Hey guys!
Reviewers:
kikofreako: Thank you!
ivorypanther: So are you laughing at my story, or at the pixie sticks?
StickLad: Thank you for your idea. I'm too tired to make one now, maybe later?
ttinuhpfanforever: She's tortured in this one too. I know, Artimis and Hermione! Adorable, eh?
DragonGirl: Thank you! You'll see now!
Athena-Tonks42: I love Luna too, she's my favorite character also, sorry if you felt insulted...
notyouraverageblond: Don't you diss my boyfriend!
BBfan4evah: Did you really laugh? Out loud?
Overactive Mind: You have asked me a question so I will answer it in a moment, as I have one for you. BTW? What the hell does that mean? Now, in answer to your question: Artimis Fowl is from a series called Artimis Fowl. Go to your local library, I'm sure they'll have a copy there. They are a very good series.
ChinaWings: I like the Darthy thing too, it's adorable, eh?
pyrotechnic: Here's your update!
Shadowofazarath: So where's your ass now?
Ian Gainsborough: I just took a bunch of characters. This story isn't supposed to have a point, it's just for fun. And you're really not one to talk. Powerpuff girls?
chainedfreedom11: One order of more torture, coming right up!
Phishy2: Thanks, but no thanks. I have already decided.
Kick-Me-When-Im-Down: Thank you for the ideas, but I'm just going to have Artimis and Hermione and me and Darthy. But thank you, I might use some of your ideas later on!
Mr. Dark Side: DARTH VADER ROCKS SO MUCH!I AM THE BIGGEST STAR WARS FAN! And what the hell is with the Barbie Doll thing?
"Hey everyone!" staremerald shouted loudly to the audience.
"We love you staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.
"Who do you love?"
"You!"
"I think I must have something stuck in my ear, because I still can't hear you. Who do you love?"
"You!"
"Sorry, you'll have to speak up. Who do you love?"
"YOU!"
STAREMERALD! GAME SHOW FIRST AND AUDIENCE LATER!
"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. "Here's the dumb contestants." Staremerald snaps fingers and contestants fall the ceiling.
"Dammnit!" the janitor said from the audience.
"Oooooo! You said 'Dammnit!' " Cosmo said, moving his forefinger down his other so they made a cross shape.
"Dares we do now?" Yoda asked.
"Yep," staremerald said creepily.
"But sleep last night I could not! Snore like an atomic bomb ignorant Mud Boy did last night even though across the hall from me he was! Artimis turns red and everyone laughs except for Raven and Darth Vader.
"Laughing is for mortals," Darth Vader said.
"Only the stupid ones," Raven added.
"And now," staremerald said, "We start!" She stopped laughing, snapped her fingers and they were all transported to a room. The audience were still in their stands but the contestants were in chairs; Raven's a dark purple, Cosmo's a lime green, Yoda's a murky green, Darth Vader's black, Kitten's pink, Luna's silver, Hermione's red and Artimis' blue.
All the contestants looked up to see staremerald sitting in a huge multicolored chair higher than a house. Her hair was purple and braided into a million different braids, each with a different type of bead on the end. Her clothes were sixties style.
"Radical, man!" Artimis snickered. Staremerald looked down at herself.
"What the-" she snapped her fingers but she stayed in the same clothes. "HEY! WHAT GIVES?"
The fashion board for this show has decided to make you stay in those clothes.
"WHAT!"
STAREMERALD! JUST GET ON WITH THE SHOW!
"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. "Right, why don't we start with Artimis?" His chair suddenly rose up to her height and he gulped.
"Artimis," she said, "I dare you to…eat some of Starfire's cooking!" Down on the ground, Raven shook her head.
"Poor, poor kid," she muttered.
"And if I refuse?" Artimis asked.
"Then you're a baby."
"I can live with that."
"Oh and did I mention that this is a special dare show were you are forced to do it?"
"What!"
"I have heard that someone has wished for me to make them an as they call it here on earth 'burger?'" Starfire entered the stage and was floated up to the same level as staremerald and Artimis.
"Right here, Starry," staremerald said, pointing at Artimis. Starfire handed him the plate. The burger was black with a purple squishy thing inside.
"What is that?" Artimis asked Starfire. She blushed.
"Well, I 'burnt' the burger and was trying to find a substitute and this was all I could find …it's from Tammeran…hee hee?" staremerald shrugged.
"Works for me. Eat," she ordered the chair. A metal hand appeared from inside the chair, picked up the burger and stuffed it into Artimis' mouth. He swallowed and then turned green.
