Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

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"Naraku sent you a message." Kagura handed InuYasha a folded piece of notebook paper with the words To: InuYasha scribbled on the front in pink pen.

InuYasha accepted the letter, holding it gingerly as if he wasn't quite sure what to do with it.

Kagura didn't roll her eyes, but she sure felt like it. "Open it. Read it. Naraku told me to bring back a reply."

InuYasha opened the noted and peered at the contents apprehenisvely. It went like this:

To InuYasha and Co.,

Meet me tonight at Starbucks at 7? Please check yes or no.

-- Naraku

"So do we go or not?" asked Miroku.

"I'm not afraid of Naraku," declared InuYasha. "The evil bastard..." he added as an afterthought.

"And we absolutely must not miss the opportunity to avenge my tragic death," said Kikyou.

"I have a pencil," supplied Kagome.

"Then I guess it's decided," concluded Sango.

InuYasha accepted the pencil from Kagome and filled in a large, dark checkmark on the 'yes' box as Kagura tapped her foot.

"So... Kagura?"

"What?" Kagura glared at Miroku.

"What's with the hat?" Miroku asked, pointing at the visor that shaded Kagura's face and velcro-ed underneath the ponytail on the back of her head.

"Yeah," piped Shippou. "You look like a fast-food worker or something."

Kagura glared even more. "Under Naraku's orders, we all have to wear them. It was either that, or uniforms."

Kagome directed a sympathetic glance at Kagura. "I know how you feel. In middle school, they made us wear these really itchy sweater vests--"

"Here." InuYasha interrupted, holding out the letter to Kagura. "Tell Naraku that we're not afraid of him," began InuYasha. Kagura snatched the letter from his outstretched hand. "He's going to get what's coming to him, and and I'm going to be the one to--"

"InuYasha."

InuYasha turned to Kikyou. "What?" he demanded.

"Kagura left already," she explained, wearing a martyred expression.

InuYasha turned around. Sure enough, Kagura was long gone. "But I will be the one to defeat Naraku." He scowled at the group. "You know that, right?"

"Yes, yes, of course you will," assured Miroku, idly twirling his monks' staff in his hand.

"Wasn't that staff a janitors' mop a few chapters ago?" asked InuYasha suspiciously.

"Of course not, InuYasha. Whatever could you be talking about?" Miroku pulled off a convincingly quizzical gaze.

"You know what I'm talking about," insisted InuYasha.

"Nooooo, I really don't." Miroku turned a helpless gaze in the direction of the three girls. "Do you know what he's going on about?"

"No idea," assured Kagome.

"Indeed." Kikyou nodded. "But then, he's always been the delusional sort..."

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Naraku's eyes lit up as he saw the group approaching his table. "Kikyou! My love!"

Kikyou's took a step backward as her eyebrows furrowed. "Do I know you?"

Naraku ignored her question. "It's been so long... you look positively radiant, my dear!" He drew closer to Kikyou and his face contorted with shock. "You... you smell like him!" he gestured to InuYasha with an expression of supreme betrayal.

"Yeah, we all use the same laundry detergent," interjected Kagome cheerfully. "Lilac fresh, huh? I haven't quite got the hang of ironing yet, though..." she admitted, indicating the scorch mark on the back of Miroku's robe.

"Oh. Well, that's alright, then." Naraku was all smiles again. "Now come join me at the table. You simply must meet my children." He misinterpreted the general look of horror from the group at the thought of Naraku fathering anything, and rushed to reassure them. "I didn't cheat on you, Kikyou! They were all produced asexually, I swear!"

Already seated at the table, Kagura folded her arms and scowled. "Way to go," she sneered. "Tell them all that I'm a product of your un-natural bodily propagation, why don't you?"

Naraku sighed helplessly. "Teens..."

"Ahem... anyways..." Miroku looked up from his seat between Sango and Kagome. "What were we talking about before?"

"Ah, yes." Naraku agreed readily. "Drinks are on me. Kanna!"

"Actually," said Sango, as Naraku's other child (who, sure enough, sported a hat identical to Kagura's) came to the table to take their orders, "We want to know why you summoned us here."

"To see my beloved Kikyou, of course." Naraku thought for a moment. "Oh yeah... and you should probably know that I'm taking good care of your brother."

"What?" Sango choked on her latte.

"Yep, just like he was one of my own children. I even gave him the hat. He's adopted, so I don't want him to feel left out," confided Naraku.

"You can't just adopt my brother!" Sango jumped to her feet, spilling her beverage all over Miroku as she did so.

"Oh, dear. This complicates things..." Naraku looked concerned. "But you need not be jealous of Kohaku... there is room in my family for you, too!" He spread his arms wide.

Sango crossed her arms. "There is no way I will ever wear your hat, Naraku!" she hissed. She turned to the others, eyes flashing. "Come on, we're leaving!" Miroku followed obediently as Sango stormed out, wanting to wash the coffee out of his clothing.

"Wait... don't leave yet..." Kikyou slumped in her seat. "I wanted a bagel..." InuYasha, Kagome, and Shippou nodded their agreement. The four of them took their leave of Naraku with a sigh.

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Kaede endeavored her very hardest give the impression that she wasn't home. Unfortunately, there seemed to be even more unwanted houseguests pounding on her door than when she first sent them on their ever-so-important mission.

"Kaede! Open up!"

The much-put-upon village protectress put away her pedicure set. It looked like she wasn't due for any pampering today.

Plastering a very fake smile on her face, Kaede opened the door to the crowd, who proceeded to file into her hut -- without wiping their feet -- and make themselves comfortable.

"So..." Kaede addressed the group. "Why did you come back here? Did you succeed in your, ah... mission?"

"Not yet," Sango replied solemnly. "We confronted Naraku at Starbucks, but he managed to escape."

"He's a tricky bastard all right," agreed InuYasha. "I guess we'll have to stay here at the base of operations until we can recuperate."

"When did my house become your 'base of operations'?" asked Kaede. "That is, I'm sure there's some other village that would be more convenient."

"Oh, don't worry, Kaede. We like staying with you just fine, even if you are old and your arthritis cream smells kind of funny," assured Kagome. "Right, InuYasha?"

InuYasha shrugged. "As long as we get free food..."

Kaede could hear that pedicure set calling her name. It was mocking her. "Have you made plans for your next excursion from the village?"

InuYasha frowned. "Actually, I was thinking we could do something about this." He waved his desecrated Tetsusaiga for all to see. "With the Tetsusaiga like this, I just feel, somehow..."

"Inadequate?" Miroku offered.

"Well, I don't know if that's how I'd put it, but I guess so." InuYasha returned Tetsusaiga to its place. "I just have to know if there's something that can be done."

Kaede beamed. "What an excellent idea, InuYasha. Why don't the six of you go to the library and do some research?"

InuYasha gave a slow nod. "We could do that..."

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AN: Yes, I agree that my extra-long time lapse between chapters is inexcusable and I'm lucky if anyone at all is still reading this. Would it help if I said that I'm ever so sorry? It's just that, what with all the excessive writing projects I've had to turn in for my classes lately, I haven't felt much like writing for fun. But never fear, this story shall be completed in time. It might be a LONG time... but good conscience demands that I not leave this unfinished before starting anything new.