Carter stood at the edge of the river with icee in hand. He loved this time of year. Not too hot not too cold, especially in the afternoon. The city was so pretty at night, but the cool breeze against the summer sun and the sound of kids laughing just seemed to reenergize him. Wendall should be in Florida by now. He should have known things wouldn't work out with her. There was too much history on his end and she could only understand so much of it. He sighed to himself and ran the list of charities through his head again that were petitioning for a small piece of the Carter funds. How had Gamma managed it all he asked himself? His eyes moistened a little at the thought of her. There were arrangements to be made and meetings to attend. He scanned the banks and did a double take when he spotted Abby only a few yards away.

She kept replaying the scene in her head. They were deep in the moment and he was so close it was like they were one. And in that moment of perfection why was it that Carter's name had come out of her mouth?

'What?' his voice rang in her ears 'John? Is that all I am to you? A stand in for the man you lost? What was it you called him? oh no no I remember the man of your dreams!'

She didn't know what to say at the time. She wanted to say she was sorry that it was a mistake, but none of that seemed to fit. Sitting there in silence staring at that one damn flower on the pattern of her bed spread. 'Abby are you even listening to me!' She couldn't even bring herself to look at him. Then he moved away to get out of the bed. At that moment she felt so alone it hurt to breath

'Jake, wait' She had pleaded softly 'Please Jake I didnt...I...' She felt her eyes tearing up again. She stared out at the river then let her head drop.

He left. What did she expect him to do really?

"Hey" She heard from behind her.

"Hey Carter" He was strolling up to her and she hurried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Nice day huh?"

"Yeah" She sniffled as she forced a smile and focused on a lone boat out on the water.

Carter tilted his head to get a better look at her. "hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing" She shook her head and looked down at the ground.

Carter laughed a bit "Come on Abby you know you can't get away with that." She didn't answer him. He put his hand on her back and she jerked away.

"No, Carter. Really, I'm fine."

"If you need to talk..."

"Well I don't" She snapped at him as she warned him off with a glare in her eyes. But in that moment of eye contact she withered. His eyes could see right through her and she didn't need that, not now anyway. That was the last thing she needed. She quickly looked back down at her hands on the railing and her ring shimmering in the sun. "Please just go" she whispered.

But how could he? He gazed at her. This certainly wasn't the first time he'd seen her so broken. He wanted to hold her again, to protect her from all that was able to hurt her. But that wasn't his job anymore. She had made that clear. He couldn't help it though, even though he knew he had to let her go. Even though he knew she had moved on. He just couldn't stop loving her.

She shifted her weight and looked off in the other direction as the tears started to form in her eyes again. Carter turned and walked to the trashcan just a couple steps away and threw his cup away. He stood there just out of her sight, but she could feel him near. She always had. He'd always been there and some how she knew he always would be.

Abby turned around slowly to face him with her head still hanging low. She looked so exhausted but from what? She tossed her hair back and shrugged as she said "Jake and I had a fight" Carter nodded silently.

"What about?"

She looked straight at him and didn't say a word 'No way' Carter thought to himself.

"I need you out of my head Carter. I'm engaged to a wonderful man now!" She threw her hands up in frustration "But you won't go away!" A tear trickled down her check. "I can't..." she sighed

Carter walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. She shook her head and stepped back. "I need you out." Her eyes were pleading with pain. "I can't live like this anymore, John. It's like part of me is still waiting for you and I can't get myself to catch up." She twisted her engagement ring. "It's killing Jake inside and I can't watch him suffer anymore." Carter's stomach was turning into knots. "Please, if you still love me, please just...go." She shook her head and bit back the tears as she turned to walk toward County.

Carter couldn't take it any more. He didn't need to be torn around like this and it was time he spoke his mind.

"Abby!" He ran to catch up with her and grabbed her by the back of her arm. "Wait!" He whipped her around to face him.

"Carter..."

"No! You listen now!" She stared back at him "You think you're the only one struggling with this! This...feeling that has been sitting in the pit of my stomach for two years? Like I've missed out on my one chance? Do you really honestly think..." Abby tried to pull away

"No! No more walking Abby!" He took hold of both of her arms and looked straight at her even though she tried to look away. "I can't just pretend like I don't wish things had been different, and trust me if I could get you out of my head I would have done it a long time ago too." He stopped to catch his breath and shook his head "You say you love Jake now"

"I do love him!" she cut him off quickly

"Then why are we doing this again! Why are we back here again!"

Abby turned to face the river again and let the wind blow back her hair. She couldn't tell if she hated him so much she loved him, loved him so much she hated him, or if she should just throw him in the river now and get it over with.

"Listen," he tried to calm himself down "I'll have to accept that you love Jake just like I forced you to accept that I loved Kem." Abby crossed her arms and clenched her jaw. 'Don't even go there' she though to herself. "But you can't just come up to me and tell me to go away! Go where Abby! And how! Please tell me how to get there and I'll buy the one way ticket now!" Abby started out to the horizon, doing everything possible to keep him out. She'd finally gotten her wall up again and she wasn't about to let him knock it down. Not this time. Carter just stared at her with a mixture of frustration, hate, pain, confusion and worst of all love. "You know you think you have everything figured out. But tell me this Abby, what do you want?" Abby turned her head to look at him.

She really didn't know anymore. They stood there in silence, eyes locked and fixed on the other.

"I have to get to work" she finally said and walked past him

Carter watched her walk off into the distance, picked up a pebble and launched it as far into the river as he could. Over the water, into the distance, lost in a journey with no end.