Anguirus111 Note: It's rare that I offer a disclaimer in a story these days, I have a disclaimer in my bio that states quite clearly that I own jack squat in regards to these characters and situations, but this chapter deserves one. In no way shape or form do I own the character of Baron Papanoida. He is George Lucas, nuff said.
Naboo: In one of the richer parts of town, the highly aristocratic Kiley family bustled about their elegant house in their elaborate gowns as they hastily made sure everything was in perfect order and no dust was to be seen.
"It is absolutely perfect," said Madame Kiley, the leader of the household. "When the Queen arrives for brunch, she will clearly recognize our importance in Nabooian society and will clearly let us be on her inner council."
"Yes Mother," agreed her son Kyle Kiley. "We are sure to gain extreme prestige in her eyes and political power as well."
"Yes, now get ready she should be here soon," said Madame Kiley before adding silently. At that moment the doorbell rang.
"That must be her," said Madame Kiley as she calmly walked with heightened elegance towards the door before she collected herself and plastered on her best smile and opened the door.
"Greetings Qu-," began Madame Kiley before her eyes went wide-open at who was on the other side of the door.
"Hi Grandma!" Keira said with mock happiness on the other side of the entryway. Madame Kiley's eyes nearly rolled back into her head as she nearly fainted. Kyle caught her as he looked at the person on the other side of the door and nearly fainted as well. Whereas he and his mother were dressed in elegant clothes with intricate embroidered patterns on them and were perfectly clean, Keira was dressed in just a gray jumpsuit with her hair hastily tied into a ponytail and had various black smudges on her face apparently having worked with various pieces of machinery.
"What are you doing here?" Madame Kiley hissed at her. Keira dropped her false cheeriness and looked at her grandmother nonplussed.
"And here I was hoping for a: how are you doing," she said disgusted. "Some things never change."
"Last we heard you were trailing somebody, so why are you here?" demanded Madame Kiley.
"I was trailing someone," Keira admitted. "And then they came here. May I introduce the two people I was trailing, Ambassador Neva Kee and Jedi Knight Zoda."
The two aliens appeared from the side of the entryway and stepped next to Keira and waved awkwardly.
"Well I hope you'll excuse me if I don't have you come in for tea and biscuits but I'm awaiting a very important guest and I'll appreciate it if you all leave immediately before I have you arrested for trespassing," said Madame Kiley angrily. Neva Kee's jaw dropped as Keira held her head as she felt a headache coming on. Zoda meanwhile crossed his arms and reached into his robes for something before Neva Kee stopped him.
"Well I guess we'll just be going. Why do I even come here, it's always the same," said Keira as she turned to leave. As the trio turned around, a long hoverlimo dropped down from above and landed on the street. Madame Kiley looked at the thing and gasped in panic.
"The Queen probably knows about Keira's relationship to us, this'll look awkward if we kick her out now," she whispered to her son.
"I think we can use Keira to our advantage," said Kyle, never noticing his comparing his niece to an asset. He quickly whispered his plan to his mother who nodded.
"Yes, it may work," she said. "Do it."
"So where're we-," began Keira to Neva Kee and Zoda before Kyle yanked her inside.
"No thanks we don't want a subscription to the Galactic Chronicle goodbye," said Madame Kiley with false cheeriness as she slammed the door on them. Neva Kee and Zoda looked at each other bewildered as they looked at the door and then at each other wide-eyed.
"What the hell just happened?" asked Zoda confused.
"I have no clue," admitted his companion. "Well let's go find our balls."
The two took one last strange glance at the door before advancing down the path in the front yard to the street where the door to the hoverlimo opened up.
"Oh lord," said Zoda shaking his head at the occupant inside.
"My Queen," said Neva Kee bowing his head.
"Well, well," said the Queen of Naboo. "If it isn't Neva Kee and Zoda or should I say Captain N: The Gamemaster and Grand Master Z."
"Hey Queeny how's it going?" asked Zoda nonchalantly. "I see you're still in power, guess I was wrong on that end. Ha, ha, ha."
"Don't laugh," said the Queen shaking her head. "After the trauma you two gave me the last time you were I had to take a twenty-year sabbatical. Now I'm back and so are you two. Still, I guess we did have fun despite me sacrificing my mental sanity at the same time."
"The offer still stands if you want to ever do it again," said the diplomat with a grin.
"No, no, that's okay," said the Queen quickly as Zoda and Neva Kee laughed. "So what brings you here?"
