Anguirus111 Note: Yes Kirby is the same as the one of Nintendo fame. If you want know more about how I view his character, go read my story Their Destiny. It'll also make more/less sense given a story that Kirby is going to tell later on in this chapter.
Unknown Regions, Planet LV-426: "Run, Neva, run!" shouted Zoda. The Jedi and the Diplomat were tearing across an alien landscape filled with jutting rocks as a race of primitive aliens chased after them with pitchforks and torches.
"I told you to keep your big mouth shut!" Neva Kee shouted at him.
"Hey, the Jedi Mantra says to bring knowledge and wisdom to the ignorant," responded Zoda.
"No it doesn't," responded Neva Kee. Zoda blinked.
"It doesn't?" he asked.
"No,"
"Okay then," began Zoda. "Then where did I pick that up from then?"
"That's a philosopher's perspective on life," responded the diplomat as a flaming arrow narrowly missed their heads. "Where did you ever get the idea that you were one of those?"
"You always said my head was constantly in the clouds," said Zoda with a big grin.
"Are you saying this is my fault?" demanded Neva.
"Isn't everything?" asked Zoda before he began laughing. Neva Kee groaned.
"Well even if I did, I would never chop an entire race's 'rain god' in half without a valid reason!" shouted Neva Kee.
"It was giving me the eye!" shouted Zoda.
"It was a totem pole!" yelled the diplomat.
"That doesn't excuse what it did! It had it coming, nobody gives me the eye and lives to tell about it," responded the Jedi. The diplomat smacked his forehead in agony before a large roar was heard as a big blue spaceship appeared overhead.
"Can't I leave you two alone for a second?" asked a voice humorously over the comm.
"Apparently not," responded Neva Kee. "So where are they?"
"Just a few yards ahead of you," responded Keira.
"Good," said Zoda. His club extended as Neva Kee took his out as well. Ahead past another outcropping, their golf balls appeared.
"Where to now Jerry?" asked Zoda gleefully.
"To Csilla, Tom," responded Neva Kee. Zoda's expression dropped.
"Csilla? Are you nuts!" shouted Zoda.
"We've yet to clear this trip out with the Chiss Ascendancy," explained Neva Kee.
"I'd rather face destruction from the Expansionary Defense Fleet than deal with…him," said Zoda shuddering.
"And you think feeling isn't mutual?" asked Neva Kee incredulously. "But we made a deal with the Ascendancy and we can't go back on it."
"Damn it, okay," said Zoda softly.
"Heads up," said Neva Kee feeling depressed. The swung their clubs and the balls rocketed off into the sky. Two cables dropped down from the craft above and Zoda and Neva Kee grabbed onto them before being winched up into it before the ship took off into space and vanished into hyperspace. Keira left the bridge and headed into the back where she was Zoda and Neva Kee moping around.
"Why so glum, chums?" she asked lightly. The look she got utterly confused her as both Zoda and Neva Kee looked up at her through depressed eyes.
"Seriously, what's wrong?" she asked.
"We're going to have to pick up another passenger," began Neva Kee.
"Oh," said Keira. "Look I know you guys have primarily traveled with only the other for company. If you think there's going to be too many people on this ship I'll just…"
"No!" Neva Kee shouted startling her. "As we've told you numerous times before, we've come to enjoy your company over these past few weeks and we don't want you to leave unless you absolutely have to."
"Then the problem is," began Keira.
"The passenger we're going to pick up," Zoda grimaced.
"Who is it?" Keira asked.
"Do you remember the conversation we had just prior to landing on Sullust?" asked Neva Kee.
"I try not to remember Sullust on account of that little thing about me nearly dying there," said Keira dryly. "But yeah, I recall it having been something along the lines of 'Zoda you screwed with the navigational array again', 'liar!', and 'oh lady of blessed acceleration don't fail us now'."
Keira began laughing at that as Zoda and Neva Kee groaned.
"Before that!" shouted Neva Kee.
"I think you mentioned something about your drummer, Kirby, having been transported to Dreamland," said Keira. The two nodded solemnly.
"Well, that story wasn't exactly true," began the diplomat.
