Chapter Three: Bitter Memories
As they had expected, Jess had retreated to her hideaway, a cave she called Halcyon Haven. The darkness and the quiet relaxed her brain so she could think. She had her headphones over her ears, another essential to relaxing and thinking.
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Jessica fingered the necklace around her neck, a penny that had been sawed in half and strung up on a chain, and she knew she couldn't help but relive that day she had last seen the woman who had given her life. She had a long memory, a curse when you had been through as much as she had. Jess never forgot anything.
Jessica, then three years old, was sitting in the back of the car, clutching her stuffed cat to her chest.
"How long will you be gone, mommy?" The woman up front with the dark brown hair shifted uncomfortably.
"I'll be back to get you soon." Jessica nodded.
"Why can't I stay with Katie, like I usually do when you're at work?"
"Katie has a test to study for." Jessica nodded. She fidgeted silently from the back seat. Something didn't feel right. Jessica sucked her thumb and twisted a lock of her brown hair between her fingers. Her amber eyes were wide with anxiety.
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Jessica looked at the sign as they entered the parking lot where she was going to stay while her mommy was at work. "What does that say?"
"Montgomery Memorial Hospital," She replied tersely. Jessica unbuckled her seatbelt and slid out of the car, hugging her toy kitty. Her mom handed her a backpack and Jessica hoisted it on her back. She held her mother's hand as they entered the hospital doors.
"What does that say?" Jessica said, pointing to another sign.
"Birth center," Her mother said. She lifted her off the ground and held her close to her chest, kissing her forehead. She sat her down on the couch and instructed her to watch TV while she went to talk to the nurse. There was another little girl there with her grandmother. She told her that she was there to get her new baby sister. Jessica made a mental note to ask her mother to get her a baby sister before they left.
A few minutes later, Jessica's mom came back, tears brimming her eyes. She picked her up and gave her a hard hug and a loving kiss. "I love you baby. I love you so much." Jessica knew that there was something wrong and she begged her not to go. "Here," Her mother said, pulling a necklace out of her pocket, a penny that had been sawed in half. "Keep this. As long as you have this, I will be with you." She touched the other half of the penny that hung around her neck. The nurse came and took her out of her mother's arms.
"Mommy?" Jessica cried and the woman carried her to the back. She saw her mother's back as she exited the hospital doors.
That night, Jessica went to her first foster home. For weeks, she held out hope that her mother would come for her, but soon she became resigned to the fact that she had been abandoned.
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...
Jessica Aradia wasn't a baby anymore. She had abandoned her innocence just as surly as her mother had abandoned her nine years ago. She refused to cry as the bitter memories lingered. She thought of her first foster home and how nice they had started out being. She was scared and alone and refused to let them love her. They had tried, but not long. By her sixth month away from her mother, they had grown tired of her. She was alone once more.
She refused to allow herself to cry. She refused to let her past make her weak. She refused to think of the brown haired woman at her school.
But it was useless. After all, Jessica didn't forget.
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?