Forest Moon of Endor: As the sun raised high above in the sky, the sunlight glistened off of the dew drops from the nighttime rain. The birds began chirping and the forest animals slowly awoke to begin yet another day of foraging.
CRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!
But the tranquil scene so became one of panic and chaos as a massive tree came crashing down for no apparent reason.
"Heh, heh, heh. Bee-autiful!" said Zoda grinning as he saw the animals darting all over the place. He hung his lightsaber on his belt, after having used it to slice the tree down, before climbing up on it and walking down its length.
"Must you destroy everything?" Neva Kee asked annoyed. "We just got here!"
"It was in my way," said Zoda simply. Suddenly an invisible Force smacked him in the side and he fell over the side of the tree.
"Be mindful of the living force, you should," said Yoda dropping his hand. "Respect it you must in order for it to aid you."
"Bah," said Zoda as he climbed back onto the tree only to see Yoda on top waiting for him. Yoda held down his hand to Zoda's forehead and flicked out his finger which connected with Zoda's head causing him to fall back down in a flurry of leaves. Keira laughed at the exchange as she carried a picnic basket and a blanket for a picnic she hoped they'd be able to have, provided Zoda didn't succeed in destroying the planet somehow. Zoda got up with leaves sticking to him as he grumpily followed the group.
"So who lives here?" asked Keira as she looked up at the tall treetops.
"Ewoks for one, though perhaps it's best if we don't encounter them on this trip," said Neva Kee.
"Why not?" asked Keira curious.
"They've been known to engage in cannibalistic rituals," said the diplomat as he passed through a pair of bushes that scuffed up against him.
"They eat themselves?" asked Keira disgusted. "That's gross."
"I wasn't exactly referring to them eating themselves," said Neva Kee looking up at her. "And they're primitives they just don't know better."
"Well if they don't eat themselves then…," began Keira before she looked at her hands and then at Neva Kee still eyeing her. "No!"
"There is a reason why this moon is typically avoided," said the diplomat taking out a ration bar and biting into it. "And it's not because of its location, the timber here is a logging company's dream."
"Yeah but logging is hardly the most profitable business these days," said Keira trying to keep her mind off of the trees possibly having eyes.
"Still, there is a small demand for wood these days and those who want have to pay dearly for it," said Captain N.
"I guess," said Keira not quite sure. "So where're the balls?"
"Around," said Neva. "I just want to take some time and enjoy some peace for once."
"I hear that," said Keira also beginning to feel relaxed in their tranquil surroundings.
CRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!
A second tree went falling down as Zoda appeared from behind the stump grinning.
"Wheee! That was fun!" said the Jedi, clearly restless from having nobody new he could annoy. Neva Kee groaned and slapped his hand against his forehead and ran it down his face.
"Surrender your weapon," said Yoda holding out his hand for Zoda's activated lightsaber.
"No," said Zoda deactivating it and clutching it close to him protectively. "This is a Jedi's most sacred weapon and I must protect it with my life."
Yoda looked at him nonplussed. "Hand it over."
Zoda held up his hands in defeat. "Well it was worth a shot."
The Jedi Knight gave his hilt to the Jedi Master and the quartet proceeded down the forest in silence.
"I spy," began Zoda after a few moments.
"Shut up!" came the response.
"But-," began Zoda protesting.
"Quiet!"
"Okay but don't so I didn't warn you," Zoda backed off as suddenly dozens of Ewoks dropped down from the trees and surrounded them angrily with various crude weaponry.
"Well there goes the neighborhood," said Zoda sardonically.
"Quiet," said Neva Kee as one of the Ewoks began jabbering at them angrily. Neva Kee said something back in Ewok to which he got an even more angry response.
"Oh hell," said Zoda, who also had an understanding of the Ewok language. He began chuckling nervously before stopping and staring off into the distance.
"What?" asked Keira before some of the Ewoks began poking her with their sticks. Keira growled annoyed and took out her blastech which immediately tore from her hands and into Yoda's he holstered it underneath his robe.
"You can't win, but alternatives to fighting there are," said Yoda. The Jedi Master waved his hand and a calming effect spread over the Ewoks poking her and they slowly lowered their spears.
