A/N: Heyouz! Sorry this took forever! BUT! I finally came up with someone! Actually, this was made a long time ago. I was just lazy to make it into a story. This is based on pictures I used to put captions in. Hehe. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me! NO! Don't stick that lobster at me young… young… citizen…

Life of the Valentine
Story Three

The Legendary Hero (Part 1)

Morning arrives. You wake up in the morning, feeling safe and secure… when in reality, there's evil among us (evil can indeed be inside that box of Lucky Charms you had that morning…) But! Fear not, for there are people to prevent such evil from spreading throughout the world.

Four brave hero's set off on the journey of their lives… on a mission to save what used to be their 'normal' lives.

Meet:

Vincent Valentine, current agent for ShinRa… top gunman in the whole building.

Lucrecia… whatever. Another agent working for ShinRa. However, the only important job she has at the moment is handing free donuts to everyone in the building.

Sephiroth… something something. Next top gunman in the whole building. His past is unknown, however, he is known for being the most on-task person.

And finally, Vincent Valentine… he's th- wait… there's two of them? No… one's got shorter hair. Uh… we'll call this one… Mr. V.

…the most unlikely group ever to be placed in the same building are to overcome the biggest obstacle of all… something REALLY BIG. (it's so big, I think I just peed my pants…)

Morning finally arrived. Our hero's began their day with a big cup of coffee and free donuts from Lucrecia (who was now halfway around the building at that time…) President ShinRa, our hero's boss, had just sent their mission via Vincent's laptop. After stuffing what appeared to be five donuts down his pants pockets, he activated the internet and awaited the god of all voices to answer. It was the most well known voice ever to be known when something new arrived just for you. The two other members leaned forward with anxious expressions planted on their faces. Mr. V's face was practically soaked with sweat and his hands were shaking his coffee cup. He held it close to his chest, breathing heavily. Sephiroth had an expression an England guard would have. No sign of expression whatsoever. Vincent Valentine, however, had the face of a very anxious five-year-old. His feet wouldn't stop fidgeting around… which caused a mini earthquake throughout the whole building. Passersby turned their heads in confusion, wondering if this was the end of the world as they knew it.

And at long last… the god of all voices… had finally spoken.

"You've got mail!"

The three ShinRa agents hopped around their office screaming like schoolgirls, even Sephiroth showed the occasional fan-girl screech. After a few seconds, Vincent and his colleagues calmed down and finally checked the new mail he just received. Once he opened it, a map of the whole ShinRa came flying through the computer screen, knocking Vincent, Mr. V (whose coffee went flying into a random guy in the office), and Sephiroth hard on their bottoms.

"Thank you for choosing Geico!" the god of all voices said before the laptop suddenly exploded. The three agents blinked then gave each other confusing looks.

"What the heck was that!" Sephiroth blurted out as he rubbed his tush. He stared at the map that came flying out of nowhere and tilted his head. "Oh my god! That's!"

Mr. V stood up and examined the map as he pushed some of his hair away from his eyes. "It… IT'S-"

"A MAP OF WINKY LAND!" Sephiroth shouted with glee. His friends blinked at him then shifted their heads to the map. It was indeed a map of Winky Land. Its colorful illustration of animals dancing along the margins of the paper map was quite noticeable. Vincent tilted his head then finally turned the paper over. Now it showed the map of the ShinRa building. He glared at it then turned it around (since it was upside down). He pointed at a red line on the map and followed it with his finger towards the other side of the map. He poked it several times and finally said,

"Alright, you guys! Ya'see this straight red line? Yeah, we're supposed to follow that!"

Sephiroth leaned closer and gasped. "Oh, we are? Hm. I thought Lucrecia rubbed her lipstick on the map again."

"…"

"Fag," Mr. V muttered under his breath.

"Well," Vincent finally said, picking up his neat-looking black sunglasses from under the table. "Let's get to work."

And so, they were off! The three top agents of ShinRa headed out of the office (with their neat sunglasses and now holding guns in their hands) and turned a sharp turn to the right, barely crashing into a dude holding a bazooka. They arrived at their destination and froze where they stood. Turning their heads in a dramatic way, their guns suddenly drew out from their pockets and shot in random directions.

Mr. V shot his gun out in front, looking cool as ever. "Fag," he muttered again to himself, shooting a random guy by accident.

"ARGH!" the guy screamed down the hallway.

Sephiroth turned to his right and shot several times, shooting at the random guy again. "I AM ARNOLD SCHWARTZERMABOB!" Sephiroth yelled at the man. ("GUH" the man responded, clutching his side in pain.)

Vincent stared at the man who was now down to the ground. His pleading cries seemed to make him shudder. What was this feeling he was experiencing now? Could it be that his remorse for the poor defenseless man seemed more… pure than his colleages?

