Space: The Black Hole, space's one true vacuum cleaner, it takes in everything and expunges nothing, and no one who has ever ventured inside one has ever come back. At the moment a passing swarm of asteroids had gotten too close to the gravitational field of the black hole and were slowly being sucked towards the event horizon, the point of no return. At the moment a blue y-shaped vehicle hovered just beyond its gravitational field watching the display before them.
"So when are the balls supposed to get here?" asked Keira.
"Soon," said Neva Kee with his feet propped up on the dash and sipping a drink.
"Man I can't believe it's over," said Zoda with a grin. "But what a rush it has been."
"Destroyed part of the known galaxy, racked up countless billions in damages, had fun. It's been a good month and a half," said Neva Kee nodding.
"Let's see, had my place of work get trashed, was forced into switching careers despite having no experience, failed to do my job properly in said new career, finally managed to tour the galaxy and see new things, and met two very interesting individuals," said Keira grinning. "I guess things do even out in the end."
"Consider yourself lucky because with us things usually make turns for the worse," said Zoda.
"Maybe her inner karma offset ours," Neva Kee mused.
"Yeah I guess so. With you on one of the spectrum and me on the other and her in the middle we somehow must've balanced each other out," said Zoda.
"Wait, you guys believe in karma?" asked Keira.
"Yeah, it's a byproduct of the Force," said the diplomat. As Keira began contemplating this, the proximity alarms went off as the two golf balls appeared from hyperspace.
"So now we wait until they're sucked into the vortex?" asked Keira.
"Not quite," said Neva Kee powering up his ship as Zoda left the bridge.
"What do you mean not quite?" asked Keira confused. The two golf balls went soaring straight at the black hole until an asteroid got in their way and embedded themselves on an asteroid.
"This is still a game and all games need a winner," said Neva Kee before flipping on the radio. "You ready Grand Master Z?"
Zoda's Jedi Starfighter emerged from the landing bay and took up a flanking position next to Neva Kee's ship.
"Ready when you are Captain N," responded the Jedi gunning his engine. Keira's eyes widened.
"You're not seriously going into the gravitational mass of a black hole," she said scared.
"Yeah," said Neva Kee nodding. "Get ready Z."
"I was born ready!" came the response.
"Is it too late for me to abandon ship?" asked Keira getting up. A beep sounded.
"Yeah," responded the diplomat. Both ships accelerated towards the asteroid field.
"Are you crazy?" demanded Keira as she struggled to get back into her seat.
"For the game, yes," responded Neva. Laser blasts erupted as the shields began feeling the strain.
"Did Zoda open fire on us?" asked Keira incredulously.
"Considering I was about to do the same, probably," said Neva Kee. He flipped a switch on his board and the turrets on his ship began tracking the Jedi Starfighter and opened fire on it. The laser blasts however got nowhere near it as the fighter easily evaded them.
"You'll have to try better than that N," came the response over the radio.
"I've been preparing my ship for this fight for a long time," said the diplomat. "I defeated you on land now I'll defeat you in the sky."
"The sky is my domain you know that," and then the radio went dead. More laser blasts began raking the ship as the starfighter rocketed by leaving the blue ship in its dust. Neva Kee said nothing as he slammed down on the accelerator and his ship leapt forward as well. The diplomat activated the tractor beam and it latched onto the Jedi Starfighter bringing it to a complete halt.
"All too easy," said Neva Kee grinning. But his grin soon turned to horror as a small object left the back of the starfighter and accelerated towards the ship.
"Oh crap," he said quickly disengaged the tractor beam as a seismic survey charge exploded in close proximity to his ship. The whole ship shuddered as sparks flew inside the cockpit as numerous circuit boards blew out. Neva Kee growled angrily as he fired a missile out the front of the ship that quickly broke into a six, all headed for the starfighter. Zoda did his best to evade them, but the six missiles quickly swarmed around him and exploded. When the fiery inferno quickly died out, the fighter was gone.
"You killed him!" Keira shouted.
"No I didn't, Zoda doesn't die that easily. He's hiding somewhere amongst the asteroids," said Neva Kee. His vessels slowly slipped amongst the rocks as the black hole loomed ever larger in the viewport.
"Anything on scanners?" asked Neva Kee. Keira looked at him like he was mad.
"I'm not going to participate in this insanity!" she said. "I know you need a winner, but you're best friends, how can you do this to each other?"