"So he is dead," said Keira triumphantly. More groans as she laughed again.
"No he's not dead," said Neva Kee.
"Though we'd be better off if he was," grumbled Zoda.
"Do you know how it was that our original tour came to a close?" asked Neva Kee.
"Yeah you were chased into the Unknown Regions by half the known galaxy," responded Keira as she pulled out a book that gave a biography of Neva Kee and Zoda's rock and roll tour through the galaxy. She leafed through it.
"Yeah, it says that you were chased into the Unknown Regions and never seen again, although on a quiet day's night if you listen real carefully you can hear the riffs and lyrics of Grand Master Z and Captain N: The Game Master," said Keira before sighing. "How romantic."
"Ugh, what dribble," said Zoda shuddering.
"You get what you paid for or in this case didn't pay for," said Neva Kee taking the book from her and flipping it over to the back which showed a photo of a Hutt with fists of money in his hands, laughing maniacally.
"I'm still going to get Zobba for this," Zoda grumbled. "No royalties indeed."
"It was your idea to have us 'die'," Neva Kee pointed out. "And since Zobba was the only one who knew even the slightest bit of information about us and we couldn't reveal who we were, he technically speaking got all the money from the book."
"Accidents do happen," answered Zoda with a big grin.
"So what does this have to do with Kirby?" asked Keira. "Because this book didn't even provide a name for him, much less acknowledge he ever existed."
"There was a reason for that," said Zoda darkly. "A very good reason."
"Which was?" asked Keira in heavy anticipation. Neva Kee leaned forward.
"He's evil," said Neva Kee. Keira fell over laughing as Zoda and Neva Kee looked at her confused.
"This is serious!" Zoda shouted.
"What do you mean 'evil'?" asked Keira bewildered. "You accuse Zoda of being evil all the time, how does this compare?"
"Zoda isn't really evil, he's just misguided," said Neva Kee. "Kirby is evil in its purest form."
"Yeah," Zoda agreed. "His number one rule in life is: 'Never ask what you can take'. He's robbed the galaxy blind numerous times whenever we've brought him into known space and if people knew that he was our drummer they'd come after us too."
"What did he look like?" asked Keira. Zoda activated a nearby monitor which revealed a pink puffball with two eyes, a mouth, two feet, and a pair of appendages sticking out from his sides.
"That's who you're afraid of?" Keira shouted incredulously. "He looks harmless."
"That's why he's so evil. He looks quiet and unassuming, but he's not," said Neva Kee.
"And we're going to run into him, how?" asked Keira, changing tactics.
"We're journeying to a world called Csilla where a race of beings called The Chiss live. After we fled Known Space all those years ago, we journeyed to this world to calm our nerves by playing a round of golf. Kirby naturally tried to steal from them and he got caught. He was subsequently imprisoned in cryogenic freeze for 100 years. His sentence is up," said Neva Kee.
"And we're the ones who have to go collect him and take him back to his home on Dreamland," Zoda completed.
"I see," began Keira.
"No I'm afraid you don't," said Zoda harshly. Keira looked hurt at that statement.
"Keira, we're sorry okay but you need to be given a harsh lesson on why Kirby should never be trusted, but it's better now than later," said Neva Kee.
"If Kirby ever says anything to you that requires a yes or no answer, always say no," said Zoda.
"Saying yes is the worst mistake you'll ever make in your entire life," said Neva Kee.
"It doesn't matter what the situation Kirby describes to you is. Even if it seems innocent and nothing bad could happen, it will. Even if Neva Kee and I are about to be killed and Kirby claims he has a plan to save us, just say 'no'," said Zoda.
"But," Keira began.
"Just say no," said Zoda and Neva Kee softly. "No."
"Okay," said Keira a little put off by their comments but wanting to abide by their wishes.
"Good, now mull over that until we reach Csilla," said Neva Kee. "Until then, we have to prepare ourselves for his arrival."
"Better hide the liquor," Zoda chimed in.
"Obviously," Neva Kee snorted and the two walked off, leaving Keira alone with the image of Kirby.
"Unbelievable," she thought, shaking her head.
