The Mummie
Written by Victoria AllenNB. The actors should over dramatise some lines and try really hard even though the whole thing is obviously slowly going down the pan. O'Connell seems to be working from a different script version.
TITLE SCENE. BEACH (Poss. Camber sands?)
THE MUMMIE is written in the sand, close in on it then-
DOGS LEGS walking across the scene, swearing in the background and the camera backs out to see what looks like a director making a flying leap at the dog and herding it whilst waving the camera away shouting, "turn it off!"
2,134BC
SUPER-IMPOSED, in the background a shoddily built set made to look
like Egypt
NARRATOR (IMHOTEP)
Thebes, city of the living. Crown
jewel of Seti-
A random man walks on stage and gives a loud, bored yawn.
MAN
This is boring, man! Get to the
point!
(Turns to audience)
Basically, he got frisky with the
princess, pharaoh found out, princess killed herself then HE got
mummified alive for trying to bring her back
OK?
(Man walks off
stage)
IMHOTEP
But If I could raise my beloved
Anck-su-namun from her place in hell-
Mans voice (from
O.S)
MAN
Yada yada, you'd be unstoppable,
Whatever….
IMHOTEP
...You will learn
Mans voice
(O.S)
SHUTUP!
1915, set is a pathetic wall and sand with
the odd shout in the background of things like, "No, a TUNA
sandwich, Christ how difficult is it…."
Rick O'Connell looks
over a wall at the 'massive screaming horde' galloping towards
him. Beni, a little Frenchman, joins him. O'Connell's accent
should be very annoying American.
BENI
I knew this was
going to be a lousy day
O'CONNELL
You don't say…I'm
having second thoughts
you know, why don't we just surrender, or
we
could just run away, now I mean…
BENI (Loading a
gun)
Look, why don't you just shut up and...Hey,
come back
here, where are you going?
O'CONNELL
Anywhere
but here!
Beni stops loading
BENI
Hey wait for
me!
Beni runs, overtaking O'Connell as he heads for a temple (bad craftsmanship too), then closes the door in O'Connell's face
BENI (from int. temple)
Ha! Sorry, pal!
O'CONNELL
I'm
gonna get you for this Beni
BENI
Now where have I heard
that before...
O'Connell runs but is eventually cornered by some taureg warriors. He prepares to be shot but at the last minute their horses freak and run off, taking the warriors with them. O'Connell looks down and sees the sand beneath him snake into the shape of Imhotep's face (With someone coughing violently in the back round), he freaks and runs out through the ruins. (This should take him some time and be done with difficulty, falling over all the time)
Watching from above are the Mumia (Pharaohs guys), Still guarding the grave after all this time…
MUMIA 1
And what
of this one?
ARDETH BAY
Personally, I think his clothes are
a bit too
blendy, sandy pastels are soo last year and
the
ruffled hero appearance is really out of
date, sorry but-
MUMIA
1
No you imbecile, shall we kill him?
ARDETH BAY
Do
we have to? He's such a cute little idiot-
let the desert do
it
MUMIA 1
You're too soft Ardeth...
(Background, "Mmm, more tuna next time)
CAIRO MUSEUM OF
ANTIQUITIES
Evelyn Carnahan, dressed in trousers & a shirt,
dumps some very expensive looking books on a shelf. They promptly
fall off and fall apart. She leans heavily against bookcase, which
falls over having a domino effect on all the other bookcases.
Background shouts of, "Who hired her? You did. Who's he? The
curator, read the script", etc.
EVY (sighing, obviously
tired)
Oh crap, whoops (The last part should be said
sarcastically, poss. waving hands)
CURATOR
What the hell have you done now!
EVY
As usual-mucked, up your library.
CURATOR
Why do I even bother
with you at all?
EVY
'Cos I'm smart, and I'd be forced to
hurt you if
you fired me (Last part said added as if
obvious)
CURATOR
Oh...anything else
EVY
'Cos
it's part of the movie
CURATOR
Fine, fine. Have it your
way, but at least clear up this mess you
made
EVY
Mmmm…No
CURATOR
Fine…Oh, by the way
your brother's drunk and he's shooting at the mummies in the
sarcophagus section again.
EVY (murmured)
Dammit
INT. SARCOPHAGUS SECTION (cheesy spooky music required for this)
EVY
(half whispered)
Where the hell are you-you freak
JONATHAN
(walking backwards from a sarcophagus, guns raised)
Err, over
here...Evy…they're after me again...!
EVY
Err, Jonathan,
it's dead
JONATHAN (lowering guns)
Undead
EVY
Then
why isn't it moving or actually chasing you?
JONATHAN (fed-up
and bored)
Oh Shut up.
EVY
Oh god...Jonathan, face it,
you're not a hero
JONATHAN
Am too
EVY
Are
not
JONATHAN
Am too
EVY
Are...oh,
just shut the fuck up and stop being so childish.
JONATHAN
...Am
too, 'cos I found a box and it's got a map in it
EVY
(Exasperated)
And?
JONATHAN
And it leads to
Hamunaptra
EVY
... Pertains
JONATHAN
Whatever
IN CURATORS OFFICE-DAY
EVY (To Curator sitting at desk)
Look
what I found. This box leads to
Hamunaptra, the lost city, with
all that treasure...(suddenly snapping out of it)
Genuine I'm
sure, see the cartouche here
JONATHAN
Errrm, actually, I
found ...
EVY (snapping at Jonathan then turning back to
curator)
Shut up, so what do you think?
CURATOR
(barely looking at it to Evelyn's confusion)
Well, its obviously
a fake, I'm surprised at you
Miss Carhahan, to be so fooled, and
as for this map-
(Map 'accidentally' catches fire)
(Background
shouts of "LIAR!" & " Shhhh!")
EVY
Shit!
Quick, help me Jonathan!
JONATHAN
You burned the damn
map
EVY
We're leaving
Evelyn snatches the box from the curator and walks out with Jonathan still blowing at the scorched map
CAIRO PRISON-DAY (background mechanical sounds and whips etc.)
EVY (walking slowly beside Jonathan)
So, you nicked
it of some drunk
JONATHAN
As it happens, yes, but I did so
heroically
EVY
So lets go see him then
JONATHAN
I
wouldn't suggest...
WARDEN (stepping spookily out of
shadows)
The cowardly one is through here
EVY (quickly,
looking sharply at Jonathan)
Thank you.
O'Connell sits trembling on his cell floor, but stops as soon as Evelyn walks in
(Background laugh)
EVY
(looking round in annoyance towards camera, then back at
O'Connell)
So, do you know the way to Hamunaptra?
O'Connell looks round in amazement
O'CONNELL
Say it a bit louder why
don't you…(emphasis on louder)
EVY (quickly)
Would you
like me to? We have your box, if we get you outta here, will you take
us to Hamunaptra?
O'CONNELL
Let me at least have SOME
chance at making fun of you and maybe
EVY
Yes or no
O'CONNELL
(quickly, getting up)
Yep
EVY
Good. Warden!
WARDEN
(drawling voice)
Yes, do you want me to hit him?
EVY
I
could do that myself. How much to get him out?
WARDEN (Smiling
encouragingly)
Ha! Have him for free! Take the unfunny bastard
away!
EVY
Thanks; by the way, what's your
name?
O'CONNELL
Just call me O'Connell, this is business
(Background, "Ha, cool, guy….)
O'Connell and Evelyn walk of set shouting "Will you lot shut up"
GIZA
PORT-DAY
O'Connell, Jonathan and Evelyn walk into the port,
arguing
EVY
Well Mr O'Connell, technically I do own
you
O'CONNELL
No because you didn't have to pay
EVY
So?
Look, forget it. Do you even know where
Hamunaptra
is?
O'CONNELL
Listen, miss, all I can tell you is
my-
EVY
Oh shut up. Be a gentleman and take my bags
BAR
AT BOW-NIGHT
O'Connell an American and Beni are playing poker
A
sound crew guy or something similar who was also playing gathers up
his cards & stuff and walks off saying "sorry guys, but I'll
play you later yeah?"
O'CONNELL
(turning his attention to Beni)
I'll kill you later
Beni
BENI
Fine by me O'Connell, so long as I win all your
money first
Jonathan and Evelyn walk in
O'CONNELL
(looking up & smiling)
Sit down, Jonathan, we could use
another good player
EVY
Who says I'M not a good
player?
HENDERSON (AMERICAN)
Play if ya like, I'll just
have more stuff ta win (Laughs)
JONATHAN
I don't
gamble
EVY (Murmured)
Liar
HENDERSON
How about if
I wager five hundred dollars we get to Hamunaptra before you
EVY
(looking sharply at O'Connell)
Who says we're going to
Hamunaptra?
O'CONNELL (Sheepish)
No one told me it was some
big secret or anything...(trailing off)
EVY (smiling
broadly)
Gentlemen, we got ourselves a wager
EXT. BARGE - NIGHT
O'Connell sits on a table, staring out over the passing
river.
A gunnysack DROPS onto the table, startling him.
EVY
(As if suddenly seeing him for the first time)
Sorry, didn't mean
to scare ya.
O'CONNELL
I
weren't scared...
Evelyn reaches into the gunnysack and starts pulling out revolvers, pistols, hunting knives, a massive elephant gun, and a half dozen carefully wrapped sticks of dynamite.
EVY
Some of your friends in Cairo told me what
happened last time you were there
O'CONNELL
Lady, you can't imagine.
The last time I was at that
place everybody I was with died.
Evelyn starts dismantling and cleaning the guns.
O'CONNELL
There's something out there,
you know, something under that sand.
EVY
And hopefully, for
me and my brother, its made of gold.
What do you think is out there?
O'CONNELL
Evil. The Tuaregs and
the Bedouin believe that Hamunaptra
is cursed, they call it, "the doorway to hell"
EVY
(stopping)
If you're trying to scare me your failing. I don't
believe in fairy tales,
but I do believe that you're the scared one and your trying to make up for it.
A beat, then-
O'CONNELL
(unsure of what she just said)
...Whatever
INT. EVELYN'S CABIN - NIGHT
Evelyn is busy reading up on Hamunaptra. (Book "Hamunaptra for smartarsses) She turns around; right there is one of the MUMIA. He slams his hand over her mouth and lifts up a hook, ready to strike.
HOOK
Where is the map? And the
key?
Evelyn pulls his hand off and looks up at him.
EVY
Bugger off
HOOK
Then I'll find it myself,
He
cocks his hook, about to kill her. And that's when the door is fly's
open. O'Connell walks in, looks up, then draws a gun in each
hand.
Hook spins Evelyn around and holds her out in front of
him.
O'Connell looks at her.
O'CONNELL
Friend of yours?
EVY
(exasperated)
Don't be smart, just get me outta here
O'Connell
fires at Hook, Evelyn bites his hand
O'Connell grabs her and YANKS
her out of the ROOM.
