close enough to feel her breath. She took my lips before I took hers. It was a good thirty seconds before a deliberate cough from the stall owner interrupted us.

"Your dumplings are ready." We both blushed and I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. As I began to dig into my meal, I heard Tomoe speak softly to me.

"Arigato Kenshin, arigato." And the birds fluttered away, their cawing echoing through the air.

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One Week Later

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She was stunning as ever. And I prayed that her image would last in my head. I had received a message from my uncle this morning telling me to head for Kyoto, he would meet me there and take me to his home to start my training in his swordsmanship.

And so this was my last night. My last night with Tomoe. I'd better make it a good one.

DAMN THAT WAS PERVERTED!

So? I can think whatever I want!

I smiled as I looked at her from the edge of the beach. She sat where the waves broke, letting them lap over her feet. She watched the fireflies that glistened around her, dancing green lights moving in circles. The silent sound of the waves just made it even more romantic. I sighed. This was going to be hard.

My footsteps were barely audible as they were muffled by the soft grained sand. I watched her in silence ever still and it was a moment before a spoke her name.

"Tomoe?" My voice was soft whisper, gentle yet sad. She turned her head towards me looking into my sorrowful violet eyes, surprised by my presence.

"Kenshin! What are you doing out here?" She was confused by my appearance ever still. I offered her my hand to help her up and she gratefully took it. She stood facing me, straight in a lady-like posture.

"I'm sorry…" My voice was still a whisper but in the dead silence of the night, where you could hear nothing but the waves rushing to the shore and the crickets playing their endless music, it could easily be heard.

"Kenshin, what are you sorry for?" Her voice questioning my thinking. I took her in my arms and captured her lips upon mine. We fell into the sand together, her hand rubbing my cheek as we entwined in eternal love.

"I…I have to leave, for Kyoto." I said, pulling away. She still rubbed my cheek.

"Kenshin-koishii, I understand. As long as you remember me always." I grabbed her other hand in mine, as if we were making the eternal vow of matrimony.

"I swear I'll never forget you. I know I'll never forget you. Tomoe, I love you." I kissed her again. "I'm leaving tonight." She nodded in confirmation.

"Kenshin, just remember one thing, I will always be waiting for you and I will always love you." I smiled.

"Tomoe, that's two things." She giggled as I pointed out her contradiction. I loved to see that brilliant smile on her face. I stood up and offered her my hand again which she gladly took. I hugged her one last time. "Sayonara."

"Sayonara Kenshin." I left her there on that beach, taking only my regrets, her love, and the clothes on my back with me. And as I disappeared into the dark blanket of the night, I could hear her silent weeping and I cried myself. I think that was the first time I had ever cried.

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Alright, that's the new Chapter 13! Hope you enjoyed it! 14 will be up within the next week! I'm sorry for the wait!