Anguirus111 Note: Thanks for the Reviews all.
Sullust: Clouds of smoke, dirt, debris, sulfur, and just about every other particle imaginable hung over the planet's volcano ridden surface. As a result the land was covered in darkness until two bright objects broke through the haze and smashed into the ground before the holes they had made in the skyline were swallowed up again.
Space: A blue Y-Shaped vessel emerged from hyperspace above the planet only to notice numerous other ships all descending into the planet's atmosphere.
"Hmmm, Sullust must be incredibly popular this time of year," Neva Kee observed as he transmitted his transponder code to traffic control.
"They're just my fan club wanting to be on the planet so they can eagerly await my arrival," said Zoda with a grin. Keira could help but stifle a laugh.
"Oy Pah Nagoya," said Neva Kee shaking his head. "Keep dreaming Zoda, keep dreaming."
"It's at least possible! Maybe they want to be serenaded by a rock concert from Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Game Master during the start of their 'Welcome Back' Tour," Zoda surmised with a grin. Neva Kee shuddered.
"How you even talked me into doing that first concert tour with you is still beyond me," said Neva Kee as he received the confirmation request from the planet and headed into the atmosphere.
"It was fun though," Zoda pointed out.
"A massive riot broke out on every planet we visited thanks to our concerts!" shouted Neva.
"It was still fun though," repeated Zoda. Neva Kee sighed.
"Yeah I guess it was," he finally admitted. Keira looked at them wide-eyed.
"Wait!" she shouted suddenly. "You're the Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Game Master!"
"That's right," Neva Kee acknowledged as he entered into a long line of ships and toggled the auto-pilot on.
"I thought you just named yourselves after those two rockers!" Keira exclaimed as she dug around in her bag and produced a holodisc of one of their concerts, though the entire outer case was completely black.
"Wow," said Keira impressed. "You guys were legendary back when you first rocked out nearly a century or so ago and even today you're still held as the pioneers of rock and roll. Where did you come up with the idea to play music they way you did?"
"From the same place I picked up golf, Earth," Neva Kee explained. "I learned it from one of the greatest rock and roll bands of all time."
"Which is or was?" Keira inquired.
"Spinal Tap," answered the diplomat. "Whose gimmicks that we tried to emulate resulted in the Galactic Republic issuing an ultimatum that if we ever tried to rock out again we'd be incarcerated for the rest of our lives."
"I still have my Axe," said Zoda reaching underneath his console and pulling out his electric guitar before strumming a couple notes on it.
"Wow," said Keira clearly impressed. "What did you do Neva?"
"I played the Bass Guitar and did vocals along with Zoda," the ex-rocker, current diplomat answered.
"Then who was your drum player?" asked Keira. "I know you had one."
"Yeah his name was Kirby," said Zoda.
"Was?" asked Keira.
"Yeah he went home after our final concert," said Neva Kee.
"Oh," said Keira. "So he died."
"What?" shouted Zoda.
"No he didn't!" Neva Kee protested. "He just took his warpstar back to Dreamland."
"Yeah, Dreamland, the place we all go to when we die," Keira acknowledged. "I'm an adult; I can handle death you know."
"But he didn't die!" Zoda exclaimed.
"Yeah, right," said Keira disbelieving him.
"Yeah right exactly," the Jedi shot back. "But at any rate, if they're not here for us, who are they here for?"
"It looks like the annual lava-surfing competition," said Keira reading something coming over the holonet. Neva Kee's eyes bugged out at that statement while Zoda began laughing.
"What?" demanded Keira.
"Nothing," said Neva Kee abruptly.
"What?" demanded Keira.
"Just reminiscing about an old golf tournament we played here once," Zoda mused.
"Yeah," said Neva Kee coolly. The ship plunged into the debris filled atmosphere and began rocking in the turbulence.
"You played golf here?" asked Keira incredulously as she buckled into her restraints after the vessel dipped hard.
"Of course," said Neva Kee. "The Sullustans gave us permission so we figured, why not?"
"What were your holes?" asked Keira.