HALLWAY - NIGHT
O'Connell pulls Evelyn
down the hall (muttering something incoherent), she tries to jerk
free.
EVY
The map! We need the map!
O'CONNELL
(stopping)
I'm the map!
(Taps his forehead)
It's all up
here.
EVY
Shit! I don't trust
you-JONATHAN!
O'CONNELL
C'mon, there's still one more
of those guys around here somewhere.
EVELYN'S ROOM - NIGHT
The
door is KICKED OPEN again, it hits Hook in the arse as he looks for
the map and knocks him into the Corner. Jonathan leans
in.
JONATHAN
EVY!
Then he sees the key/box on the floor and picks it up, A HAND suddenly snatches the key/box away from him.
JONATHAN
Hey...
It's Hook. Jonathan shoves Hook across the room, grabs the key/box and runs out slamming the door.
JONATHAN
Bloody locals...
EXT. CAMEL PADDOCK - NIGHT
O'Connell and Evelyn race out onto the deck near the horse paddock. People are SCREAMING and SHOUTING: the world is going to end, where's the nearest Chinese, Who's that freak in the cap, hey look at the cool flames-ow! lots of panic.
O'CONNELL
Can
you swim?
EVY
The question is can YOU swim
(She pushes
him over the side)
Evelyn dives into the water. Jonathan comes up behind her and leaps over
NILE RIVERBANK - NIGHT
O'Connell; Evelyn & Jonathan wade out of the water. Everybody else, including the horses, is getting out on the far shore. O'Connell spots Beni running up to the Americans but ignores him; Jonathan sees him-
JONATHAN
Hey Beni! Looks to me like you're on the
wrong side of the river!
BENI
Yeah, maybe, but I got all
the bloody horses!
Jonathan mutters under his breath and walks off
BEDOUIN TRADING POST - DAY
Jonathan barters in ARABIC with a CAMEL TRADER at a trading post. (Supposedly Arabic, but actually nonsense like blabab bla camel you give badada to me etc) He forks over some cash. The Trader hands them the reins of four ugly old camels.
JONATHAN
This is daylight robbery
O'CONNELL
I
tried to give them your sister instead, but she wasn't ladylike
enough.
JONATHAN
Oh REALLY
O'CONNELL
Yes REALLY
Evelyn steps out of a trading tent. People are trying to get her to change into a dress but she's fighting them off like they're plague carriers. She's still in dirty jeans and a torn top.
O'CONNELL
(sighing)
I should have tried harder
Cut to-
Sand beach as title scene
The words "Sahara desert
Day
It is hot
……And sandy" written out in the sand. Zoom in, then a persons legs are seen walking across it leaving footprints. Mutters of "not again" then "cut to the next scene" You just catch the words "Look lady…"
EXT. GIANT SAND DUNE - ENDLESS HORIZON - DAY
The dawning sun hasn't
yet crested the distant horizon as-
Henderson rides out from
behind the far end of the dune. He is accompanied by an Arab
EGYPTOLOGIST. Beni rides lead on a camel, the rest ride horses. They
look confused as they come to the sea but just ride back to the
middle of the 'desert' again.
BENI
Good morning, my
friend!
O'Connell just nods. The two parties come to a stop. O'Connell turns and stares out across the 'endless horizon'. Beni does likewise. Henderson looks puzzled.
HENDERSON
What the hell we doin'?
BENI
Shut up and watch
Henderson looks over at O'Connell.
HENDERSON
First one to the city, O'Connell!
Five hundred! Cash bucks!
O'CONNELL (Shaking his head)
Stupid
Americans...
Far off to the right, a SHAPE begins to rise with
the sun. The city outlines itself, falls over a bit then stops. (It's
a cut-out or similar)
O'Connell and Beni watch it,
HENDERSON
HEYA!
He takes off.
EVY
Shouldn't
we be going? Lose this bet and I'll kill you
O'CONNELL
Go
on then
Evelyn ignores him and races towards the city
INT. HAMUNAPTRA - DAY
Evelyn sits casually on her horse as Henderson races up and stops to look at her
HENDERSON
How
the hell did you beat us?
EVY
I'm the star of this movie,
of course I beat you
JONATHAN
Hey I thought…
EVY
(smiling and ignoring him)
Shut up Jonathan, just shut
up...
O'CONNELL
Women, eh?
EVY
OI! Watch yourself O'Connell!
EXT. DIG - DAY
O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan are working next to a
narrow CREVICE, which weaves it's way through the ruins. Jonathan
ties a rope around a pillar and throws the rest of the coils into the
crevice, about to rappel down.
Evelyn is rolling up spare rope
O'CONNELL
Where
we goin' now then?
EVY (stopping to stare at him)
What are
you stupid or something? DOWN!
O'CONNELL
Err…um…Do I
have to go?
JONATHAN/EVY
YES!
O'Connell shrugs, then follows Jonathan down into the crevice
INT. EMBALMER'S CHAMBER - DAY
Jonathan waves a TORCH as O'Connell and Evelyn drop down next to him. Evelyn peers into the spooky darkness.
O'CONNELL
Spooky…Wow this place is old...
EVY
(stopping to stare at him)
Ya think?
O'Connell jumps back suddenly
O'CONNELL
Aaahh! And full of spider
webs!
JONATHAN
Don't tell me, you're stupid AND you're a
wimp
O'CONNELL
Yeah, but look who's talkin'
Evelyn just rolls her eyes.
EVY
Will you just PLEASE shut up,
you're giving me a headache
Evelyn goes along with a torch lighting some others. The room slowly becomes visible
EVY
It's
a preparation room.
JONATHAN
Preparation for what?
EVY
Entering the afterlife
Jonathan calms down then looks over to O'Connell who's beginning to panic
O'CONNELL
I don't wanna die! I'm to
young!
JONATHAN
Err, she means mummies not you, though we
could sort somethin' out...
EVY
Don't tease him Jonathan,
you know he can't take it.
INT. LABYRINTH - DAY
O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan crouch as they make their way through a narrow, COBWEBED LABYRINTH.
O'CONNELL (whispered)
God I hate
spiders
Then they hear something and freeze. It sounds like something is clawing inside the walls. Everyone slowly moves forward. It's getting darker and darker as they go, the strange sound getting louder and louder. And then it stops. Evelyn holds her breath. Jonathan cocks his pistol. O'Connell edges backwards
O'CONNELL
Exactly how big do spiders get in this
part of the world?
Everyone relaxes and stares at him.
ANUBIS CHAMBER - DAY
They slowly creep -out of the labyrinth and up to the foot of an enormous half-buried statue. The lower half of Anubis. Then they hear the sound again, coming closer now, from the other side of the statue. Jonathan pulls Evelyn behind him. And closer. Jonathan raises his gun. And CLOSER! O'Connell grabs hold of Jonathan's arm suddenly, breaking the tense moment again
O'CONNELL
Don't let me die!
JONATHAN
(lowering his pistol and shaking his head)
Oh for gods sake, get
off me!
Henderson LUNGES OUT round the corner. Jonathan REACTS, But doesn't pull the trigger because it's just the American. Their guns are up, cocked and aimed.
HENDERSON (Smiling
slightly)
Ya scared the bejeezus out of us.
O'CONNELL
(relaxing and letting go of Jonathan, but drawing a gun beside
him)
Likewise.
But nobody lowers their guns. Henderson grins.
HENDERSON
This
here is our statue...friend.
EVY
Don't see your name on
it...pal
And that's when Beni and the Egyptologist step out of the shadows, --both holding guns aimed at O'Connell and Jonathan.
BENI
Three to two, boys, your odds are not so
good.
EVY
I think you'll find the odds are even
She draws a pistol
O'Connell gives her a nervous sideways glance. Beni cocks his gun, grinning.
O'CONNELL
(lowering his gun again and backing away)
Look why don't we all
just back off, eh? There's plenty of this place to go 'round,
right?
O'Connell pulls Jonathan away.
JONATHAN
(frowning angrily and flicking him off)
I told you not to touch
me, freak!
Beni and Co. slowly lower their guns, laughing. The Egyptologist excitedly begins translating the hieroglyphs.
INT. IMHOTEP'S CHAMBER - DAY
O'Connell and Jonathan are using sledgehammers against the ceiling.
EVY
Here we should be
right under the statue.
O'CONNELL
And when that dirty Yank
and his pals go to sleep-
JONATHAN (looking at O'Connell,
confused)
Aren't you a-
O'CONNELL
--We'll sneak up and
steal that book right out from under them.
EVY (stopping
translating something, half smiling to herself)
Book?
O'CONNELL
Well
you're looking for the book of the living, right? It's supposed to be
buried here? It's made out of pure gold they say, hell I know
Henderson's looking for it--
EVY (smiling properly now)
I know
INT. ANUBIS' CHAMBER - DAY
Beni and the Americans hover around the Egyptologist, who's found the SECRET COMPARTMENT inside Anubis. The Egyptologist brushes sand away from the seam. Henderson steps forward and grabs the seam, --the Egyptologist quickly stops him.
EGYPTOLOGIST
Seti was no fool.
Henderson sees the intense look in the Egyptologist's eyes
HENDERSON
Yeah,
sure...
He looks back at the native Digger.
HENDERSON
We'll
let him open it.
The Egyptologist nods, then YELLS IN EGYPTIAN (garble) at the Digger. He hesitates, filled with fear. Henderson pulls out his gun, aims it at the Digger. The Digger hesitantly steps forward with a crowbar and sticks it into the seam. Everyone backs away.
INT. IMHOTEP'S CHAMBER - DAY
Everyone is still digging into the ceiling
O'CONNELL (Stopping and sitting
down)
Lemme get this straight, they stuck a sharp, red hot poker
up your nose, cut your brain into small pieces, then ripped it all
out through your nostrils? That is disgusting, I think I'm going to
be sick...
EVY (looking down at him)
You are dead when they
do this
JONATHAN (panting)
Still...
O'CONNELL (half
getting up)
I gonna puke, anyone got, like a bag or summing…
And that's when a huge chunk of the roof suddenly GIVES OUT. Jonathan GRABS Evelyn and JERKS her clear. O'Connell DIVES for the far wall. A massive STONE CASEMENT drops out of the CEILING and CRASHES to the floor. DUST FLIES, fills the room.
JONATHAN (Coughing and
laughing)
Maybe whoever's in there has one
INT. ANLIBIS
CHAMBER -
The Egyptologist looks at the Digger, gripping his
crowbar, and YELLS-
EGYPTOLOGIST
Beetroot!
(Or any other nonsensical word)
The Digger PULLS HARD. The
ancient seams start to give, the Egyptologist YELLS again.(Celery,
etc) The Digger PULLS HARDER. The compartment starts to loosen. Again
he YELLS. The Digger gives one final pull and-
--An intense BURST
OF LIQUID sprays out of the SEAM. It hits the DIGGER. Melts his SKIN
OFF. He SCREAMS. (At the last minute you see someone through the gap
of the seam, a grip or someone, with an open can of something
bubbling over, he looks nervous & surprised)
INT. IMHOTEP'S CHAMBER - DAY
The dust is starting to clear. O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan slowly get up and step over to the massive stone casement. We immediately recognize it as IMHOTEP'S SARCOPHAGUS.