Csilla: Neva Kee's ship shot out of hyperspace and was immediately descended upon by numerous fighter ships and capital cruisers, while in the distance a white planet hung before them.
"We're under attack!" shouted Keira reaching for the weapons systems.
"No we're not," said Neva Kee decisively. "Now step away from that console."
"But they're swarming us!" protested Keira as she pointed to the threat display.
"Only because they want to provoke us into attacking them," explained Zoda. "As long as we do nothing, they will do nothing."
"You sure?" asked Keira hesitantly.
"Positive," responded Zoda.
"Alright," said Keira putting her faith in their judgment.
"Attention unidentified vessel, you are in restricted space, identify yourselves and your purpose in Chiss Space or prepare to be boarded," said a voice over the radio.
"As friendly as ever," Zoda commented dryly as Neva Kee activated the radio.
"This is Ambassador Neva Kee with Jedi Knight Zoda, and ex-Bernadelli Insurance Agent Keira Kiley, we have been summoned to Csilla to pick up a prisoner about to be released from cryogenic freeze as well as play through your planet as is entitled to us," responded Neva Kee. Silence greeted that answer.
"So what now?" asked Keira stretching in her seat.
"We wait," responded the diplomat ominously.
"Could take awhile, huh?" Keira deduced.
"Yeah," answered Neva Kee as he spun around in his chair and held his head in his hands.
"Maybe we lucked out and they increased his sentence," Zoda suggested. Neva Kee laughed into his hands.
"I don't think we'd ever be that fortunate," he responded. The radio crackled to life.
"You are clear to follow the landing path that we provide but be aware that should you deviate from it you will be destroyed," said a voice as a series of coordinates uploading to the navicomputer.
"Take us in Z," responded Neva Kee, defeated, before hopping off of the pilot's chair which Zoda took over. The ship suddenly accelerated forward at a tremendous speed leaving the Chiss behind who immediately blazed after them.
"Zoda, what are you doing?" shouted Neva Kee.
"They said don't deviate from our current course, they never said when we had to get there," began the Jedi Knight laughing.
"You're going to get us killed," Keira grumbled.
"Probably," responded the Jedi Knight. The ship suddenly came to a lurching halt as their escort blazed past them before slamming to a stop as well before Zoda accelerated again leaving them behind.
"Why did you have him drive?" asked Keira.
"So the Chiss can feel a fraction of the annoyance we'll feel once we pick up Kirby," responded the diplomat. An explosion was heard from behind them.
"Well there finally go the airbrakes" said Zoda. The ground came rushing up to meet them. Neva Kee's head slumped down as the ship plowed into the frozen ground throwing snow and ice everywhere.
Later: Keira, Zoda, and Neva Kee entered, under a massive escort, a prison facility that was in a giant frozen cavern with stasis pods lining the various walls and alcoves. Ahead of them stood an imposing blue skinned red-eyed individual who was looking at them cruelly.
"You have come to pick up Prisoner J-224 correct?" asked the warden ominously.
"Yo," responded Zoda with a big thumb's up. The warden cocked an eyebrow at him before pressing a button on the book he had in his hands. Several motors came to life as a stasis pod was brought in from above their heads and placed on the ground in front of them.
"Prepare to thaw out the prisoner," responded the warden to a pair of individuals at his side.
"Ummm, I have a question," said Zoda. The warden turned to face him.
"Yes?" he asked.
"Can we leave him in the pod and just take it with us?" asked the Jedi.
"No," responded the warden. "That pod contains classified Chiss Technology and cannot be given to 'outsiders'."
"Thawing Process Complete," said a mechanical voice.
"No!" Zoda shouted in vain. The pod door opened and mist flowed into the room.
"Brace yourself," said Neva Kee slamming his eyes shot as Zoda did the same.
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!
Rotten gusts of wind suddenly came flying out of the tube which flung Keira, Zoda, and Neva Kee off of their feet and tossed them onto their backs as the whole cave began shaking. Finally the gusts passed and the trio sat up in a daze.
"Nothing like a little belch to get the juices flowing right?" said a voice laughing. Neva Kee, Zoda, and Keira all opened their eyes to see a diminutive pink puffball standing in front of them.
