Kashyyyk: Two golf balls came soaring down and smashed through various trees before landing on the ground far below. A couple moments later a blue Y-Shaped spacecraft landed on one of the many landing platforms high in the trees. It powered down and soon the boarding ramp extended from the craft and touched the deck as two figures emerged from it.
"Ah, sunshine! Clean air!" said Zoda happily before coughing uncontrollably. "I'm gonna be sick!"
Neva Kee just shook his head and put on his shades as both descended the ramp. As soon as they did a massive wookie roar greeted them.
"Oh no what did you do this time," said Neva Kee mockingly as a tall wookie came straight at them and picked up Zoda in a massive hug.
"Easy Chewie!" said Zoda with a grin. "I realize it's been awhile!"
Chewbacca lowered the short Jedi to the ground before looking at Neva Kee and barking something.
"It's good to see you too buddy," said Neva Kee with a grin. Chewie patted him on the head and all three entered into the massive wooded city.
"So how've things been?" asked Neva Kee. Chewie began speaking at length about the subject.
"Yeah things are still the same with us, we're both running from the law and lawless alike will playing this crazy game of golf," said the diplomat. Chewie looked down at Zoda and mentioned something.
"Hey!" protested the Jedi. "Why do you always assume it's my fault?"
"Because it always is your fault," said Neva Kee. Chewie laughed as the group couldn't help but notice the larger than usual compliment of wookies around.
"Chewie what's going on?" asked Neva Kee confused. Chewie look at him hurt as he mentioned what it was. Zoda and Neva Kee's eyes both went wide-open.
"Oh crap it is Life Day," said Zoda. "Ah I can't believe I forgot."
"We both forgot," said Neva Kee. "Sorry Chewbacca we both sincerely apologize."
Chewie barked a question at them as they walked over another rope bridge.
"We're on an Intergalactic Golfing Tour and our balls arrived here today," explained the short blue alien. Chewie asked them another question.
"Of course we'll stay for the ceremony!" Zoda reassured him. "We're just sorry we didn't bring a gift."
Neva Kee nodded as well and Chewbacca nodded happily as they approached Chewbacca's hut. As soon as they entered another female wookie appeared and Chewbacca mentioned something resulting in the other wookie scooping up Neva Kee and Zoda in a bear hug.
"Malla put us down I can't breath," Neva Kee coughed out. Chewbacca's wife Malla put the two of them down as an elderly wookie appeared.
"Itchy we're in enough pain as it is," said Neva Kee cracking his back as Chewbacca's father laughed and just patted them on the head.
"Listen," said Neva Kee putting his hands in his pockets. "Unfortunately Zoda and I have to travel to the surface but we'll be back in time for the ceremony I promise."
The others looked at him like he was crazy for wanting to travel to the surface because it contained creatures that frightened even full grown wookies. For two small aliens to travel to the surface was absurd. Chewbacca naturally argued against it.
"We don't have a choice," said Zoda sadly. "But we need to do it soon before nighttime otherwise we risk having our balls get crushed or eaten and we've come too far now to start again."
Chewbacca growled something else.
"No you're not coming with us because we refuse to put your life in danger," said Neva Kee heading for the exit.
"Although if I could borrow your bowcaster I'd appreciate it," said Zoda. "My blastech rifle doesn't exactly have the same kick and lightsabers don't mean jack because the sooner you can peg these beasts the better," said Zoda. Although Chewie would've been reluctant to loan his weapon to anyone he knew that Zoda would die before loosing the thing and even then it'd still get back to him. Hell Zoda had even helped Chewie design and build the thing a few years back. Zoda took the massive weapon and saluted.
"Be back soon," he said hurrying after Neva Kee. The two advanced down the rope bridge in silence both with their shades on with Zoda having the large bowcaster resting and pointed backwards on his right shoulder with his finger on the trigger. Neva Kee just had an intense stare on his face as the Wookies moved out of their way.
"No time for jokes," said Neva Kee. "The surface is extremely dangerous and we can't afford to have our guard down."
"I realize that," said Zoda. "Which is why I have this."
He slightly rocked the bowcaster before his a dual-edged lightsaber tore out of his robe and into his hand and ignited with two blue blades extending out both ends.
"How many lightsabers do you own?" asked Neva Kee bewildered. "It seems every planet we're on you have a different saber."