"The volcanoes," said Neva Kee looking back at her as the craft cleared the clouds.
"Speaking of which there's one now," Zoda chimed in. Neva Kee spun around quickly to see a massive volcano looming right in front of them spewing lava high into the air.
"ZODA!" Neva Kee shouted as he barely managed to avoid only to see yet another volcano in their way raining lava down on them.
"What?" demanded the Jedi.
"You've been screwing with the navigational array again!" shouted Neva Kee as he threw the ship into a barrel roll as it barely avoided a pair of large molten rocks streaming down from above.
"Lies!" shouted Zoda. "I wouldn't do something like that!"
"You did it before!" Neva Kee protested. "There's a reason why there's now a hole in the infamous Rock Needle in Beggar's Canyon you know!"
"Of course, and Tatooine has us to thank for that," said Zoda calmly. "But I didn't do it this time. Honest."
"Well somebody did," Neva Kee grumbled as the craft roared low to the ground above a river of molten lava. "And if it wasn't you, then who was it?"
"Who do you think?"
Neva Kee's eyes widened before he narrowed them and scowled.
"You're right," he conceded. "You're absolutely right. I'm sorry Zoda, I apologize."
"Don't apologize, just promise me that heads are going to roll for this," said the Jedi.
"Or it's going to be much worse than that," Neva Kee promised. "Let's just hope we get to Piringiisi in one piece because we have The Gauntlet up ahead to deal with."
"The Gauntlet?" asked Keira confused.
"An entire maze of angry lava spewing volcanoes," said Zoda unbuckling himself from his seat. "And many ships have tried to run it, but only very few have made it through."
"This ship being one of them," Neva Kee added. "And we'll need you to move to the communications console because Zoda's going to need to operate the weapons."
"Right," said Keira in shock as she looked out the forward screens at the volcanoes in front of them. She got out of her seat that Zoda started occupying before quickly buckling herself into the other station.
"Any last words?" Neva Kee asked as a tidal wave of lava rose up and headed straight for them. Keira began stuttering before Zoda snapped his fingers.
"Like Kirby said the last time we were here: Oh lady of blessed acceleration, don't fail us now," the Jedi responded.
The lava wave slammed into the ship.
Underground city of Piringiisi: Several lava surfers were all standing in the docking bay discussing their boards, their ships, and whatever else they could come up with. But the whole bay suddenly went silent when a new ship entered into the bay from the surface. The ship had been roasted alive and whatever original color it might've been wasn't visible thanks to severe scarring along it. Not only that, but it had numerous dents on it and was on fire in other places. The ship managed to calmly lower to just above the ground before the engines cut out and it crashed with a sound of wrenching metal. The surfers and other people in the bay looked at it in shock before the main hatch was wrenched open by some invisible force. The door fell off the ship and smoke poured out of the ship as three charbroiled individuals emerged from the ship and leapt onto the ground.
"We will never speak of what just happened ever again," said Neva Kee as he brushed himself off.
"Nothing every changes with us, does it?" asked Zoda as he poured a bottle of water on himself that instantly turned into steam. Zoda looked at the bottle, shrugged, and tossed it over his shoulder.
"No," Neva Kee acknowledged. "No it doesn't."
Keira just looked at her hair that had gone from being immaculately groomed on Naboo to being completely frizzed just one planet later on Sullust. She looked downtrodden at this prospect, but couldn't dwell on it as Neva Kee and Zoda were already heading for Customs.
"At least that isn't insured by Bernadelli," Zoda commented wryly back at her.
"Hey!" shouted Keira. "Be quiet baldy!"
"I am bald because it makes me look cool not because I have no choice," Zoda shot back.
"Yeah right," said Keira before cringing that she'd said those words again. Zoda looked back at her, grinned, but remained silent. The trio made their way through Customs with nothing more than a few stares and then proceeded into the city.
"So what now?" asked Keira finally.
"You can do whatever you want; Zoda and I have a bone to pick with Sorosuub Industries," said Neva Kee as he began squinting. In the far distance a massive building complex could be seen rising above all the rest.
