A/N This fanfic is actually created by a RP that Tina and I did. Thank you for playing James, Tina. You are the best! I also want to thank Erin who wrote for Dumbledore and Frank and Sonne who writes for Remus Lupin. The characters Lily, Alice and Sirius are played by me.
We do not own these characters. This rp/fanfic is based upon characters created by J. K. Rowling
James and Lily-A Love Story
Chapter 1- A child on the way
Lily finished up her paperwork on the latest raids that had happened that day. It seemed as if things were just getting worse as the days went on and the aurors had their work cut out for them, and James was just as busy as a healer. Even after being married for five years, she still loved him as much as she did the day they were married. She hadn't approved of many of the things he did as Hogwarts, and he still had a very mischevious streak in him, but his impetuousness was refreshing, especially after the long days that seemed to be a part of her life lately.
Making sure that everything was done for the evening and that she had her cloak and wand, she apparated back to the "The Villa" as they called it after saying goodbye to the few people left in the office. She never lingered long if she could help it, wanting to get home to James because she never knew when her Auror skills would be required again. Collapsing in a chair by the fireplace, she lit the fire with her wand and relaxed, putting her head back. Merlin, she was tired these days. She knew that she should get dinner started and she usually loved to cook, but let the house elves do it tonight. Leaving her instructions with the house elves, she dozed off to sleep.
Working through the last of his shift, and a little over to recheck a couple of patients and leave instructions for their overnight care, James made his way back to his office. Being a young yet up-and-coming Healer, his office wasn't large but not as small as some were. He shuffled off a couple of parchments off to the side and closed his books, but that unsettled feeling wouldn't shake from him. What was going on? Still, he doused the lights and walked out of St. Mungo's, apparating home from the quiet side alley of the street. Opening the door, he walked into the everquiet house and sought out Lily - his comfort and the love of his life. Everything was busy and in turmoil right now - the war-that-dare-not-be-proclaimed was taking its toll in lives and the world surrounding them.
Finding Lily leaning back in a chair, he immediately felt sympathy for her - the work she did wasn't easy - and he just removed his cloak and put it over the end of another chair and sat in the one next to hers just to look at his wife while she had some peace written on her face. Eventually, an elf came in to tell him dinner was ready and he nodded in acknowledgement before it bowed out of the room again. Touching his wife's hand gently, he said softly, "Lily?"
Lily had been dozing and dreaming of James and his friends. They were all so wonderful to them, and often came to visit for impromptu games of Quidditch or exploding snap---James was a champion at both games. She smiled as she slumbered, knowing that her and James could count on their friends for anything. Feeling a hand on hers and hearing James' sweet voice through her sleepiness, she opened her eyes slowly and smiled, "Hey there, how long have you been home?" Seeing him was the highlight of her morning and her evening, and what kept her going some days. She couldn't imagine her life without him in it, he WAS her life.
Smirking as his wife's eyes fluttered open and she focused on him. "Hey beautiful," he said - saying what he usually said every time she woke. It was kind of a ritual for them, but more comforting than routine. Shrugging to her question, he smiled genuine then, "Oh, I've been home for just a few - wanted to watch you. You smile in your sleep - I hope it was of me..." It was a tease, he knew they were completely solid. Or at least, he hoped so. "Elves said that dinner was ready whenever you are." He kept her hand in his, rubbing his thumb in a gentle massage over her fingers, "Rough day, beloved?"
"Yes, just a bit. But knowing that I had you to come home to made it all worth while," She said, smiling at him and pulling him in for a kiss, "Dinner sounds good, I am a bit hungry. Three raids today, seems thing to be getting worse every day," She said, her eyes holding a bit of sadness, "A few muggle deaths, we got there hoping to catch them in the act but we were too late," She said, shaking her head, "Makes me think of mum and dad, and how I worry about them. I am afraid that one of these days that the call will be to their house and...that I'll be too late to save them too," Tears pricked her green eyes, "I want to put protection spells on their house but Petunia, well, you know how she is. Even if it could help save our parents, she won't allow it," Discovering that her stomach was protesting the fact that she'd had little to eat today, she stood from her chair and felt the room spin a little.