O'CONNELL (mildly confused)
Why would they
bury somebody in the ceiling?
EVY (sighing)
Oh god how
thick are you? They didn't, they buried him at the foot of Anubis.
JONATHAN (Walking over to it)
He was either someone of
great importance, or he was really in trouble for something
They clear the dirt off the top of the sarcophagus, revealing a single, ominous hieroglyph. Jonathan stares at it. Evelyn impatiently strums her fingers across the lid.
EVY
Well? ... Who is
it?
JONATHAN (giving up)
Well you take a look then.
Evelyn stares at the 'hieroglyph', confused.
EVY
'He that
shall not be named.'
O'Connell dusts off the huge LOCK
JONATHAN (looking across at O'Connell)
There's some sort
of lock there. Without a key, it'll take us a month to crack this
thing, whoever's in here, sure wasn't getting out.
O'CONNELL
(Stopping)
Why would they get out? Get out! Like live mummies! We
don't want it to get! Let's leave it 'till tomorrow, huh?
EVY
(snapping her fingers in realization)
A key! That's it! That's
what he was talking about.
O'CONNELL
Who was talking about
what?
Evelyn starts rummaging through the pack on Jonathan's back.
EVY
On the barge. The one with the hook, he was
looking for a key.
Evelyn pulls out the key/box.
JONATHAN
(looking at it)
Hey right, I'm with you
She quickly unfolds the box, --it's now shaped exactly like the LOCK'S KEYHOLE.
O'CONNELL (Backing away)
No no no. I'm not playing with
dead mummies. Especially not when it's dark. Lets come back tomorrow
morning when I can see, 'kay? Please?
EXT. BASE CAMP - NIGHT
Evelyn and Jonathan are beside a campfire. O'Connell come up over the rocks.
O'CONNELL (Horrified)
One of the
Americans' diggers was killed!
Pressurized salt acid! His skin
was melted clean off! Some sorta ancient booby-trap...
JONATHAN
Maybe this place really is cursed
A GUST OF WIND blows through the camp. The campfire FLICKERS, O'Connell and Jonathan share a nervous look. Evelyn laughs.
EVY
HA! You two!
O'CONNELL
(sitting between her and Jonathan)
Don't believe in curses,
huh?
EVY
No. I believe in treasure.
O'CONNELL
Well
I believe in being prepared.
EVY (quetly)
Freak!
A BARAGE OF GUNFIRE is heard coming from the American camp. Jonathan jumps up and throws the elephant gun to Evelyn.
JONATHAN
Stay
here!
He takes off running through the ruins. Evelyn immediately gets up and runs after him.
EVY
No
way!
O'Connell grabs a gun and dashes after her.
EXT. AMERICAN CAMP - NIGHT
The American camp is under siege. Two-dozen MUMIA RIDERS gallop through. FIRING RIFLES. Several Diggers are killed as they run. Henderson leaps out of his tent FIRING. Beni races through the ruins and SLAMS right into O'Connell, who is obviously trying to high tail it out of there.
BENI
Goin'
somewhere?
O'CONNELL
Of course not! I was just, err,
just...hey, where were YOU goin' anyway?
BENI
Well I was
just...err, just-
O'CONNELL
Come on lets get outta
here
Ardeth Bay gallops through the camp with his scimitar.
Jonathan is quickly loading his pistol. He hears something
THUNDERING UP behind him. He spins around just as Ardeth Bay on a
horse swings his scimitar. Jonathan instinctively raises his hands to
protect his face, the scimitar STRIKES! Hits his gun, it flips away.
O'Connell sees what is happening and at the last minute comes back to
help. He draws a stick of dynamite in from his pack & lights it
in the campfire as he runs past. It IGNITES. He faces Ardeth Bay,
towering above him. The fuse continues to burn down. Ardeth Bay
points his scimitar at O'Connell's head.
ARDETH BAY
LEAVE
THIS PLACE! ... LEAVE THIS PLACE OR DIE!
Ardeth Bay GALLOPS OFF. The remaining Mumia Riders race after him, vanishing into the night. O'Connell watches them leave, then turns to the burning fuse and blows it out, shaking slightly. Evelyn walks up, Jonathan motions to her.
JONATHAN
You all right?
EVY
Yeah I'm
fine, just FINE. Left at the camp, HE runs off- (she points at
O'Connell)
Beni crawls out from under some pillars as Henderson gets up and brushes the sand off himself.
HENDERSON
That
proves it! Old Seti's fortune's gotta be under this sand! You just
know there's got to be treasure down there.
O'Connell groans and collapses (Obviously shocked at his own bravery).
Everyone just shrugs and walks off.
EXT. BASE CAMP - NIGHT
O'Connell and Evelyn are laughing hysterically, she's completely drunk. A bottle of whisky is almost gone. O'Connell offers the bottle to Evelyn; she waves it away, slurring badly--
EVY
Na na noo,
whered you getat stufff anywayz
O'Connell polishes off the bottle and chucks it away.
O'CONNELL
I always keep a bit
around
EVY
Oh, oh reallly mistered
O'Connells
O'CONNELL
Yes reallys Miss
Carnahans
EVY
Wa? Watd you's call me's?
O'CONNELL
Ok
then, you don't take drink too well...I called you miss Carnahan
because YOU keep calling Me O'Connell
EVY
It isn'ted yours
named? But youd tolds me's to…
O'CONNELL
Yeah but its
getting kinda annoying so, just call me Rick, okay?
EVY
N'
yous can call me's Evy!...Di...did you knows I'm a
librarians
O'CONNELL
No's I
didn'ts
Evy
'am
O'CONNELL
Thats nices
(Evelyn
giggles)
O'CONNELL
JONATHAN! Jonathan!
(Jonathan walks
over to beside the campfire)
Good, finally, someone sane.
(Evelyn
slumps over O'Connell, completely out of it)
JONATHAN
I
don't think those guys are coming back just now.
(Looking at Evelyn) Nice blanket you got there
O'CONNELL
Lovely,
good, now could ya get your sister off me, she didn't take the drink
to well.
INT. IMHOTEP'S CHAMBER - DAY
Evelyn's HAND slips the KEY into the sarcophagus, lock and turns it. A series of STRANGE MECHANICAL-LIKE SOUNDS are heard, and then the sarcophagus unlocks with a GIANT HISS. Evelyn looks very hung over. They start to slide the heavy lid off the sarcophagus. PUSHING, SHOVING, the lid budging, inch by inch.
JONATHAN
How much exactly did you
two drink?
EVY
Well there was...and then...
O'CONNELL
(flexing his fingers in pain)
Hey, you owe me one for saving yer
neck- my request is you shutup.
JONATHAN
What? I asked a
simple question-!
EVY
(whispered)
OK boys, separate corners...
O'CONNELL (Sighing)
Sorry, I-
EVY (Muttered to self)
God…
INT. ANUBIS' CHAMBER - DAY
One of the few Diggers left alive is
reaching into the secret compartment. Henderson holds a gun on them.
The Digger slowly pulls out the ORNATE CHEST. He sets the chest down
on the sandy floor.
Beni watches as the Egyptologist translates
the hieratics.
EGYPTOLOGIST
There is a curse upon this
chest.
HENDERSON
Who cares?
The Egyptologist gives him the evil-eye
EGYPTOLOGIST
In these hallowed grounds,
that which was set-
HENDERSON
Yeah, yeah, okay, what's it
say?
The Egyptologist slowly and carefully reads the inscription:
EGYPTOLOGIST
"Death will come on swift
wings to whomever opens this chest".
A
GUST OF WIND blows through the chamber. TORCHES FLICKER
The
remaining Digger suddenly turns tail and runs off SCREAMING.
Henderson suddenly looks very nervous.
EGYPTOLOGIST
It
says, there is one, the undead, who if brought back to life, is bound
by sacred law to consummate this curse.
HENDERSON
Yeah,
well, let's just make sure we don't bring anybody back from the dead
then, huh?
He laughs nervously
EGYPTOLOGIST
He will
kill all who open this chest, ...and assimilate their organs and
fluids.
HENDERSON
Ya mean eat 'em?
EGYPTOLOGIST
And
in so doing he will regenerate. And no longer be the undead, but a
plague upon this earth.
The WIND WHISTLES. Torches FLICKER. Beni and the Egyptologist share a fear-filled look. Henderson just shrugs.
HENDERSON
Ah hell, let's open it anyways,
INT. IMHOTEP'S CHAMBER - DAY
Imhotep's wooden coffin is DROPPED to the ground next to his stone sarcophagus.
EVY
Come on! Come
on! Come ON! Open it! Hurry!
O'CONNELL
OK OK! I'm
Hurrying! What's the rush?
Evelyn just gives him a look, then starts brushing dirt and cobwebs off the top of the coffin. Then she freezes.
EVY
Look, all the sacred spells have been
chiseled off. The hieratics and hieroglyphs that protect the
deceased-
O'CONNELL (Finally snapping)
STOP IT! I've just
got over the spider webs and now, what you tellin' me? This guys
cursed?
EVY
Well, yes...
JONATHAN (ignoring them
both)
Tough break, I'm all tears, now let's see who's inside,
shall we?
Jonathan inserts the key/box into the coffin's lock. Turns it. The lid cracks open with a HISS. They all react to the FOUL STENCH.
JONATHAN
God O'Connell, this smells worse than
you...
O'CONNELL
WILL YOU-
EVY (Interrupting whilst
the argument continues background)
-Do I have to do everything
myself...
She grabs the lid. It's stuck. She pulls with all her might. Jonathan turns and helps her. It starts to give way. Slowly. And then it suddenly POPS OPEN and THE ROTTEN CORPSE pops up!
O'CONNELL/EVY/JONATHAN
AHHHHH!
They all jump back. Scared to death. Imhotep is now twisted and deformed. He slumps back into his coffin. O'Connell takes a nervous step forward
O'CONNELL
Errrrrr…Why is he wearing a party hat?
INT. ANUBIS'-CHAMBER - DAY
Henderson starts to pry at the lid of
the wooden
chest. Beni and the Egyptologist watch. In the
background, Beni starts backing away, filled with fear.
BENI
I
really wouldn't...especially as it's...cursed.. (his last word is
high pitched and trails off)
He turns and bolts from the chamber.
HENDERSON
Stupid superstitious bastard.
And that's when the seal breaks, --A BLACK VAPOR BLASTS out of the chest. Everybody vanishes into the strange cloud.
INT. IMHOTEP'S CHAMBER - DAY
O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan slowly creep forward and carefully look back inside Imhotep's coffin, creeped-out.
