Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.
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"Kikyou? What the hell happened to your hair?"
"Kikyou? Who's that? I don't know any... um... did you just insult my hair?" asked Kagome.
"You killed me, bitch. I can and will insult your hair, your face..." InuYasha glanced down at her school uniform, "... your weird clothes, and that fat ball of fur that's following you around."
"That makes no sense, Dog-boy. If I killed you, why would you be awake and insulting my hair?" demanded Kagome, logically.
"Okay... not killed, then. Rendered unconscious for an indeterminate period of time. Is that better, picky wench?" demanded InuYasha sarcastically.
"No, because I never did anything to you, Dog-boy. I've never seen you before in my life," claimed Kagome. "And that's a fact, 'cuz I would remember meeting someone with cute fuzzy ears like yours."
InuYasha blushed, then narrowed his eyes calculatingly. "You know, if you like my ears so much, I'll let you touch them."
"Oooooh, really?" bubbled Kagome, "You will?"
"Yep. All you have to do is pull out this arrow that's holding me to the tree, and I'll let you touch them all you want," promised InuYasha, crossing his fingers behind his back.
"Well, if you put it like that... okay!" Kagome climbed up the protruding tree roots and wrapped both hands around the splintered wooden arrow, giving a tentative pull. The arrow dissolved in a shimmer of pink mist, leaving not a trace.
InuYasha gasped, while leaping to the ground and standing at a safe distance from the weird girl who wanted to touch his ears. "How did you do that?"
"What do mean, 'How did I do that'? I just pulled the arrow thingy out like you wanted me to," replied Kagome. "It wasn't really that difficult."
"But..." stammered InuYasha "... I didn't think you would actually be able to pull out that arrow... it was enchanted... or something."
"Oh, it was easy," assured Kagome.
"But if you could pull that arrow out... you have the Shikon no Tama! Gimme! Now!" demanded InuYasha.
Meanwhile in the village:
"Kaede, I sense great spiritual disturbance in the forest,"stated Kikyou. "Won't you go see what is amiss?"
"Are you sure, sister?" prodded Kaede. "Last time you sensed a disturbance in the forest it turned out to be a bunch of kids throwing rocks at a beehive."
"There is no doubt that the disturbance in the forest is of grave importance, Kaede," insisted Kikyou. "You must go and ascertain the problem immediately."
"Yeah, well that's what you said the last three times," reminded Kaede. "If it's such a big deal, then why don't you go yourself?"
"Okay look, if you just go and check the forest I'll take care of the next two needy villagers that come asking for herbs or whatever," offered Kikyou. "How's that sound?"
"Yeah, I can live with that. I'll go and check just this once-" began Kaede.
"Ah yes, thank you, sister," interjected Kikyou.
"But, if it turns out to be nothing again then you'd better not nag me about 'disturbances in the forest' ever again," said Kaede.
Back at the Goshinboku:
"You know, you can't just demand other people's things and expect them to give you what you want," chided Kagome. "It would be a lot better if you asked politely."
InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Fine. Will you please gimme the Shikon no Tama? Now."
"Well, um... what's a Shikon no Tama?" asked Kagome.
InuYasha smacked his forehead. "Look, you idiot-"
"Kagome!"
"Yeah, whatever. I know you have the jewel so just give it here and I'll be nice and let you live," said InuYasha in his most magnanimous tone.
"But I don't have it!" protested Kagome.
"Keh! Fine. You're annoying anyways, not to mention a liar because..." InuYasha scowled at Kagome menacingly, "... you have the Shikon no Tama right there." InuYasha took a few steps closer to Kagome, pointing a clawed finger at an assortment of shiny, dangly objects hanging from a clip attached to the belt loop of Kagome's skirt.
Kagome blanched. "You don't mean my... Hello Kitty keychain! I'll never give it to you, you jerk! It's an irreplaceable collector's item... WacDonald's only had those in their Happy Meals for two weeks!"
"No, you moron! I don't want your 'hell-kitty keychain' or whatever. I want that!" InuYasha growled, swiping at the pale pink jewel hanging from a metal clasp emblazoned with the phrase 'Sunset Shrine.'
Instead of grabbing the Shikon no Tama keychain, however, he missed and pulled the entire bunch of keyrings away from Kagome, ripping the main clip through the belt loop, then losing his grasp on it and flinging the whole thing into the nearby forest.
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Kaede flinched as a strange-looking, mostly-silver object went flying past her, narrowly missing her head. The metal thing dropped beside her with a soft plop and she bent to pick it up, giving it a thorough examination.