"Friend are-," began Neva Kee when suddenly the proximity alarm went off again. Another survey charge came flying out from beyond a rock and came racing straight towards the ship. The diplomat threw his craft in reverse while using the laser cannons to try and pinpoint the charge itself. As the cannons opened fire, the charge mysteriously evaded the blasts as Neva Kee swung the ship around and took off in the opposite direction as the survey charge went in pursuit.
"Come now Neva, the ability to destroy a ship is insignificant next to the power of the Force. Give up before you're destroyed," said Zoda over the comm.
"Ah Zoda, your bark always was worse than your bite," said Neva Kee cruelly. Zoda growled as the charge exploded blasting apart more asteroids which battered the shields. The unseen Jedi Starfighter meanwhile appeared from its hiding spot and rocketed off towards the asteroid with the golf balls on it.
"Not so fast Grand Master Z," said Neva Kee into the comm. Neva Kee plugged the comm. directly into the speaker system and then flipped on the comm.
"Coming to you from the far reaches of the Milky Way Galaxy and a planet that is the third farthest from its sun, Sol, is the hard hitting song from the greatest band in the world. The song is Stonehenge by Spinal Tap!" shouted Neva Kee before grabbing a black covered album and taking out and slamming the record down on the record player as he kicked in the sound system. Keira covered her ears as the whole cockpit was filled with loud music while up ahead the Jedi Starfighter began wobbling noticeably.
"Do you have to play it so loud?" shouted Keira over the music.
"I have to, otherwise it'd be disgracing a band who intentionally had their amps go up to eleven," responded the diplomat. Up ahead the starfighter was still shaking from the loud music as it continued towards the golf balls.
"Why doesn't he shut off his comm.?" asked Keira still clutching her ears in pain.
"It's a matter of pride woman!" snapped Neva Kee. The two vessels continued soaring through the asteroid field as several rocks slammed into each other around them. Neva Kee narrowed his eyes and let go of the stick and watched it lazily drift towards the black hole.
"Hmmmm," he pondered before looking at the scanner and found the two golf balls as the track ended and the music died. Keira shook her head to clear the cobwebs before strapping herself in.
"We're going to die aren't we?" asked Keira.
"Not yet, but we'd better tee off soon," said Neva Kee. He pressed a button next to him and six bright spots of light erupted from the front of the ship.
"Let's see him avoid that," said the diplomat smugly. The fighter ahead did a quick barrel roll between a pair of asteroids as three of the sparks of light slammed into them and exploded but the rest hit the ship causing it stall out. Neva Kee grinned evilly as he slammed on the accelerators and the gap between the two ships became lesser and lesser. But as the blue ship was about to overtake the Jedi Starfighter, it abruptly crashed into a larger asteroid.
"Now why would he do that?" wondered Neva Kee before realization hit him. "Oh crap."
Neva Kee abruptly looked at the scanner to reveal that the asteroid the fighter had hit was the same one with the golf balls and already the Jedi was bounding across it in a pressure suit.
"Keep her steady," said Neva Kee bounding out of his chair.
"What?" shouted Keira incredulously.
"Keep her steady," repeated Neva Kee. "I'm going down to that asteroid."
"Do you see how close that black hole is?" demanded Keira pointing out the window at the swirling mass.
"Alright so in the next few minutes the hull might start buckling, don't sweat it," said Neva Kee. A loud groaning sound was heard.
"What about you in a dinky pressure suit? That'll pop in no time!" shouted Keira.
"So what if it does? I'd die for this game!" said Neva Kee. "And right now I'm loosing. If something bad happens, tractor Zoda's ship aboard and head for safety. You can keep the ship, I won't be mad."
"But-," began Keira.
"Later," said Neva Kee and with that he was gone leaving Keira alone in a ship that was slowly being crushed by the outside pressure.
Asteroid Surface: Neva Kee appeared in his pressure suit next to Zoda who was standing there bored with his golf club.
"What took you so long?" he demanded.
"Why didn't you tee off?" Neva Kee shot back.
"If it had just been you in that thing I would have but in order to make this fair I decided to wait for a final mad dash," began Zoda.
"It's a good thing you did because there's just one problem," began the diplomat picking up a rock.
"What?" asked Zoda. Neva Kee threw the rock and instantly it slowed down in midair.
"Time Dilation," began the diplomat grimly. Zoda looked at the rock apprehensively before looking at the black hole above them.