"Hello Kirby," said Neva Kee nonplussed.
"Hey guys," responded Kirby with a grin. "I can see the last 100 years haven't been good to you at all."
"Nor you K," responded Zoda in turn. "You look like a piece of gum that got sprayed with liquid nitrogen."
"Meh, I've been called worse," responded the star warrior before looking at the warden. "Hey blue boy, I can see you've been anxiously awaiting my arrival."
The Chiss scowled at him. "My predecessor was placed in a mental asylum on account of your meddling."
"He had it coming," responded Kirby before switching tactics. "So, can a guy get a drink?"
"No!" came the unanimous response from everyone except for Keira.
"Spoilsports," Kirby grumbled before noticing Keira. "Who dat?"
"She's Keira and she's with us," responded Neva Kee. "That's all you need to know."
"She your women then, or are you three in some twisted love triangle?" asked Kirby. Neva Kee and Zoda groaned as they rolled their eyes.
"Let's get going tubby, we have to get you back to Dreamland," said Neva Kee grabbing his arm and dragging him along as they left the room.
"We're not going back to Known Space?" asked Kirby sad.
"After what you did the last time, forget it!" said Zoda.
"But it's been a hundred years I'm sure they've all forgotten it by now," said Kirby.
"Well we sure haven't," said Neva Kee. "Now let's get out of here before you do something really stupid."
"Man, you do a little thing like steal a couple million credits and suddenly you're branded a 'security risk'. Where's the justice I tell ya?" asked Kirby. Nobody responded as the Chiss opened and door and tossed them all out into the arctic tundra.
"Punks!" shouted Kirby shaking his fist at them. He then looked at the others who were just staring at him before he got up and began walking off.
"Where're you going?" asked Neva Kee.
"Oh, just going for a stroll through the center of the capital," said Kirby innocently.
"Zoda," Neva Kee instructed. Kirby was suddenly lifted into the air and was dragged back towards them.
"Must you spoil all my fun?" asked Kirby.
"Do you really want to wind up back in jail again?" asked Neva Kee.
"Yeah that would really ruin your day wouldn't it," Kirby grumbled.
"I don't want to have to come back here to get you in another hundred years," explained Neva Kee.
"Fine," Kirby huffed as he was placed on the ground and walked with them away from the prison. They walked for a good half-hour before coming to a halt in the middle of nowhere.
"Okay," said Kirby confused. Neva Kee used his scanner to pinpoint an exact spot on the ground.
"Kirby, stand here," said Neva Kee.
"If you say so," said the puffball confused. A sonic boom erupted in the atmosphere.
"Run!" said Zoda. Zoda and Neva Kee took off with Keira in tow as two flaming golf balls slammed into the ground around Kirby, throwing snow straight up into the sky.
"How could you do that to him?" Keira accused. Neva Kee and Zoda chuckled to each other before getting up and walking towards the newly formed crater. As they approached the lip of it, an extra-crispy Kirby lifted himself out of it.
"You guys are the greatest. What a rush," he said with a big grin. Zoda and Neva Kee grinned at him before extending their clubs and sliding into the crater. An instant later two golf balls came soaring out and vanished into the daytime sky.
"A galactic round of golf?" asked Kirby as they were walking back to the ship. "You guys are crazier than I am."
"Ain't that the truth," said Neva Kee.
"I thought you guys hated each other," said Keira.
"No," said Zoda shaking his head. "We just butt heads a lot."
"That's putting it mildly," Kirby commented. "But when you get down to it we're all kindred spirits."
"Except Zoda causes mayhem while Kirby just steals," Neva Kee pointed out.
"Never ask what you can take," Kirby explained. "But you guys already know that."
"As do I," Keira commented.
Kirby nodded before asking. "So what else did they tell you?"
Keira looked at Neva Kee who nodded his head.
"That I should never say yes to any of your requests," she answered. Kirby laughed.
"Decent advice, you'd better not forget it," he agreed. The quartet finally arrived at the Neva Kee's crashed ship.
"Nice flying Z," Kirby commented.