JONATHAN
Is he supposed to look like
that?
EVY (fascinated)
No. I've never seen a mummy look
like this. He's more than four thousand
years old and still decomposing. With a party hat (Giving the Camera a confused look)
O'CONNELL (revolted)
Oh god I'm gonna be
sick … again…
JONATHAN (irritated)
Well you never got a
chance the first time so...(sees something) Hey, look at
this.
Jonathan points at the inside of the COFFIN LID, where there are FINGERNAIL SCRATCHES and really fake blood all over the inside.
EVY (horrified)
Oh my god, he was buried
alive;
This sends a chill through everyone. Evelyn leans in closer,
EVY
…And he left a message.
WE PUSH IN on a grouping of weird & really bad drawings WRITTEN IN PAINT.
EVY
It says: 'Death is only the beginning
Jonathan shivers. O'Connell looks around.
Long pause, then-
O'CONNELL
Well it'd be the end for me an' I
don't wanna die just yet so I you'd excuse me I'll just be going-
JONATHAN
(relaxing & blinking slightly in confusion)
…And where
exactly are you going
O'CONNELL
Somewhere else! In case he
decides to wake up. I don't wanna be the one who disturbed his beauty
sleep!
JONATHAN (turning to Imhotep and raising his eyebrows
slightly)
Well I wouldn't call it BEAUTY sleep...
INT. ANUBIS' CHAMBER - DAY
The vapour is settling. Henderson has his gun aimed at the chest. The Egyptologist slowly steps up, reaches inside, and lifts out a heavy burlap bag. He sticks his hand into the bag and slowly pulls out the black BOOK OF THE DEAD.
EGYPTOLOGIST
I
have heard told of this book, but I never truly believed it existed.
This is a most priceless treasure.
Henderson kicks the sandy floor in anger.
HENDERSON
It's supposed to be made outta
pure gold!
He kicks the chest. It breaks open, unfolding to reveal a lower compartment. Inside, are
Anck-su-namun's FIVE JEWEL ENCRUSTED CANOPIC JARS (one is shattered and without jewels)
EXT. BASE CAMP - NIGHT
The two camps have now joined together. O'Connell and Evelyn are roasting chunks of hairy meat over a fire. Jonathan wrinkles his nose, disgusted by the smell.
JONATHAN
What
is this stuff? It smells worse than O'Connell here! You haven't been
chopping him up have you; I know he's a nuisance but leave him all
his fingers.
O'Connell glares at Jonathan
O'CONNELL
Rat
gizzards. They smell bad and taste worse, but that's the best the
desert has to offer.
The gloating American sits down with his jewelled jars.
HENDERSON
Say
O'Connell, whadaya think these'll fetch back home? I hear you
gentlemen found yourselves a nice gooey mummy. Congratulations. If ya
dry him out, you can sell him for firewood.
Henderson laughs. Evelyn drops a pile of big dusty BUG SKELETONS onto the ground.
EVY
I found them inside our friend's coffin. Flesh
eating scarabs. They can live for years eating corpses, or in this
case…
She shrugs, then looks at the roasting meat
O'Connell and Jonathan stare at the bug skeletons, disgusted.
O'CONNELL
Are
you saying somebody threw these things in with our guy, and they
slowly ate him alive? Listen I'd LIKE to keep my food down for five
minutes but among you people-
EVY
Very slowly.
JONATHAN
He
certainly was not a popular guy.
EVY
According to my
readings, our friend suffered the worst of all ancient Egyptian
curses, one used on only as a sort of last resort. I've never read of
this curse actually having been performed.
O'CONNELL
That
bad huh?
EVY
Yes, they feared it. It's written, that if a
victim of the HOM-DAI should ever arise, he would bring with him the
ten plagues of Egypt.
O'CONNELL
The ten plagues? ... You
mean all ten plagues? I'd have been better off in Cairo
prison...
BENI
Like Moses used on
Pharaoh?
EVY
Yeah.
BENI
There was frogs, flies,
locusts...
JONATHAN
Hail and fire.
HENDERSON
The
sun turning black.
O'CONNELL
Water turning to blood... ahh
I'm gonna puke
JONATHAN (Leaning into O'Connell)
And my
personal favourite: people covered in boils and
sores.
O'CONNELL
Pleeeaassee don't...
Evelyn just laughs at them, then pulls a meat stick out of the fire.
EVY
Fried
gizzard anyone?
EXT. CAMP - LATER THAT NIGHT
Evelyn exits
the temple and steps past the sleeping Diggers. She spots the
Egyptologist,
his jewelled canopic jar snug under one arm, the
Book Of The Dead lying loose under the other. Evelyn stares at the
Book, nervously biting her lip, then she sneaks over, carefully
steals it, and quickly tiptoes away. O'Connell rolls over and sees
Evelyn, sitting wide-eyed, staring at the Book.
O'CONNELL
Hey,
whatya got there? Let's see… Wait a minute,
I thought that thing was made outta gold?
EVY
This
is the book of the dead, not the book of the living.
O'CONNELL
Heh,
smartarse…
EVY
I'm a librarian, I can't help
it
O'CONNELL
You sure you outta be playin' around with that
thing?
EVY
It's just a book.
Evelyn opens the cover.
THE FIRE FLICKERS. O'Connell
gives her a 'Don't say I didn't
warn you' look. Evelyn shrugs and starts reading.
EVY
Ahm
kum Ra. Ahm kum Dei.
Evelyn continues READING THE BOOK ALOUD IN "ANCIENT EGYPTIAN" (nonsense).
INT. IMHOTEP'S CHAMBER - NIGHT
Evelyn's VOICE is OVERLAID as WE START WIDE on Imhotep's chamber and SLOWLY PUSH IN on his sarcophagus, over the lip of the coffin, then close towards Imhotep's rotten head, until it fills FRAME, --and then suddenly his hand moves to straighten his party hat.
EXT. BASE CAMP - NIGHT
The Egyptologist sits bolt upright. Quickly looks around, sees Evelyn reading the Book. He gets up and runs for her.
EGYPTOLOGIST
NO!
YOU MUST NOT-
He skids to a stop as a strange, piercing WHINE is heard, coming from out in the desert. O'Connell and the others all leap to their feet. Henderson runs out of his tent. Jonathan gets up and slowly walks forward to form a line with Evelyn, O'Connell, Henderson and the Egyptologist.
The SOUND gets LOUDER and
CLOSER. And then from out of the darkness a HUGE WALL OF LOCUSTS
SWIRLS into camp and envelopes everyone. Jonathan grabs Evelyn, and
with O'Connell trailing behind they race for the crevice. Beni and
Henderson run for the temple.
The Egyptologist is covered in
locusts. He stares at The Book Of The Dead, looking
hunted.
EGYPTOLOGIST
I need a burger…
The campfire is SUCKED UP INTO THE AIR
INT. LABYRINTH CORRIDOR - NIGHT
O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan race down the labyrinth, slapping at themselves and picking locusts out of their hair
O'CONNELL
Grasshoppers! Billions of grasshoppers! The
grasshopper plague! I warned you-
EVY
They're LOCUSTS!
Every so many years the locusts of Egypt have a population explosion
and they all take flight, and anyway you didn't warn me you gave me
a look-
JONATHAN
What have you done, which part of the book
did you read? What did it say?
EVY
What is this, 'A question of Armageddon'
Evelyn steps forward, something SQUISHES. O'Connell lowers his TORCH.
O'CONNELL
Okay...and
how about frogs?
INT. LABYRINTH PASSAGEWAY - NIGHT
Henderson, Beni and a Digger race into a passageway.
INT. LABYRINTH CORRIDOR - NIGHT
The ground under O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan starts to SHAKE. Then suddenly, right in front of them, --a REMOTE CONTROL SCARAB comes up OUT OF THE SAND. Starts scurrying towards them. O'Connell SCREAMS. They turn around and run
LABYRINTH STAIRCASE - NIGHT
O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan race up the
staircase,
just ahead of the SCARAB. Jonathan leaps out onto a
pedestal. O'Connell jumps up next to him. Evelyn jumps up into a
grotto on the other side of the narrow stairway. The horrible herd of
vicious scarabs scurries between them. Evelyn leans back. THE WALL
MOVES. Evelyn falls backwards through an opening. O'Connell and
Jonathan watch the scarabs vanish up the staircase. Then they look
across the way. Evelyn is gone.
JONATHAN
EVY?
SCARAB CHAMBER - NIGHT
Evelyn sits up, shakes the sand out of her hair and looks around. It's almost PITCH BLACK. She gets up and feels her way along the dark walls. She rounds a corner. A shaft of MOONLIGHT filters in through a crack in the ceiling. A MAN stands in the middle of the room. Evelyn walks towards him. It's a digger.
EVY
Oh thank goodness, you're with the American,
aren't you?
Just as she reaches him he turns around. He has a
pair of those weird goggle eyeglasses on. She backs away and she
bumps into something. She spins around. It's Imhotep.
Evelyn backs
away into a wall. Imhotep SQUINTS and holds out something in his
hands.
IMHOTEP
Party hat?
LABYRINTH STAIRCASE - NIGHT
Jonathan is feeling his way around inside the grotto
JONATHAN
Damn-it! Must be a trap door around here or
something.
O'CONNELL
Look, personally, I DON'T CARE about
your lil' sis, she can look after her self, whereas we could now be
SAFELY leaving, and wouldn't need to. COME ON lets
GO.
JONATHAN
No-ones keeping you here. BYE!
O'CONNELL
Well
I just thought I'd, um, wait for you and-
And then they hear MEN SCREAMING, and suddenly, Henderson, and one of the Diggers, come running down the stairs.
HENDERSON
RUN, YOU SONS-A-BITCHES!
RUUUUN!
O'Connell and Jonathan join them as they hear the remote CHITTERING scarab coming their way. The Digger suddenly trips and falls. Jonathan slows down, about to go back and help him. But it's too late. The Digger LAUGHS then SCREAMS in horror as the remote scarab runs over him, tickling him to death. Henderson and Jonathan react in horror. O'Connell's already running, races right past them.
O'CONNELL
Now I'm really gonna be sick...
They turn and run.
SCARAB CHAMBER - NIGHT
Imhotep steps forward,
--the sand around him seems to MAGNETIZE, swirling and dancing around
his flaking skeletal legs. Evelyn starts backing away, horrified,
looks at the digger
EVY
Help me, ...please, ...help
me.
The digger starts to play a mouth organ.
IMHOTEP
How
about a party popper?
Evelyn shivers in fear. O'Connell comes flying around the corner and runs right up to her.
O'CONNELL
There
you are! Would you quit playin' around! Jonathan says we can't go
until we find you, I've found you! Now let's get outta here
already!
O'Connell sees the look in her eyes and turns around, --at the sight of Imhotep, O'Connell jumps back in fright.
O'CONNELL
WHOA!