"But I thought they owed you," said Keira confused.
"Let's just say that there are plenty of people in this galaxy who owe us so much that they'd rather kill us than repay us," said the diplomat. "And they're willing to take any chance they can to off us."
"Like say, altering the approach vector to a certain planet for instance so they'd come down in a turbulent part of it," Zoda suggested.
"Oh," said Keira before the realization finally struck her. "Oh."
"So go get yourself cleaned up and we'll be back in a few hours," said Neva Kee.
"No way!" Keira protested. "First of all they tried to kill me too and I want back at them as well and second, they're insured by Bernadelli and we definitely will not be able to cope with Sorosuub's destruction."
"Oh they won't be destroyed," Zoda assured her. "Bankrupt at the very least, but the buildings should still be left intact. Course anything is possible."
"I was actually thinking of a different course of action," the diplomat admitted.
"What?" demanded Zoda stopping. "I though we were going to bust some heads!"
"We are you nut," said Neva Kee. "But I can't help but wonder if ZOD Industries is thinking about expanding into the starfighter market."
"Huh?" asked Keira confused. "The hell kind of company is that?"
"Well they primarily deal with construction so I don't see how this could qualify as a market they're trying to break into," Zoda pointed out.
"What's-," began Keira again.
"Still, in order for a company to truly succeed they have to expand their markets," Neva Kee pointed out. "And Sorosuub does have a large market of anything and everything."
"I guess that does make sense. But what does-," Zoda said before Keira stopped right in front of them.
"What is ZOD Industries!" she shouted. Neva Kee and Zoda looked at her wide-eyed.
"Zoda On Demand Industries," said Neva Kee. "It's a small construction company Zoda and I started based in Dantooine that does all sorts of construction jobs both legal and not. Zoda and I won the company in a Sabacc Tournament but we don't do much of the day to day business anymore. Anyway, we sometimes use the company as an excuse to stomp out corruption in certain businesses."
"Now was that so hard?" asked Keira as they continued down the road.
"Sorry, we're just not yet used to having a third wheel around who doesn't know everything the others know," said Neva Kee. "But we'll try and fill you in sometime."
"Please don't," said Keira grinning as she held up her hands in protest. "Your history is too complicated as it is and I have no desire to learn more."
"Suit yourself," said Neva Kee. "It's just the end result of living life with three philosophies. Anything can and does happen, live and don't learn, and speed is just a question of money how fast can you go?"
"Sums you two guys up pretty well," Keira admitted.
"You got that right!" Zoda eagerly confirmed. "So anyway, what does ZOD have to do with any of this?"
"I was thinking of them engaging in a takeover of Sorusuub Industries," said the president and CEO of Zoda Industries.
"Oh that'll take hours," complained the vice-president of ZOD Industries. "And I want to bust some heads! You promised! How's a takeover going to accomplish that?"
"It can if it's a hostile takeover," said the president.
"Ah," said the vice-president happily. "That changes everything then. Muwahahaha!"
"You're hopeless," said Neva Kee shaking his head in humility.
"Ya got that right!" said Zoda as they approached the front doors of Sorosuub Industries.
"What am I supposed to do then?" asked Keira. "I'm not leaving you two alone!"
"Congratulations you're now moonlighting as my secretary," said Neva Kee abruptly before adding. "And may I say you are looking very unkempt and not up to ZOD dress code standards."
"You son of a-," began Keira she slammed her mouth shut as they entered into the main lobby. They trio approached the main desk and the secretary looked at them confused.
"Um-hello," said the Sullustan. "Are you lost, can I help you?"
"This is the president and vice-president of ZOD Industries and we're here to see the board of Sorosuub Industries," said Keira feeling embarrassed at the whole ordeal. The secretary looked at them like they were nuts and was about to call for security when she looked down at the long eared Jedi who waved his hand and abruptly her eyes glazed over.
"Yes, they're waiting for you on the top floor," she said distantly. She came to her senses a moment later only to find the trio gone. The secretary shook her head and looked at her coffee.
"I think I need to stick to decaf," she said finally before leaving.