"Same thing as always, golf," said Neva Kee as he and Zoda produced their two clubs.
"Not scamming people with issues of the Galactic Chronicle then?" asked the Queen with a laugh.
"Come now don't you have any more faith in us?" asked Neva Kee with a grin.
"No," responded the Queen with a smile before looking at the house behind them and sighed.
"What's up?" asked Zoda showing concern.
"I just don't go in there is all," said the Queen reluctantly.
"Yeah I understand," said the diplomat. "Those people in there are really stuck up. I think they're just trying to get you over to somehow vainly convince you that they want more power in the political system."
"Yeah," agreed the Queen. "Truth be told, I'm only coming to get them to stop constantly trying to invite me over. I wish I could get out of it."
"We could always kidnap you again," Zoda suggested. The Queen smirked at that statement.
"Though that prospect is appealing right now, ultimately I'd still have to schedule a replacement brunch with them. That and it'd be the third time you've tried to kidnap me and then you'd be banned from the planet forever," said the Queen.
"I think we've only kidnapped you once though," said Zoda narrowing his eyes confused.
"Unfortunately they wrote off that time on Ithor as kidnapping even though I came with you willingly," explained the Queen.
"Didn't you try and tell them otherwise?" asked Neva Kee.
"I tried! But they wouldn't hear it, they said I was disoriented from the whole experience and didn't know what I was talking about. I'm sorry I really am," admitted the Queen.
"Given that I'm surprised they even let us through customs and onto this planet," said Neva Kee perplexed.
"Let's just say that they only know that Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Gamemaster were the ones who kidnapped me. As for Zoda and Neva Kee, well their record is pretty much clean," said the Queen with a mischievous grin. Zoda and Neva Kee cracked a smile at that.
"Well as much as I would love to stay and chat we do have to get going," said Neva Kee finally. The Queen nodded.
"Yeah I have to get going too. Look it was nice seeing you two again," said the Queen. "Please stop by sometime I'd appreciate a longer visit so I can show you two around the palace."
The two aliens nodded and began to leave.
"Oh," Neva Kee remembered. "There's a girl in there named Keira Kiley, she's cool."
The Queen nodded, waved, and approached the house as the two aliens approached her hoverlimo.
"We're stealing this!" Zoda shouted. The Queen nodded.
"That's fine, just have it back when I leave," she said.
"Will do," they responded as Zoda used the Force to knock the limo driver out of the vehicle as they both hopped in and it took off into the sky.
"Take the day off," shouted the Queen to the shell shocked driver who nodded and stumbled off down the road. She then knocked on the door and Madame Kiley opened it.
"Greetings my Queen," said the woman taking a courteous bow. "I trust your trip here was pleasant and uneventful."
"Not exactly," said the Queen with mock horror. "What did you say to those two salesmen, they just stole my limo!"
Madame Kiley nearly fainted again before shaking it off.
"They must have had a grudge against our government for some pointless reason. But let that not spoil your day, come let us converse," said the Madame Kiley leading her in. Up near the top of the elegant stairs, Keira was getting shoved into an elegant dress by her mother's servants but despite the pain of it all she still couldn't help but get a laugh out of Zoda and Neva Kee's antics.
Elsewhere: Outside of a massive complex of buildings, the hoverlimo landed and disgorged its two occupants who advanced towards it.
"The hell is this place?" Zoda asked.
"Windustrial Blight and Dagic," Neva Kee explained. "They provide most of the visual effects you see into today's holovids. Its sister company is called Airwalker Sound and they deal primarily with sound effects and improving the sound quality in holovids with their critically acclaimed Kolby Wigital."
"So why're we here?" asked Zoda confused.
"I want to meet an old friend," said Neva Kee as the two advanced inside its doors and found people scurrying about and advanced down a hallway filled with dozens and dozens of various drawings.
"Quite a place," said Zoda as they approached a pair of double doors.
"They do, do good work," Neva Kee admitted as they pushed through and walked past a secretary who tried to stop them but they advanced in anyway. Inside, writing some type of script say a bearded blue skinned alien who looked up at them and smiled before saying something.
"What?" asked Zoda not understanding a word as Neva Kee responded back in the same language only to get a nod and a gesture to sit down.
"What language is he speaking?" Zoda asked confused as they both took a seat.
"English," said Neva Kee simply.
"Eng-lish?" asked Zoda confused. "Never heard of it. And besides, who is that?"
"Baron Papanoida," said Neva Kee simply.