"I really only own three, my two dueling sabers and my quantum tri-fecta lightsaber. The others I make for fun and use them when the situation calls for it," said Zoda simply as he began twirling the lightsaber in his hand before shutting it off and putting it away. Neva Kee nodded as he followed his scanner. Eventually they reached a point where the scanner began beeping and Neva Kee leaned over the edge of a balcony and looked down with a pair of macrobinoculars.
"Yeah they're down there alright," he said before putting them away. Zoda nodded and began looking around.
"Nobody's around," the Jedi said. "They must all be preparing for Life Day."
"Good," said Neva Kee slapping a clasp onto the balcony railing and throwing a rope over the side as Zoda did the same. "I'd just as soon they rather not find out about this."
Zoda nodded and both grabbed their ropes and hopped off over the side and slid down to the bottom.
Space: The Nightrider and Humungus gang, the latter having been busted out by Jabba who informed them all of Zoda's whereabouts headed for the surface of Kashyyyk on their space bikes.
Ground: Zoda and Neva Kee landed with a slight thump on the ground and both rolled away as Zoda snapped up the bowcaster and yanked out his dual-edged hilt but didn't extend the blades. Neva Kee nodded and simply motioned with his hand to the direction of the balls. Zoda nodded and silently followed as each did their best not to make a noise as they headed for their quarry. Eventually they located the two balls, right in the nest of several man-eating bloodthirsty fragallans, dog like creatures that would often tear apart their victims before completely devouring them. Thankfully they were asleep, but that still didn't please the diplomat or the Jedi. Zoda mouthed a curse-word as Neva Kee held a finger to his mouth to keep him quiet.
"What now?" Zoda mouthed back.
"I don't know," Neva Kee mouthed back. Zoda took the hilt in his left and flicked his wrist up and down in a mimed slicing and dicing motion before shrugging. Neva Kee grimaced.
"Maybe," he mouthed. Zoda then picked up a twig with the Force and then set it down and pointed to the balls. Neva Kee shook his head, it was against the rules, while Zoda nodded his agreement. Both of them stood there in silence when Neva Kee made an exaggerated motion of tip-toeing. Zoda's eyes went wide-open at that as he looked over at the few empty spots on the ground amidst the hoard of fragallans. He then began shaking his head vigorously while Neva Kee kept nodding his head. Zoda covered his eyes and began crying as Neva Kee began moving through the hoard of creatures as his club extended outward. Zoda silently followed suit crying all the way as Neva Kee just shook his head in humility as both stopped in front of their balls and Zoda took out his club as he put his hilt away and slung the bowcaster behind his back.
"Where're we going now?" mouthed Zoda.
"Nal Hutta," said Neva Kee with a grin. Zoda's expression became one of shock as his jaw dropped at the mention of the Hutt's homeworld.
"What? Are you crazy!" he shouted before instantly covering up his mouth. The fragallans nearby all shifted but thankfully none of them woke up. Neva Kee just chuckled to himself.
"Nar Shadaa," he mouthed back. Zoda breathed a sigh of relief at the mention of Nal Hutta's moon, the most wretched place of scum and villainy in the galaxy where no self-respecting citizen would ever go. Zoda looked up into the sky with his shades that indicated the current position of Nal Hutta. Zoda lined it up and then swung connecting with the ball causing it to blast off as Neva Kee did the same and his took off as well. Some leaves and branches fell as a result of the balls breaking through the upper trees but Zoda used the Force to carefully lower them to the ground and both breathed a sigh of relief at not being eaten alive. But as they were silently leaving the enemy nest, a laser blast flew down from above and smashed into the ground nearby chewing up dirt. Both Zoda and Neva Kee looked at it wide-eyed as the fragallans woke up all around them and noticed the two of them and roared angrily as several space bikes roared by overhead surrounding them also. Zoda and Neva Kee stood back to back with Zoda having the bowcaster and lightsaber at the ready while Neva Kee produced a pair of tiny blasters and aimed them with his outstretched arms.
"I thought you didn't resort to weapons," said Zoda as they began slowly walking back towards their ropes.
"I don't resort to weapons when my life isn't threatened, you do," said Neva Kee. Zoda nodded as he swung his lightsaber at a fragallan that got a little too close causing it's snout to get singed as it leapt backwards.
"Any ideas?" asked Neva Kee.
"Remember Bakura?" Zoda asked as the bikers began descending lower and lower.
"Oh no not that," Neva Kee complained. "That's so embarrassing."
"You have any other ideas as to how to reach those treetops? If so I'm all ears," said Zoda. "And besides, I don't like it anymore than you do. At least thanks to my saber we don't have to lock arms together this time."