Elevator: The trio was in the elevator as it surged upwards to the top floor.
"This is going to get me fired you know?" Keira pointed out.
"Probably," said Neva Kee he began searching his pockets.
"Looking for your gun?" asked Keira.
"No, my pen," said the diplomat pulling it out and clicking on the end. "I would be taking out a weapon but it's often said that the pen is mightier than the lightsaber. Heh, heh."
Zoda meanwhile was holding onto his pair of dueling sabers and began hopping back and forth in anticipation.
"Lies, simple and utter lies," said the Jedi with a grin.
"Oy Pah Nagoya," said Keira quoting Neva Kee as she held her head in her hands.
"Good use of the phrase," said Neva Kee pleased. Before Keira could respond with sarcastic thanks, the elevator doors opened. The group found themselves face to face with dozens and dozens of battledroids crammed in the hallway with their weapons aimed at them.
"You are under arrest," the droids barked out. "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do will be held against you in a court of law."
"I've got something to say," Zoda goaded. "Let's rock!"
Instantly the Jedi leapt into the fray.
Board Room: The Sorosuub Board watched calmly as on a viewscreen the psychotic Jedi began flinging battledroids all over the hallway while deflecting even more shots with his sabers. Next to him, Neva Kee and Keira exited the elevator and calmly made their way to the doors. The board looked up calmly as the doors opened and the two individuals entered while in the background laser blasts and flying droids parts could be seen before the doors again closed.
"Greetings Sorosuub Board, I am Keira Kiley, secretary to the President and CEO of Zod Industries Neva Kee," said Keira before sitting down exhausted as Neva Kee followed suit.
"Mr. Kee," the President of Sorosuub acknowledged. "Please don't sound offended if I say I wish you were dead."
"No offense taken," said the diplomat. "I hear it all the time."
"So what do you want?" demanded the President.
"Just what is rightfully entitled to me and my associate, Zoda, the complete and total control of Sorosuub Industries," said the diplomat calmly.
"And why do you feel you are entitled to it?" the President asked.
"Because one hundred years ago Zoda and I saved both Sorosuub's former Board and company from being destroyed in that riot that nearly destroyed this entire planet," said Neva Kee. "Your predecessor was so grateful that he said that if we ever needed anything from Sorosuub, he'd gladly give it to us. Well I'm back and I want your company."
"I don't feel you have any right to anything that this company owns," said the President darkly. "In fact I think the whole sequence of events written down by the President that made him make that proclamation are complete and utter lies."
"Are you denying the riots happened?" asked Neva Kee. "Every history book on this planet mentions them so I doubt that's fake."
"The riots did happen, but according to our research, you and your vice-president were the cause of them," said the President.
"We never intentionally started that riot," Neva Kee shot back. "That was a result of sabotage when the sound system exploded after Zoda went for the high-rif in G," said Neva Kee. "Who sabotaged it is unknown, but having an entire sound system explode and catch on fire thereby ending a concert to, arguably, the most popular band of all time, that you had been also been waiting days to see, can cause some people to go nuts."
"Yes, as evidenced by the fact that not all of the destruction caused by that riot has been repaired," the President remarked wryly.
"Nevertheless, you don't have much of a choice," said Neva Kee.
"And why now after all these years do you suddenly want this company now?" accused the President. "We've taken special care to make sure our company doesn't tread on the toes of ZOD Industries. So what's changed?"
"Well, truth be told, I wasn't planning on really doing anything anyway. But imagine my surprise when I found myself emerging from the planet's atmosphere only to find myself stuck in the gauntlet," said Neva Kee.
"So when we threatened your life that's what drove you over the edge then?" asked the President beginning to feel angry at himself.
"No," said Neva Kee. "I've been threatened before, this is hardly anything new. Same goes for Zoda for that matter. Guess again?"
"The threatening of your secretary?" asked the President. Keira's eyes began to tear up.
"Neva, that's so sweet," she began. Neva Kee looked up at her.
"Sorry kid, but it wasn't because your life was threatened," he said simply.
"What?" demanded Keira upset.