"Oh my," murmured Kaede. "The Shikon no Tama..." There it was, attached to one of the many dangling parts of the complicated metal contraption in her hand. Kaede pondered the item she was holding, made up of dozens of metal charms hanging from a central ring- one of the charms holding the Shikon no Tama. Surely it must be an article containing immense spiritual powers. Kaede pocketed the whole thing... perhaps it would be of use later.
From the same direction that the Shikon no Tama had been flung, Kaede heard a feminine-sounding shriek. Kaede picked up her pace and headed towards the scream. If the trouble was caused by the jewel she had just found, it was her duty as priestess to remedy the situation.
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Kagome shrieked in surprise when InuYasha pulled her key ring from her. "You jerk! You just ripped the belt loop off of my school uniform! Do you know how much these things cost to replace?"
"Oh wait," she thought. "What am I saying? If my uniform is ripped, I just have an excuse to wear my regular clothes to school..."
"Shut up!" bellowed InuYasha. "If you had just given me the jewel when I asked you to, it wouldn't be an issue!"
Kaede crept up behind the Goshinboku, assessing the situation. InuYasha was on the loose, he was threatening that odd girl, and the Shikon no Tama was involved. She reached for the conglomeration of metal she had found attached to the jewel, removing one of the dangling charms- one in the shape of a cat. Kaede tied the charm to a string of wooden beads with a leather string, imbuing the necklace with some of her long-unused spiritual energy.
Jumping with as much stealth and speed as her elderly body could manage, she swooped down on the unsuspecting demon, placing the charmed necklace over his head.
InuYasha jumped in surprise when he felt the unexpected attack from behind. "What the hell was that?" he wondered aloud.
"Quick, girl!" prompted Kaede. "You must use a word to subdue InuYasha!"
Kagome blinked. "Huh?"
"You know," said Kaede, "Like some kind of word for a spell that'll keep him from being dangerous. The magic necklace I put on him will make him obey the word you pick."
"Really?" Kagome grinned. "Okay then, um..." She glanced at his ears, "How about... sit?"
InuYasha immediately felt a tug on his legs, demanding that he obey the command and sit down peacefully. He resisted the compulsion, so instead the necklace yanked him to the ground face-first.
"You know, he'll never be able to get that necklace off," commented Kaede.
"Owwwww!" InuYasha moaned, following it up with a string of unintelligible curses. "Take this... thing... off of me... now!"
"No way," said Kaede and Kagome at once.
"You should have seen how funny you looked, falling to the ground face first like that," continued Kagome.
"You thought it was funny? I don't think so! I'm stuck wearing this stupid girly necklace that makes me eat dirt on the whim of a stupid girl who I just met!" ranted InuYasha.
Kagome giggled and leaned in to take a closer look at the 'girly necklace.' Her jaw dropped in shock and she turned an accusing glare on Kaede. "Whose bright idea was it to use my Hello Kitty keychain to subdue this idiot?" she demanded. "I changed my mind, lady! I want my keychain back, forget about being able to sit-"
"Owwwww!" The two women ignored InuYasha's cry of pain as his face once again met the ground.
"-Him," she said pointing a finger at the red robed figure on the ground. "How does that necklace come off?"
"... it doesn't," replied Kaede. "The only one who knows the proper spell to remove the necklace is my older sister, Kikyou."
InuYasha gasped. "Your older sister is Kikyou?"
"C'mon, Dog-boy, time's wasting!" Kagome chimed in, "Let's go find this Kikyou chick so I can get my keychain back!"
InuYasha's mind reeled. "Your older sister is Kikyou?"
Kaede gave him a knowing look. "That's right."
"B-but... how old... are you?" asked InuYasha.
"Never you mind that, Inuyasha. Follow me to the village so we can ask Kikyou about removing Kagome's 'hell-kitty keychain' from your neck,"commanded Kaede. "You may follow me as well, Kagome."
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As Kaede entered the village (with InuYasha, Kagome, and Buyo in tow) she detected a commotion coming from the outskirts of the cluster of shacks. At least half of the villagers were congregated in a semi-circle, with their attention focused on what sounded like some kind of noisy spectacle occurring on the other side of the crowd.
Kaede pushed her way through the crowd to see what was causing the trouble. Kagome, never one to ignore her curiosity, followed her although InuYasha and Buyo hung back. After Kaede and Kagome had disappeared into the center of the disturbance, InuYasha found that he was able to catch some snatches of conversation from the villagers on the edges of the crowd.
