I am so sorry that it took so long to update...you know, etc etc.
I can't answer reviews now as it is 2:00am so I will do it next time. Thank you all who reviewed. I love reading them and hearing what you think. Keep them coming!
Disclaimer: Don't own any characters in this story.
"Hey everyone!" staremerald said happily, walking onto the set. The whole audience cheered enthusiastically.
"All right! Everyone begin praising my holy name!" staremerald said.
"Staremerald, staremerald, staremerald, staremerald, staremerald!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.
"Damn, it feels good to be queen," staremerald said happily. "Today our guests will be writing poems!"
"Poems! How hilarious staremerald! You rock so much!" the crowd cheered enthusiastically.
"I know, I know," staremerald said, putting up her hands to silence the cheering crowd.
"Why don't we introduce our wonderful guests?" staremerald said.
"Blimey, it's freezing in here!" came a English voice from the ceiling. Everyone looked up on the ceiling to see Spiderman crouched on the top.
"Oh, hey Spidey," staremerald said calmly. Then she looked scared. "Wait, I had a dream about this! Spiderman was really my science teacher, coming to tell me to go do my homework instead of writing fanfiction!" (A.N. Wanna hear something weird? I really did have that dream!)
"Huh?" asked Spiderman, scratching his head in confusion.
"Never mind…" staremerald muttered to herself before saying loudly, "Spidey's right! It is really cold in here! So why don't we heat things up by introducing our guests!"
"Mind if I stay?" Spiderman asked innocently.
"Sure!" staremerald said, grinning. "A superhero on the show, this is great!" She looks at him curiously. "Are you really Spiderman, or my Bed-Head teacher?"
"Eh?" Spiderman asked, scratching his head in confusion.
"Never mind…" staremerald muttered to herself before loudly saying, "And here they are!" She snaps her fingers and the guests appear, dressed in Shakespearian costumes, all the girls/half-demons except Kitten in Ball Gowns and the guys/fairies/aliens/evil sith lords and Kitten wearing the puffy pants and tights.
"You look good in tights, Darthy," staremerald said approvingly, looking Darth Vader up and down.
"Thanks, I think," he replied.
"Why am I wearing a guy costume?" Kitten complained.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a guy," staremerald said apologetically.
"Funny, funny, no," Kitten said rolling her eyes. "You're such a loser!" Suddenly the room became deathly quiet. The whole world seemed silent. The whole universe seemed quiet. Luke Skywalker, on the planet Tatooine, who totally sucks by the way, seemed quiet for the first time in his life.
"Oooooo! You said a bad word!" Cosmo said, moving his finger down his other so that they made a cross shape.
"For shame!" Artimis added, making the same gesture. Then he stopped. "No wait, I hate you." Staremerald rolled her eyes and snapping her fingers, made Starfire appear.
"You are a horrible boy!" she shouted and began shooting him.
"AHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.
"So what were you saying?" staremerald asked Kitten, pointing at Artimis and Starfire.
"Nothing," Kitten said quickly.
"Anyway, let me show you my totally amazing and interesting costume which I know you are all dying to see." There was a silence. "You all want to see it, right?" staremerald said dangerously, pointing at Artimis and Starfire.
"AHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.
"Yeah, sure!" the contestants said quickly. Staremerald grinned and snapped her fingers. When she finished, she was dressed as Christine from the Phantom of the Opera, complete with the dark, curly, long hair.
"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye…" staremerald sang opera style.
"She's got such a nice voice…" Darth Vader said dreamily.
"Sorry…Phantom of the Opera moment…"staremerald said quickly. She snapped her fingers and a stage appeared. Also, a judge bench, where staremerald and Spiderman sat down.
"Why don't we have Luna first?" staremerald said calmly. Cosmo pushed Luna onto the stage and she turned back and glared at him.
"Right, my poem's kinda werid-"
"Couldn't see that coming," Spiderman muttered.