"Besides, you've proven to me time and time again that you can take care of yourself without anybody else's help," said the diplomat amicably.
"Thank you," said Keira beginning to feel slightly better.
"So what set you off?" said the President.
"You brought my ship into this," said Neva Kee simply. At that moment, the doors blew open and Zoda entered, covered in blood, sweat, and oil with various pieces of robotic circuitry hanging over all parts of his body. He was breathing heavily but still managed to make his way to a seat and sit down. The Board looked at him wide-eyed, or as wide-eyed as a Sullustan could get, while Zoda said nothing but took out a piece of gum and began chewing on it.
"What?" he demanded. "You act like you've never seen a vice-president before."
The Board said nothing while Neva Kee smacked his forehead.
"So damaging your ship is what teed you off?" demanded the President. "Fine, then what brought you here in the first place?"
"Funny you should mention the word 'tee'," remarked the diplomat. "Because I came here in pursuit of the one thing that scares you most."
"Nothing scares us," remarked the President self-assured.
"You sure?" asked the diplomat.
"Positive," said the President. Neva Kee shrugged.
"Suit yourself," he said. The diplomat held up his hand and waved it back and forth before producing a white round dimpled plastic ball. A couple of the Sullustans gulped while Neva Kee placed it on the table. He then stood up and produced his grip upon which the shaft and club shot out. Some of the Sullustans ran for the door as Neva Kee took a couple practice swings with it.
"You don't scare me," said the President beginning to panic as more Sullustans began piling out. Neva Kee shrugged and swung. The ball rocketed towards the far window and bounced off of its surface and instantly began bouncing all over the room. Keira screamed and dove under the table as Zoda stayed in his seat while Neva Kee calmly walked to the President as the ball bounced all over the place. It then came straight towards the President who screamed before Neva Kee waved his hand in front of him and the ball disappeared from sight.
"Where?" The President asked confused. Neva Kee produced the ball in his hand before dropping it into the Sullustan's lap.
"Game over. You loose," said the diplomat darkly before turning to leave. He then paused by the doors.
"You have two hours to get your stuff and go," he said. "If you stay then we'll be back, only this ball will be a thermal detonator."
The trio then left and Zoda closed the doors. But as they advanced towards the elevator, Zoda tripped over the wires hanging around his body and crashed into Keira's legs who fell over and tackled Neva Kee.
"Nice one Z," said Keira as she picked herself up.
"At least I didn't try and kill anybody this time," the Jedi argued. "I was promised to bust heads, not tin cans."
"I'm sure the opportunity will come up again, it always does," said Neva Kee as they entered into the elevator. "Now let's go find our balls."
Later, the surface: "Wonderful," said Keira annoyed. The trio was clustered in the massive crowd awaiting the lava-surfing competition crowd/surfers.
"And of course who can forget the volcano that started it all!" shouted the announcer pointing to the massive lava spewing volcano behind them. "Coined by the two inventors of this sport, the great rockers Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Gamemaster, were heard to have called this volcano 'The Eighteenth Hole'!"
Cheering erupted from the crowd as Keira's jaw dropped and Neva Kee and Zoda chuckled nervously.
"Care to explain?" she asked.
"Well after we thought we had escaped the rioting crowd that was coming in for the kill, Zoda and I decided to get in a quick round before leaving the planet. The first seventeen holes, though dangerous, were okay, but as luck would have it the eighteenth hole erupted once we sunk our putts," began Neva Kee.
"The lava was coming down faster than our electric golf cart so Neva Kee and I crawled onto the roof as the lava slowly ate away at our cart. As Neva here was crying like a schoolgirl and praying for mercy," began Zoda.
"You swore you wouldn't tell!" protested Neva Kee. "Anyway, so we're there on the roof and Zoda says: 'If I'm going to die, it's going to be doing something stupid'. So he wrenches the hood loose with the Force and we go surfing down the lava river as our new 'board' melts all around us. Somehow we survive long enough for my ship to reach us and escape. But the local mob that had been chasing us saw our little stint and decided to popularize the sport with us being the creators."