"She's put a barrier around the village outhouse!"
"Again? Ugh, that's the third time this year!"
"Respect your elders, now! She was a very powerful priestess in her day..."
"Mom, I've gotta go! This is not the time for respect, this is an emergency!"
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"Kikyou, do you remember the talk we had about this?" reprimanded Kaede, pulling Kikyou aside to some distance from the barrier-fortified outhouse."The villagers need to be able to use the outhouse. They can't do that if there's a barrier on there, now can they?"
"As I recall, last time we had a talk about this, I told you that there was a malevolent presence in the outhouse that needed purging," returned Kikyou evenly. "And obviously it was a very persistent one. I last dispelled it only a month ago, yet already it has returned."
"Kikyou, remove the barrier," commanded Kaede. "I can guarantee you that the 'malevolent presence' will be fine without immediate purging. Also, you were right about the disturbance in the forest. InuYasha was awoken by this girl-" she pointed to Kagome, who was standing back in the clearing chatting with some of the bystanders, "-and is now in the village."
Kikyou raised an eyebrow. "Is he not a danger to the villagers?"
"No, he's harmless. I used a spell to place a subduing necklace on him," assured Kaede. "It responds to the command of the girl, Kagome."
"Is that so? Tell me, what word does this Kagome use to subdue InuYasha?" inquired Kikyou.
"Sit," replied Kaede. Kikyou and Kaede's eyes met for a moment, then they both burst out laughing.
"That is-" began Kikyou.
"-Priceless, yes, I know," finished Kaede for her. "So, let's get the barrier off of the outhouse and we can go take care of the situation."
The two elderly priestesses turned back to the clearing and were rather shocked by the sight that met their eyes- Kagome was peeling the last of the spell scrolls from the door of the outhouse, crumpling up the little scrap of paper and tossing it over her shoulder. The barrier around the outhouse dissipated.
Kagome took a step back to admire her work and then made a little 'ta-daa!' motion with her hands, signifying that the outhouse was now open. The crowd gave a collective sigh of relief and promptly formed a neat, orderly line outside of the door, queuing up with the children and senior citizens first.
Her eyes searched the area until she found Kaede and her sister Kikyou, who were strolling in her direction already. InuYasha likewise made his way over to the two priestesses, Buyo following behind him.
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"I think it's time for an introduction. InuYasha, Kagome; this is my older sister Kikyou," said Kaede, gesturing to the older woman that stood next to her, wearing red-and-white clothing identical to her own. "She would be the one to ask about removing the subduing necklace from InuYasha, if that is what you truly desire, Kagome."
InuYasha stared at Kikyou in horror. "Look at these wrinkles..." he thought. "What is holding this woman together?" His gaze fell on a speck of leafy green substance caught between two of her teeth. "What the? ... How long has that been there?"
Leaving InuYasha to ponder his less-than-deep thoughts about the ravages of time, Kagome stepped forward, extending a hand to the elderly priestess.
"Hi!" greeted Kagome. "Um... Kaede said that you know how to... un-subdue InuYasha here?"
"Let me see the charm that was used on the subduing spell," requested Kikyou. "Then I will be able to remove it. But tell me, why would you want to remove such a useful incantation?"
Kagome fidgeted. "Well, I don't really care so much about the whole spell thing," she began. "Actually, it's kinda funny. It's just that, well... the keychain Kaede used is a collector's item and it can't be good for it, getting it slammed into the dirt like that."
"Very well then. InuYasha, come here so that I can examine this 'collector's item' that Kagome speaks of," ordered Kikyou. InuYasha took a few steps forward in compliance and stood with his arms crossed and an irritable scowl on his face.
Kikyou took a few minutes to examine the necklace thoroughly, stepping back after a few minutes with a thoughtful expression.
"Well? Can you get it off, or what?" demanded InuYasha.
"A spell to remove this necklace should be easily cast-" began Kikyou.
"Cool!" enthused Kagome. "You're going to take the magic necklace off, then?"
"No," replied Kikyou.
"Why not?" asked Kagome and InuYasha in disbelief.
"I can't remember the spell," said Kikyou solemnly.
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AN: If anyone can tell me what movie I quoted from in ths chapter, you can have... examines contents of wallet... on second thought, never mind. Perhaps I should heed parental nagging and find myself a source of gainful employment? ;; Thanks for reading, and if you think anything in my story could use improvement, let me know!