O'Connell and Evelyn start
backing away down the wall.
Imhotep glides sideways with them,
like a tiger cornering his prey, the sand around him SWIRLS and
DANCES. Imhotep suddenly lets out a horrific
SHRIEK.
IMHOTEP
Parrrrrrttttttyyyyyy!
O'Connell SCREAMS, then BLASTS him with a water pistol, then looks at it in confusion. Imhotep stumbles back. O'Connell grabs Evelyn and runs.
INT. ANUBIS' CHAMBER - NIGHT
Beni slowly backs up around Anubis, eyes wide, and gun up. He turns around, --IMHOTEP IS RIGHT THERE! Beni backs away and OPENS FIRE. Six GUNSHOTS perforate Imhotep, but have no effect except to SPLATTER molten flesh rot onto the back wall. Beni retreats into a corner. Imhotep moves forward. Beni drops his gun and grabs at the CHAIN around his neck. Imhotep's skeletal hand holds out a party hat. Beni holds up the STAR OF DAVID and blesses himself in HEBREW. Imhotep stops in his tracks. His hand lowers. He stares at Beni.
IMHOTEP
The language of the
slaves.
Imhotep takes a step back.
IMHOTEP
I may
have use for you. And the rewards will be great.
Imhotep reaches into his tattered robe, and then holds out his fetid hand, filled with streamers. Beni cringes, but then the streamers are brushed off, --revealing a tiny pile of little JEWELS. Beni's eyes widen. Imhotep raises his other hand; it holds Anck-su-namun's BROKEN CANOPIC JAR.
IMHOTEP
Where
are the other sacred jars?
EXT. CREVICE - NIGHT
SAND and WIND whip through the ruins as O'Connell and Evelyn stumble up out of the crevice and come FACE-TO-FACE WITH ARDETH BAY. O'Connell and Evelyn quickly raise their hands. Jonathan turns and grins at them nervously. Henderson and the Egyptologist are already on their knees, hands over their heads. Ardeth Bay steps forward.
ARDETH
BAY
I told you to leave or die you imbeciles! Now you may have
killed us all. You unleashed the creature, the mummy. We have feared
it for more than four thousand years.
O'CONNELL (To Evelyn)
I
told you not to read the book, not to open the coffin, but no-one
listens to me...
ARDETH BAY
This one has some sense, maybe
not dress sense but-
O'CONNELL
Hey-
ARDETH
BAY
No normal weapons can kill this creature. He is not of this
world.
O'CONNELL
Are we talkin, about the same creature?
The walking corpse?
Really big mouth? Really bad breath?
ARDETH BAY
Now leave, all of
you, quickly, before he finishes you all.
O'CONNELL
You're
not going to kill us?
Jonathan elbows O'Connell in the ribs.
ARDETH BAY
We must now hunt him down, and try and
find a way to kill him.
Ardeth Bay starts heading down into
the crevice.
O'Connell yells at them, trying to convince himself-
O'CONNELL
I
already got him!
Ardeth Bay stops and looks back.
ARDETH
BAY
Know this, the creature will be coming for you.
He will never sleep, and he will never stop partying.
I suggest you get the hell outta here.
(Everybody seems mildly confused by the 'partying' comment)
Ardeth Bay turns and jumps down into the crevice.
EXT. RUINS - NIGHT
O'Connell and Jonathan boost Evelyn up onto a camel. Henderson gets up onto another. The Egyptologist, still clutching The Book Of The Dead, gets up on yet another.
They
all head off into the dark, windblown desert ...
A skeletal
hand suddenly punches up out of the sand, with a shriek of-
IMHOTEP
Parrrrrrrtttttyyyyy!
BRITISH FORT - CAIRO – DAY INT. EVELYN'S QUARTERS
A steamer trunk is slammed to the floor and thrown open. Jonathan chucks a load of DRESSES into the trunk.
JONATHAN
I thought you didn't
believe in this stuff?
Jonathan heads for the closet. Evelyn UNPACKS the dresses
EVY
Well having an encounter with a
four thousand year old-
JONATHAN
Forget it, just forget,
look we're out the door, down the hall and gone.
EVY
No,
we're not,
JONATHAN
Why-
There is a quiet knock on the already open door as O'Connell comes in. Jonathan throws a handful of Evelyn's stuff into the trunk
O'CONNELL
I, er, heard all the commotion, so are we
goin'?
JONATHAN
Yes
EVY
NO
Jonathan continues to PACK Evelyn's clothes as she continues to UNPACK them:
EVY
No we are not. We woke him up, and we must try
and stop him.
O'CONNELL (Surprised & confused)
We!
What we! WE didn't read that book. I told you not to play around
with that thing.
EVY
You gave me a look, but all right
then, Me, I, ...I read the book, I woke him up and I intend to stop
him.
Jonathan angrily chucks more dresses into the trunk.
JONATHAN
How? You heard the man; no mortal weapons
can kill this guy.
Evelyn grabs the dresses and throws them into a drawer.
O'CONNELL
Nice dresses
EVY
(sarcastic)
Thanks, they'd suit you.
(To Jonathan)
Well then we'll-
O'CONNELL (interrupting)
Ya think? I-
EVY
(Glaring at O'Connell)
We'll have to find some immortal
ones.
O'CONNELL
There goes that we again. Not me, I am
outta here!
O'Connell joins Jonathan and stuffs a pile of Evelyn's shoes into the trunk. Evelyn FLICKS the lid shut, slamming it on his fingers. O'Connell YELPS and angrily storms around the room sucking his fingers as Evelyn follows him.
EVY
According to that Book, once this
creature has been reborn,
his curse will spread, and as he grows in strength, so will his curse grow,
Infecting the people until the whole of the earth is destroyed.
O'CONNELL
Yeah? So? Is that My problem?
EVY
(stating the obvious)
It's everybody's problem!
JONATHAN
She
is right, but there isn't much we can do about it at the
moment.
O'CONNELL
Look lady... I appreciate you saving my
life and all,
but when I signed on, I agreed to take you out there and bring you back,
and I did, now were even, end of job, end of story.
You can either tag along with me, or you can stay here
and play around with Mister Maggot breath.
JONTHAN
O'Connell,
look can't you think about someone else for five-
O'CONNELL
Of
course, you can come to I mean I don't mind...
EVY
Oh
PLEASE SAVE IT. Well I'm staying.
JONATHAN
Well if sis is
stayin' then so am I.
Evy
Thanks
Jonathan.
O'CONNELL
FINE
O'Connell storms out and SLAMS the door. A BEAT. Then the door opens and O'Connell's hand reaches back in and throws a dress to the floor. SLAM goes the door.
EXT. BRITISH FORT COMPOUND - DAY
O'Connell angrily runs through the compound. He sees Beni coming up the path with a MAN dressed in hooded robes, his face covered by a death mask. Imhotep.
O'CONNELL
Beni, where did you slink off
to?
BENI
You left me! You left me in the desert to
rot.
O'CONNELL
Oh yeah... sorry bout that. Clean forgot
about you. Can't think why.. Something about you leaving me to be
killed by tauregs...
(gestures to Imhotep)
So who's this
guy?
BENI
This is Prince Imhotep, High Priest of
Osiris.
O'CONNELL
THATS a big title. How ya
doin'?
O'Connell sticks out his hand, --Imhotep instantly recoils. O'Connell gives him the once-over. Beni quickly covers.
BENI
The Prince does not like to be touched by
other humans.
A Silly eastern superstition, I'm afraid.
O'CONNELL
Yeah,
well, we all got our little problems today don't we?
BENI
He
has come to help Mr Henderson.
(Vague)
He got a few scarab bites,
Somehow I feel responsible.
O'CONNELL
Don't gimme that, you never
had any scruples.
BENI
Do you know where I can steal
some?
O'Connell fake-punches him. Beni flinches.
O'Connell
gives Imhotep a look as he strides off.
O'CONNELL
See ya
around.
Imhotep's grotesque new eyes glare out from behind the mask.
INT. CASBAH - DAY
Three shot glasses clink together. O'Connell, Jonathan and Henderson drink the shots then-all three of them instantly SPIT OUT the liquid. Half the bar SPITS OUT their drinks as well.
HENDERSON
Sweet Jesus! That tasted
just like, ...like...
O'CONNELL
Tomato juice? No,
wait…
They all look at each other, even more nervous.
JONATHAN
"And the rivers and waters of Egypt
went red and were as blood."
A look passes over O'Connell's face, a realization.
O'CONNELL
On the contrary
Watson, that is the least of our problems. He's here …
He suddenly jumps away from the bar and runs for the door.
JONATHAN
Who's here?
O'CONNELL
The guy!
The Priest! THE MUMMY! Priest...Shit Rick you've really done it now
…
EXT. BRITISH FORT COMPOUND - DAY
LIGHTNING FLASHES as O'Connell and Jonathan race across the compound.
JONATHAN
Evy!
EVELYYYYNN!
EXT. BRITISH FORT COURTYARD - DAY
Evelyn calmly steps into a courtyard carrying a handful of books. Then a HAND GRABS HER! She jumps and drops the books. It's Jonathan, breathing hard, O'Connell in tow.
JONATHAN
We got
problems.
And that's when people in black shades appear on the roofs and throwing ice cubes and mini firebombs. O'Connell and Evelyn and Jonathan jump back. Jonathan, O'Connell and Evelyn run under the eaves as SOLDIERS, SERVANTS and CAMELS run in every direction, trying to avoid the maelstrom.
O'CONNELL
Tomato juice! I mean,
he's here! I saw him!
That thing is here! I SPOKE to it!
EVY
The creature? Are you
sure?
O'Connell gives her an incredulous look and gestures at the 'HAIL and FIRE.'
O'CONNELL
Errrr…Hail and fire?
Sort of…
The HAIL and FIRE comes to a stop. Everything goes dead quiet. Jonathan and Evelyn freeze. And then a BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM is heard coming from the living quarters directly above them. They race up the stairs, O'Connell in tow.
INT. HENDERSONS QUARTERS - DAY
They race into the room, then skid to a stop as they see Henderson backing away from Imhotep. He is even more regenerated. Evelyn gasps.
EVY
He must have fully drained
that digger...
JONATHAN
Yeah, and he's about to do the same
to Henderson!
HENDERSON
Wouldya
quit talkin' 'bout me like that and help me
for gods
sake!
O'Connell fires his gun repeatedly at Imhotep. It has no affect, but Imhotep turns towards O'Connell and, without touching him, sends him flying backwards into Jonathan.
O'CONNELL
Thanks
for the soft landing.
JONATHAN
Yeah, no problem. Now could
you-
O'CONNELL
Yeah, yeah, I know. Get of you...
O'Connell scrambles to his feet and brushes himself off. Jonathan pushes himself to his feet and turns to Imhotep.
JONATHAN
Right
then...
(He lifts his gun)
Hey! UGLY!