Giving a short laugh, James smiled, "You flatter me, love. Why, I may blush any second now." He was joking of course, because he was in fact glad to hear it and he picked up her hand to give it a kiss before she diverted him to a much better place. "Hmmmm," was what he managed to get out for a second, before, "You can greet me like this everyday if you like. Or more." He leaned back again then, letting her tell him about her day. Noting her eyes got sad and grim while she explained how the day went, his mouth straightened to a grim line, "Sorry to hear it." He genuinely was - and it was part of the reason he didn't care for that line of work - he saw it gradually kill his father's humanity - hardening him against the pain of the worse part of his job.
He never wanted to give that up in himself, because he recognized a certain darkness in himself that would follow it. Being a healer reminded him of other things. Taking both her hands in his, he understood her concern. The parents of Muggle-borns were certainly targets, "Try not to think of that, love." It was tough, he knew. He saw it in her eyes everyday. Standing when she began to, James backed up a step but then rushed forward very quickly when he noticed Lily begin to falter, "Lily?" His concern was immediately evident, and he caught her in his arms, holding him up. He put a palm to her forehead and looked into her eyes. "Haven't eaten at all today?" he asked, knowing how she was when she worked. Too damn... driven.
He scooped her up then and took her to the dining room, standing by her until he thought she was steady. "You need to eat - your blood sugar is really low," he said noting her clammy skin.
Sitting in the chair, she knew that he was right. Waiting for him to sit down, she took a sip of the wine and smiled at her handsome husband. She saw the concern in his eyes, it was becoming an all too often thing that she didn't have time to eat, "It's not that I plan to do it, and I do snack occassionally during the day. It's just that it's difficult to really settle down and eat with the way the world is," Picking up her fork, she took a bite of the food that the elves had prepared, "How about you? How was your day?" She knew that with He who must not be named growing stronger, James was busier than ever at the hospital and often times he came home as tired as she was, "I really admire the work that you do, James, you are a wonderful healer, and don't detatch yourself like so many others. You have too kind a heart for that."
Making sure she ate something, he didn't move to the chair beside her until she did. Even still, he kept an eye on her to make sure she didn't fall off her chair. "You know what my grandmother used to say?" he began, and then waited a pause to make sure she was paying attention, "You can't help anybody else if you don't take care of yourself first." He nodded then, very firmly, a sort of confirmation that if Lily didn't start eating properly at work, he'd damn well take time out of his day to find her and make sure that she did. "And, you're trying to divert me from the subject. My day was like it always is - busy."
He smiled then, softening slightly, "But I don't care how the world is - if you are weak or fall over on the job... then what am I going to do without you?" The statement had a lot of truth to it. An Auror couldn't afford any gap in their attention. Taking a bite himself, he then sipped some water and looked at her again, softer still, "And thank you. I can only hope I can be as good as my grandmother was, in spite of a slight weakness in Potions." He smiled wide then, "But I blame my dislike for Slughorn for that." He leaned over and kissed her then, noting her color was coming back, "My care will be the death of me, however... darling."
They ate in silence for a few minutes, each of them content to just sit there and look at one another, drinking in the sight of their beloved as if to memorize them. The sound of the phone broke the silence...having muggle parents it was a necessity. One of the house elves brought it to her and she answered it to hear her Mum on the other end of the line. They talked for a few minutes and Lily broke into a wide smile. When she hung up the phone, she looked over at James with a smile on her face,"Mum and Dad are going to be grandparents. Petunia and Vernon are expecting their first baby," Even though her sister didn't like her or James, she still had a soft place in her heart for her. They were sisters, after all, she couldn't deny that.
Then she thought over the tiredness and things she had been feeling lately; she'd been so busy that she hadn't noticed that she hadn't had her monthly visit lately. Goodness, how long HAD it been? She thought about it, trying to think back but the last couple of months had been a jumble. It had been at least a month, though...
Happily enough, James saw Lily grow visibly stronger and he began to feel more comfortable. He rolled his eyes when the phone rang, however. It wasn't what he was used to and he felt it was one of those muggle machines that just begged to annoy people, first and foremost, and was only mildly convenient sometimes. The only people who really called them were her parents, and if Lily wanted to talk to them, after all, he figured she might teach them the floo method, right? Or devise something like the mirrors that he and Sirius used. Still, he sat quietly while listening to one side of the conversation annoying, watching the expression on Lily's face and trying to guess if it was a good thing or not that they called.