"Who?" asked Zoda.
"The Great Author in the Sky," said Neva Kee simply. "But he's rather humble so he'll let us be in his presence for now."
"You're so bizarre," said Zoda shaking his head. Neva Kee groaned at his cluelessness as to whose presence they were in but just shook his head. He then began conversing to the Baron.
"So how've you been?" asked Neva Kee. The Baron responded.
"Ah, moving onto indy holovids I see, that's good," said Neva Kee.
"I can't understand him!" Zoda complained. Neva Kee looked at his outburst wide-eyed as the Baron laughed. A droid then appeared and sat down at the table as well.
"Is this better for you?" asked the droid after the Baron had spoken to it.
"It's fine. Thank you-," began Zoda to the droid before stopping unsure of its designation.
"I am THX-1138," the droid responded simply.
"Cool," said Zoda giving him a thumbs up as the droid sighed.
"I apologize for not bringing him in sooner, but I do like to leave the mystery in there as to what I'm saying," said the Baron though the droid.
"Yes but unfortunately you can only do it so much before people get upset and annoyed," Neva Kee pointed out towards which the Baron nodded. The diplomat was now speaking in basic for Zoda's sanity.
"It's a shame but a necessary inconvenience," admitted Papanoida. "So what brings you here?"
"Just that game you taught me, Golf," said Neva Kee producing his club and laying it on the table.
"I see," said the Baron. "Strange that you'd take such a fascination to it, I don't really play the game myself."
"To each their own," said the diplomat. The Baron nodded.
"Too true," he responded. "And speaking of Golf, your balls landed on the course and completely demolished the ninth hole."
The Baron snapped his fingers and the curtains pulled back from behind him revealing a spectacular golf course with a massive crater where the ninth hole once was.
"Whoops, sorry about that," said Neva Kee embarrassed.
"It's nothing I can't fix," said the Baron simply. "See you around."
"You too Baron," said Neva Kee nodding his head as he left with Zoda.
"Oh," the Baron added as an afterthought. "May the Force be with you."
The two nodded and left.
"Who was that man?" asked Zoda still more confused than ever.
"A God among men," said Neva Kee. "A God among men."
Together the two proceeded out onto the golf course.
Kiley Household: Keira sat there clearly annoyed at the table along with the Queen, although she was doing a better job at hiding it.
"And what is the title of your new promotion?" asked Madame Kiley with fake interest.
"I wasn't promoted grandma," said Keira. "I was transferred to Bernadelli Insurance Company and am now a Disaster Investigator."
"I see," said Madame Kiley. "I'm sure that such a position would be highly coveted in the Royal Palace. After all isn't your Palace insured by the Galactic Bank."
"Yes, yes it is," said the Queen trying to maintain gentility despite the dronings of Madame Kiley. "What about this place, the same I assume?"
"Oh yes," said Madame Kiley sipping her tea. "But I assure you, we have nothing to worry about. Our house has remained undamaged for countless generations and I assure you it will continue to do so for many more years to come."
"Wonderful," said the Queen about to pass out.
"I wish Neva Kee and Zoda were here," thought Keira as she held her head in her hands. "But they probably took off after teeing off. What can of person have I been constantly nagging at them to abandon something they love? Maybe I do deserve this."
As she was beginning to slip deeper and deeper into despair, a strange whistling noise was heard.
"What's that sound?" asked the Queen. Madame Kiley rolled her eyes annoyed.
"Probably just some local hotshot buzzing houses," she said with contempt. "Do not despair I will make sure that they will never fly a vehicle again."
The whistling grew louder and louder.
"That doesn't sound like any vehicle to me," the Queen remarked. Suddenly Keira placed the noise and a smile slowly crept onto her face.
"No, no it doesn't," she said beginning to grin more fiercely. "Looks like you lied diplomat."
At that exact moment a large crash of glass was heard as two golf balls came flying in through one window, skipped off of the dining room table throwing food everywhere, and proceeded out through a second story window and off into the stratosphere.
"What on Naboo?" asked Madame Kiley bewildered as she was about to faint from the devastation while outside an even more massive roar was heard.
"My Queen, it's no longer safe for you here you'd better go back to the Palace," said Keira with mock urgency.
"I agree with you," said the Queen with mock urgency.
"Let's go!" said Keira as she grabbed all the food she could and held it tight as she and the Queen took off.
"Bye Grandma, see you again sometime," said Keira through a roll she had stuffed in her mouth.