Imhotep turns to Jonathan and begins to stride towards him. A cat jumps up onto the table and Imhotep shrieks. He spins and blasts out the door. Henderson is still in the corner, shaking slightly. Jonathan lowers his gun slowly.
HENDERSON (Shaky)
This ...This is all your
bloody fault O'Connell...
EVY
There is only one person who
can help us now, and he won't want to...
CAIRO MUSEUM - DAY
Everyone runs round the corner, then stops as they see the curator talking to Ardeth Bay. O'Connell almost falls over Jonathan as he slows and points at Ardeth.
JONATHAN
You…
Ardeth turns.
ARDETH BAY
Aaah, right on time.
O'Connell joins Jonathan and points at Ardeth
O'CONNELL
Hey…You're
the one who said-
EVY
Yes, yes, what a happy reunion. Well,
you can both have a good squabble about fashion sense or whatever
later. Right now I want to know what's going on.
JONATHAN
Agreed.
O'CONNELL
Whatever
he says.
JONATHAN
Shut-it.
O'CONNELL
OK.
HENDERSON
Look,
can we just get on with it? Who are you guys anyway?
The Curator sits down.
CURATOR
We...are part of the ancient
cult of the Mumia.
For thousands of years we have guarded Hamunaptra - the city of the dead.
We are sworn to do all in our power to stop
the high priest Imhotep from being raised.
ARDETH BAY
But you
just had to read from that harmless book...
O'CONNELL
I
TOLD her not to. For what it's worth I'M sorry for the part I played
in this.
JONATHAN
Stop sucking up, Ok? They have to help us
get rid of it - you heard the guy.
Well what else can you tell us? Why's he scared of cats?
CURATOR
Because
cats are the guardians of the underworld,
and also that terrifying Bacardi Breezer commercial…
With the dancing cat? Never mind…
He will fear them until he's regenerated, then he'll be scared of nothing.
He will suck the life from those who opened the chest,
then he will raise the one he has loved for thousands of years. Anck-su-namun
The Curator turns to Evelyn.
CURATOR
And
as you - in your wisdom, read from that 'Harmless' book.
You will be the human sacrifice to regenerate her.
JONATHAN
Pardon?
I'm sorry I don't think I heard you quite right,
because no-one is going to touch my sister.
ARDETH BAY
If you say
so.
(He turns to the window)
It will begin tonight, with the
eclipse.
EXT. EVELYNS FOYER - NIGHT / DAY
EVY
He mustn't be allowed to
regenerate, who opened the chest?
HENDERSON
Let's see there
was me, that poor digger...oh and the Egyptologist
fella.
O'CONNELL
What 'bout Beni?
HENDERSON
Na,
He was sensible.
JONATHAN
Right , well we gotta get Mr
Egypt back here where it's safe
before Bandage gets to him...Evy, you stay here,
Henderson and ...O'Connell I guess...You two come with me.
All at once
HENDERSON
I'm not goin' anywhere! We're safe
here-
O'CONNELL
Thanks for you're faith in me, 'least
someone thinks I can help-
EVY
Who put YOU in charge! You
can't just leave me behind! You're my brother! You know
I-
JONATHAN
OK!
He shoves her into her bedroom and slams the door, locking it. You can hear Evelyn hammering on it. He chucks the key to Henderson
JONATHAN
Guard this door
with your life or lose it. O'Connell...You're with me.
CAIRO ALLEYWAYS-BAZARR. NIGHT/DAY
The Egyptologist stumbles into dark alleyways, clutching the book of the dead and his sacred canopic jars. Imhotep stalks him.
EGYPTOLOGISTS OFFICE-NIGHT/DAY
Beni is ransacking the place.
O'CONNELL (O.S)
Well, well,
well.
Beni spins round. Jonathan and O'Connell stand in the doorway.
JONATHAN
Lemme
guess, spring-cleaning?
O'Connell strides over, Beni walks across to him. O'Connell shoves Beni against the wall and pins him there. Jonathan uncrosses his arms and walks over.
JONATHAN
Wow
O'Connell I'm impressed, didn't know ya had it in ya.
O'CONNELL
I've
been practising specially.
BENI
Look, wouldya get off
me?
JONATHAN
Where's you're new friend Beni?
BENI
What,
you mean bugs fer brains?
JONATHAN (moving to sit in a office
chair then wheeling himself over in it)
What is it you're
looking for?
BENI
The book of the dead. He needs it to
raise his dead girly friend and I intend to stop him-
O'CONNELL
If
ya ask me that thing is causin' way too much trouble
JONATHAN
Well
no-one asked you so...Hang on a second,
Beni I thought you were the bad guy working with Imhotep...?
(Muttered to self)
WHY can't they make scripts simple, or at least easy to understand?
MAN
(O.S)
This is Hollywood mate, get used to it.
O'CONNELL turns as he hears a scream from the Bazaar
O'CONNELL
Here's
Buggy!
BENI
And that's my cue ta go; make sure he doesn't
get the book!
O'CONNELL
Why can't you do that! Lazy
ass.
EXT. BAZAAR DAY/NIGHT
Down in the bazaar, people are SCREAMING and quickly backing away from the shrivelled CORPSE OF THE EGYPTOLOGIST. A partially decayed HAND reaches down and takes the sacred canopic jar out of the Egyptologist's shrivelled hand.
INT. EGYPTOLOGISTS OFFICE – DAY/NIGHT
O'Connell and Jonathan look at each other, panicked.
O'CONNELL
Damn-it! That's two down and only two ta go!
JONATHAN
And then they'll be after Evy
Jonathan turns and races out of the office. O'Connell hangs back.
O'CONNELL
Remind me once more why we care about Evy?
JONATHAN (O.S)
'Cos she's my sister!
INT. EVELYN'S FOYER – DAY/NIGHT
Henderson sits in a chair next to Evelyn's door looking wired with fear.
HENDERSON
The hell with this, I'm goin' downstairs to get me a drink. Ya want somethin'?
EVY (Faintly through door)
No thanks…
Henderson nods and heads out.
A BREEZE comes in through the open window. The curtains flutter. Imhotep steps into view. He steps up to Evelyn's door, rattles the knob. It's locked.
INT. EVELYN'S ROOM – DAY/NIGHT
Evelyn is asleep in her room as SAND begins streaming in through her keyhole, pouring onto the floor, forming a large mound. Then the mound is gone and in its place are Imhotep and a small sandcastle. He bends and puts a flag in it's top.
INT. FOYER – DAY/NIGHT
O'Connell and Jonathan race into the foyer and skid to a halt as they see Henderson is not there. Jonathan runs up to Evelyn's door and rattles the knob, still locked. He bends down and looks in through the KEYHOLE.
EVELYN'S ROOM – DAY/NIGHT
The door starts to CRASH and BANG and you hear O'Connell cursing. Imhotep ignores it. The door BURSTS open. Evelyn wakes up, sees Imhotep standing by her and shoves him away.
EVY
It's not good manners to sneak around a lady's bedroom in the dark,
didn't you're mother ever teach you?
Imhotep turns angrily to face O'Connell and Jonathan.
O'CONNELL (Pointing at Jonathan)
It was his idea, nothing to do with me.
In my opinion you can have the girl, never liked her.
EVY
Thanks!
O'CONNELL
You're welcome.
Imhotep starts to move for O'Connell.
O'CONNELL
Errrr…A little help here guys?
JONATHAN
Should we help him?
EVY
Go on, he can carry stuff later.
JONATHAN
Hey!
Look who I brought to meet you.
He throws a white cat at Imhotep. Imhotep instinctively catches it. He SHRIEKS, drops the cat and stumbles back towards the door. Imhotep spins out.
Henderson walks in, looks around…and drops the drinks glass.
HENDERSON
We gotta do somethin'! We gotta do somethin' NOW!
Before it's too late!
O'CONNELL
Can't we take a quick holiday first?
Hey, Jonathan, I've got this house up in the Lake District-
JONATHAN
Oh god SHUTUP!
Pause
EVY
Well
now THAT'S no way to behave.
Jonathan stares at Evelyn and she grins, then turns to Henderson
EVY
Museum of Antiquities.
EXT. CAIRO BAZAAR – DAY/NIGHT
Imhotep strolls through the streets heading for the museum, Beni is at his side looking very nervous.
INT MUSEUM OF ANTIQUITIES – DAY/NIGHT
O'Connell, Jonathan, Henderson and Ardeth Bay follow Evelyn as she strides through the museum.
EVY
Last month I came across an inscription that
mentioned the book of the dead
HENDERSON
The book we found at Hamunaptra?
EVY
Yes. I ignored it because it talked of bringing
people back from the dead. A notion I was unwilling
to believe
O'Connell starts to laugh quietly. Evelyn glares at him.
EVY
What's so funny?
O'CONNELL
It's just the way you talk sometimes…
(Trailing off) 'A notion I was unwilling to…'
HENDERSON
Can we get on with this quickly please?
I have a plane leaving in two hours and I'd like ta make it.
O'CONNELL
Really? Where're ya goin?
ARDETH BAY (Looking in confusion at them)
SHUT UP THE TWO OF YOU. Ok then, quick run through.
He's got the book of the dead and now he's going to use it
to bring his girlfriend back. If he succeeds the two of them
together will bring about the apocalypse.
O'CONNELL
Oh god cheer up will you
Ardeth Bay is about to say something then he stops himself. He joins Evelyn at her side as she heads up the stairs.
ARDETH BAY
Only at the moment of Anck-su-namun's resurrection will
he be unbeatable.
They reach the display cases. Evelyn quickly opens them.
EVY
I'm thinking if the black book of the dead can bring
people back to life-
Jonathan steps up to her.
JONATHAN
Then the golden book of the living can get rid of them!
ARDETH BAY
Yes, perhaps it can return him to the underworld.
O'Connell takes a step forward.
O'CONNELL
So what you're sayin' is if we find the book made outta
gold, the book of the living-
ARDETH BAY
-And read the secret incantations-
O'CONNELL
Yes, yes and read all them Egyptian spell thingys-
ARDETH BAY
-Incantations-
O'CONNELL
Ok, incantations. You think it'll send this guy back to hell?
ARDETH BAY
Yes, hopefully.
Evelyn and Ardeth quickly sort through some pieces of broken stone tablets. Eventually Evelyn pulls out a large piece.
EVY
Here, got it!
O'CONNELL
What? What'd you find? I don't even know what
you where looking for (looking around at everyone)
Did anyone here know what she was looking for?
EVY (while quickly translating the tablet)
The book of the dead was in Anubis so the book of the living is-
HENDERSON
Yes? Hurry it up will you!
Evelyn lowers the piece of tablet, glaring at Henderson
EVY
Horus.
HENDERSON
Pardon?
ARDETH BAY
Horus is to the east of the Anubis statue.
O'CONNELL (turning to look out window)
Hell! We gotta go back out THERE! With the, the THING!