"You enjoyed it, yes?" Starfire asked.
"I HATED IT!" Artimis shrieked. Then all was quiet until Starfire's eyes turned green.
"You are a horrible boy!" she shouted and began shooting him.
"AHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.
"O-kay. Hermione next." Suddenly, Hermione's chair lifted above the ground and to Staremerald's level.
"Alright Hermione, since you're a girl-
"AHHH!" Artimis screamed as he ran around narrowly avoiding Starfire's blasts.
"Starfire! I can't talk while he's screaming! Do you mind going somewhere else while I finish?"
"Of course, friend," She said smiling and then picked Artimis up and dragged him outside. They could just barely hear his muffled screams.
"As I was saying, since you're a girl, I'll be nice. I dare you to…say 'I pick my nose when no one is looking' after every sentence until the end of the show!"
"How is that nice?-I pick my nose when no one is looking." Hermione looked shocked. "What the hell?- I pick my nose when no one is looking. AHHHHH!- I pick my nose when no one is looking."
"Bye!" staremerald said and snapped her fingers. Suddenly Hermione appeared in the street. A big television showing her was brought down in front of the audience, staremerald and the remaining, trembling contestants.
"Hello dear," said an old lady as she passed Hermione.
"Hello- I pick my nose when no one is looking," Hermione said and then placed a hand over her mouth.
"You disgusting little girl!" The old lady brought her handbag down on Hermione's head and then walked away.
"Hey, are you Hermione Granger?" asked a little girl.
"Yes-I pick my nose when no one is looking. Oh Dammnit- I pick my nose when no one is looking." The little girl looked disgusted and walked away. Just then, Daniel Radcliffe walked down the road. A goofy smile appeared on Hermione's face. She L-O-V-E-D Daniel Radcliffe. (A.N. notyouraverageblond & Phishy2-Who does that remind you of?)
"Hi Emma Watson," Daniel said. Hermione shook her head. "What's wrong? Do you have laryngitis?" Daniel asked her. Hermione shook her head again and pointed to her throat. "Well, has a cat got your tongue?" Just then, staremerald made a cat appear holding a fake yet real looking tongue with the words 'This is Hermione's tongue' walk past the two. "Okay, a cat really does have your tongue! No wonder you can't talk!" Daniel exclaimed. Hermione rolled her eyes. How dumb was this guy! "What's the matter?" He asked her, noticing her expression. "If the cat really does have your tongue that there's noth-"
"You are such an idiot!- I pick my nose when no one is looking. A stupid person made me say 'I pick my nose when no one is looking' after every sentence!- I pick my nose when no one is looking. And you are so not my idol anymore! I will never ever build shrines dedicated to you anymore and do any private rituals and write about how cute I think your butt is in my journal!-I pick my nose when no one is looking," Hermione shouted. All was silent.
"You think that my butt is cute?" Daniel asked. "Uh, I mean that's really gross." He turned and walked away.
"Oh my god, how embarrassing, okay staremerald, please, take me back!- I pick my nose when no one is looking," Hermione begged. Staremerald, back in the room, sighed, snapped her fingers and Hermione was back in her chair. It was now on the ground and when she realized there had been a TV screen in the room, she turned the same color as her chair.
"Okay, next we'll have Yoda," staremerald said as Yoda's chair grew to her level. He tried to slip out of the chair, but he was too high up to get out. "Right, Yoda, I dare you to…dye yourself multi-colored!"
"Say that you did not!" Yoda protested. Staremerald grinned creepily and said. "Go chair, go!" A similar metal hand like the one that came from Artimis' chair appeared from out of Yoda's chair, grabbed a paint-brush and began painting Yoda. When he was finished, Yoda and a random marshmallow could have been twins except for the fact that marshmallows don't talk backwards, they prefer to talk Timbuctooian, they are not multi-colored, they are not aliens that are an inch tall and they are not strong in the force.
"Look like a random marshmallow I do! Except backwards marshmallows don't talk, prefer Timbuctooian they do, strong in the force they are not, multi-colored they are not and not one inch tall aliens they are!" Yoda complained as he was lowered to the ground.
"Next we'll have Luna!" staremerald said as Luna's silver chair grew to face staremerald.
"I am fearless," Luna said, looking staremerald straight in the eye.
"Yeah, bull Luna, all you say is bull. I know what you're really afraid of!"
"What?" Luna asked smugly.
"Ronald MacDonald!"
"AHHHH! Where!" Luna looked frantically around her chair until staremerald smacked her on the face. "Thank you," Luna said calmly.