"Use the Force and get those balls and then it'll only depend on the swing," said Neva Kee.
"Is that justifiable?" asked Zoda.
"I'd imagine a drop could be legal when dealing with time dilation but we'd have to consult the president of the PGA tour," said Neva Kee with a grin. Zoda laughed as well.
"And his Vice-President," said Zoda laughing before he brought the two golf balls over to them.
"Isn't it great to be the ones in charge here?" asked Neva Kee practicing his swing.
"At least no one can take it away from us," Zoda acknowledged. "And that's what makes the game worth playing."
"Ready?" asked Neva Kee holding his club back.
"Ready," Zoda acknowledged. No word was given, both just swung and two golf balls flew out at the black hole.
"C'mon baby, c'mon!" shouted Zoda watching them.
"Oh please, I've got this one in the bag," said Neva Kee passively as he watched the two balls.
"Here it comes!" said Zoda grinning as he rubbed his gloved hands together. But just as the balls reached the event horizon, a third golf ball appeared streaking overhead and zipped right past the other two and into the mouth of the spatial phenomenon.
"What the hell was that?" demanded Zoda. Neva Kee took out an LED device and flipped it on which read: WINNER: KEIRA KILEY.
"When the hell did she tee off?" demanded Zoda.
"On Kuat remember," said Neva Kee with realization. "That must've been a hell of a slice."
"There's no way-," began Zoda.
"Stranger things have happened," Neva Kee pointed. A large crack erupted in the center of the asteroid.
"Like the fact that we're about to get squeezed into something that's smaller than an atom?" asked Zoda looking up at the black hole.
"We've cheated death before," said Neva Kee. Zoda nodded and both vanished in a flash of light.
Ship: "So who won?" asked Keira. Zoda and Neva Kee looked at each other before looking at her.
"It was a tie," they both said.
"Oh," said Keira disappointed that there was no winner but grateful that no one had died.
"Now to head into reverse," said Neva Kee pulling back on the stick. The ship didn't budge.
"Now to head into reverse," repeated Neva Kee. The ship still didn't move but kept sliding towards the black hole.
"This could pose a problem," Neva Kee mused.
"Are we going to die?" demanded Keira beginning to get hysterical.
"Would you calm down it's only a black hole," said Zoda strapping himself in at the navigator's chair.
"ONLY A-," began Keira before she passed out on the deck of the floor.
"Damn," said Zoda looking down at her. "So what now?"
"Well we can't go under it and we can't go around it, so we'll have to go through it," said Neva Kee.
"Through a black hole?" asked Zoda confused. "Is that even possible?"
"It's never been proven but I remember reading something about how a JMC Mining Ship got sucked down one and yet miraculously appeared unharmed years later. Rumor has it that they went to light speed the instant they hit the Event Horizon and wound up in a parallel dimension," said Neva Kee.
"Parallel Dimension! Man I'd rather die than go face to face with another me," said Zoda.
"And I'd hate to have to deal with two of you again as well but that won't be a problem because the ship also managed to escape and return to their own reality and I intend to do the same," said Neva Kee. "Think of it like a rubber band where we go flying in at light speed and then are instantly booted out again."
"This is just a roundabout way to get to our cool down course isn't it?" asked Zoda nonplussed.
"It wasn't my first plan but it's just as effective," admitted Neva Kee.
"And how do you plan to go to light speed?" asked Zoda. Neva Kee turned and grinned at him.
"Oh no, not that," said Zoda annoyed.
"Power down the hyperdrive engine and prepare to activate the warp core," said Neva Kee.
"Man I hate going to warp, it makes my inside feel all funny," Zoda complained as he flipped a switch and the warp core came on down in the depths of the ship. The massive black hole grew larger and larger in front of them.
"Man I haven't felt this stupid since you convinced me it was a good idea to board the USS Cygnus so you talk to that Dr. Hans Reinhart nutso. 'The word "impossible", Mr. Zoda, is only found in the dictionary of fools indeed'," recalled Zoda annoyed.
"I'm sure Dr. Reinhart would enjoy the telemetry we gather from this little trip," Neva Kee mused flipping on the sensors.
"I don't think that's such a good idea but suit yourself," said Zoda. The Event Horizon was now directly in front of the ship as large portions of it began getting smashed in.
"Any last words?" asked Neva Kee.
"Screw you comes to mind," said Zoda. The ship plunged into the black hole as the warp drive activated.