"What makes you think it was me?" Zoda protested. Kirby didn't even dignify that with a response, he just laughed as they all boarded the ship.
"Airbrakes I take it?" asked Kirby.
"Yep," said Neva Kee.
"Why haven't you tried to fix them before they gave out?" asked Kirby.
"Because someone made off with all my power tools," said Neva Kee. Kirby stopped in his tracks as his eyes went wide open.
"Oh," he said. "Ohhhh."
"Yeah," Neva Kee responded.
"So what've you guys been up to the past hundred years?" asked Kirby as they headed for the airbrakes.
"The usual, you?" asked Zoda laughing.
"You simply would not believe it," said Kirby seriously. Zoda's grin dropped.
"What do you mean?" he asked confused.
"While I was in cryo I got sucked into an alternate dimension and had to fight off an evil being called Mr. Game&Watch with the help of some stooge named Link and some other boneheads, one who was named Dash Rendar. Anyway the fight culminated on something called a Super Star Destroyer in some nonsense called the Internet and to make a long story short you wouldn't believe all the stuff I stole before I got booted back into cryo!" said Kirby excitedly. Zoda, Neva Kee, and Keira just looked at him bewildered.
"Are you sure this wasn't a dream?" Neva Kee ventured.
"Hell no!" shouted Kirby. "Check this out!"
They had entered into a large gym type area and Kirby instantly began convulsing.
"Is he okay?" asked Keira worried.
"He's fine but you might want to close your eyes, this gets kind of gross if you aren't prepared for it," said Neva Kee already beginning to cringe. Keira shut her eyes and covered her ears as vomiting sounds were heard from Kirby until.
"See, I told you!" came his triumphant voice.
"Holy Crap," said Zoda stunned. Keira cautiously opened her eyes and found a huge turbolaser cannon that was now in the room with bits of green goop coming off of it.
"Where the hell did that come from?" she demanded.
"Holy Puke is more like it," Kirby observed. Keira's eyes widened as she got a better look at the green gunk before turning a shade of green herself. She was still fighting not to blow chunks when Kirby reached his hand into his mouth and retrieved a drill that also had green gunk on it.
"Here you go," he said handing the tool to Neva Kee.
"Man I ain't touchin' that until you de-sanitize it first," said Neva Kee disgusted.
"Oh no," said Keira suddenly sick. She tore out of the room desperately trying to keep her mouth shut until she reached the bathroom.
"What's her problem?" asked Kirby confused.
"Must have been something you ate," Neva Kee responded.
"That what she's upset about? How else am I suppose to stash the stuff I take, it's not like I have pockets or anything," said Kirby defending himself.
"Would just go and fix the airbrakes alright?" said Neva Kee pushing him along.
"Fine, fine," Kirby relented as he walked into the back. Neva Kee turned his head to look at the turbolaser.
"Unbelievable," he said shaking his head.
"With Kirby its best not to ask," said Zoda calmly.
"Power up the ship and get us moving, he'll just have to fix them in flight," said Neva Kee.
"Where to now, all I remember is some dot on my sunglasses that we were aiming for," said Zoda. Neva Kee began laughing nervously as he scratched the back of his head.
"Where're we going?" asked Zoda worried.
"You'll find out when we get there," said Neva Kee turning to run out the door.
"Where are we going?" asked Zoda darkly as he grabbed a hold of Neva Kee's collar.
"Zonama Sekot," said Neva Kee reluctantly.
"ZONAMA SEKOT, ARE YOU MAD!" shouted Zoda.
"Nothing bad is going to happen to us," Neva Kee assured him.
"That planet tried to kill us!" Zoda shouted.
"As long as you don't go chopping down trees with reckless abandon we will be fine," said Neva Kee.
"That planet is not going to enjoy having two golf balls smash into the side of it I can tell you that," said Zoda.
"We'll deal with that when we come to it," responded the diplomat. Zoda shuddered.
"And what about Kirby?" he asked.
"We'll deal with that when we come to it," Neva Kee repeated who promptly freed himself and ran off. Zoda roared to the heavens before heading for the cockpit and soon they were on their way again.