Bakura: The trio of Bernadelli Warships hung dead in space above the planet despite the local government's repeated attempts to get them to go away.
"Sir, they'd better show up soon or they might call the Galactic Republic Military on our heads," said the captain of the ship.
"Bah," said the Head of Security for Bernadelli. "They've got nothing."
"We are effectively blockading their planet and refusing to let any ship approach," the captain pointed out.
"Believe me, this can only be for the best for them. Every moment Zoda and Neva Kee are loose in the galaxy it costs us 1000 credits a second. They must be brought to justice before bankrupting us!" said the Security agent beginning to get a crazed look in his eye.
"Yes sir," said the Captain sauntering off afraid. The Agent continued eyeing the forward windows when suddenly two golf balls erupted from hyperspace and streaked towards the planet beyond.
"There they are, open fire!" shouted the Agent.
"Sir we can't get a lock!" shouted the gunner. "They're too small and moving too fast!"
"Then perform a broad sweep and let 'em have it!" shouted the Agent. Turbolaser fired erupted from the three warships as the laid siege to the area where the golf balls were. Finally after several seconds of firing several turbolaser shots connected with the balls and a large explosion went off.
"Excellent!" shouted the Agent pumping his fist into the air.
From the explosion the two golf balls emerged unscathed and continued their path towards the planet.
"No!" shouted the Agent. "Return-!"
"Sir, unidentified craft emerging from hyperspace!" shouted the sensor operator. Neva Kee's blue Y-Shaped craft flew out of hyperspace and headed for the planet as well.
"Bring all guns to bear on that craft and tractor those balls into the hold!" shouted the Agent.
"We can't fire on a civilian vessel!" shouted the gunner. The Agent growled as he threw the man from his seat and pressed the fire button.
Neva Kee's craft: The ship rocked as it was buffeted from turbolaser shots.
"Once again our reputation precedes us," Neva Kee grumbled as he struggled with the stick to pilot the vessel.
"Yeah, what happened to the good ol' days when we used to get a warning shot first!" Zoda complained from the navigator's seat.
"When have we ever gotten a warning shot?" shouted Neva back at him.
"There's always a first time," Zoda said hopeful. Neva groaned as Keira sat there drumming her fingers on her console awaiting their impending doom. Suddenly all the power went out on the ship and it went pitch black.
"What the hell are you doing?" Zoda demanded.
"Surrendering," said Neva simply.
"What! You coward!" Zoda accused.
"Yeah well unfortunately my ship isn't at the top of its game after that little stunt on Sullust and us not getting it repaired because we got chased out by an angry mob," said Neva. "I'd rather have us talk this out with Bernadelli."
"I don't think Big B is over there, I think it's that psycho chief of security," Zoda pointed out.
"Regardless, we will do our best," said Neva.
"And if diplomacy fails?" asked Zoda.
"Then it is a time for action," said Neva. "And I can't seem to recall the last time we played through a bulk cruiser do you?"
Silence.
"Good point," Zoda conceded. "One hole, stem to stern."
"With the garbage release as the final hole," said Zoda nodding. "Excellent."
"Let's rock?" asked Neva. Zoda nodded.
"Let's rock," he acknowledged. The craft suddenly shuddered as a tractor beam caught a hold of it and began dragging it upwards.
"Keira you might want to hide, this could get you fired," said Neva. Keira shook her head.
"No way, I'm going to quit Bernadelli once and for all," said Keira.
"What? Why?" asked Neva.
"Was it because you grew to love the game?" asked Zoda hopeful.
"Not quite," said Keira beginning to grin. "Do you have a guess Neva?"
"You've decided Bernadelli is evil?" asked Neva Kee.
"Part of it but not the main reason," said Keira. "You want to know the real reason?"
"Yeah sure, I'm game," said Neva as the craft settled down on the deck.
"I was rereading my insurance policy after that Ewok incident and it turns out you two aren't covered by my workers comp," Keira explained.
"Ah," said Neva Kee and Zoda.
"Yeah, go figure. You're the two greatest natural disasters in history and Bernadelli doesn't even insure his workers against you," said Keira. "So when you two do whatever you're going to do in that vessel, go nuts, maybe it'll change things."
"Maybe," Neva Kee said doubtful. "Well they're going to try and bust down the door any moment so we'd better get going."