"No prob," staremerald said sweetly. "Luna, I dare you to…watch the commercial of the 'Activation Station' birthday episode. (A.N. Okay, for all of you who have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, there is a commercial on Nickelodeon where Ronald MacDonald comes out in this place called the Activation Station. He sings songs with kids; the only ones I've seen so far are the Birthday one and the Soccer one. If you know any more, please review me about them, I'd love to laugh at the idiocy of MacDonald's.)
Staremerald clicked the power button on the remote which just magically appeared and the commercial started. Luna's chair grew seatbelts that tied her into the chair so she couldn't move.
"Happy Birthday!" Ronald Macdonald throwing confetti at the screen. He stopped. "What? You say today's not your birthday? Oh, that's okay, because on birthday day, it's everyone's birthday!"
"AHHHHH!" Luna shrieked.
"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you, to you!" Sang a woman's voice as a bunch of five-year olds danced on a dance floor. Luna seemed to relax. Then it showed Ronald MacDonald again. He was dancing like some loser clown, (A.N. Wait, he is a loser clown!) and he said, "I'm having fun dancing with you!"
"STOP THE TORTURE!" Luna screamed.
"Mwahahahahaha!" Staremerald cackled evilly. She paused. "Wait, my voice isn't loud enough. Let's try again. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She stopped. "Wow, that was really creepy! I rule! I dominate! I rock!" Finally after what seemed like one thousand point nine million hours, the commercial finished with one last,
"Ba Da Ba Ba Ba, I'm loving it!" Then it finished. Luna seemed frozen in terror. She didn't move, not even when she was on the ground and Cosmo began poking her.
"Next, we'll have Darthy!" Darth Vader's chair was lifted off the ground until staremerald was facing him.
"Right, Darthy…I dare you to say 'My heart and soul belong to you and only you and no stupid wannabes can take my love away from you' in this loud microphone.
"Uh," Darthy began reading off the slip of paper, "My heart and soul belong to you and you only and no stupid wannabes can take my love away from you." Staremerald stood up.
"HA HA EVERYONE! DARTH VADER HAS JUST PLEDGED HIS LOVE TO ME! HA HA!"
Only because you wasted his dare by making him saying that.
"What's your point?"
Never mind. You may continue.
"Well, thank you for wasting 10 seconds of my busy and totally important life." Staremerald shook her head and said, "Next, we'll have Raven." Raven looked extremely bored as her chair was lifted.
"Raven-"
"What?" Raven asked monotonously.
"Raven, you have to let me finish."
"Fine. I'm ever so sorry for interrupting you," Raven said sarcastically. Now staremerald, who didn't understand sarcasm, smiled.
"No prob. Raven, I dare you to…be positive for the rest of the show."
"How am I supposed to be post-" Suddenly, Raven's face lit up. "I understand! There are so many things to be positive about!" She reached over and hugged staremerald. "I love everyone!"
"Unwanted touch," staremerald gasped as she tried to breath, which wasn't easy as Raven was giving her a 'Starfire-Hug'.
"Don't be ridiculous; everyone loves hugs!" Raven said happily. She jumped down from the chair and almost killed herself, but instead of cursing, she smiled and said:
"Well, that was positive."
"What's so positive about almost killing yourself?-I pick my nose when no one is looking?" Hermione asked.
"The fact that I didn't die!" Raven said, giggling. "Duh!" Suddenly, her cloak turned pink.
"What's up with Raven and the amazing Technicolor Dream Coat?" Cosmo asked, making both himself and Raven laugh while everyone else rolled their eyes.
"I'm letting happy out!" Raven said.
"Uh oh…maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all," staremerald muttered to herself.
"Okay everyone remember, 'Sharing is Caring!' "Raven said happily. Just then, she spread out her arms and began pretending to be an airplane, complete with pretending to fly and airplane sounds.
"Brooooooooooooooom!" Raven said, running around, pink cloak flying out behind her.
"Okay audience, what do you think of all this? You haven't spoken a lot today, which is surprising, for you guys?" staremerald asked the audience.
"We love your new look, staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.
"Yeah, I'm thinking of keeping my hair like this permanently, or at least for a few weeks," staremerald answered, shaking her head, so that her beads flew in all directions.
"We love you staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.
"Who do you love?"
"You!"
"I think I must have something stuck in my ear, because I still can't hear you. Who do you love?"
"You!"
"Sorry, you'll have to speak up. Who do you love?"
"YOU!"