He gathered that it was good, and he smiled when she hung up - until he heard what the conversation was about. Not being related to Petunia, and not caring for her either, kind of coloured his reaction. "Joy," he said flatly which indicated anything but. He forced a smile when he got a look of reproach, however, and continued to eat until he noticed Lily off in some far-off world, "What, love?"
Lily wondered if she should tell him, after all she could be wrong. She knew that stress sometimes caused irregularity and she'd been under plenty of that. If it were true, she wondered how they could knowingly bring a child into this world when it was in so much turmoil. The world they lived in was not safe for adults, but especially for a newborn. Maybe Petunia and Vernon had the right idea and ignorance was bliss. They would be thinking about their baby, how to decorate its room, buying it clothes, picking out names... What did they have to offer their child? Danger and a lot of frightening things. Still, their baby would be loved, and cared for, and even in the muggle world at the best of times it wasn't safe.
Lily sighed, battling the inward demons that plagued her mind and heart, and cut to the deepest recesses of her soul, "James, I think Mum and Dad might have another grandchild on the way..."
Merlin! James just blinked at Lily, dropping his fork and coughing a little as his throat closed up rather abruptly. Coughing into his napkin, he then put it down when he could breath again, took a quick sip of water, and just blinked at her, "You think so?" A mixture of joy and caution took over. He loved babies and children - another reason for being a healer - but there was some definite danger to be considered. Not that he'd ever suggest, that if it was a possibility, that they not have a child, but... His face was a mixture of a growing smile and a blank look at what they'd have to face. He was both terrified for the child's future and elated to welcome a child to the world. He'd just have to... teach the kid and raise it carefully. Protect it. With his life, if necessary. "You think so?" he repeated and nodded in query. The world wasn't a terribly terrific place right now, especially for the type of couple they were, but he couldn't imagine a brighter spot in it. "Merlin, Lily!" he said and leaned over, pulling her into a tight hug. He leaned back and searched her face, realizing at once that her little fainting spell a few moments ago was very probably symptomatic of her condition. "This means you'll have to, uhm, take some time off, though," he said, trying to hide that he liked the idea of knowing there'd be days he'd know she was safe, or safer, anyways.
Lily beamed at James' reaction, "Well, I'm not positive, I guess I'll have to see myself a good healer to be sure beyond a doubt," Here she winked at James, "but you're right about my job. There's too much danger involved to continue if I am going to have a baby," Knowing that if she was pregnant that she had to eat right, she started eating her dinner with renewed vigor, "Do you think we're ready for a baby? I know there were a lot of people, especially those in certain houses, who whispered about us when we announced our engagement at Hogwarts, until Remus and the others squelched those rumors. A lot of them thought we were too young," She said, remembering how cruel some of the Slytherin students had been, especially to James because he was marrying a muggle born witch, "And not to mention we're on the top list of You know who's followers because we have rebelled against him and refused to join them. I don't know, if I am pregnant, I think we need to keep it quiet as long as we possibly can. We can't jeopardize the baby," She said, suddenly feeling very afraid.
Glad that Lily was eating better, James watched her with the enthusiasm in her eyes at first, "Well, you have an excellent healer that makes housecalls - what more can you ask for?" He winked back and sipped at his water, then took her wineglass away, sipping from it before moving it to the other side of him. He was beginning to get a bit nervous about this. He knew what kind of father he didn't want to be, but he wasn't sure what kind of father he was going to be. Although he knew he could be overwhelmingly affectionate, in private. He listened to her concerns as he watched her face turn to that fear he often saw in women when he first told them they were expecting. All women went through it: Joy, fear, nervousness, concern for the future.
That was natural, but their situation was a bit... complicated, too. There were no guarantees that this would be okay, "I don't think we can afford to think of all the 'what ifs', Lily. Not right now." He stopped eating and turned his chair more to face her, taking her hands in his, "But I think you're right - we'll just keep it under wraps for as long as we can. If you trust your boss, he can find a way to reassign you so that it looks like something else. I can help if you want. But it also means you'll have to tone down with the Order. Me too, if it makes you feel better." He didn't want her to lose the baby from stress, after all. His child, a family - his family - and a continuation of the Potter line - at least, he hoped, sooner or later. He smiled for her benefit, meant to be reassuring.