And all the, the STUFF!
ARDETH BAY
If you want to kill the…THING…yes
O'Connell turns from the window
O'CONNELL
Err guys, we've got trouble…
The front door BURSTS open, Imhotep walks into the museum.
EXT. MUSEUM OF ANTIQUITIES – NIGHT
Everyone sneaks out of some bushes, heading quickly down the road.
Beni steps out of the museum and sees them. He smiles at them and waves them on, looking up at the museum. Suddenly Imhotep is looking out from the upper window, he snarls angrily.
BENI
Oh dear……….
EXT. BAZAAR – NIGHT/DAY
Everyone runs down the narrow streets. Imhotep is walking slowly and calmly behind them.
Then Henderson stops and starts rummaging in his pockets, continually looking up at Imhotep. Jonathan stops and looks back at Henderson but O'Connell grabs him as he runs past and pulls him on. Finally Henderson pulls out his Jewel incrusted SACRED CANOPIC JARS. He holds them out for Imhotep as he walks up. Imhotep takes them; Henderson relaxes taking this as a sign that he wont be killed
Jonathan and O'Connell stop and look back as you hear Henderson scream. O'Connell starts and grabs Jonathan's arm.
O'CONNELL
C'mon! C'mon! Let's go! Let's go!
They continue running until they hit a dead end. O'Connell looks frantically around for some way to escape. They turn around and Imhotep steps up – having fully regenerated.
O'CONNELL
God he walks fast.
O'Connell grabs some dynamite and a match, striking it against the wall. Ardeth Bay shakes his head.
ARDETH BAY
Ha! You think that'll work?
O'CONNELL
It worked on you.
Ardeth glares at O'Connell
ARDETH BAY
He has completed the curse,
Now all he need do is raise Anck-su-namun
and he will be unbeatable, a new beginning for them
and the end for us.
O'CONNELL
I told you to cheer up!
Imhotep moves forward. O'Connell lights the fuse. Imhotep steps up to O'Connell and watches it burn down. The LIT FUSE is about to vanish inside the stick of dynamite when Evelyn licks her fingers and snuffs it out. O'Connell relaxes
Imhotep holds out his hand to Evelyn. Beni out of the shadows.
BENI
Take his hand and he will spare the others…
Except maybe O'Connell…
O'CONNELL
Hey—
EVY
Any bright ideas anyone? No? Well then…
Evelyn reaches out to take Imhotep's hand, Jonathan moves to stop her and O'Connell moves to stop him—but Ardeth Bay grabs them both
ARDETH BAY
Don't be stupid…
EVY
Bye then!
Evelyn grabs his hand and steps up to him. Imhotep turns and sticks his tongue out at Jonathan.
JONATHAN
Wait, this isn't right…
O'CONNELL
I know, I was sure this wasn't a dead end when I came down here…
JONATHAN
No, it really isn't right, look…
(He draws a copy of the script from a bag that was just off screen)
look, (pointing at script)
she's supposed to hesitate and make feeble jokes…
Haha, but at least Imy forget to take the-
(Imhotep rips the key box out of Jonathans upper pocket)
Key…
Imhotep walks off slowly with her into the shadows. At the last minute Evelyn turns back and shouts:-
EVY
If you don't rescue me I'll haunt you guys
for the rest of your Lives!
They disappear into the dark.
JONATHAN
We need to get her back
O'CONNELL
For once I agree, I don't want a ghost and
a mummy chasing me.
O'Connell turns to Ardeth Bay
O'CONNELL
You know where he's taking her?
ARDETH BAY
Yes. (putting on dramatic voice)
The master meets with the demonof the mausoleum, plotting plots
of purest evil……
O'CONNELL
And really he is …..?
ARDETH BAY
I was just trying to put some drama into it…
O'CONNELL
We got enough of that already…
ARDETH BAY
He will take her to Hamunaptra to perform the ritual
to revive Anck-su-namun.
O'CONNELL
Which is done by…?
ARDETH BAY
Reading the book of the dead
O'CONNELL
Ah yes, of course that thing.
ARDETH BAY (Pointing at Jonathan)
Then killing his sister.
O'CONNELL
Ah, yes I can see were the problem lies…
O'Connell looks across to Jonathan
ARDETH BAY
Imhotep can now cross the desert very fast
If he arrives before us, it may be too late.
SAHARA - DAY
Imhotep looks up into the sky, listening carefully. Evelyn shakes the sand out of her hair and look at Beni.
EVY
What just happened?
BENI
Something sandy
Then they hear a plane and look up.
HAMUNAPTRA – NIGHT/DAY
O'Connell, Jonathan and Ardeth Bay look out over the ruins of Hamunaptra
O'CONNELL
Ok, what the hell's this Horus look like?
JONATHAN
Big, pointy ears, face kinda like a falcon
O'CONNELL
Right.
HAMUNAPTRA STAIRWAY – NIGHT/DAY
Carrying TORCHES O'Connell, Jonathan and Ardeth Bay make they're way down a long winding staircase.
ARDETH BAY (Puzzled)
I have a question, how did we get here so fast?
O'CONNELL
We caught a 747
ARDETH BAY
Right…
O'CONNELL (Grinning)
Movie magic…
NECROPOLIS – NIGHT/DAY
Evelyn follows Imhotep into the underground cemetery. She stops, Beni shoves his rifle into her back and pushes her forward.
BENI
Keep moving.
All three of them walk over the bridge crossing the DISGUSTING MOAT. Evelyn looks down at it.
EVY
Oh lovely…
INT. PASSAGE – NIGHT/DAY
Jonathan and Ardeth Bay are busy digging out a collapsed doorway. O'Connell notices a AMETHYST scarab on the far wall
O'CONNELL
Hey, look…
He walks over and tries to jiggle it free, it comes loose in his hand. He looks at the scarab in his palm. It starts to glow.
O'CONNELL
Hey, Johnny! Come take a look at this!
JONATHAN
Don't call me Johnny…
Something starts to wiggle inside it and he jumps slightly and flicks it onto the floor. He watches it for a minute, looks around then starts to freak out and scream.
O'CONNELL
Ahhh! What the hell is it its in my arm HELLLPP!
Jonathan continues with what he is doing, ignoring O'Connell. Ardeth Bay looks from Jonathan to O'Connell, shakes his head then continues digging. Then, distantly they hear-
EVY (distant shouting)
Well, aren't you going to help him?
Jonathan looks 'round, confused, then walks across to the right and out of the set, round the corner and sees Evelyn sitting on a alter with a guy eating a sandwich and someone else finishing painting the set.
JONATHAN (confused)
Errrr…He's faking…
He walks back to his part of the set. O'Connell has stopped screaming.
O'CONNELL
Well you're no fun.
Jonathan fires a shot dangerously close to O'Connell's foot.
JONATHAN
From now on leave everything alone ok?
You can just watch and only help when I ask you.
Now stop being so ANNOYING!
INT. CEMETERY - NIGHT/DAY
The gunshot echoes into the cemetery as Evelyn, Beni and Imhotep step up to the alter.
IMHOTEP
Oh god not them…
Beni and Evelyn shoot startled glances at him.
Imhotep prepares the altar whilst Beni holds his gun on Evelyn and speaks to her quietly.
BENI
Sorry it had to be like this, Prince Imhotep
wants your heart, your brain, your liver,
your kidneys and your intestines.
EVY
Ugh, please, couldn't he use someone else?
Imhotep smiles at her
IMHOTEP
No
He walks off into the mausoleums. Beni nervously glances around.
TREASURE CHAMBER – NIGHT/DAY
Jonathan squeezes through a small crevice in the wall and drops to the floor. He picks up the gunnysack, something glints. O'Connell and Ardeth Bay crawl in behind him. It's a huge chamber, supposedly a treasure chamber, but it just has small piles of chocolate coins dotted about. It takes a moment to register with Jonathan who bends and picks one up, looks at it, then throws it down violently.
JONATHAN
Chocolate!
O'CONNELL (Falling to his knees)
We've been robbed!
Where's all the gold?
Jonathan controls himself and goes to stand next to O'Connell, puts a hand on his shoulder.
JONATHAN
You know Rick; there are some things in the world
More important than gold and riches.
O'CONNELL
Really?
JONATHAN
NO!
(Falling to his knees next to O'Connell)
Where is it!
ARDETH BAY
Oh dear…
He grabs them both under the arms and drags them backwards from the room into the next passageway while the moan things like Where is it? and The gold!
Just as the sound of their voices dies out Beni creeps into the chamber. He stares at the small piles of chocolate coins. Then, he jumps on one of the piles and begins to stuff his face.
INT. CEMETERY – NIGHT/DAY
Evelyn wakes up lying chained to the top of the altar. She blinks, then turns her head, - - and looks right into the face of Anck-su-namun's corpse. Evelyn rolls her eyes and sighs.
INT. LABYRINTH PASSAGES – NIGHT/DAY
Jonathan and O'Connell are dragged round the corner into the - -
HORUS CHAMBER – NIGHT/DAY
- -A small chamber. The lower half of the statue of Horus stands in the middle of the chamber.
JONATHAN (detaching himself from Ardeth and getting up)
There he is!
O'Connell gets up as well and they run to the base of the statue.
O'CONNELL
That's Horus? Right, lets get digging…
They all start digging away at the seams of the secret compartment apart from O'Connell who is brushing dirt and dust from something else in the corner of the room.
O'CONNELL
Hey, er, what's this?
Jonathan looks across at part of a giant ring, which is only partially visible where it has been cleaned.
JONATHAN
Ah, it's just a Stargate leave it.
Focus on O'Connell and stargate for a short burst of stargate sg1 theme tune then cut suddenly as: -
JONATHAN (Panting)
Hey, come on help us dig!
Ardeth Bay goes to stand guard at another entrance.
Jonathan is breathing heavily from the heat and exertion. The seam is starting to give
O'CONNELL
Look, I'm getting hot as well let's just sit for a bit, ok?
Jonathan nods, they go and sit away from the seam near the stargate.
Just as they sit a burst of acid sprays out of the seam and hits the far wall before dying down and disappearing into the sand with a water-down-the-plughole noise.
Jonathan turns slowly and stares at O'Connell.
JONATHAN
O'Connell, you're my lucky charm.
O'CONNELL
Good or bad?
O'Connell and Jonathan lever upon the compartment with a gun and pull out and ornate chest. O'Connell rips of the lid and pulls out a HEAVY BURLAP BAG.
He nervously hands it to Jonathan who gives him an annoyed look, then carefully reaches inside it and slowly pulls out the SOLID GOLD BOOK OF THE LIVING - GOLDEN LIGHT plays on their faces as they stare at it
JONATHAN
There's the gold…
EXT. HAMUNAPTRA RUINS – NIGHT/DAY
Outside, Beni staggers slowly towards a camel and starts to climb up. He stops, looks back at the temple door. Then he scurries back.