"What're you going to do Unc?" asked Zoda.
"The only thing reasonable, head for the nearest escape pod I will," said Yoda. Zoda and Yoda both laughed evilly at that before proceeding to the exit. The door opened and the group was bathed in light.
Bay: The Agent watched as the quartet descended the ramp, first Neva Kee, then Keira Kiley, and finally Yoda and Zoda.
"Well we finally meet face to face," said the Agent walking down the line before stopping at Zoda and Yoda who looked at him wide-eyed.
"Which one of you is Zoda?" he demanded.
"I am!" they both said pointing to themselves.
"B-," began the Agent before growling angrily as the two 'Zodas' cocked their heads and looked at him bewildered.
"This isn't over!" he said darkly. The two Zodas looked at each other and then at him before shrugging.
"Okay," they said identically. The Agent growled to the heavens before facing Keira.
"You have a lot of explaining to do," he said.
"I quit, that's all the explaining I need to do," Keira responded.
"Prisoner's Mentality I see," said the Agent. "It makes no difference, you're just as responsible as they are for this."
"Whatever," Keira snorted. The Agent shook his head before walking to hover over Neva Kee.
"And you'd be the ringleader in this circus," said the Agent.
"It's kind of a co-production with Zoda," said Neva Kee. "But it is my ship, my golf balls, my rules, so yes I guess that is somewhat accurate."
"And what do your rules have to say about this?" asked the Agent flinging out his arm to show off the whole hanger bay of the ship. He grinned darkly before Neva Kee motioned him forward with his finger. The Agent leaned down so they were face to face before Neva Kee whispered into his ear.
"Play through," he said simply before pulling away. The Agent looked at him confused before beginning to put some thought into it.
"Play through," Neva repeated with a big grin. The Agent kept thinking about it before realization dawned on him. Neva Kee nodded happily before the Agent turned around with terror in his eyes.
"Guards!" he shouted. Neva's grip fell from inside of his right sleeve courtesy of one of Zoda's lightsaber ejectors and the club extended and Neva Kee hit his ball that had been tractored into the bay and it blasted off across the bay and out a door into the ship beyond.
"So long unnamed Agent-man," said Neva Kee tearing off down the bay. Zoda followed suit with his own ball before hugging his Uncle.
"But Uncle, it's been fun," said Zoda.
"Take care of yourself you should," said Yoda. "Eat healthy, watch your back, work on your backswing."
Zoda nodded happily before tearing off down the bay with Keira in pursuit.
"Bye Jeff," she said to the Agent. "Say hi to Bernadelli for me."
Jeff, the Agent's name revealed, stared in shock after them as Yoda walked by and looked up at him. Jeff looked at him stunned only to see an image of Bernadelli next to him.
"Take some time off you should," said Yoda. "Tired you must be from so much work. Enjoy your life, don't sell deathsticks, go home and rethink your life."
Jeff began flipping his lower lip with his finger as he stumbled off in shock as through the doorway a scream could be heard along with breaking glass. Yoda laughed before heading for the nearest escape pod and jettisoning out to the planet below. Down the hallway, two golf balls went bouncing down across the floor before Zoda leapt up and clubbed his in midair as it ricocheted off a nearby wall and headed down a corridor as Neva waited for the ball to naturally bounce off the wall before he struck it.
"How many is that?" called Neva back to Keira who was having trouble keeping score between the two while running down the hallway.
"That's six for both of you," said Keira before Zoda smashed his ball again. "Make that seven six."
"And the important numbers?" Zoda called.
"That's about a thousand creds in damages," said Keira grinning.
"Wonderful," said Zoda. "The more Kuat has to repair the more creds wind up in my bank account."
"Do I get a cut?" asked Neva.
"You're rich remember?" asked Zoda.
"Oh yeah," said Neva Kee. "Then Keira gets my share."
"Thanks," said Keira before several guards swarmed the hallway and aimed their blasters at them.
"Wait!" shouted Zoda as the guards opened fire.
Fifteen Minutes Later: Hundreds of escape pods roared out of the warship before two golf balls came flying out of the trash chute and into the dead of space before the warship exploded flinging debris everywhere as a blue Y-Shaped vessel escaped from it and headed for the planet below.
