Chapter Five: Jillian
Jess woke to Will jerking the blanket off of her. "Wake up, sleepyhead. We're late." Jess swore, leaping out of bed and throwing her cloths on as fast as possible. Will was standing at the door waiting for her. As she opened the door, Sunny darted out the door.
"I thought I had locked her up!" Jess shouted, exasperated. Will and Jess ran out the door but by the time they had reached the stairwell, Sunny had disappeared.
"It's ok Jess. We'll find her after school. She'll probably come home in a little while anyway. Mom comes home for lunch and she'll let her in. Here, I'll leave her a note to keep an eye out for her." Will bobbed back inside the apartment. She emerged a minute later, and the girls left for school. Jess drug her feet, to tired to concentrate on where she was going. She and Will dropped into there first period class with barely thirty seconds to spare. Taranee looked questioningly at them as Jess whispered, "Over slept," sheepishly in her ear. After the bell rang to dismiss first period, Jess opted to skip second period to give herself time to think without Mr. Red breathing down her neck.
Jess slipped out the door, planning to search for Sunny. Suddenly, she felt eyes on her, ten years in foster care had taught her how to tell when there were eyes on her, and she whipped around. Once again, she saw the familiar dark brown head, amber eyes, and dark lashes that mirrored her own. The woman was watching her with mingled curiosity and motherly affection. Jess glared.
"My name is Jillian." she sighed. "You look like my side of the family. You have your grandmother's hands-"
"What the hell do you want?"
"-and your grandfather's people skills."
"Don't play games with me. You abandoned me ten years ago. You left me, promising me you would be back later. I cried for you. I cried for you for the next three years, mostly when I was getting beaten by my foster parents. I quit crying after a while, when I figured out that you weren't coming back. You left without even looking back." Jess wrenched the necklace from around her neck and threw it forcefully at Jillian. "There! I don't want to be with you! I want to be out of my life so I can get on with it! I have a family now, and I won't let you take me away from it."
Jillian picked up the necklace and held it close to her heart. "Of course I looked back. I sat in my car and cried for three hours and then I staked out the hospital for the rest of the night. I watched your first foster parents take you away and cried for another hour until I finally made myself go home." Tears dotted her eyes now. Good, Jess thought vehemently. I'm not going to make this easy for her.
Can't wash it all away
Can't Wish it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't cry it all away
"I loved you, Jess. I loved you more then you could ever know."
"Then why did you leave me?"
"I left you because I wanted you to have a better life then I did. She looked around. "Is there a better place we can talk around here. I know I shouldn't be encouraging you to skip class, but this talk is long over due."
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time
"I started drinking after your father left me, when I was three months pregnant with you. I was sixteen, alone, and I was a wreck. It's a wonder you were born healthy. I forced myself to stop, for your sake, when I was six months pregnant. When you were born, you weighed four pounds, way below the low birth weight." She sighed as she leaned back her chair while she and Jess sat in the back of a local café Jess had also visited while skipping. "I started drinking again when I thought you were going to die. I…was going through a difficult time. When you were released, I was afraid. I knew that I had, once again, become an alcoholic." She wiped the tears from her eyes and Jess glared at her with a sharp glint in her cold amber eyes. Jillian turned her amber eyes to Jess again, a pained smile on her face.
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
"I tried to hide my drinking problem from my parents, but they found out. The found out about a rehab clinic nearby, and said that they'd take you for a while so I could get better." She shuddered at the memory. "My mother never knew this, but when I was a teenager, my father was very abusive to me. I didn't want you being beaten, and worse, like I was."
"But I was," Jess said. "I have been abused since I was three. You didn't save me from anything."
"I tried. After I got out, I tried to get you back, but I found out that you had been moved. It took me years to track you down."
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Jess was watching her, marveling at the fact that she actually believed her. Jillian looked so sincere, something Jess had rarely seen adults do. "I loved you, Jessica. I did and I still do. I know I can never make you trust me, but I hope you will try."
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
Jess nodded, and jumped as she felt an unexpected vibration in the pocket of her baggy jeans. She pulled out her phone and saw Will's number on the caller ID. Jess opened it and put it to her ear.
"What's up, Will?"
"Where are you? We need to go to Meridian. Alex and Caleb need us."
"Ok. I'll meet you back at school in ten minutes." Jess hung up the phone and stared back at Jillian. "I need to go. One of my friends has an emergency and she needs me." Jillian nodded.
"I hope we can talk again soon."
"Yeah. Sure." Jess bolted out the café door, giving her birth mother a fleeting glance as she darted around the street corner. As she rounded the corner, she was jerked into a bush. She started to scream before she recognized the small white hands that were holding her. "Hay Lin!" she groaned. The air guardian giggled and Jess smiled as well; her friends always seemed to put her at ease. "So, what's the emergency?"
"I didn't say there was an emergency, I just said Caleb and Alex needed us." Will said with a giggle. Alex was originally from Meridian, but he, like Caleb, stayed on earth a lot. Alex said it was because Phobos's soldiers were after him, but Will, as well as the other girls, knew he wanted to be close to Jess. Will sighed at the romantic thought. For Alex and Jess, it had been a star-crossed-love-at first-sight kind of romance.
"Well, what do they need?"
"They wanted our help getting some supplies to the Infinite City." Jess nodded.
"Do we have a portal?"
"Yeah. Hay Lin found one on her map."
"Well, then let's go."
"Jess?"
"What?"
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah. Why?" Will shrugged.
"Let's go."