"Okay, here goes. And what does the sky remind thee of? An ocean perhaps? Heaven? To me it's a snorgaff. A snorgaff is the most delicate creature, eating only ice cream. Ice cream reminds me of the sky. And what does the sky remind thee of? And ocean perhaps? Heaven? To me it's a snorgaff. A snorgaff is the most delicate creature, eating only ice cream. Ice cream reminds me of the sky. And what does the sky remind thee-"
"What the hell, you're repeating yourself, dammnit!" Spiderman shouted.
"Do you have any proof of that?" Luna asked calmly.
"Uh yes! You just said it!"
"How do you know Luna said it? I could be bionic monkey infused with Luna's DNA."
"Pardon?" asked Spiderman, scratching his head in confusion.
"Never mind…" staremerald muttered to herself before saying loudly, "Next?"
"I'll go," said Cosmo. He floated on stage and then began. "La la la la la Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! The end."
"What the hell was that?" Spiderman and staremerald/Christine/All around better person than Phishy2 said at the same time. "Next!"
"Me next!" said Kitten. She clambered ungracefully onto the stage and screamed: "My name is Kitten and I like, uh, pink-ten and Robbie-Poo-ten and shopping-ten." Christine and Spiderman stared at her.
"You suck at writing poetry dude," staremerald said, breaking the silence. Kitten humphed and walked off.
"Next!" Spiderman said, snapping his fingers like a posh customer at a fancy restaurant.
"Are you sure you aren't bed head?" Christine asked him accusingly.
"Uh…no way," Spiderman said quickly.
"How about Artimis next?" staremerald asked.
"Uh…well…you understand that I'm too busy trying to take over the world to write a stupid poem, right?" Artimis stuttered.
"Oh yes. I understand. You're a big man, too big for writing stupid childish poems," staremerald said in a sugar-coated voice.
"Good. You understand. I thought you would make that crazy alien girl appear aga-"
staremerald snapped her fingers and Starfire appeared.
"You are a horrible boy!" she shouted and began shooting him.
"AHHHH!" He screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.
"How about Raven next?" Spiderman suggested, shouting over Artimis' screams.
"Cool," Raven said, walking forward. "A gentle breeze, from Hushabye Mountain, softly blows o'er lullaby bay. It fills the sails of boats that are waiting, waiting to sail your worries away. It isn't far till Hushabye Mountain, and your boat waits down, by the key. The winds of night, so softly are sighing, soon they will fly your troubles to sea. So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain, wave goodbye to cares of the day and watch your boat, from Hushabye Mountain, sail faraway from Lullaby bay."
"That was…beautiful Raven," staremerald said, wiping her eyes. "In midst of all the screaming coming from a certain idiot."
"Oh my god, she copied that! It's from 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'!" Hermione said, rolling her eyes.
"Is this true Raven?" Spiderman said, dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief.
"Yes," Raven said, shrugging, "You never specified whether we could copy or not." She walked off the stage.
"How about you next, Hermione, since you're so smart," Spiderman said. "Do you like science?"
"I find it tedious," Hermione said plainly.
"What?" Spiderman asked, scratching his head in confusion.
"Never mind…" staremerald muttered to herself before loudly saying, "Commence Hermione!"
"Once I found a silver penny,
And when there was one, there was many.
I was richer than a millionaire,
But nowhere near a billionaire,
Once I lost all my money, so I married Harry Potter and became famous."
"That was stupid," Spiderman said plainly.
"You're married to Harry?" staremerald said exitedly. "Has J K Rowling turned around her wicked dead by marrying you to Harry! Yay!" And with that, she did a little victory dance on the table, which was very un-Christine.
That's very un-Christine!
"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. She got off the table.
"Who's J K Rowling?" asked Hermione. "And no, I'm marrying Artimis if he ever asks me but it looks like he's too busy trying not to be blown to smithereens to ask."