STAREMERALD! GAME SHOW FIRST AND AUDIENCE LATER!
"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. "Why don't we have Cosmo next!" Cosmo's chair floated up to staremerald's height.
"Alright, Cosmo-"
"Brooooooooooooooom!" Raven said, still flying around.
"Raven," staremerald began, "Would you mind going outside while I finish this?"
"Oh course!" Raven said, running out of the room.
"Anyway, Cosmo, I dare you to…make Trigon laugh."
Presenting…the devil himself…Trigon!
Everyone looked at the door, but no one came in.
"Uh, big mysterious voice, no one came in," staremerald said quietly.
TRIGON! That's your queue!
"Oh sorry," Trigon whispered from behind stage. "Can you start again?"
Fine! Hem, Presenting…the devil himself…Trigon!
"That's me!" Trigon said, bursting through the front door. "Roar!" He began blasting some of the cheesy decorations on the ceiling.
"Uh, Trigon?" staremerald asked sweetly, "Would you please not blast the cheesy decorations?"
"Oh sorry, sweet pea," Trigon said. "What did you want me to do?"
"Cosmo here," she indicated to the green floating fairy, "Is going to try to make you laugh." She snapped her fingers and a giant chair appeared.
"Please take a seat," staremerald said. Trigon looked at it, blasted half away and then sat down. "He's so evil," staremerald said dreamily.
"Hey," Darth Vader protested, "I'm evil too!" He looked at Kitten and began to choke her.
"Hey! I'm too pretty to be choked," Kitten said in her defense.
"Well Darthy, I don't know…Trigon is pretty cute."
"But I'm cuter, right?" Darth Vader asked.
"Right, begin!" staremerald shouted loudly.
"Uh, There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he was eating his shoe, when he woke up, all he found out was that his dream had come true," Cosmo finished. He waited for some laughing, which there was none. He tried again. " Knock, knock."
"Who's there?" Trigon asked blandly.
"Boo."
"Boo who?"
"Oh, don't cry, it's just a joke!" Cosmo finished. Nothing.
"Uh, why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To get away from the idiot who was telling the pointless joke." (A.N. Like father, like Daughter!) Trigon looked up pleadingly at staremerald.
"Nope, I would like you to finish please," staremerald said calmly. Trigon looked evilly at Cosmo who gulped. What made Wanda and Timmy laugh? He made a piano appear and then let it fall, crushing himself.
"HAHAHAHA!" Trigon roared with laughter. "Mortal torture-hilarious!" staremerald picked up the phone and dialed 911.
"9-1-1! What do you mean 911 have changed their numbers!" staremerald shouted into the phone. "Well, what is it now? 9-1-1.1 ? Okay thanks." She re-dialed. "9-1-1.1, hi. Um, could you come pick up Cosmo? Yes, thank you." She hung up. "They can't come." Cosmo turned into a piece of paper, slid out and flew back his seat, bandaged in a million casts.
"Okay Trigon, you can go now. Bye," staremerald said. She snapped her fingers and he disappeared.
"And now last and certainly the least, Kitten." Kitten pouted as her chair floated up.
"Right Kitten, I dare you to…kiss Jabba da Hutt."
"Eww! That slimy guy? Gross!" Kitten said. "I won't do it." Suddenly, Jabba walked in the door and was brought up to their level.
"Kiss. The. Worm. Now," staremerald said through gritted teeth. And just as suddenly as Kitten saw Jabba come in, she felt her lips pucker and leaned down and kissed him.
"EWWWWWWWWWWW! I can not believe I just did that!" Kitten said, spitting everywhere.
"That's really gross," staremerald said as the giant slug was brought down and slithered out the front door. Kitten was lowered down to the ground. Staremerald jumped gracefully from her own, even though it was being lowered. She snapped her fingers and a very burnt looking Artimis and a pink cloaked Raven appeared in their chairs.
"What the next task?" Raven asked happily.
"Writing a poem," staremerald said. All the contestants groaned. Staremerald looked at them all. Raven, dressed in pink, Darthy looking very jealous, Luna, still frozen in fright, Cosmo, looking very battered, Kitten, covered in slime, Hermione angrily looking at the ceiling and Yoda trying to lick the paint off his body but not succeeding. She grinned.
Torturing random stars was fun.
"See you all next time," staremerald called and with that snapped her fingers and they all disappeared. Luna's last thought was 'Hey, I forgot to ask staremerald what Ungraphitable means!'
Anyway, I gotta go, places to go, people to meet and sugar to eat before I sleep!
Review!