"Oh great," said Neva, mirroring Zoda's earlier statement, as he put his hands in his pockets.
"What?" demanded Keira.
"Apparently some of their warriors have gone missing and they think it's our fault," said the diplomat.
"But we just got here," Keira said.
"Yeah but they don't know that," Zoda pointed out. "And we can't exactly convince them of that either without revealing advanced technology that they'd have no comprehension about."
"Wonderful," said Keira exasperated. "Anything else?"
"Yeah they want to eat you," said Zoda deadpan.
"What!" shouted Keira.
"Where did you learn your Ewok?" asked Neva Kee ignoring her outburst. "He said hold her for ransom."
"What!" Keira repeated at that statement.
"He said, grunga. That means eat," said Zoda.
"No, he said groonga. That means hold for ransom," responded the diplomat.
"He did not stress the first syllable!" said Zoda. "He said grunga!"
The Ewok Chief said something offhand. Zoda and Neva Kee suddenly stopped arguing and stared at the Chief wide-eyed.
"Well that solves that," said Zoda throwing up his hands in defeat.
"What did he say!" demanded Keira as more Ewoks began poking her. Neva Kee sighed and slowly turned around.
"Apparently the Ewok chieftain wants to hold you for ransom. We are to go find his missing warriors and if we don't return with them by sundown then they'll eat you," said the diplomat. Keira's resounding 'what' statement could be heard almost across the entire moon and caused scores of birds to scatter high into the air.
Ewok Village: The Ewoks, accompanied by Yoda, Zoda, and Neva Kee entered into the main area as Keira was carried behind them with her legs and arms tied to a large wooden pole.
"I don't believe this," said Keira shaking her head. "I'm going to be eaten by living teddy bears! It's like a nightmare or something!"
"Hey we've all been there," argued Neva Kee. "They tried to eat Zoda and me a few years back when we played a round of golf on this planet and Zoda hit this wicked slice that reduced the chieftain's hut to a bunch of kindling after his golf ball plowed right through it. I don't know how we escaped that one."
"A lot of running and laughing as I recall," said Zoda chuckling.
"Anyway, we'll go find these missing warriors and be back by sundown," said Neva Kee preparing to leave.
"Wait, you just can't leave me here!" shouted Keira. "I'm not staying here alone with these things."
"You're right," Zoda agreed. "Uncle, you stay."
"Wha-," began the Jedi Master when Keira cut in.
"You're not leaving me here with somebody who doesn't speak Ewok!" she said incredulously.
"We're offering to leave you with the Grand Master of the Jedi Order, a being who has no equal in the universe, and you want one of us to stay behind and protect you?" asked Zoda wide-eyed.
Silence descended on the group filled with the occasional Ewok chatter.
"Good point," Keira conceded.
"Be back soon, Unc," said Zoda as he began descending a ladder with Neva Kee to go back to the ground. Yoda held his head downtrodden before turning back and sitting in front of Keira as he began breathing in and out as he tried to bring himself calm enough to meditate.
Ground: "Phew, glad to be out there," said Zoda wiping off his forehead with his sleeve.
"Yeah well we have bigger issues to deal with right now," said Neva Kee as he pulled out a scanner and began following its readout.
"I'm beginning to think bringing her with us was a mistake," Zoda admitted.
"Well she saved us back on Bothawui, having her tag along is the least we can do," said Neva Kee distracted by the scanner.
"Yeah but we're soon going to be in the Unknown Regions," Zoda pointed out. "There's no law there, you know that. We'll have some peace from the Chiss Ascendancy but most of those worlds out there are not someplace you take civilians."
"I know," Neva acquiesced. "But still she has made this trip more enjoyable. No offense, but listening to you blather on endlessly about grand schemes to get your revenge on the Jedi Council gets annoying after awhile."
"I will make that ysalamiri kennel club someday," said Zoda. "But yeah, hearing you babble on about diplomacy is hardly any more tolerable."
Neva Kee didn't respond but continued to read his scanner, causing him to scowl.
"What?" asked Zoda trying to read the scanner but coming up blank.
"We're still coated with chroniton particles," said the diplomat. "That means we are in danger of time traveling again."