"AHHHH!" Artimis screamed as he ran around, narrowly avoiding her blasts.
"What does Ungraphitable mean?" Luna asked plainly.
"Next we'll have Darthy!" staremerald said, ignoring Luna. Darth Vader stood on stage and stripped off his clothes.
"Oh, my eyes!" Spiderman said, hiding his face.
"Oh mine!" staremerald said, staring at him. For concealed under his Shakespearian clothes was a itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie pink and purple dot bikini.
"Ahem," Darth Vader began, pulling out a little slip of pink paper. "When I'm mad I go to sleep, my slaves work without a peep…In my dream fluffy bunnies hop, and Magic ponies skip, white, creamy marshmallows do magic tricks! Everything glitters, shimmering and new, oh and so do flowers too! Happy sunshine fills the place, beautiful pink dresses that I wear lined with lace! Fairies dance around merrily, spreading the love so cheerily, giant lollipops fill the room, unicorns are nice until-Kaboom! They let one out, and everything dies. But then I tap my heels three times and I appear on the death star, happy and fine!"
"That was frightening," Spiderman said quietly.
"SO WHAT IF I HAVE FANTASIES ABOUT ELMO FROM SEASAME STREET?" staremerald shouted. Everyone looked at her.
"WHAT ABOUT ME?" Darth Vader shrieked.
"I WISH I HAD BRITTANY SPEARS' BOOBS!" Kitten roared. "THEN ROBIN WOULD LOOK AT ME!"
"BUT THEY'RE SO FAKE!" Hermione barked.
"WHO THIS SPEARS IS?" Yoda screeched.
"HOW BIG ARE THEY?" Artimis howled as Starfire tried to shoot him.
"I THINK TOM CRUISE IS SEXY!" Raven bellowed. "WHY ARE WE YELLING?"
"SHE STARTED IT!" Darth Vader screamed, pointing at Christine.
"I LIKE CHEESE!" Cosmo yelled.
"WHAT DOES UNGRAPHITABLE MEAN?" Luna screamed.
"Truly frightening…" Spiderman muttered to himself
"Um, let's have our last contestant for tonight, Yoda!" staremerald whispered.
"Walked up the hill Jill and Jack they did,
To fetch a glass of blue milk, yes.
But strong in the force they were not, so became a slave for Jabba da Hutt Jack did. Jill grew interested in the dark side and became the most feared sith lord ever….Darth Vader!"
"What the hell? How can Jill be Darth Vader, when I'm right here!" Darth Vader objected.
"You could be a bionic monkey infused with Jill's DNA," Luna pointed out.
"But how can I be a monkey if I'm a sith lord?"
"You could be a sith lord infused with a sith lord's DNA."
"She makes my head hurt," Darth Vader whispered to Hermione.
"Yeah, she has that impression on most people," Hermione agreed. (A.N. Luna lovers: Please don't hate me! Luna is my favorite Harry Potter character!)
"Okay people! We'll see you next time when the contestants have to withstand being made fun of and try to ignore the lies we push on them (A.N. Think 'Know your stars' from All That).!" Staremerald cheered.
"Well, gotta swing!" Spiderman turned to leave but staremerald grabbed the back of his mask, so when he moved forward, the mask came off, revealing a certain science teacher.
"I knew it! Oh yeah, uh huh, I rock, woohoo!" staremerald does another victory dance on the table.
WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT!
"Alright! Alright! Zesh, don't have a cow!" staremerald shouted at the ceiling. She got off the table.
"Staremerald," Spiderman/Creepy stalker science teacher said…well…uh…creepily, "You must stop writing fanfiction and start doing homework!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why must you haunt me in both my dreams and my life?"
AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TODAY! SEE YOU ALL IN THE NEXT EXICITING EPISODE OF 'TORTURE THOSE STARS'
Well, that's the end of chapter 5. You know you love me so keep those reviews coming...
staremerald