"Unbelievable," said Keira shaking her head. "So you two come to this planet, have a concert, cause a mob to break out, save Sorosuub from destruction, golf eighteen rounds, and lava-surf all in one trip! This must be the most bizarre story I've ever heard you guys tell. I can't imagine any story more bizarre than that!"
"Or there is one, rest assured," said Zoda as the first surfers went straight down a lava river.
"Which is?" asked Keira.
"I don't think you want to know," said Zoda. Neva Kee nodding in agreement.
"You already baited me, it's too late now," Keira said sighing.
"Did you ever hear about Flygon-7?" asked Neva Kee.
"Yeah the planet that mysteriously exploded about twenty or so years back. I was two when it happened and it scared the hell out of me, my parents, and nearly the entire galaxy, of which I still get the occasional nightmare," said Keira. "They still are trying to determine the cause for it to this day. Why?"
"I don't know how to delicately put this but," began the diplomat. Keira's eyes widened.
"YOU TWO WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT?" she shouted. The other members of the crowd looked at her annoyed before returning their attention to the event.
"It wasn't on purpose!" Zoda shot back.
"What do you mean 'not on purpose'?" demanded Keira. "How do you 'accidentally' blow up a planet?"
"I miss Flygon-7," said Zoda sadly. "Those were the best greens we ever played on."
"You know how much it cost me to import that much Ithorian grass?" asked Neva Kee shuddering. "What a waste, what a travesty. And worst of all, we still never finished that final game did we?"
"How did you blow up that planet?" asked Keira calmly to prevent from going crazy.
"I dunno," said Zoda. "The planet just started to fall apart all around us."
"Planets don't just fall apart!" Keira shouted again amidst a wave of hushes from the audience.
"This one did," Zoda grumbled.
"What the hell did you two do?" demanded Keira again. "The loss of that planet bankrupted nearly every insurance company in the galaxy!"
"We didn't do anything," protested Neva Kee before adding. "At least nothing that would cause a planet to suddenly tumble off its axis and tear itself to pieces at any rate."
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" demanded Keira before turning to the audience glaring at her. "Shut up!"
"Well we were watching Caddyshack and we noticed how in the final round, explosives were used to cause a ball to fall into the hole in order to sink a putt," said Neva Kee. "So Zoda and I figured, why couldn't we do that on Flygon-7 to spice up our game? So we secretly began planting thermal detonators, mines, heavy explosives, and whatever other military ordinance we could find into our golf course. All of which would be activated by hidden detonators designed to cue into a certain stimulus. It could be a certain frequency, we could just be standing in the right spot, or something much more specific, the point being that we didn't know what it was or where the other had planted their ordinance."
"You're kidding right?" said Keira disbelieving him. "That's the worst idea in the history of bad ideas."
"It seemed reasonable at the time," said Neva Kee not exactly apologizing.
"Anything can and does happen, mind you," Zoda pointed out. Keira glared at him and the Jedi fell silent.
"So our game starts and the first couple holes go alright, the only ordinance detonated as a result of our falling golf balls were a few mines that only succeeded in scattering dirt high into the air. We also succeeded in accidentally blowing up all the sand traps, water hazards, bridges, the clubhouse, the golf cart station, and the pool as well," said Neva Kee. Keira just shook her head as she felt a migraine coming on.
"And then at the eighteenth hole, as usually happens, everything went wrong," said Zoda.
"Well it started a little earlier than that when we inadvertently blew the flag sitting inside the fifteenth hole into the stratosphere where we think it may have achieved escape velocity because we as sure as hell didn't see it again," Neva Kee added.
"Not only that, but that explosion took a third of the fifteenth hole with it," remarked Zoda as the crowd watched in horror as a surfer fell off his board but was saved from a fiery death by the hidden repulsorfield.
"Thankfully we managed to both sink a hole in one for the sixteenth because the putting green suddenly caved in on itself after sunk our shots," said Neva Kee. "Or so we assume, once the balls hit the putting green that's when it went bye bye."
Keira had begun to turn a shade of green at the reckless destruction caused by two aliens and their obsession with a little game known as Golf.