"Unbelievable," said Keira looking at the destruction.
"I told you that was the wrong corridor," Neva Kee said.
"Hey, the Force said go right so I did," said Zoda.
"Yeah and right into the reactor room," said Keira.
"Well how was I supposed to know they picked today of all days to service the reactor meaning for a brief period the interior to it would be exposed to a couple of small in animate objects?" asked Zoda holding out his hands helpless.
"Bad luck just seems to follow us around these days," said Neva. "It must be the rarely mentioned Stupid side of the Force."
"Maybe," Zoda pondered as the ship cruised down into the atmosphere. "So where to Cheech?"
"Outskirts of Salis D'aar, Chong," said Neva Kee as a city appeared in the distance.
"I'm surprised they're even letting us approach their world," said Keira.
"We broke the blockade, they should be praising us," said Zoda pompously.
"And your reputation doesn't proceed you here?" asked Keira dryly.
"Not really," said Neva as he set the ship down in a port. "This place actually let us build a legitimate golf course here so we have yet to commit actual property destruction."
"Interesting," said Keira. The group disembarked the ship and headed off to the speeder rental store. As soon as they entered the store they immediately recognized a familiar face behind the counter.
"Welcome to Bob O.'s speeder rental how may I assist you?" asked Bob O. Keira's jaw dropped.
"But he-and then he-but then…," began Keira worming her arms around trying to make sense of it all before collapsing out cold. Zoda picked up one of her hands and dropped it as it crashed down onto the floor.
"I haven't seen a reaction like that since we accidentally traveled into the future and you convinced Luke Skywalker that you were Yoda having just risen from the grave to enact revenge but sucking his Force powers out through his brain," said Neva Kee.
"Brains!" said Zoda sticking out his arms and stalking around like a zombie. "I must have brains!"
"Actually come to think of it an extra brain or two could do you some good," said Neva Kee cheekily. "Oh well, Bob we need a speeder."
"Lot 1," said Bob tossing them a key.
"Thank you," said Neva Kee as he headed for the exit. Zoda looked at Keira's unconscious form before looking at Bob.
"I don't suppose I could leave this here?" he asked hesitantly.
"Zoda!" Neva shouted in shock.
"Yesh NK, just kidding," said Zoda as Keira's body levitated off of the ground and followed the duo out the door.
"Nice of Bob to put us in Lot 1 after we trashed his speeders back on Tatooine," said Zoda.
"Yeah, maybe he's turning over a new leaf," the diplomat agreed. As they approached the lots they looked up to see a pole with the words: Lot 100 on it. Zoda and Neva Kee squinted off in the distance where several football fields away was Lot 1.
"No!" shouted Zoda helplessly. Neva Kee held his head in shame before starting to walk to the far end of the rental area.
Time passed…
"I can't make it!" said Zoda collapsing on the pavement. "Go on without me Neva and remember me as a hero!"
"Zoda," said Neva Kee crossing his arms.
"Yeah?" asked the Jedi Knight squinting at the harsh rays of sunlight pouring around the diplomat's blue body.
"We have been walking for a total of two minutes and in that time we have walked a distance of twenty-five feet. Now get off your butt AND LET'S GET MOVING!" the diplomat shouted. Zoda sighed and got off his rear and continued walking with Captain N as he grumbled the rest of the distance.
Several hours passed…
They finally reached Lot 1 and were looking all over their speeder but couldn't find it.
"Where the hell is it?" asked Zoda. "I can't find it anywhere."
"That is odd, but none of the speeders here match this number," said the diplomat confused. "I wonder if…"
Suddenly the diplomat stopped talking and stared at the key to the speeder.
"What?" Zoda demanded.
"Uh-oh," said the diplomat worried before looking back the way they had come.
"What do you mean uh-oh?" demanded the Jedi before he grabbed Neva Kee's collar and began jerking him back and forth. "I can't deal with an 'uh-oh' right now!"
"Ah, heh heh," the diplomat laughed nervously. "It seems that this keycard is actually for Lot 100 but it appears the 00 has worn off from age."
"What!" shouted Zoda.
"Sorry Z," the diplomat apologized.