"Alright, when do you want to begin?" asked Neva Kee putting his blasters away and pulling out a grappling gun.
"As soon as the firing commences," said Zoda putting away the bowcaster and swinging his dual-edged lightsaber between them so both locked their arms around it as both blades extended out horizontally.
"Fire!" yelled the Nightrider. Laser blasts flew out as the fragallans launched themselves at the group only for Zoda and Neva Kee to leap into the air and spun around causing the laser bolts to deflect off of the sabers and smack into the fragallans dropping a pair of them. Right afterwards the two spun to a halt as dust flew up everywhere.
"You ready?" said Zoda as he began summoning up his strength.
"As you are so fond of saying: Let's rock," said Neva Kee staring out with intensity as more laser bolts chewed up the area around them and the fragallans closed in on them. Zoda's eyes snapped open and he squatted down on his knees before using the Force to launch himself high up into the air. The two aliens flew up higher and higher into the sky leaving their attackers shocked as they easily soared up nearly a hundred feet in only a few seconds. But soon their rate of ascension became slower and slower.
"This is as far as we go," said Zoda as he swung his body out and then back, slamming into Neva Kee causing him to be facing upwards while Zoda watched the bikers begin to chase after them. Neva Kee aimed his grappling gun as best he could and pressed the trigger causing a piton to shoot out and smack into the underside of the walkway they had vacated in what seemed so long ago and hit the retract button. They continued their ascent again.
"Alright swing," said Neva Kee. The two shifted back and forth until they got enough momentum to swing up and over the walkway before landing on it as Neva Kee retract the piton into the gun.
"What now?" asked Zoda as the sound of spacebikes grew louder and louder and laser blasts tore up the space all around them.
"Well like back at Bakura we run," said Neva Kee taking off as Zoda followed with the dual-edged saber as the bikes soared past the rope bridge and chased after them firing all the way as Zoda did his best to deflect the bolts back at them.
"Ah I don't do crap with this," said Zoda aggravated. He dropped his left leg and skidded forward as he took his saber and slammed it against his right leg that was propped forward and it deactivated the magnetic coupling and producing two separate lightsabers which he held out to his sides and began deflecting laser bolts as they kept running. Eventually they entered into a more heavily branched area and Zoda was able to use them to knock a couple bikers off their mounts but still it wasn't enough.
"This is a lot to put up with for a simple game of golf," said Neva Kee as laser blast flew right over the heads and tore up part of a tree.
"Remember what you always tell me Neva, it's not the destination that counts," began Zoda.
"It's how you get there I know," said the diplomat annoyed. "What's happened to us? Here you are quoting me and I'm quoting you! It's insane!"
"Whatever," said Zoda as more laser blasts tore past them. Soon they reached a massive open area where dozens of wookies were all congregated in silence. Zoda and Neva Kee both gasped as Zoda shut off his lightsabers and they both tried to silently slink away as a pair of bikes roared overhead above the group and were firing haphazardly everywhere. The wookies, in the middle of their Life Day ceremony, didn't take this too kindly and soon bowcasters were up in the air shooting at the bikers save for Chewie who was bowcasterless and feeling out of place. Zoda sighed and took out Chewie's weapon and popped out the power core and replaced it with one from his lightsaber while Neva Kee hastily wrote a note to the wookie. Zoda then slammed the second lightsaber on the weapon's rarely used projectile launcher as Neva Kee taped the note onto the top of it. Zoda then launched the weapon into the air and using the Force it found the wookie. Chewie happily took the weapon before reading the note on top.
Sorry we can't stay for the festivities, but we've got work to do. We've replaced your powercell on your bowcaster, it should provide quite a kick now. See you around buddy. Captain N: The Gamemaster and Grand Master Z.
Chewbacca looked around amidst all the fighting until he caught a glimpse of the two aliens. Zoda and Neva Kee saluted to him before vanishing as Chewie nodded. He aimed the bowcaster up at the nearest biker and fired causing the weapon to completely vaporize the bike as the rider fell hard to the deck. Chewbacca then aimed at another biker and fired the lightsaber as the blade mysteriously extended and plowed into the bike's weather vane causing it to crash nearby. Chewbacca howled a challenge to the rest of the bikers as Zoda and Neva Kee walked away with a grin.
"This'll probably be his favorite Life Day for awhile," said Zoda with a grin.
"Yeah you're probably right," said Neva Kee. "Let's go to Nar Shadaa because somehow I don't see those punks bothering us again anytime soon."