"And when we finally made our way through the war zone of the other holes we arrived at the seventeenth only to find a massive crater in the ground," Zoda chimed in. "We still don't know exactly what happened to it, it had just simply vanished without a trace. Talk about a Par One!"
"And then the dreaded eighteenth hole came up next," said Neva. "I don't what it is with us and that particular hole, but it always spells death for our golf games somehow."
"And me bringing my boombox to blare out Ode to Joy hardly made matters any better," Zoda said.
"Yeah, especially considering he genuinely, accidentally, set the thing to the exact frequency to set off the remaining ordinance on the golf course that hadn't already gone off," said Neva Kee.
"So Neva and I are left with no recourse but to put the game on hold as we run for our lives with bombs exploding all around us flinging dirt, debris, trees, and whatever else high into the air only for it to come raining down again," said Zoda. "Force or not Force, we were in some deep poodoo."
Keira wanted to say something but found herself speechless, something that was occurring more and more frequent the more she learned about the crazy antics Zoda and Neva Kee had done in their past.
"Of course that was only the tip of the iceberg," said Neva Kee glumly. Zoda nodded, a little shell shocked.
"How?" Keira managed to croak out.
"Somehow one of us had managed to plant a cold fusion bomb underneath the eighteenth hole itself," said Neva Kee. "So when the flag in the hole got blown into the air only to come straight back down and trigger the bomb to go off."
"It caused one hell of an earthquake," Zoda completed, starting to shake. "The ground suddenly rose straight up and then collapsed inwards in an ever increasing shockwave outwards."
"So we, naturally, run for our lives, before we're both completely buried in dirt and debris," Neva Kee finished. "We come to a few hours later and dig ourselves free and view our once proud course, which now looks nothing like it once was. Essentially it looked like the planet had hurled on itself so all that was left was for Zoda and me to start putting the pieces back together."
"We have before and after pics on the ship if you want to see them," Zoda quickly added. Keira looked like she was about to faint.
"So we begin collecting what pieces are left of our destroyed course only for a couple hours later have the whole planet begin shaking furiously and begin tearing itself to pieces all around us. Zoda and I barely make it off the planet alive with the flag to the eighteenth hole and then the planet explodes," said Neva Kee.
"So you two were intentionally responsible," said Keira.
"No," said Neva Kee. "We did the calculations afterwards based on the amount of ordinance we set off and there's no way it should've done the amount of damage necessary to blow up an entire world."
"Still, that planet did go up like a can of tomato soup that had been put in the microwave for too long," Zoda pointed out.
"Of which I am still pissed at you for doing that," Neva Kee addressed the Jedi. "When are you clean out the kitchen, it's been three weeks."
"I'll get to it…eventually," said the Jedi.
"So that's why we don't feel we are directly, or indirectly, responsible for that planet going up when it did," said Neva Kee finally. "And that's why they're still investigating its destruction."
"But the officials have an inkling as to your presence on the planet prior to its destruction," Keira reasoned.
"When you come across irradiated chunks of a golf course in the remains of a planet that just exploded you kind of run out of people to link it to," said Neva Kee.
"Though we suspect only Bernadelli Insurance Company has made the link between it and us," said Zoda. "But anything's possible I guess."
"We should probably tee off now," said Neva Kee making his way forward through the crowd.
"Where are your balls anyway?" asked Keira.
"At the bottom of the course," said Zoda.
"Then why are we up here?" asked Keira.
"To watch," said Neva Kee. "I always did like this sport."
Keira groaned.
"So how're we going to get down there?" she asked. Neva Kee and Zoda broke through the crowd and headed for a row of boards nearby. On two of the boards were the words Enkidu and Zathura emblazoned on them.
"You're joking," she said vigorously shaking her head.
"No," said Neva Kee. "We secretly made the sport the least we can do is still participate in it from time to time."
"What about me?" asked Keira.
"Start walking," said Zoda.
"Uh-uh," said Keira disagreeing with him. "You're not loosing me that easily."