Lily smiled back at him, he knew just how to make her feel better, "Can you do a test to make sure that this isn't a false alarm?" She said, wanting to be sure before they made any final decisions, "I know that this is something that has happened before, not being regular I mean. We both know that can be caused by stress and I don't want us to get our hopes up to have them dashed, because I know how much you love children. I do too, and I was looking forward to having a baby, it's just that times are so uncertain right now," Unconsciously putting her hand on her stomach, as if to protect the baby if she was pregnant, "Maybe by the time the baby comes someone will figure out a way to get rid of this evil that is plaguing our world and we can just enjoy being parents," Taking some more
bites of food, she tried to squelch the feelings of uncertainty that kept rising in her mind, "Well, at least I'm glad Mum called...otherwise I wouldn't have thought about it. In some ways I envy Petunia, her life is so uncomplicated. As for work and the Order, as soon as we know for certain I will make arrangements. I know that we can certainly trust Dumbledore to keep our secret and if your smile is any indication of how you are going to act when we know if it's true, well, then, some other people might need to be told. Sirius and Remus at least," She said, pausing, never having really trusted Peter Pettigrew.
Nodding happily, James smiled, "I have every intention of doing just that - eh, uhm... now, if you want to confirm it, Lily." He did, of course, have his own study for his healer books and potion supplies - such a large part of his life for quite a while - even when he had to hide his studying the Healing Arts from his father - who had hoped he'd be an Auror as he had been - or his grandfather had been. But for now, he'd give anything just to keep Lily as upbeat as possible, "Whatever the world holds in store for us, Lily, we will face it together - and as a family. I promised you that on my wedding day - you can hold me to it." They both had their fear and concerns, James no less than Lily, but he was, at the core, an optimist.
Less so than in the past, but still in that realm of thinking. He snickered that she thought her sister's life was less complicated, though, "Hon, your sister's life is not less complicated, just... ignorant." He raised his eyebrows at this as emphasis, "Don't ever think that any Muggle is safe now. No one is. Not a one." He smiled wide though at the prospect of telling his friends, "Well, we have to tell Sirius! He is gonna be the Godfather!" He smiled broader then, before he had questions, "Right?"
Lily laughed at James' enthusiasm, it was contagious, "Yes, I want to know as soon as possible, so we can start making plans. And you are right about us facing it together, things may not always turn out the way we plan but we know that our love is strong enough to get us through. No baby will ever be loved more than our child," When he mentioned Sirius being the godfather, "Of course he would be, I couldn't think of anyone better," She said, smiling happily, and knowing that if they were indeed expecting a baby there was nothing more that she wanted right now.
Almost as an afterthought, she thought about her sister and the baby she was carrying, "I wish that we could convince them to let us put protection spells on their house, especially now that we have a little niece or nephew on the way. I know that you have never cared much for her, James, but she's still a human being, although she really hides it well sometimes, and as an Auror I feel the need to protect her. She's a muggle, but she is so much more than that because she is my sister. I really should try and convince her again...tell her that Mum called me to tell us of their news," Lily's eyes darkened, "James, please promise me that you won't tell Peter until we have to, until its obvious, okay? I don't trust him..."
"After dinner, then," James said and straightened up his chair so that he could finish his meal, as well. He'd probably whistle to himself if he wasn't eating, as the happy buzz in his mind was going full tilt. He was going to be a father! How he'd longed for this. Right? Yes, yes. "Sirius will be a great Godfather, just as we will be the greatest parents, ever," he said, his mind ticking through all the things he wanted to do - all the things he'd told himself when he was little and alone - all the things he wanted to teach. Like... the fine art of pranking. Yes, yes. Dark Lord be damned.
Turning to listen as Lily talked about her sister, James adopted something of a dubious look, "You can ask her again, luv, but I don't see it happening. And if you put up spells of protection without permission, they don't work as well. You know that." He didn't want to say out loud that he was fine with letting people choose their own doom in spite of being warned, but he did have a bit of Muggle prejudice to contend with himself, and he shrugged for larger reasons than he let on, "You can't force people." He turned and drank from his wine glass when he heard Lily's concern about Peter. Slowly looking at her, his brow furrowed in a puzzled expression, "Hon? What's the matter? Peter's never done anything..." he said, and turned to face her fully, "...against us - against me. Why would you say that?" Granted, he wasn't exactly... himself... lately, but he had troubles of his own - not being exactly a particularly... talented... wizard.