"Great," said Zoda looking around. "Well if you see any AT-ST's just let me know."
"Unfortunately we may be in bigger danger of traveling to a time where no ships exist effectively stranding us on this planet," Neva Kee pointed out.
"Crap," said Zoda shuddering. "Would we rebound?"
"Maybe," said the diplomat unsure as he continued through the forest. "The particles are burning off of us as time passes but unfortunately that runs the risk of us being stuck in a different time period and then having them burn off of us before the rebound. While we could find a way back it'd just be annoying as hell."
"I'd imagine," said Zoda. "So where're we going?"
"My scanner's picked up the scent of a Gorax," said Neva. "I willing to be that it had taken the Ewok warriors."
"Yeah but that means it's probably eaten them by now," Zoda said.
"This is true, however if we could activate the chronitons surrounding us we may be able to kick us back in time to save them and prevent this turn of events from ever happening," said Neva Kee frustrated at the whole situation.
"Do you really want to risk that?" Zoda asked. "I don't think you want to break the rule of having only one of me in each time frame. Even I will admit what happened on Baroonda got a little bit out of hand."
"A little?" asked Neva Kee laughing. "You tried to kill yourself!"
"I couldn't help it! That guy was a jerk!" Zoda shouted.
"That 'guy' was you!" Neva Kee pointed out.
"He was still a jerk," said Zoda. "And your counterpart wasn't much helpful either."
Neva Kee spotted some ruins up ahead that caught his interest.
"Indy, we're in business," said Neva Kee grabbing a blaster rifle and brandishing it in his hand. Zoda meanwhile produced a fedora and put in on his head.
"Copy Short Round," said the Jedi as he produced a whip and revolver since Yoda still possessed his lightsaber. The two entered into the stone ruins and held up defensive positions before proceeding further inwards. After a few moments they found a cadre of Ewok skeletons trussed up on large wooden stakes.
"Very homely," said Zoda. "I dunno, a couple skeletons here, a rotting corpse there and that would really complete the scene."
"Indy shut up," said Neva Kee as he advanced further down through the ruins.
"I'm just saying," began Zoda when suddenly a guttural growl erupted from nearby. Silence descended on the group as each stood there pondering what had made that sound.
"After you Short Round," said Zoda stepping back and motioning his hand forward. Neva Kee groaned.
"Indiana Jones, intrepid explorer my ass," said the blue alien as pressed onwards.
Ewok Village: Yoda and Keira were alone in the meeting area after the Ewoks had run off scared when the Jedi Master began levitating rocks to practice his Force skills. Keira had asked him to cut her loose so they could escape but the Jedi Master had refused citing it was not his place to interfere. Keira had had a few choice words to say about that before remaining silent from then on. But now after a few hours the silence was beginning to grate on her sanity so she was forced to talk again.
"How long have you known Zoda?" Keira asked finally.
"Too long," came the response. "Since his formative years to today to forever."
"Are you two really related or does he just say you're his uncle to get under your skin?" asked Keira.
"Related we are, my nephew he is," Yoda admitted.
"How do you know though? I thought Jedi were taken from their families at birth. How could you know your family enough to know he's related to you?" asked Keira.
"The Force reveals all," came the cryptic response.
"So what do you think of him as a Jedi? He's the first one I've ever met besides you and you have your own reputation so it's kind of hard to compare him to the average Jedi," said Keira. Yoda sighed.
"A decent if reckless Jedi Knight," said the Master. "Foolish he is, but capable he is also."
"Were you his master?" Keira asked.
"No," said Yoda. "Crazy Louie was."
"Why not you?" asked Keira confused.
"Too personal," said Yoda before chuckling. "Besides, an idiot he is."
Keira chuckled also.
"I guess that is true," she admitted. "Do you think he'll make it back in time?"
"A Jedi he is, fail you he will not," said Yoda assuredly.
"Aaah!" shouted Yoda and Neva Kee as they ran through the ruins with the Gorax in hot pursuit. The Gorax was a good thirty feet tall which was something, especially considering Zoda and Neva Kee were only around three feet tall each.
"Way to go Short Round," said Zoda as they ducked behind another stone wall and stood there holding their breaths.