"Of course not," said Neva Kee before handing her a small board. "Here's a hoverboard, glide down the volcano with this and we'll meet you at the bottom."
"Fine," said Keira taking it from him. "Good luck."
"In my experience," began Zoda cheekily.
"Shut up!" said Keira and Neva Kee to him. Zoda began laughing as Keira began coasting down the volcano's side.
"Up next we have a couple veteran surfers from Dantooine, Enkidu and Zathura. They like to model themselves after the original Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Gamemaster. We'll see how well they do here on the original rockers famed course," said the announcer.
"Surfs up, dude," said Zoda to Neva Kee as he prepped his board to begin surfing.
"I'd say Cowabunga, but it seems a trifle cliché," said the diplomat before both leapt into the river of lava and surfed down it.
Later, the Bay: Neva Kee, Zoda, and Keira Kiley came running into the bay as an angry mob was snapping at their heels. They barely managed to board their still busted ship and it took off, emerging into the atmosphere before escaping into space and entering hyperspace. Silence descended in the cockpit as Neva Kee and Zoda sat silently waiting for Keira's outburst.
"I suppose now would be a bad time to mention that whoever gets the fastest time on the course is automatically chased off the planet by the crowd and the other surfers," said Neva Kee finally.
"It's nothing personal, just a simple tradition that got carried over by that angry mob that chased us out of Piringiisi all those years ago," said Zoda. "Believe me, Neva and I have been chased out of quite a few lava-surfing competitions."
"And we kind of forgot that you didn't know that," said Neva Kee. "We sincerely apologize. But hey, at least we managed to tee off first, that's a plus!"
"I need a vacation," Keira responded.
"I thought you were on vacation," commented Zoda wryly.
"Adventuring with you two is definitely not a vacation," said Keira with a slight grin. "More like a series of misadventures."
"Yeah that sounds about right," said Neva Kee making some adjustments on his console.
"So where to next?" asked Keira.
"We decided to be nice for once and go from an inhabited heat ridden planet to a planet that is abandoned and incredibly cold," said Neva Kee flipping on a console depicting a frozen world. "Behold the Sixth Planet of the Hoth System. Zoda and I shredded there once on snowboards and it's a nice calm planet, no trouble there whatsoever."
"Good," said Keira leaving. "Wake me when we get there."
Keira turned and exited the bridge with a yawn and silence descended on the bridge.
"Neva," began Zoda quietly.
"Yeah?" asked the captain of the ship.
"You didn't mention the rumors that pirates were running spice through that planet," said Zoda.
"It's only a rumor," said Neva Kee humbly. "And something's are best left unsaid around Keira."
"If you say so," said the Jedi leaning back in his chair.
"Besides, if we take them out then we'll have killed multiple mynocks with one blaster shot," said the diplomat. "The ships they raid will no longer demand insurance money from Bernadelli, we'll have stopped this branch of the illegal spice flow, and we'll have intentionally done a good deed for once."
"Good deed, blech, the words leave a terrible taste in my mouth," said Zoda grinning.
"Then go wash your mouth out with soap," advised Neva Kee. "And clean out the kitchen of all the tomato soup!"
"No! Make me!" Zoda shouted before he ran out of the cockpit with Neva Kee in hot pursuit brandishing a pair of blasters.
Sullust: The Bernadelli Fleet emerged from hyperspace just in time to witness Neva Kee's ship vanish into hyperspace.
"We're tracking their course now," said the navigator to the Chief Security officer of Bernadelli. A couple moments later the answer chimed back.
"The Hoth System," said the navigator. The Security Officer flung his hand forward and the fleet leapt back into hyperspace.
Coruscant: "So who is going to go investigate the rumors of pirates operating in the Hoth System?" asked Master Caveel. The Council remained silent before Yoda spoke up.
"Go I will," he said. "Need a break I do from the antics of Zoda."
Yoda was looking at a holo-report of the destruction caused by Zoda on Sullust and Naboo.
"Leave I will immediately," he said simply and with that he left. "Peace I need, silence I need. Zoda I need not."
The Jedi Master left.