Lily sighed, she knew that he was right about Petunia. Her sister could be stubborn as a mule sometimes, "You'd think that with a child on the way she would reconsider. I mean, it's like not allowing to be treated by a doctor, or a healer, because of their skin color. In both situations it could cost you your life if you don't listen to what they are saying or take their advice," Lily paused as she saw James' expression when he talked about Peter; she'd had a bad feeling about Peter since they were in school together but she never brought it up because of the other three's fondness for him, "It's nothing that I can explain, James. I guess being in the line of work I am in, has kind of given me a sixth sense about people and Peter just rubs me the wrong way. I'm probably being foolish and goodness knows I don't want to start becoming the type of witch who thinks everyone is out to get her, and I don't feel that way about most people. Please, humor me this one time," She said, batting her eyelashes at him, knowing that he couldn't resist that.
Finishing up her dinner, she pushed back her plate, "That was delicious, guys, thank you," She said, smiling fondly at the house elves who came to clear the dishes away. She knew that there were some wizarding families who didn't treat their house elves kindly but her and James always were nice to theirs and because of it the house elves really enjoyed working for them.
"What's that saying, luv? You can lead a horse to water..." he stopped and grinned then. James knew it applied in almost every respect with her sister. There was no way to make her accept who they were or their lives. He was sorry that they didn't - for Lily, that was - but Muggles were Muggles, and some Muggles... worse than that. He finished his meal, as well, and threw his napkin on top of the plate to indicate it could be taken away. He chuckled lightly at how she treated the elves. He was good to them, for sure, but he'd been taught mostly to just... not acknowledge them, so Lily had been teaching him something a little more gracious.
He turned back to Lily, nodding that he'd consent to her wishes, "Sure, hon. You'd know I'd do anything for you and if this is the little you ask, then..." He shrugged, "I'd be happy to comply."
"Thank you, luv," She said, turning and giving him a hug and a kiss, embracing him a little longer than usual, "So, shall we go find out whether we're about to be parents for sure, and then we can come back here and celebrate with dessert?" She said to James, then said to the house elves, "That is, if you don't faint from happiness when we find out the results," She said, laughing, knowing how James was about children, "I don't want to wait any longer, now that I know it could be true, let's go find out now," She said, excitedly, "I know your dad wanted you to be an auror, but at times like these I'm really glad you became a healer. This way, you and I are the first to know and not some nameless healer who doesn't give a hippogryff's behind when it comes to someone having a baby. They're just another patient to them. This makes it all that more special," Lily rose from the table and waited for James to join her.
James was still puzzled by Lily's attitude regarding Peter, as he'd never overtly given them any indication of any kind to warrant her caution, but he dropped the subject, one, because it was likely to go nowhere, and two, because his feelings might be hurt later but it was easy to ask for forgiveness in retrospect. He accepted her gratitude, nonetheless, happily. Nothing could save him from his bouyancy now, and Sirius would just have to put up with a permanent hapless grin for quite some time. "We find out now," he said, practically bounding out of his chair as soon as the elves had cleared a path. Capturing Lily's hand, he pulled her along with him to his study, walking backwards so that he could keep his eyes on Lily and just drink in the glow he always imagined she had, anyways.
"I couldn't do what you and Sirius do, Lils, no matter what my father imagined for me," he said with a smile as he walked her along the hallway, "I just could never be so... 'off' emotionally, you know." After all, his funloving spirit meant that no one ever accused him of fully living life to the fullest and trying to have as much enjoyment and amusement from it. Opening the door to his private study when they arrived, he steered Lily to a chair and then quickly gathered a few healer tools to accompany his wand. "Do we..." he looked up at Lily while rooting in a satchel, finding what he was looking for, and started walking back to her, "Do we want to know what it is, our child?"
Lily laughed at James as he nearly bowled over the house elves in his rush to take her to his study, "I love my work, don't get me wrong, but sometimes it's really difficult seeing all the misery we often come across and never knowing what the next day brings," When he asked if she wanted to know what they would be having, she looked at him incredulously, "You can do that? You can tell us what we are going to have if it's true?" She said, pondering that, "Well, what do you think? Do you want to be surprised...or should we find out now?" She said, knowing that James probably would want to know right then and there.
