"Mmmmine?" stuttered Ross. This was not what he was needing right now? He was only a young college student who had a few too many beers , and now as a thirty two year old, he had fathered an illegitimate child.
"I don't know." Stumbled Gina. "I mean , don't think of me as a tramp or anything, I remember you were sweet and you were funny, and then I remember the morning sickness and then I knew I was pregnant." Gina confessed. Ross turned away from her as he got up to walk to the front of the porch and sat down. Holding his head in his hands, he bowed his head and shook it in shame. "So you aren't sure then, because Gina this is a hell of shock." Ross yelled.
"I never meant to say anything, but I looked at Michael and then I looked at you. It is so clear. He resembles your dark features." Gina said. "He is Italian and I am Jewish. How could he resemble me?" Ross bellowed. "But he has the one thing that Tribbianis don't have , he is a brain and he loves math and science." Gina tried to reason, but Ross was still deep in denial. Hell most of his life he was in one state of denial or another. Denial of his feelings mostly. His deepest denial had to do mostly with the love of his life. Both had feelings buried deep and both had tried to cover them up with some sarcastic words or off the color comments. Most of the time, they were both drowning in this pool of denial.
Rachel stood by the window and looked out. It was a warm morning as the wind blew the drapes in her and Joey's apartment. She couldn't help but stare across the way. Her friends were now married and she was going to give birth. She shielded her eyes from the mid morning glare , but she couldn't see him yet. Sometimes she would look out the window to see him doing yoga in the morning , clad only in his boxers and a tee shirt. She wouldn't say anything to her friend, but she would sip her coffee and gaze at the figure across the alley. She would marvel at his fine form and laugh as she remembered him as a teenager of skin and bones. My the boy grew into a man, and what a man he was. His dark hair had made many transformations from the curly perm as a teen to the teased, very short, too long, and now as he combed it and put a little mousse in it, it was just right. Today he wasn't there.
Gina sat on the stoop now next to Ross. It seemed like hours had passed and the accusations had now stopped. Silence was the only thing separating the two. So many things were going through his mind as he thought of the fact he had a son. He had a son, with no complications. One night he and Carol reconciled when all was lost and the result was a son he never saw. Ben was a weekend child. He always made a vow to himself , that when he found out he was going to be a father again, he would make things right. He once had a dream of a child and a wife and reading the Times and the child would crawl up on the bed and he would share the science part of the Times. That dream used to have a face and a name….Rachel. Now he was faced with the possibility of being able to make restitution for that mistake.
"Does Michael know?" he asked curiously. Gina was welcome to have the silence broken. "No. I told him a long time ago that his father was killed in a car crash. I never thought I would ever come face to face with the man who was with me that night." Ross shook his head. "I always use a condom, except when I was trying to get my ex wife pregnant. I know that they are supposed to prevent pregnancy." He tried to reason , but mostly to himself.
"Condoms don't always work." Gina said softly. "They only work 97 per cent of the time." Ross just looked down at the ground again. He couldn't stay here. He had to go home. Bracing himself on the stairs, he pulled up his tall frame and then held Gina's hand. "Gina, this has been quite a shock for me. I need to go home and do some thinking. I am not going to abandon you, but I need to figure some things out." Ross tried to explain. Gina wrote her number on a piece of paper. "I am leaving in a few days to go back to California, Michael has school. If you want to talk, call me at this number, but please I beg you don't tell Joey anything about this." She begged. Ross was shaking like a leaf , but he bent down and pressed his lips on Gina's cheek. "I promise I 'll call." He whispered. "But right now I just need to think." He put up his hand and a cab stopped. Getting in, he turned away as the driver took off. Gina for the first time didn't know what to say.
He slowly walked into his apartment and then he went to his kitchen to get himself a beer. Boy did that liquid going down his throat taste especially good today. It slid right down. On the refrigerator door, were crayon drawings . One had a two women and a little boy in a house and in a separate house was a man. The picture merely said Mommies and Daddy and Ben. The other was a picture of a big purple monster who was breathing fire . Ross looked at it and laughed. His son thought that dinosaurs breathed fire. Carrying the bottle, he strolled into his bedroom and opened a drawer. In it was a frame with a picture in it. He hated to still admit having the picture and pulled it out every once in a while. He would sit there and just want to hit himself for messing up the best thing he ever had. Further back , was a small velvet box. He was going to give it to her that night. The night that changed everything. Now everything for him was different.
She looked through what she lovingly called her Ross Box. No one had known about it, except him when he accused her of being shallow by exchanging things. Pulling off the lid, she carefully fingered a picture that was taken at Monica's of the two of them. He had his arms around her front and she tilted her head in a cute manner. She smiled at the way things were then. Receipts and stubs came pouring out of an old envelope , cards bore the history of their relationship. Pulling out these trinkets , she became enveloped in a cavalcade of memories. All of them were sweet until she came to the bottom. An airline ticket for London , one for Greece and an eggshell colored envelope. She pulled it out for fear something would leap out of it. Looking down she knew what it was, it was the invitation to his and Emily's wedding. To the left of it was a jewelry box . Rachel opened it and picked up the small cameo. She held it to her breast and closed her eyes. Tears began to form at the corners as she remembered the words.
"Are you kidding, remember when he was in college and he bought Carol that ridiculously expensive crystal duck because he was in love with her?"
That is when it hit. Twelve months of sitting together on the couch, twelve months of watching television or playing games. He had never gotten over her and years later when she went away to school and he went to college, he was still in love with her. Was he in love with her now? She put her hand to her stomach.
He couldn't talk to anyone about this? He so wanted to ask his sister but she would just chastise him about his self control. Besides , she was a newly married woman and the last he wanted to burden her with was his problems. Phoebe maybe? But Rachel, definitely not Rachel. How could he discuss the problem of his past with a woman with the woman he had made love to last night? She was his best friend, but she was also the woman, the woman who held the key to his future and his past. His newest worry was Joey. When Chandler fooled around with one of his sisters, he vowed to not speak to him for ten years, what would he do if Ross knocked one up? Joey was as protective of his sisters as he was of his own. Proud of himself, he remembered the threat he made if Chandler ever hurt Monica.
"I will hunt you down and kick your ass."
Now he was faced with his own dilemma. He could step forward or ignore his responsibilities. It was very obvious that Michael needed some kind of male influence in his life. If he would have known so long ago, would there have been a Carol? Gina was Joey's sister above all and that would be the main factor of what he should do. After all , Chandler had just married his own sister. He went and got another beer and sat down on his leather couch and just pondered the mysteries of life. The biggest one being what was the answer to his future?