Both nodded as they disappeared into a thicket of trees and moments later a blue Y-shaped cruiser appeared and soared off into space.
Coruscant: Keira Kiley was just starting to enjoy her vacation when she found herself recalled to the Main Branch of the Galactic Bank.
"They're probably just going to demand to know what happened back on the Kuat," she thought, wondering how to explain the whole situation. As she entered into the building she was quickly rushed into a meeting of her boss Mr. Bernadelli and the entire board. Her expression turned to fear as she wondered if the board was going to try to use some legal action against her for the actions that took place at the bank.
"Ms. Kiley is it? Employee number KYZYX2284?" asked Mr. Bernadelli.
"Yes sir," said Keira still in shock.
"Ms. Kiley can you please explain to us the events that occurred at your bank three days ago?" said Mr. Bernadelli.
"Ah, yes sir. Three days ago I was working my shift at the Galactic Bank Branch on the planet Kuat. The day had been progressing normally, a few deposits here, a few withdrawals there, the usual. I had heard and seen the smoke in the horizon that resulted from a massive forest fire involving a ship that had crashed there during the freak thunderstorm we had had that morning. At around 12:14 pm the bell rang and in strode two aliens, which I have to admit was strange given the xenophobic society existing on Kuat," began Keira.
"These two aliens can you describe them in greater detail?" asked the security chief of the banking clan.
"Yes sir. Uh, both of them couldn't have been more than three feet in height. One was blue the other a mix between more gray. The both had large ears but the gray creature's was more angled than the others, which were larger but stood on top of his head. Both of them were curiously barefoot the blue one having webbed feet and the other one having three toes. As for their hands," began Keira before the officer held up his hands.
"That's enough," he said. "Did they tell you their names?"
"Yes," said Keira confused as to the importance of it all.
"And they were?" asked the security officer.
"Ambassador Neva Kee and Jedi Knight Zoda," Keira answered. Those two names caused the whole board to erupt in a flurry of worried conversations before Mr. Bernadelli silenced them with a wave of his hand.
"What were they doing there?" asked the officer.
"I didn't find out until later but they told me they were on an intergalactic golfing tour," said Keira. To her surprise the color drained off of the faces of nearly the entire board and some began hyperventilating while others simply passed out.
"Are you positive of this?" asked the officer a little bit shaken.
"Yes. After my shift was done and the excitement had passed they took me to the site of where their balls had fallen and then proceeded to blast them into the atmosphere and towards Kashyyyk," said Keira. Several more members fainted as the officer held his head in his hands.
"It's as we feared, they weren't content to keep their destructive game confined to Coruscant now they've decided to unleash it on an unsuspecting galaxy," said the officer.
"My God," said Bernadelli in shock as he looked at the galactic map hanging on the far wall of the boardroom.
"Anyway, do you want to hear about Humungus gang now?" asked Keira.
"No," said Bernadelli. "Whatever damage he may have done, whatever money he may have taken, pales in comparison to what those two aliens are up to at this very moment."
"I don't understand," said Keira confused. "It's just a game."
"The game isn't the problem it's their love of the game that is," said Bernadelli.
Keira raised an eyebrow at them. Bernadelli tapped the officer who pressed a couple of buttons on the console in front of him. An image sprang up of Zoda and Neva Kee on a green acre smiling with their bags of clubs.
"Seventy-five years ago Neva Kee somehow learned of a mysterious game called Golf. Essentially it involved using metal clubs to hit a plastic ball into a series of holes on various greens. Each 'green' had a different shape to it in order to promote complexity. For about thirty years Zoda and Neva Kee were content to just hit the ball on various planets using greens that they had created themselves. Sometimes a stray ball might cause some damage, damage that we were responsible for insuring, it was fine and we had little to no complaints about it," said Bernadelli. As he said that a couple images popped up of damaged sheds and hovercars with small dents on them.
"We expected things to stay that way…but we were wrong. Five years after their final regular game the unthinkable happened," said Bernadelli darkly. Images popped up of heavily damaged buildings and vehicles as well as newspapers popping up of tales of destruction caused by two small dimpled plastic balls.
"At first we didn't know what was going on. Within a twenty-four hour period a 18,000 mile wake of destruction permeated Coruscant. All of those buildings were insured by us and they were all heavily damaged at one part or another. We had to pay through our teeth and it nearly bankrupted us. We launched our own investigation but it wasn't until we received satellite photos of the damaged buildings that we got startling insight into what had happened," said Bernadelli. An image popped up of an aerial view of the city with various red X's on it indicating damaged buildings, each arranged in a particular fashion.