"RAAAHHHHHH!" shouted the Jedi angrily as his eyes went blood red and his veins popped out. A wave of energy shot out of his body and suddenly hovercars went flying everywhere. Neva Kee turned tail and ran as the whole lot went up in a massive explosion of Force energy that rocked the surrounding countryside with a 7.0 Earthquake.
Later: Keira opened her eyes to see the clouds rushing by overhead. She groaned and sat up before leaning over the backseat of the hovercar she was in and stared at the Neva Kee who was in the driver seat with Zoda curled up in the fetal position while muttering incoherently.
"What happened to him?" Keira asked a little dazed while wondering how she'd gotten a big bruise on her forehead.
"You don't want to know," said Neva Kee simply. "But he should pull out of it once we reach the golf course."
"Oh okay," said Keira brushing her hand through her hair. As she did she felt something and picked it out.
"Neva?" she asked confused.
"Yeah," asked the diplomat not turning around.
"Why do I have a car freshener in my hair?" asked Keira looking at the pine tree shaped object totally and utterly confused.
"Umm, it must have come off of the rearview mirror and into the backseat while I was driving," said the diplomat covering it up.
"But Neva," began Keira. "This car's freshener is still hanging from the mirror."
Neva Kee looked up at the other freshener before ripping it off and tossing it out the side.
"No it isn't," he said abruptly. Keira turned around and looked back at Salis D'aar and saw the dust rising from it before spinning around and sitting straight forward eyes widened.
"On second thought forget I asked," she said.
"I think that would be a good idea, yes," said Neva Kee as the car continued onwards into the country.
"Although to conclude I think Bernadelli just began taking insurance policies from this planet," said Keira.
"Keira?" asked Neva Kee.
"Yeah," said the former insurance agent/banker.
"Please stop talking," the diplomat stuttered. Keira nodded and laid back down on the back seat and fell asleep again.
Even later: Keira and Neva Kee were standing over Zoda's motionless form after having placed him on the eighteenth hole. Keira and Neva Kee had been putting Golf balls all around him and dropping carefully grown pieces of grass in front of his face but to no avail.
"Hmmm, he usually snaps out of it by now," said Neva Kee confused. Keira sat down on of the mounds of dirt that had been thrown into the air after the two golf balls had impacted on the surface.
"Well I
don't what else we should try," said Keira. "You may
have to put your game on hold or at least go it alone."
"Hey that's not bad idea," said
Neva Kee perking up. "Guess I win this round Z."
He began to tee off when suddenly Zoda snapped awake.
"Never!" he shouted tackling the diplomat.
"Nice to see you've still got your punctuality," said Neva Kee getting up and brushing himself off.
"Ah, let's just tee off," said Zoda.
"So where to next?" asked Keira as Neva Kee and Zoda knocked their balls off into the atmosphere.
"I don't know," said Neva.
"What?" asked Keira confused.
"It's called the Unknown Region for a reason," responded the diplomat.
"Oh yeah I'd forgotten we're out this far," said Keira. "Bakura is on the edge of the known galaxy. Hard to believe I was in the Inner Rim, living a normal life, just a few days ago and now I'm in the Outer Rim, running for my life, you guys sure have changed…my life."
"And that change may be coming to an end," said Zoda.
"What?" Keira asked confused. "Why?"
"The Unknown Regions is not some place you take civilians," warned Neva Kee. "Even with Zoda being a Jedi Knight it's not going to be easy. If you come with us your life will be in constant danger and we may not be able to protect us. Even when you first joined us, we had planned to leave you behind here, but we have come to enjoy your company so it's now your choice. Coming or staying it's your choice but you'd better make it quick, Zoda and I have to leave now because as long as we stay in registered space we're in danger from Jabba, Bernadelli, The Armalite Gangs, the Jedi Council, every planet we've just visited, and so on."
As he said that, his ship appeared low overhead throwing dirt and debris everywhere with its repulsordrives.
"So what do you say?" asked Zoda as wind whipped past him.
"Like I said, since I met you two, I've been shot at, nearly eaten, run for my life more times than I can count, and just quit my own job," said Keira as Neva Kee and Zoda watched her motionless. "But I wouldn't trade it for the world. Live or die, let's rock."
"Then so be it," said Neva Kee nodding. "Unknown Regions, here we come."
The three were enveloped by an energy beam and vanished as the ship tore off into the upper atmosphere and rocketed off into hyperspace.