INT. CEMETERY – NIGHT/DAY
Evelyn struggles. Then suddenly Anck-su-namun's crusty EYELIDS suddenly POP OPEN. Evelyn stares at her in disbelief. Anck-su-namun's rotted head turns and looks at Evelyn with
empty sockets. Evelyn pulls a disgusted face, then she notices Imhotep holding the ancient sacrificial knife.
IMHOTEP
I warn you, I flunked med school
He raises it up over Evelyn's chest, about to plunge it down. Evelyn's eyes widen in horror and that's when O'Connell and Jonathan BURST IN. Imhotep spins around and faces them.
Jonathan beams as he holds up the golden Book Of The Living.
JONATHAN
I found it, Evy! I found it
EVY
I don't care anymore this guy means business!
JONATHAN
Oh yeah, um, Rick! Kill! (Pointing at Imhotep)
O'Connell grabs an ancient sword out of a statue's hand. Imhotep steps forward. O'Connell STRIKES the sacrificial knife out of his hand. Jonathan struggles to open the book, he can't.
O'Connell swings his sword down at Evelyn. One chain breaks free. He looks around but no-one is trying to stop him so he shrugs and walks around to the next. Imhotep is watching Jonathan and grinning. Jonathan spots a series of SOLID GOLD, FOUR-SIDED LOCKS along the binder. It hits him like lightning--
JONATHAN
We need the key! I need to read from the book to kill him!
Imhotep grabs the KEY/BOX hanging from a chain around his neck, rips it off and shoves it into his pocket. He picks up the sacrificial sword, turns from O'Connell and heads for Jonathan. O'Connell swings his sword down again, Evelyn now has one hand and one leg free, she sits there looking bored, swinging her free leg. Jonathan quickly starts translating the cover inscription, not too well.
JONATHAN
Nonsense-something-something.
Bla-di-bla im hatu vegitabalis, ummmmm--?
Rasheem Aaaaa ANUBIS!
A dog runs on stage and starts barking at O'Connell and Imhotep
JONATHAN (muttered)
Oh…My…God…I'm just NOT here…
(Muttered)Dumb ass directors…
(From O.S. "I heard that!")
JONATHAN
What is going on with this MOVIE?
Imhotep leaves Jonathan and heads for the Dog. O'Connell leaps over and with one last swing of the sword, frees Evelyn from her chains. Evelyn jumps off the altar and starts to head for Jonathan, a HAND grabs her. It's Anck-su-namun's. Evelyn reacts. Imhotep looks at the dog, points to O'Connell and in ANCIENT EGYPTIAN commands him to attack. 'Anubis' moves for O'Connell, O'Connell quickly backs away.
O'CONNELL
Jonathan I hate dogs!
JONATHAN
Any last words Rick?
O'CONNELL
A request, pretend I said something
deep clever and meaningful.
EVY
Jonathan! Finish the inscription, idiot!
JONATHAN
Oh. Yeah, right.
Anck-su-namun ATTACKS Evelyn. Jonathan quickly looks back at the hieroglyphs on the book cover.
JONATHAN
Hooty imy Ahmenophusy!
The dog instantly freezes in its tracks. O'Connell slides away from it. Evelyn SHOVES Anck-su-namun away as Jonathan shouts something at the dog in Egyptian. It turns and makes for Anck-su-namun, pulls at her bandages and unravels her completely into a pile of bandages. Imhotep SHRIEKS in rage and horror, then turns and angrily heads for Jonathan. Jonathan starts moving away towards Evelyn. O'Connell leaps to his feet, sword in hand and runs for Imhotep. Imhotep grabs Jonathan. O'Connell runs up and swings his sword at Imhotep and clangs it against the wall by his head. Imhotep drops Jonathan and spins around, facing O'Connell.
O'CONNELL
OY! I'm trying to be selfless for once in my life!
I'm taking risks and stuff and not high tailing it outta
here like I'd really like to!
Imhotep grabs O'Connell THROWS him half way across the room. O'Connell SLAMS into a gravestone, bounces off and crashes to the ground. Imhotep is already striding towards him. Jonathan lifts up his hand, he has the KEY/BOX back. He smiles at Evelyn, she runs across to him. O'Connell staggers to his feet. Imhotep approaches, rage in his eyes
Jonathan lifts up the heavy gold book, then Evelyn starts furiously working the key into the series of locks, unlocking each of them. The golden Book Of The Living opens with a HISS. Jonathan holds it as Evelyn quickly turns the heavy gold pages. Looking for something.
O'Connell turns to run. Imhotep grins, says something in ANCIENT EGYPTIAN.
Evelyn turns and faces Imhotep and reads an inscription properly for once:
EVY
Kadeesh mal! Kadeesh mal
Pared oos! PARED OOS
Imhotep pivots and looks at Evelyn, then he looks over at the bog, which starts to BUBBLE and SHIFT. And then suddenly a SMALL MAN IN A DRESSING GOWN appears. He is sitting at a table reading a paper and drinking tea. He suddenly looks up at them.
TEA MAN (Startled but not surprised)
Oh! Not again…. Hello, umm, tea-break anyone?
Imhotep let's go of O'Connell, who falls to the ground.
TEA MAN (Standing up)
I'm afraid this sort of thing happens rather a lot. Sorry, it's my fault.
What was supposed to happen?
EVY
Umm, well, I think a load of spirits of Egyptian gods
were kinda supposed to appear and make that guy (Pointing at Imhotep)
either mortal or dead.
TEA MAN
Well I don't think I'm an Egyptian god, unless of course
there's a god of tea and sandwiches. I'll try and fix it.
He disappears and blood starts to drip from a cut in Imhotep's arm.
O'CONNELL
Who was that?
EVY (Confused at first)
I have no idea…………..Look, Imhotep's mortal!
O'Connell swings the sword. Imhotep jerks back. The sword scrapes across and a swath of blood appears across Imhotep's chest. Imhotep touches the blood on his chest.
IMHOTEP
Ughh…..I hate the site of blood……….
O'CONNELL
Errr…ugh…so do I…
Jonathan steps forward to say something, trips and falls throwing The Book of The Living into the bog. Evelyn watches dejectedly as the golden book sinks.
EVY
You idiot…
O'Connell pulls a disgusted face as he runs Imhotep through with the sword, then shoves him backwards. Imhotep stumbles back and falls into the bog, the sword still in his stomach.
Evelyn and Jonathan run up next to O'Connell. They watch Imhotep gently sink into the swamp, slowly dying. And then, just before his head goes under, Imhotep looks up at
them, grins broadly, and says something in ANCIENT EGYPTIAN. Evelyn translates:-
EVY
Errrrr…that's all folks
Imhotep's grinning face vanishes under the goo.
STAFF CHAMBER - DAY
Beni staggers across a chamber, daylight flicking in now. He has a small bag of melting chocolate coins with him. He sees a staff sticking out of the wall, and leans heavily on it. A BEAT, and then the staff clicks down and Beni almost falls over. It starts a CHAIN-REACTION. Beni backs away from the wall.
BENI
Whoops…Now what?
A flap in the ceiling opens and marshmallows pour out. Beni laughs insanely. Then ALL THE WALLS START TO SINK INTO THE GROUND. Driven by tons of pouring sand.
Beni fills bags with marshmallows and runs out of the chamber.
CEMETERY - DAY
O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan look around as all the walls start to DESCEND. Jonathan grabs Evelyn's hand.
JONATHAN
Let's get outta here!
He pulls her forward and all three of them race into a descending doorway.
INT. TREASURE CHAMBER - DAY
O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan run into the treasure chamber. Evelyn skids to a stop, breathing heavily. O'Connell grabs her hand and Jonathan's pulls them on towards a SINKING DOORWAY on the far side of the room. Beni runs into the treasure chamber. O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan race past him. He joins them as they run up a
staircase. heading for a DESCENDING DOORWAY, which is already
half gone, Jonathan dives through the narrow gap. Then O'Connell dives through, he spins around. Evelyn dives, but gets stuck in the middle. O'Connell grabs her arm and YANKS her through just in time. Beni reaches through the narrowing gap with his hand--
BENI
O'CONNELL!
O'Connell grabs it, but it's too late. Beni yanks his hand back as the top of the door CRASHES to the floor. Beni quickly crawls back down the stairs as the ceiling SLAMS down behind him. He stands up and looks around with his diminishing torch. There's no way out. And then he hears something, and turns around. Over in the corner is the REMOTE CONTROL SCARAB bumping continually into a wall. Beni gives it an annoyed look and aims a kick at it
BENI
Piss off.
And that's when Beni's torch goes out. PITCH BLACK. A BEAT. Then the remote control scarab CHITTERS.
BENI
Oh crap…
EXT. HAMUNAPTRA - DAY
The temple COLLAPSES as O'Connell, Evelyn, Jonathan race through the ruins and out through the front gates. The whole place RUMBLES ominously.
They make it down the ramp as more ruins CRASH DOWN behind them. A MASSIVE CLOUD OF SAND AND DUST billows out over the wall and into the air and you just see through the cloud a guy with a remote detonator coughing violently.
SLOW DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DESERT- DAY
O'Connell, Evelyn and Jonathan stand in the middle of the plateau.
They stare at the guy with the remote detonator trying to get a helicopter to go away as it stirs up huge sand clouds.
O'CONNELL
Can we go now?
JONATHAN
Yeah I guess…
EVY
Errr………How do we get back?
JONATHAN
Good question, I was just thinking that you know
O'CONNELL
Why don't we all shout for help?
EVY
Not the most inspired of ideas but it'll do for now.
EVY/O'CONNELL/JONATHAN
HEELLLLPPPPPPPPP! HELLP!
JONATHAN
I don't think it's working.
O'CONNELL
No, look!
Over the horizon three Arabs on huge great Hummer ATV's appear to the sound of the beginning of Indian Jones theme tune and stop just in front of them.
ARAB 1
Are you with the British man looking for Ark of covenant?
JONATHAN
Ummmmmmmmm….I'm sorry what?
ARAB 2
Mr Jones, you with him?
O'CONNELL
What, Indiana Jones? Are you off your rocker you—mmff
(Jonathan closes his hand around O'Connell's mouth)
JONATHAN
Yes will you give us a lift please?
ARAB 3
Most certainly.
Jonathan smiles wickedly at Evelyn.
BLACKOUT
Then superimposed 1 at a time
THE END…………………………………………..
YOU MAY NOW LEAVE IN AN ORDERLY MANNER
NO PUSHING, THAT MEANS YOU AT THE FRONT THERE I CAN SEE YOU
THIS MOVIE WAS INSPIRED BY 5 MINUTES OF BOREDOM A PEN AND PAPER
HURRY UP YOU COULD BE DOING SOMETHING FAR MORE INTERESTING
EVER CONSIDERED BADMINTON?
OR LEARNING EGYPTIAN AND HEBREW?
(Fade out to credits)
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