"It turned out that these two…idiots, Neva Kee and Zoda, turned Coruscant, the entire planet, into their personal golf course. They had essentially moved from the green acres to the concrete jungle," said Bernadelli in disbelief. "Eighteen 1,000 mile holes and somehow they managed to get it done before anybody knew what had happened," said Bernadelli. Keira looked at the photo wide-eyed.
"I had no idea," she said in shock. "So what did you do?"
"We confronted them of course," said Bernadelli. "And do you know what their response was when we asked why they had did it? Because it hadn't been done before and that they were so desperate for that thrill regarding the game that they loved that turning Coruscant into their personal course was the only possible action left to them."
"We had a court order issued that these could never play, what we dubbed, 'Planet Golf' ever again," said the officer. "They surrendered their clubs and balls and we didn't hear anymore from them."
The officer pressed a button and a new headline popped up, again dealing with destruction on a massive scale.
"Then ten years later…they did it again," said the officer. "They somehow reacquired their clubs and balls and went at it again. The police found out about it around the third hole and caught up with them on the fifth whereupon the two terrors decided to give them a run for their money. They managed to complete another four holes before we finally caught them using the Senate Building as their tee off spot for the tenth hole but not before they had wracked up another several million creds of damage."
Bernadelli broke down at this point and began sobbing heavily.
"So naturally you had them both arrested," said Keira. The officer shook his head.
"Legally we could only arrest Zoda. The reason being that although they had used Neva Kee's ship to chase after their balls Zoda refused to admit that the diplomat had anything to do with it. So we arrested him and Neva Kee used his diplomatic pull to get him released shortly thereafter. Our hands were tied but Zoda and Neva Kee left Coruscant and ventured off into the galaxy leaving Coruscant behind. Things were peaceful for the next few years. Zoda did get stuck on Coruscant about ten years later but the Council kept a close eye on him. Things were finally starting to get back to normal and business was strong here at the Bernadelli Insurance Branch of the Galactic Bank," said Bernadelli.
"And then a week ago Zoda and Neva Kee went golfing again," said the officer as Bernadelli excused himself from the room. Images sprung up of the crashed Spinner, destroyed windows, traffic pileups, and more. "We finally had a warning system put in place for this kind of incident and luckily we caught them after the first hole. But again Zoda didn't admit Neva Kee's guilt in any of it and once again Neva Kee broke him out of jail and his incarceration," said the officer. "And once again they left Coruscant, we figured that was the end of it. But then just recently we started receiving rumors just hours later of round objects slamming into various planets and having Neva Kee and Zoda show up and cause extensive property damage. Damage that we have to pay for! These madmen have decided that trashing one planet just wasn't good enough, now they have to trash the entire galaxy! They've graduated from the concrete jungle to the final frontier and they have to be stopped now before we go bankrupt!"
"This is all very interesting but I don't see what it has to do with me," said Keira confused. "I mean understand if the company goes bankrupt I'll be out of a job but still…"
"Ms. Kiley do you like to travel?" asked the officer simply.
"Well I have always wanted to have an opportunity to travel for my profession," admitted Keira. "But banking doesn't exactly offer that. It's simply a cross I'm willing to bare."
"Well congratulations Ms. Kiley you've been reassigned," said the officer sliding a dossier across the table to her.
"What?" she said incredulously.
"You've been transferred from the Galactic Bank to the Bernadelli Insurance Company and your first assignment is to stop Zoda and Neva Kee from continuing their destructive game," said the officer. Keira opened her mouth like she had a thousand questions to ask as Mr. Bernadelli entered into the room.
"Zoda and Neva Kee are currently on their way to Nar Shadaa. You will go there and you will stop them. We will pay for all of your travel expenses just go there and get it done!" said Mr. Bernadelli angrily.
"Why me?" asked Keira.
"Because when Zoda and Neva Kee left your bank Zoda said that he wouldn't destroy your bank because you were nice to them. Use that to your advantage, no one else can," said Mr. Bernadelli. "Now go, your transport is waiting."
Keira nodded and left in a rush as Mr. Bernadelli and the officer watched her leave before both sighed.
"She's not going to be able to do it is she?" asked the officer. Bernadelli shook his head.
"No she's not. But I figured I'd give those two boneheads one more chance at redemption. Now we're going to implement Plan B: The Death of Zoda and Neva Kee," said Mr. Bernadelli darkly.