"Wait!" said Madame Kiley getting up and trying to salvage the situation as the Queen and Keira reached the door and threw it open. Instantly the two were blasted by hot air as a massive Y-Shaped blue spacecraft lowered itself near the roadway outside.
"Where's my limo?" asked the Queen confused. A slot then opened on the bottom of the craft and a limo dropped from it and smashed into the roadway amidst a shower of sparks before the repulsorlift system cut in and the car began hovering above the ground.
"Ah there it is," said the Queen happily as both fought their way towards the two vehicles as Madame Kiley stood shocked in the doorway. Outside all over her roses and bushes were getting flung about from the wake of the massive craft before a ramp shot out the side of it and came down right on top of her famed azalea bushes squashing them flat. The Queen reached her limo and got in the driver side as it promptly tore off down the road as Keira reached the ramp and bounded up it in her elegant dress causing it to get various rips and tears on it as she grabbed the pins holding in the bun on top of her head and let her hair flow free as she waved to her grandmother as the door closed and the ramp retracted. The craft then swooped in low to the ground and spun about frying the grounds before it found the appropriate trajectory and roared off into the sky.
"Mother, what are we going to do?" Kyle whined. Madame Kiley looked at the destruction, looked at her son, and did the only thing she could do, she fainted dead away with Kyle promptly following suit.
Space: The craft broke through the atmosphere and soared into the great beyond as Keira entered into the cockpit where Neva Kee and Zoda were sitting at the pilot's seat and navigator's console respectively.
"Nice dress," Neva Kee remarked as he pressed a couple buttons on his console. Keira looked down at the torn fabric below her.
"Yeah it's really something isn't it," she said as she sat down at the weapons console and stretched out to the best of her ability.
"Didn't think you were one for that type of stuff," Zoda remarked.
"Yeah well every so often you have to give in to nature," she said trying to reach the zipper on the back she looked at Zoda who shrugged and threw out his hand in her direction and the zipper lowered itself and Keira took it off revealing her jumpsuit underneath.
"Listen," she said folding up the dress onto her lap. "Thanks for coming back for me, I really appreciate it."
"What're friends for?" asked Neva Kee shrugging.
"That really means a lot to me," said Keira. "With my grandmother being who she is and the fact that I've been transferred from department to department it seems like I can rarely make any lasting friends these days. I promise I'll quit nagging you about this golf game, do what you love I have no problems with that."
"No," said Neva Kee shaking his head. "Keep doing what you're doing. Zoda is hardly the sanest person in the galaxy and I could use the extra help to stop his insanity."
"Hey!" shouted Zoda at that comment as Keira began laughing as she clamped her hands over her mouth.
"Hay is for horses!" Neva Kee shouted back. Zoda grumbled something about donkeys but otherwise kept quiet.
"So where're we going to next?" asked Keira.
"Well we were going to go to Dagobah because it's completely uninhabited by intelligent life, but Zoda vehemently opposed it for some reason so we fought, I won yet again, but nevertheless conceded the point since I had gotten us to Tatooine in the first place, so now we're going to Sullust."
"Sullust!" shouted Keira. "That's a volcano filled world with a toxic atmosphere!"
"Yeah we know," said Zoda. Neva Kee meanwhile pulling back on the hyperspace lever as the craft leapt into the blue.
"But we have some friends at Sorosuub who we haven't seen in awhile that owe us some parts for this baby," said Neva Kee patting the console on his vehicle. "Relax, we'll be fine."
"I'm sure you've said the same thing about the other planets you've visited as well," Keira commented dryly.
"True," the diplomat conceded finally.
Elsewhere: A fleet of vessels consisting of five triangular shaped Kuati battlecruisers hung in dead space near Sluis Van while awaiting a signal.
"Sir latest reports in from Keira Kiley indicate that our targets are currently headed for Sullust," said the comm. officer of the lead vessel, Heart of Gold.
"Excellent," said the security officer of Bernadelli Insurance Company as he took the report. "Make best possible speed to Sullust and ready all weapons. It's time for us to go collect a bill."
The five ships rocketed off into hyperspace.
Naboo: Baron Papanoida walked out onto the golf course and looked at the large crater on his golf course. Laughing he took out a pen and aimed it at the course. Instantly the crater was gone and it looked like nothing had ever happened to it. The Baron smiled as he looked up to the heavens, as if he could sense Neva Kee and Zoda, before saluting and instantly vanishing, headed for time in the future in a galaxy far, far away.