Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or any other characters or registered trademarks and such that appear in this "story".

And so they set off

Once they had packed some supplies for their journey, they set off for Bloodyhellitscold Cave. Gluttony was left to look after Roy, and Pride and Sloth had joined the group once again, after calling in sick with a contagious, piano-induced medical condition.

"So where is this place anyway?" Sloth asked.

"According to this map Dante drew for us, it's up North, just past Liquor Land," said Greed.

"You just drew that yourself, didn't you Greed?" Lust accused him.

"Actually, I think that is the map she drew," said Envy. "Greed only draws in crayon, or texta – I don't think he's ever held a pen in his life."

"What? How do you know that Envy?" Wrath asked.

"Well, his final exams were done in crayon, so I can't see him drawing any picture with a pen," Envy explained.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FINAL EXAMS!" yelled Greed.

"I marked them actually – I was posing as a teacher when Dante went through that 'The Board of Studies are out to get me' conspiracy phase."

"Damn, so that's why I got such bad marks…" Greed muttered.

"No, actually you're just really damn stupid- multiple choice doesn't mean only answer the questions you choose to, which you got wrong anyway…"

"Wow, I guess you learn something new every day," said Greed.

"So we should probably catch the bus, right?" Pride asked.

"Yeah," said Edward, "it should get us to Liquor Land, and from there we'll have to walk."

So they all waited for the bus. They were there for a long time. A really long time. It was getting dark, and there was still no sign of any bus. Wrath, Greed and Pride were having a staring contest, Lust and Sloth were gossiping about all the hot people they'd killed, and Envy and Edward were playing thumb wars. Still no bus.

Wrath, who was too hyperactive to go very long without blinking, and was tired of constantly losing to his fellow homunculi, gave up, whereby he was able to discover the problem.

"Is this even the bus stop?"

The others looked at him.

At the real bus stop, they had probably already missed the last bus, so there would be much more waiting to come. They decided to play Twister. Wrath had packed the supplies, so that explains that.

"Envy, can't you just turn into a bus or something?" whined Sloth.

He didn't bother to answer – if the next spin was Left hand Red, he was a goner.

The bus finally did come, but upon seeing a bunch of strangely clad punks in bizarre positions on the side of the road, the driver felt it was in everyone's best interest not to stop.

Lust sighed. "We'd better just walk then," she suggested.

"Why walk when you can cartwheel?" yelled Envy as he started cartwheeling down the road. Wrath, Sloth and Greed followed. Pride would have too, but if anyone saw the Fuhrer cartwheeling down the road after the others, then everyone would find out that he didn't really have a piano-induced medical condition, so Lust, Edward and himself followed walking. 19 seconds later, they all stopped for a break.

"My feet hurt…" said Lust.

"You say that every few years – as if we're gonna believe you!" said Greed.

"Yeah, I guess…" Lust admitted, "I'm like the boy who cried wolf… only a girl."

"Well if you want to take it that far you didn't exactly 'cry wolf' either," Envy pointed out.

"Hey, you're right… THEN WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON! I'm so lonely…" she sobbed.

"O….K…" said the others.

So they pressed on, but upon coming across a motel, they decided it was once again time for a break. Unfortunately, they were running low on funds… that is, all the money they had was from the one pizza they had sold to Hughes. If you have read The Truth Behind The Truth Behind The Barbeque, you will have realised that the amount was nothing. Or maybe that hasn't been posted yet… either way, their only option was to work in the kitchens until they could afford a room.

"Envy," said Edward, "these stains won't come off…"

"You're supposed to WASH those plates to get the stains off, idiot!"

"Oh right…" said Edward.

-Ten seconds later-

"Envy! The stains still aren't coming off!" cried Edward.

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU – YOU HAVE TO WASH THEM!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," said Edward, beaming.

Envy sweat dropped. Were they really related?

Meanwhile, Greed and Sloth were peeling potatoes. They were also arguing about the pronunciation.

"I'm telling you, it's PO-TA-TO!" screamed Sloth.

But Greed was adamant. "No it's not! TO-MA-TO!"

Sloth cocked her head sideways. "That's a different vegetable, Greed – you do realise that?"

"Oooooh, you mean those purple ones right?" Sloth just gave him a look, and then swapped duties with Wrath. Wrath kept cutting himself with the peeler by the way, and was sent to the children's hospital. He wasn't regenerating because it was all part of his scheme of course, it wasn't because he was just too stupid or anything… cough.

So their civil service was for naught, as they all waited in the corridor outside the emergency ward. It was then that Envy collapsed having seen all the happy paintings and colourful walls. Nothing scares a headband-wearing homunculus like a children's hospital. But there was more horror to come, as Pride hid behind the coffee machine upon remembering that his son was at this very hospital still recuperating from having his stomach pumped. How was Pride supposed to know that humans couldn't drink dishwashing detergent? It comes in such pretty colours…

"Are you all waiting for a... Wrath?" asked a nurse.

"Yes, I agree - chess is better than scrabble," said Greed.

"Uhhh," the nurse wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"You get used to it," Sloth shrugged, "but how's Wrath? Is he going to be OK?"

"He's right though, chess is better..." the nurse said.

"Look, is Wrath going to be OK or not?" Sloth shouted.

"I bought a birthday card," the nurse smiled at Greed.

"THERE ARE MORE OF THESE PEOPLE!" yelled Lust.

"PLEASE! Just tell me how Wrath is!" begged Sloth.

"So did I," said Greed, smiling back.

"HOW IS HE - JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

"You want to know the truth?" the nurse asked, "You can't handle the truth!"

"Just...tell me, ...if Wrath's OK..." Sloth said, trying incredibly hard to refrain from killing everyone in the vicinity.

"Oh, alright then - he'll be fine, he's just in that room right th-"

Just then, a doctor barged into the room. "It's an emergency - I'm going to need all of you to help..."