"Hey it's not my fault that thing couldn't take a joke," said Neva Kee out of breath. Zoda rolled his eyes.
"I can't believe you suggested that the thing looked like me. Usually that's my line," said the Jedi.
"Whatever, let's just phase out and rescue those Ewoks," said Neva Kee as he pulled out his scanner and flipped it on. As he began making the calculations the Gorax appeared again and roared at them angrily.
"Here we go," said Neva Kee as he pressed a button on his scanner. The Gorax phased away as the two aliens breathed a sigh of relief. That relief soon turned to terror as the Gorax was immediately replaced with an AT-ST bearing down on them.
"Neva!" shouted Zoda breaking character.
"Whoops," said Neva as he pressed the scanner again. They faded out again and emerged to find the Gorax dragging another Ewok warrior
"Hard to imagine this being a more appealing set of surroundings," said Zoda. "Well let's go get him."
"Roger that Indy," said Neva as the two advanced towards the Gorax.
Ewok Village: The Ewoks were breaking out the firewood.
"I hope the guys are okay," said Keira. "I know they wouldn't desert me, something must've gone wrong. Well I hope they choke on me."
"Not their fault this is," said Yoda. "They do not know better."
"So what're you going to do? Have a leg?" asked Keira darkly.
"No," said the Jedi Master getting up. "Defend you I will."
The Jedi Master slowly pulled back his robe to reveal the hilt of his lightsaber when suddenly a big commotion broke out across the foyer. A dozen Ewoks raced across it to the joy and shock of the community. As the crowd thinned out and dispersed, Zoda and Neva Kee appeared, walking towards the captive Keira and Jedi Master.
"Well we pulled it off," said Zoda as he shoved his hands into the pocket of his jacket and looked at the captive Keira underneath his fedora.
"I never doubted you would," said Keira.
"Yeah right," said Neva. "But then again so did we so I guess it doesn't matter really."
"So can I go now?" asked Keira as she tried struggling against her bonds.
"Yeah, why not?" asked Zoda. He flicked his hand out and the bonds came undone and Keira fell to the ground before stopping and hovering just barely off of the floor. She was then slowly lowered to the ground before getting up as Yoda surrendered her weapon.
"Let's get out of here," said the Insurance Agent. "This is going to give me nightmares for a long time to come."
Neva Kee laughed and the quartet left the village behind.
Ground: The quartet was walking through the forest back towards the ship in silence.
"Wait, didn't we forget something?" asked Zoda confused. Neva Kee blinked.
"I think so, but I can't remember what it was," said Neva. Zoda's pondered it for a few more moments before his eyes widened.
"Oh I remember what it was," he said.
CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!
"Zoda!" shouted Keira as another tree came falling down. "Not again!"
"It wasn't me!" the Jedi protested. "My uncle still has my lightsaber!"
"This is true," said Yoda. Keira's eyes widened as a massive shadow fell over them.
"Then what?" she began. The quartet spun around to see the angry Gorax looming over them.
"Aaahhh!" she shouted as the thing lunged at them. But before it could get close the thing exploded flinging guts and body parts everywhere.
"What the-," began Keira, covered in blood, as she looked like she was about to puke. Where the Gorax had been was a small crater where two small round white dimpled objects sat covered in blood.
"Ah I was wondering when they'd get here," said Zoda happily as he took a piece of entrail off of his ear and flung it off. He took out his grip and extended his club as Neva Kee did the same. Both put on their visors and looked up into the sky as they calculated the distance to Bakura.
"Fore!" shouted Zoda as he ripped the ball into the atmosphere followed by Neva Kee's. Unfortunately the balls had to crash through the upper part of the trees and plowed right through another Ewok Village high above them. Angry chattering erupted from above and various ropes began descending downwards.
"Oh no, run!" shouted Zoda as he tore off down the forest with the others in hot pursuit from an angry army of living teddy bears.
Space: The still lava damaged blue spacecraft tore through the upper atmosphere of the forest moon before jumping into hyperspace.
Bakura: The Bernadelli Insurance Fleet hung in orbit of Bakura facing Endor waiting in anticipation of the golfers to show up.