"I know you love it," James said, fully aware that Lily was dedicated to what she was doing and believed in the greater good of what was trying to be accomplished, "The only thing I begrudge you for is this: It's dangerous and I know it." After all, his father, his grandfather, and a lot of those he knew were casualties of their dedication. It wasn't that he was afraid of those things for himself, he just rather discovered more and more as Lily worked on her 'James improvement project' in school - he preferred saving lives to risking or taking them. Not that the Order didn't give him enough of that anyways - too much at times. When he got back near Lily, he pulled a chair around so that he was facing her directly when he sat down, putting a few things on the floor.
"We can find out if you're far enough along, love. And since you don't know for sure - I guess we'll see," he said, beaming widely. He only hoped that his elation that this had happened wasn't a false alarm and he was about to be verily disappointed. He was almost afraid to confirm it one way or another. Handing her a small crystal sphere, he showed her how to hold it over her lap and he tapped it with his wand. He became sullen and was breathless for a moment as the cloud within it swirled madly and then finally settled. "Yes," he whispered and met Lily's eyes, "It says yes."
Lily nodded when James said it was dangerous. She knew all too well how dangerous it was, having seen fellow aurors end up in St. Mungos', and worse. She watched, transfixed, as he handed her the crystal sphere and told her what to do with it. Finally he said that the answer was yes and she was amazed. They were going to be parents! She smiled at James and gave him a hug and a kiss, "I can't believe it. I mean, I can but...wow," She said, finding herself at a loss for words. Of all that she had seen in this world, all the magic, all the wonders, this is the one that overwhelmed her the most. Nothing could compare to the wonder of a child on the way, created by the wonderous love that she and James had for one another.
She tried to think back to when she last remembered having her period, willing herself to remember, "I know, it was at that meeting back in Sepetember. Remember? I felt so sick I wasn't sure whether I was going to be able to go," She said, remembering it clear as day now, "You used your healer abilities back then, and made me feel better. So, since that was mid October and this is almost Christmas, I'd guess about two months along?"
After the initial stunning revelation that he was about to be a father, James beamed widely. He almost felt like jumping up and running to go tell his very best friend the news - surely, he'd want to be the godfather and look after their child, after all. Still, that butterfly feeling of nervous/anxious/excited was giving way to overwhelming curiousity. Two monts along was well enough to find out what they would be having. Ticking off in his mind, James numbered the months and smiled again, "July then, then end of - 25-ish, plus or minus a week." The end of July, his child would be born. "Leo," he said, painting a picture in his mind of what their personality tended toward. Retreiving a vial from the floor, he handed it to Lily, "Well, if you want to find out - you'll have to drink that."
Lily chuckled at James, who obviously couldn't wait to find out what they were going to have, "A Leo, most appropriate for two Gryffindors, don't you think?" She said, grinning, "How could our child be anything else?" Lifting the vial up to her eyes, she saw that it contained a swirly pink colored liquid, which seemed to glow. Seeing the eagerness in James' eyes, she knew that she wanted to know as well. Drinking it down, its bittersweet taste flowing down her throat, "A baby," She whispered, "James, we're going to have a baby," All the worry and uncertainty of a half hour ago faded away, at least for this moment. She hadn't been this happy since the day that she had married James.
More and more, the reality of their child was sinking in. Suddenly, July seemed only too far away and the visions of the baby swam in James' mind. He nodded in agreement with Lily, "Leo is perfect for a young Gryffindor-in-the-making." He pulled out his pocketwatch as Lily drank, knowing he would have to wait a minute for the potion to take effect before he could use the incantation to complete it. The minute passed like an eternity, James inwardly cheering on the second hand to complete a full revolution. Finally, he looked up at Lily, seeing her expectant expression mixed with a uncertainty and joy. He tapped the crystal once again, and it turned blue. Merlin! He looked up at Lily, "You know what that means, right?"
He beamed at her, thinking he definitely couldn't wait to tell Sirius now. A boy! A boy, a boy, a boy. Heir to the Potter line and a continuation of the name.