He froze.

BANG.

"…weasel," Vincent said as he withdrew his gun back into his pocket. He turned to his friends who stared at him over their cool sunglasses. "What?" he said to them. "This building's crawling with them nowadays."

"Yeah," Sephiroth retorted. "The ShinRa should really take them back to the forest instead of letting us kill them everyday."

Everyone nodded in agreement and sat on the ground, which was filled with fresh dark red blood. Vincent pulled out three bottles of water and handed them to his friends. They leaned back.

"Thanks, ya fag," Mr. V finally said, waving his foot in the air.

Sephiroth nodded. "Yeah, thanks," he paused for a while then asked Vincent, "Say, where'd you get these anyway? I didn't see any vending machines or anything…"

Vincent sat up at that. "Oh. Remember when I was supposed to be on guard duty in front of that bathroom that just exploded? (apparently, someone let off some fireworks inside the toilet and a guy sat on the seat… ready to take a dump… when…) Well, I went inside to investigate and found these lying on the ground. H'oh man… you should have seen the place. Everything was covered in poo and yellow stuff and… used toilet paper. It was quite a sight. So, I said to myself, 'Hm… why waste three good bottles of water… when I can share them with my friends?' so… I took them and well, here they are."

Silence fell for a few minutes.

"BOTTOMS UP!" everyone responded in unison as they happily drank their bottles of water.

As the day went on, the three have been doing nothing but sit around eating junk food. However, Vincent seemed to be interested in his cellphone. He stood up and leaned against the wall far from his colleagues. He flipped it open and made an odd-looking face that resembled a gorilla sucking on a melon. Apparently, he received a message that had nothing but English letters on it and, seeing that he's pure Japanese, couldn't read them. He began sounding out the alien letters like he was some kind of first grader learning a new big word.

"Ba…toe…reez? Bah…tu…reeks? Boh…ta…recess peanut butter cups?"

Meanwhile, Mr. V and Sephiroth were busy studying the appearance of their favorite snack, Shrimp Crackers (Sephiroth calls them ear plugs 'cause they look like one…). He lifted one in the air and gasped loudly.

"Hey! This one looks like my mother! See how it resemb- wait," he turned the earplug around. "… oh… now it looks like mother with a mullet!" Sephiroth snickered then stuffed the plug down his mouth.

"Gee, Sephiroth. These taste… FAGLICIOUS!" Mr. V said as he nibbled the edges on one of the crackers. "Where'd you get these?"

"Oh, I found them deep in my pants," he patted his pants at that. "Nyup. I forgot that I put them there a month ago. Wow, why haven't I realized it sooner?" Suddenly, he shifted around to where Vincent was still playing around with his phone. ("Bay-ter-rye?") Sephiroth gazed at his bag of earplugs and scooted closer to Vincent. He reached for the bag… (jaw music plays in the back) then brought his arm (holding the bag) to Vincent.

"Ba-to-" before Vincent could finish, Sephiroth interrupted with a voice so loud, it could be heard half way around the whole building.

"Saaayyyeee… want some of my…. SHRIMP CRACKERS?"

A few minutes later, Vincent, accompanied by Lucrecia who finally finished her rounds around the building, sat down in a circle and ate their "faglicious" shrimp crackers. Sephiroth, who didn't realize Lucrecia arrived stared at her blankly, then finally said to her,

"HEY… YOU'RE… YOU'RE A GIRL!"

"…wa-" was all Lucrecia said to him.

A cloud of white smoke suddenly appeared, covering Lucrecia head to foot. In just a matter of seconds, she disappeared. Sephiroth gasped and looked around.

"…SHE TOOK MY EAR PLUGS!"

This was the final straw. No one… but… NO ONE… would DARE take away Sephiroth's shrimp crackers… not even… the president of Gwacalombius! Sephiroth stood up, holding what seemed to be a silver briefcase. His name was carved around the handle and the seal of the ShinRa was also carved on the side of the briefcase. He swung it around, whacking Mr. V in the face and sending him flying into Vincent who flew into another random person who flew into the wall (thus ending the cycle in a sad way). A new mission had finally been decided…

OPERATION: FIND THE SHRIMP CRACKERS BEFORE BED TIME.

No… this was more than just a simple mission. No… this… was the start of a new world war.

Sephiroth stood underneath a blazing spotlight and turned around in the most dramatic way possible.

"I… forgot to tape Pokemon again…"

This… is just the beginning.

TO BE CONTINUED…
A/N: End of Story Three! Yep! You heard right! TO BE CONTINUED! (gasp) "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, SENSEI?" Well… it means… uh… to be… continued. "WOW! YOU'RE AMAZING." (cough) Anyway! I hope you enjoyed and please tell me how you thought of it!